Going back to her closet, she rummaged around until she found the hat she was looking for. It was a pill box type but it had a veil that came down over the front to shadow her face. She was a pretend bride, after all, and didn’t brides still wear veils?
Mr. Pigster snorted and ran back under the bed. “Hmm, must be a good disguise if he doesn’t recognize me,” Granny said to the empty house.
She heard a beep outside the door. Silas was there. She was going to take her pitchfork for the occasion, just in case they got caught and they had to make a fast getaway she could pin the judge to the wall while the others got out.
She was almost to Silas’s car when Mavis hoo haa’d from across the street, “Where ya going? Did I miss an invitation to a costume party?”
Granny acknowledged Mavis, “No, just practice for a new reality show starting up in Fuchsia.”
Mavis perked up. “A new reality show? Where? Can I come along?”
“I’ll get you the information. I have to go.”
She was about to open the car door when Penelope came running across the street yelling, “Mom, why are you dressed like that? I haven’t seen that dress since the wedding. I can’t remember.”
Granny peered into the car at Silas. He grinned and shook his head. He wasn’t going to get her out of this one. “I’m going to have my picture taken for a Christmas present for my family. Something for you to remember me by, but––shh––it’s a secret. Don’t tell you brother or your sister. I want it to be a surprise.”
“Oh, Mom, that’s a wonderful idea! I love that. Maybe we can have a family picture in August when you and Franklin get married.”
Granny nodded her head. “Yes, I’ll keep that in mind. We have to go. Franklin’s out of town, so Silas is driving me. I don’t want to be late.”
Granny slid into the car and shut the door and instructed Silas, “Hit it before someone else sees us.”
Silas pulled away from the curb as Granny sweetly smiled and waved at Penelope.
Silas looked Granny up and down and said, “You clean up good, woman.”
Granny took a look at Silas in his suit and said, “Ditto to you.”
Amelia was waiting for them on the sidewalk in front of her house. She slid into the back seat. “Speed up, Silas; we’re going to be late. What took you so long?”
“A reality show and family pictures,” Granny quipped.
“Huh?”
“Never mind, Amelia; tell us the plan for today. You should be used to Granny’s speech,” Silas reminded Amelia.
“The ceremony is at 11:00 a.m.,” said Amelia. “It will take place right outside the judge’s chambers. The story is that you want to get married there rather than Fuchsia because you want a simple wedding without all the drama of your children who are worried that they’ll lose their inheritance if you get married.”
“Their inheritance?” Granny guffawed, “Yah, right, they’ll lose the shysters and the cohorts. I left them to my children.”
“Anyway,” Amelia continued, “You’ll sign the marriage license, of course; it’s not legal, but the judge doesn’t know that.”
“I don’t want to burst your bubble, Amelia, but what happens when the judge finds out?” Granny asked.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” she replied.
Silas shook his head. “How about we stop crossing bridges and bursting bubbles and cut to the chase.”
“Fine.” Amelia got a stubborn look on her face and said, “This is going to work, but if you’re both chicken then you can drop out and I’ll find someone else I can pay to help me do this.”
“She’s your sister after all, Hermiony,” Silas chuckled.
“Of course, she learned from the best,” said Granny, “go on, Amelia.”
“The ceremony will start and I’ll pretend to be a little woozy and break into the ceremony. I’ll tell the judge to go on and I’ll get back in time for the I do’s. I’ll ask if I can use the restroom in his office and get a drink. The ceremony will continue and I’ll hunt for the adoption records from that year. My sources tell me that they’re not locked up. This county court office lives in the back ages and still won’t open adoption records. Apparently, no one has challenged them and I don’t have time for that.”
They arrived at the courthouse. Amelia insisted that she and Granny go into the ladies room to poof up Granny’s hair and put on some make up. Granny didn’t usually wear too much make up and hadn’t thought to put any on that morning, but Amelia came prepared and gussied Granny up.
“Enough, Amelia, it’s not like this is real wedding.”
