by Lisa Heaton
Carrying her further into the living room, Mike made no move to set her down. In fact, he was unsure he ever would. She had wrapped her legs around him and linked her feet. It reminded him of the day he came home from his second tour, her wrapped around him like a monkey. Smiling so broadly it hurt, he walked into the kitchen with her, saying, “I quit my job today.”
“You did? You might want to call and try to sort that out. I am a poor woman with no means to support you.”
“I will call.” He buried his face in her neck. Such tremendous, nearly unbearable emotion washed over him and he whispered, “Baby, I can’t believe you are here. I can’t believe you would love me again.” With her home again and in his arms, after so many years apart, he finally felt whole again, like a missing piece of him was restored. Looking back at her, he felt no shame in the fact that he was crying. He was a six and a half foot crybaby, and she made him that way. He had to guess these were not the last tears he would cry.
“I’m here, and it is forever.” Just before pressing her lips to his, she whispered, “I love you. I never stopped, not one minute, I promise you.”
Similar to when he kissed her on Christmas Eve, it was as if an explosion occurred within him. Then, though, he felt the need to maintain some kind of restraint. Today, however, he felt no such need. All he could think of was making love to her. It had been seven long years. He needed her desperately, and just as by the fire that night, she needed him as much. She whispered it again and again as she clung to him, her fingers digging into the skin of his neck.
Then it came, not a whisper, but a roar from the past. How could he make love to her for the first time on a bed where he hurt her the way he had? He felt suddenly sick at his stomach at the mere thought of it. Abruptly, he stopped kissing her.
“What?”
She was smiling at him, just as breathless as he was. There was no way to explain his hesitation without dredging up the mire. “Let’s pack a bag and head out to the beach. You told me you daydream about being there. Let me take you. We can make it in a couple of hours. Unless you are tired of traveling.”
“No, not at all. The beach, that sounds wonderful.” She giggled gleefully. Honestly, at that moment, she felt like she was thirteen again, as if they had a chance at a brand new beginning. They both were new. All things would be new.
“We never had a real honeymoon. I think we deserve that.”
“Me, too.”
Tearing through the bedroom like a whirlwind, they packed quickly. Stopping abruptly, remembering a not-so-small detail, she grabbed the shoe box and carried it to the bed. “I have something to show you.”
Walking over to see what she was pulling out, immediately, just by looking at the folded documents, he knew what was in her hand. Regretting his interest, he held his hand out at the sight of their divorce papers.
Grabbing for his hand, she laughed. “Really, you want to see this.” Flipping to the back page, she asked, “What don’t you see there?”
He saw his name typed out and just above it, his signature. Memories of holding those papers in his hand choked him. It was the single hardest act he had ever performed. At the time, his only motive in signing them was to release her from the living hell he put her through, but it was the last thing he ever wanted. Pleading guilty, even knowing he would serve time in prison, was easier by far than signing those papers. Beside his name, her name was typed out, but there was no signature. Looking at her, he asked, “What? Are you saying you never filed these?”
Shaking her head, she admitted, “No. When my attorney sent them to me to sign, I tried at least a dozen times, but I couldn’t. So finally, I called and let him know I would get back in touch with him. I never did.”
Lifting her hand, he looked at the ring on her finger. It was the first time he noticed she was wearing it again. Bringing it to his lips, he kissed it. “Hi, Robin McGarrett.”
“Hi, Mike McGarrett.” She slid her hands behind his neck and pulled his face to hers. Kissing him tenderly at first, she felt his entire body tremble in response to her. He wanted her, needed her as desperately as she did him. “I don’t want to wait. Make love to me now.”
The feel of her lips on his drove him wild. He wanted her more than he ever had, but still the roaring sounded. “Rob…” He was trying to avoid her lips so that he could even finish a sentence. “You’ve gotta know how much I want you.”
Having trailed her lips to his neck, she mumbled, “And I want you.”
Her tone was playful and flirty, and he could tell she was not picking up on his hesitation. Finally, grasping her by the arms, he moved her back. “Not here. Not now.” He looked over at the bed. “Somewhere else for the first time. Okay?”
Following his eyes to the bed, she whispered, “Oh.” Sliding her arms around his waist, she rested her head on his chest, finally understanding his reluctance. “I deserve a honeymoon anyway.”
“You sure do.”
They finished packing, grabbed the box of donuts, and rushed to the car.
After checking into their room, Mike carried their luggage into the elevator. Once the doors were closed, he grabbed Robin, lifted her off the floor, and pressed her against the wall of the elevator. “Still want me?”
His sudden action caused her heart to pound hard against her chest. She was looking up into his eyes, and the desire she found there caused her breath to catch in her throat. “I want you,” she whispered hoarsely.
He moved his lips to her ear and whispered, “I will only make love to you when I hear those words.” The roaring began to fade. Truly, he had no fear of ever harming her again, but he needed to reassure her. That man was dead and gone.
She was trembling. “I want you more than I have ever wanted you.” Lost in her desire for him, she grabbed his face and began to kiss him deeply.