“We want the judge to think it is. Now, let’s practice the you’re-in-love smile.”
“The what!” Granny yelped.
“You have to look like you’re in love. Now, pretend I’m Franklin and look at me.”
Granny screwed up her face with a smile.
“No, Hermiony, you’re not in pain.”
“For Pete’s sake, Amelia, no one cares. You should have just told them we have to get married and that I’m pregnant.” Granny hooted at the thought.
“You need to take this seriously. My son hinges on it.”
Granny patted Amelia’s cheek. “Okay, okay, I get it; let’s go.”
Silas was waiting for them outside the ladies’ room. He looked keenly at Granny’s face. “Something different, I can’t quite put my finger on it. You’re flushed; are you feeling okay?”
Granny tapped Silas in the chest. “You old coot, that’s blush. Can’t you tell? It’s fake but you probably haven’t had anyone blush at you in so long, you don’t recognize it.”
“Enough, you two!” Amelia whispered, “You’re supposed to be in love. Let’s go to the judge’s chambers.”
The judge’s assistant met them in the front office, “The judge will be with you in a minute.”
Amelia made the introductions, “This is Hermiony Fiddlestadt and Silas Crickett. I’m Amelia, Hermiony’s sister. So nice of the judge to take this wedding on such short notice.”
The assistant nodded. “When he heard your story, Amelia, he understood. He loves a love story.”
“And they love each other so much, don’t you, Silas and Hermiony?” Amelia beamed at the couple and poked Hermiony in the ribs.
“Yes, yes, we do,” Granny said, putting on her best fake smile. “Silas is the love of my life; you could say he is the poke to my needle, the edge to my knife.”
Granny was about to continue when Amelia broke in, “Yes, yes! We get it.” Amelia smiled at Silas.
Silas grabbed Granny and hugged her close. “She’s the crick in my neck, the pepper to my salt.”
Granny moved her elbow back into Silas’s stomach. Silas let her go with a laugh.
Amelia was relieved when Judge Olaria walked in.
Judge Olaria shook Silas’s and Granny’s hands. He had the marriage license in his hand. “This was put on my desk this morning. All you two have to do is sign it, here and here. He handed the pen to Granny.
Granny hesitated. Amelia poked her and whispered in her ear, “It doesn’t mean anything; it’s fake. Take a good look at it.”
Granny hadn’t seen a marriage license since she married Ferdinand, so it looked fine to her. She signed her name and handed the pen to Silas. Silas signed his name under Granny’s.
“Fine, now shall we begin. I need to call my other assistant from my office. He went back into the office and came out with another young woman. “This is Kelly. She’s the other witness. I was surprised when your sister said you needed three.”
Amelia spoke up, “What I didn’t tell you is that I have a condition and there are times I need to leave the room abruptly so I knew I couldn’t be counted on to be here for the entire ceremony. Sometimes this condition comes on just like this,” Amelia snapped her fingers. “And I wanted them to be able to finish the ceremony.”
Judge Olaria nodded. “I understand. If you need it, my office is open. Feel
free to use the restroom, lay down on the couch or get some water if you want.”
Amelia nodded. “Thank you, but please finish the ceremony even if I have to leave for a few minutes. Those I do’s are so important.”
Granny coughed to cover the laughter bubbling up inside of her. She didn’t know Amelia had it in her.
The office assistant stuck a bouquet of flowers in Granny’s hands and put a rose on Silas’s lapel. Silas was silent, not believing what he heard coming from the sisters.
Judge Olaria flicked a switch and music played in the background. The strains of Lover’s Concerto by the Toys accompanied the judge’s words.
Granny turned and whispered to Amelia who was still next to her, “You chose Lover’s Concerto as our fake wedding music? Couldn’t you have chosen These Boots Are Made For Walkin’ by Nancy Sinatra?”
Silas poked Granny to make her pay attention. He whispered to Hermiony as the Judge spoke the first words of the wedding ceremony. “Quiet, she’s got to get away; you’re messing with her plan.”
Granny adoringly looked into Silas’s eyes. “Silas, dear, the plan isn’t going to work.” She turned to listen to the judge.
“Friends, we have been invited here today to share with Hermiony and Silas a very important moment in their lives. In the year they have known each other, their love and understanding of each other has grown and matured, and now they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife. Who supports this couple in their marriage?”
Amelia stepped forward. “I do.” Amelia swayed sideways and caught the arm of the judge, batted her eyes at him and said, “Oh my, I need to leave for a few minutes; please go on.”
The judge patted Amelia’s hand, “Go ahead, my dear. I’m so sorry this happened, but I’ll take care of them and you can hear the ceremony from my office. Are you sure you don’t want me to stop?”
Amelia again batted her eyes at the judge, “No, I don’t have long and it’s so important that I see them married. Please continue.” She turned and made her way through the door of the judge’s chambers.
The judge cleared his throat. “Shall we continue?”
Silas looked at Hermiony with a twinkle in his eye, “Yes, please.” Silas took both of Hermiony’s hands in his.
“This is a reading I wrote myself.” The judge shuffled his papers. “Today we are gathered here to witness something spectacular. Two people who have survived the hardships of life, two people who in the face of adversity and strife in their family, with their relationship, against all odds are going to risk sharing a life together. They say love conquers all, and these two people are not afraid to go forward risking the wrath of those they love to be together in the final years of their lives. They will grow old together, grow sick together, and finally forever after, go to the big cloud in the sky, knowing they did it their way. Hermiony and Silas went up the water spout, down came the rain and washed the doubts all out, out came the sun and dried up all the rain and Silas and Hermiony were never the same again.
Silas mouthed to Hermiony, “Wacko words.”
Hermiony nodded in agreement.
The judge continued as Hermiony looked out of the side of her eye for Amelia. She was still in the judge’s chambers. The two office assistants seemed entranced with the wedding and hardly took their eyes off the judge.
“Hermiony and Silas, the institution of marriage is a very serious one. You are creating a life together, to share, to be honest, to not hold back any secrets. You will become one in spirit. When others may try to part you, you must chain yourselves together to the pier to stay strong and steady so the pirates can’t steal your treasure. Take it seriously, eat ice cream before you go to bed and always drink coffee in the morning to wake you up so you can deal with your spouse’s wrinkles.”
Silas squeezed Hermiony’s hands tighter so she couldn’t get them loose to assault the judge. She opened her mouth to respond to the judge’s words, when Silas pulled her forward and kissed her, whispering against her lips, “You’re gonna blow it. Remember Vitale.”
The judge cleared his throat, “It’s not time for the kiss yet. Now shall we proceed?”
Silas let go of Granny and they both stepped back to listen to the judge.
The music in the background changed to Lighting Strikes by Lou Christie.
Granny whispered to Silas, “I’m going to get back at Amelia for these songs.”
“Proceed,” Silas answered the judge.
“Let us begin. Silas, did you write your own vows?”
“Vows?” Silas’s bewildered expression conveyed his answer. “Did you?” he asked Hermiony.
“No, but we can wing it. At least, I can, Mr. Supercilious.”
“Fine, we’ll wing it.” Turning to the judge, he said, “I’m ready.” Silas turned back to Hermiony. “Hermiony, the first time I saw you, I knew you were trouble. Then you took me on a ride and nearly killed me. Added to that, you put my son in prison and you can’t cook. All the things I never looked for in a bride. I give you this ring with no conditions. I accept your colorful personality, your willful ways and your sparkling independence along with your crabbiness.”
The Granny spoke, “First, I want to say, Silas, I’ve heard those last words before. You stole Franklin’s lines. Silas, you are the most ornery coot I know. You’re always interrupting my plans, you bring me creepy creatures, and you don’t know the meaning of the words it’s on a need to know basis. You team up with my fiancé,” Granny realized what she’d said and looked at the judge, but he seemed not to have heard, so she continued on, “to watch me all the time. You’re a stalker. I’ll give you a ring for your finger and not your neck, although I want to wring it most of the time.”