When the door opened, he grabbed the bags, and together, they practically ran for their room. Once inside, he threw the bags and lifted her once again from the floor. Laying her on the bed, he kissed her face, and her neck, and her face again. All the while, he told her over and over he loved her and that he would never let her go again. She was grabbing at the hem of his t-shirt when a sudden discomfort sprang up within him, and in that moment, dread overshadowed his passion for her.
Hovering over her, Mike moved his hand beneath her shirt and traced his fingers along the skin below her belly button. She realized he was touching her stretch marks from Michael. He had not seen such physical evidence of his son in many years, so her heart ached for how the sight of them must make him feel. The pained expression in his eyes caused tears to spring to hers.
“If I could take these away, would you allow me?”
Frowning, she answered, “No, of course not.” She slid her fingers beneath his and felt the small lines that spanned from hipbone to hipbone. Though she thought she had made it through without them, in her final week and a half of pregnancy, they began to appear. No matter how much cream she applied, her skin began to split and tear.
He wrapped his hand around her fingers and slid them beneath his t-shirt. Touching his skin with her fingertips, he tried to prepare her. “I want you to be able to look at me without regret or guilt. This is part of me now.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “This is when I became a new man, when Jesus came into my life.”
Every ounce of passion drained from her. Realizing, by his preparing her this way, what she was about to see would be shocking. How had she never thought of it? Of course he was scarred. He had to look at them each and every day and was forced to remember that his wife wanted him dead.
Moving from the bed, he stood before her. She sat up slowly, apprehensive. As he slipped his t-shirt over his head, she could see three distinct bullet holes and several long surgical scars. Because of the scarring, the hair was patchy, unable to grow on the damaged tissue. It was worse than she could have braced herself for. Pressing her face into his stomach, she began to cry.
He put one hand
behind her head, and with the other, rubbed her back gently. “Robin…” There was nothing he could say to make her feel better about what she was seeing. It was a disturbing sight for anyone, but as the one who shot him, he knew it would devastate her. Having never believed he would be with her this way, he was not prepared for what to say.
Still she cried. After several minutes, she asked, “How did we get to that place?”
He sat down next to her. “I don’t know.”
She put her arms around him and clung to him. “I am so sorry.”
“Me, too, baby. Me, too.” All he knew to do was hold her.
She cried for quite some time, and all the while, he held to her tightly. At one point, she recalled a question Chris asked her once. He wondered why she never cried over Mike. She easily cried about Michael, but he noticed her restraint when it came to Mike. It was true, and she wondered the same thing in the time since he had asked her the question. There was something in that very moment that held the answer, and it was as if it was on the tip of her tongue, but it never came.
They lay together in silence. When she was cried out, she propped herself up on her elbow. Tracing her fingers along the letters of his tattoo, she asked, “What is it like to see my name on your arm every day?”
“Before today, a sad reminder of what I lost. Now, a reminder of how much God loves me.”
Gently, she rubbed her hand across his stomach. “What is it like to see this?”
“It is my reminder that God loves me so much, He went to great lengths to make me His. I wouldn’t give these up any more than you would give up yours. Can you understand that at all?”
Nodding slightly, she questioned, “Have you ever hated me because of them?”
Closing his eyes, he whispered, “I could never hate you.” Looking back at her, he asked, “You just don’t get it do you? Without the gunshots you very well might be dead right now.” Choking up at the thought of what life would be like if that had happened, he could hardly go on. Finally, he added, “God used that night to save us both.”
His words were true, and she knew it. As brutal and terrifying as that night was, she knew in hindsight, God did save them both. “Mike?”
“What, baby?”
“You know what verse rings over and over in my head?”
Leaning in, he kissed her nose. “What verse?”
“‘And two shall become one.’ It is what drew me home to you. So will you please make love to me? I have missed you so much. That’s what I need right now. I don’t ever want to be two again.”
He pulled her into his arms. “That, I can do.”
Pressing her hand into his chest, she halted him, saying, “We have no protection, and I am not ready for that. I am not scared, not like I was,” she assured him, “but I think we should be alone for a while, just you and me.”
“We will be careful.”
Unlike the explosive passion they felt at that first kiss in the kitchen, coming together again after so many years was instead tender and gentle. There was no way she could count the number of times he whispered he loved her, and she never tired of hearing it. He was clearly overly conscience of his past sins against her, as it showed in his occasional hesitance of perhaps moving too aggressively. At one point, she grabbed his face and demanded, “Please, be here with me in the moment. All things are new. You have to believe that.”
He knew he was holding back, fearing she was remembering who he once was and what he was capable of. At Michael’s graveside, she had explained to him how, rather than clinging to her love for him, she was clinging to his death. That was exactly what he was doing. In the one moment he longed for more than anything in the world, he was clinging to the past, to the man he was, the one who was dead and gone. Choosing to walk in the newness of the life God was giving him, he instead latched on to his love for her.
From that moment on, she knew he was present and that his mind was set on nothing but her. He loved her well, and two most assuredly became one again.
The next morning, Robin woke to find Mike gone. Stepping out onto the balcony, she saw him standing before the ocean, pants rolled up, wading in as far as his ankles. With his arms spread wide and his face tilted toward the heavens, he was praying. She had to grin, realizing, if anyone else saw him they would consider him crazy, but not her. After the miracle God had given them, they both had reason to praise.