“Do you have the rings?” the judge asked.
Both Hermiony and Silas shook their heads.
The office assistant Kelly chimed in, “I do. Amelia gave them to me before she had to retire to the office.”
“We have rings?” Hermiony whispered to Silas. “Are you sure this isn’t real?”
As the judge continued, Hermiony looked around to see if Amelia was back––she wasn’t.
“Do you Silas Crickett, take Hermiony Vidalia Criony Fiddlestadt, to be your wife?”
“I do.” Silas slipped the ring on Hermiony’s finger.
“Do you Hermiony Vidalia Criony Fiddlestadt, take Silas Crickett to be your husband?”
“I do.”
“Then by the power invested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Silas turned Hermiony toward him and kissed her just as Amelia arrived back in the room. “Oh no! I missed it. I’m so sorry.” Amelia hugged Hermiony, tugging her away from Silas. Amelia whispered into Granny’s ear, “I have something; let’s get out of here.”
“It’s time to go,” Granny’s abrupt manner told Silas not to argue.
“Bye Judge Olaria,” Amelia waved. “Thanks for everything.”
With a twinkle in his eye, the judge winked at Amelia, “You bet!”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
“I got it. I got it!” Amelia’s gleeful cry could be heard down the street.
“Well, we’ll get it if someone realizes what we’ve done. You shouldn’t have used our real names, Amelia,” Granny chided.
“Let’s head back to Fuchsia and see what you’ve got.” Silas took off towards his car.”
“Is that any way to treat your bride?” Amelia chastised him when they reached the car.
“Can it, Amelia. The charades are over; where’s the papers?” Granny watched as Amelia pulled them out of her small bosom.”
“Get in the car. We can talk about this on the way back to Fuchsia,” Silas ordered.
Amelia looked back. “It doesn’t seem as if anyone has caught on yet, nobody appears to be looking for us.” Amelia’s sly smile was caught by Granny.
“What are you smiling about?”
Amelia shook her head. “Well, my plan worked. There was only
one adoption that year, so it wasn’t too hard to find once I picked the lock on the file. Apparently, the judge does lock his papers up.”
Granny shook her head. “It appears that way. You’ve grown over the years, Amelia.”
“What does it say?” Silas asked, keeping his eyes on the road.
The paper, folded in tiny squares, still sat in her lap. Amelia was staring at the paper but not attempting to open it.
Granny grabbed the paper off Amelia’s lap, unfolded it and began to read, “Male baby adopted to Carissa and Douglas Melborne of Brilliant, Minnesota.”
“Never heard the name before.” Amelia shook her head.
“Me neither, but I didn’t mingle much out on the farm with Ferdinand. Maybe Delight or Lulu would know the name. They’ve lived here all their lives and they shop in Brilliant,” Granny suggested.
“What about Ditty Belle and her Fuchsia book? Does she have a history of Brilliant?” Amelia suggested.
Granny tapped Silas on the shoulder. “Mr. Supercilious, drop us off at the Pink Percolator so we can talk to Delight.”
“Don’t you think we should tell Thor?” Amelia suggested. “Maybe he could find out.”
Granny shook her head. “No, he’s busy with his new baby Herman, and the Tall Guy and the Fuchsia police are all busy with the murders. We can handle this.”
Silas shook his head. “I’ll drop you at the Pink Percolator on one condition––that you stay there until Franklin or I pick you up. I’m going to find old Snowshoe and send him over to Brilliant to do some snooping and see if he can find this family. Got that!”
“Why, Silas, of course we’ll stay there. A bride must wait for her groom,” Granny’s innocent voice didn’t fool Silas.
“Woman, you’re in danger, you almost got run down once,” Silas reminded her.
“From who?” Granny yelled. “Tell me from who and I’ll know who to look out for! I think you just told me Gram Gramstead was dead to throw me off the scent. You’re just like Franklin, always trying to control what I do.”
Granny Forks A Fugitive (Fuchsia Minnesota Book 4) Page 17