The breeze was blowing in off the ocean, along with it a slight mist sprayed his face, and Mike could taste the salty water on his lips. Standing in the presence of God Almighty, he worshiped in a way he never had before. After spending the entire night wide awake, even long after his sweet bride went to sleep, he could hardly wait for the morning hours so that he could stand beside the water and pray.
Earlier, as he watched the sun rise, he considered the mighty works of God in his life. At one point, he heard the Lord direct him to consider the ocean waves. After dwelling on them for some time, he whispered, “Lord, sometimes You are the wave.” Had He not swept in and overtaken him, as a wave would a small child? “I thank You for being the Wave. I thank You for being my Dad. I thank you for saving me. I thank you for another chance at life.” Unashamedly, by this point, he was weeping. “I thank you for stopping me that night. I thank you for my precious wife.” Dropping to his knees, arms still extended, offering all he was, he worshiped his God.
They spent the entire week at the beach, much of it in their room. Finally, on Saturday morning, they returned home. Mike had swapped his notice for a week of vacation time, and the sheriff was happy to have him stay on. Since he would have to be at work on Monday, they wanted to have the weekend at home together.
Though she would never have mentioned it, her trepidation over going to church on Sunday was causing stomach upset. Literally, she was so sick at her stomach on Saturday night, she had to skip dinner. His concern for her was sweet, and he offered to eat her meal in the hopes it would make her feel better to see him eat well. With his attempt at humor, immediately she felt less threatened. She knew he was truly worried about her and was trying to make her laugh to get her mind off of the impending day. It would be difficult, no doubt. But he loved her and would be with her. She knew he would put a stop to anyone or anything that ever tried to hurt her. And greater still, God had assured her He would keep her safe.
On Sunday morning, Robin found herself trembling in anticipation. On the way to the church, she asked, “Can we go in last?”
Appreciating how frightened she must be, he had been praying for her since before sunup. While she slept, he slipped out of bed, went into the living room, knelt and prayed. Aware that it was fear upsetting her stomach the night before, he tried to keep her mind off the day to come, and did his best to make her laugh and keep the atmosphere light. Also, he knew she should not be as worried as she was, and though he wanted to tell her what he had done to stop the lies about her, he feared it would make her even more anxious and self-conscience. Before the day was out, he would tell her, but first, his hope was that she would receive a much warmer reception than she expected. He had talked to Tim during the week, so he knew Robin would be with him. There was one thing he was sure of and that was Tim’s heart. He would make it a priority that she felt welcomed and loved, just as when he returned from prison.
It broke his heart for her that she felt the need to sneak in unnoticed, but he would do whatever made her feel most comfortable. “Sweetest bride, we can do anything in the whole wide world you want. As a matter of fact, we can park and make out until everyone goes into the church.”
Giggling nervously, she asked, “Make out in the church parking lot?”
Mischievously, he reminded her, “Won’t be the first time.”
“We kissed maybe, but I don’t think you could call it making out.”
“Let’s go for making out this time.”
“The Lord is hearing you right now,” she teased.
“I know, and He knows I am completely serious. A
nd if I may, I have to believe He is okay with it.”
Before she knew it, as he had kept her mind occupied with naughtiness for most of the drive, they were pulling into the parking lot. Looking around, she realized several people were already looking at them. With eyes filled with tears, she turned to look at Mike, saying, “I don’t think I can do this.” Incredibly anxious, she could barely breathe. Someone, a man she did not recognize, was walking toward the truck. By his age and build, she presumed him to be Tim. He was exactly as Mike described him, short and stocky with light brown hair. As he drew nearer, Robin could see he was smiling broadly, excited to see them both.
Taking her hand, he reminded her, “Baby, I’ve got this.” Pointing up, he added, “He’s got this. Trust us.”
Nodding, she reached for the door handle and stepped from the truck.
Tim first embraced Mike before moving to Robin. Looking back at Mike, he asked, “May I?”
“Three seconds, that’s all.”
Tim hugged her quickly. “I get it now.” Still smiling, he informed her, “This guy has blubbered so much about you. Now, I can see why.”
Laughing nervously, she softly said, “Thank you for being such a good friend to him.”
“I don’t know how good a friend I was. I was the one with the bad advice. The note was my idea. I confess, back then I didn’t see God pulling this one off.”
“Me, either,” she admitted.
From that moment until she reached her seat, one person after another came up to her welcoming her home. Many said how much they had missed her, or how they had been praying for her. Some seemed to feel awkward, others were simply happy to see her. It was not at all what she expected. “Oh, me of little faith,” she thought.
During the early part of the service, while they were singing, she looked up at Mike. With his right hand he was holding hers, and his left was raised high up toward the heavens. His eyes were closed and large tears rolled down his face. She felt his gratitude and love pouring out as he worshiped, just as he had beside the ocean. In seeing such a sight, she was reminded that this was not the man she knew before. He was a godly man and would, from that point forward, be a godly husband. And she praised God along with him that he was hers.
