by Cassie Wild
But it wasn’t like I had anywhere else to go.
Nineteen
Lane
If anybody had told me that I’d get hung up on a girl I’d spent less than a day with, I would have suggested they either go get fucked or get a mental health exam.
But here I was, a month after I’d last seen Trice, and I couldn’t quit thinking about her.
It wasn’t just the hot sweaty dreams where I woke up with my hand around my dick and spent a little time reliving those few minutes up against the door. Or the times I’d fantasized about what it might have been like if I was a different person, if I lived a different life, if I was anybody but who I was – somebody who could get invested with a girl like Trice.
I kept thinking about the way her face had looked as she watched Captain America, the way her eyes widened, or how her lips curved into a smile. I thought about the way I woke up, and she had breakfast waiting. I thought about how she smiled at me, without expecting a single thing in return.
In short, I spent too much time thinking about her.
“You’re doing it again.”
Sully slid onto the stool next to me and gestured to Dallas before turning to me. He gave me an expectant look, but I didn’t take the bait.
After a few more seconds, he decided to forge on ahead anyway. “You’re doing it again,” he repeated. “Sitting there, staring off at nothing. You’re thinking about that girl.”
I almost told him to stop calling her that girl. She had a name. But I didn’t want to risk anybody overhear me talking about her. We were in the bar, and more than half the club was here, as always. The last thing I needed was for some of them to know I was still hung up over the girl who’d come in here only once and had left not long after I took her into the backroom. Anybody who laid eyes on her would have known she wasn’t the typical club bunny. Trice wasn’t some groupie who hung around motorcycle clubs hoping one of the guys would make her his regular girl.
That fact alone would make the wrong kind of people take notice.
Speaking of the wrong kind of people…
I caught sight of TU heading my way and reached for the glass of whiskey in front of me.
As Sully started to say something else, I shot him a hard look, then slid my eyes in TU’s direction.
Sully didn’t even blink. He lapsed into silence and reached for his beer. A few seconds before TU arrived at our stretch of the bar, Sully said under his breath, “That girl is gonna cause you problems, man. Serious ones.”
She just might, but she wasn’t the reason behind TU’s ire. He took the stool next to mine and shouted at Dallas for a drink.
Dallas took his time making his way down the bar to take care of him, and I hid a smile behind my glass as TU bitched about how long it took to get a fucking beer in his own bar.
I stiffened a little at the last part and felt his eyes on me.
Not letting myself react any more than that, I glanced at TU and asked, “Can I do something for you, TU?”
“You ain’t been around much the past few weeks,” he said, baring his teeth at me in what some might consider a friendly grin.
I didn’t.
“Been busy.”
“With…?”
I tossed back the rest of the whiskey before putting the glass down. When Dallas glanced my way, I tapped the edge of it.
It didn’t go unnoticed by me, Sully, or TU that Dallas was there in only a few seconds to refill the glass.
I almost reminded TU that it was my fucking bar, not his, but I wasn’t in the mood for the confrontation that seemed to be brewing between the two of us.
Sooner or later, it was going to happen. As long as I belonged to the Devil’s Firstborn, as long as I kept coming here, this tension would continue to simmer and bubble and grow.
I just needed to decide what in the hell I wanted to do about it.
Veda came up behind me a few minutes later as TU vacated his seat, and she curved a warm hand over my bicep. Leaning against me, letting me feel the warm curves of her body, she asked, “How you doing, Lane? Haven’t seen you around in a while.”
“I’m doing okay.” I eased away a little. Just enough to give me some distance from her. It might as well have been a mile. She got the message loud and clear, settling on the stool next to me and flagging Dallas down. She turned her attention to Sully.
I wasn’t surprised, or bothered, by it.
When he skimmed a hand down her arm and tugged her in closer, I focused on my whiskey and wondered why I’d come here tonight.
Because you’re going crazy staring at the four walls. The only movie you want to watch is Captain America and that’s just because it now reminds you of her. Because you’re a messed-up piece of work who can’t quit thinking about the girl you set out to help and ended up screwing over – and I don’t just mean literally.
The mental castigation was nothing new, and I sat through it, brooding into my whiskey and wondering if maybe I shouldn’t have taken Veda up on her offer. While I had no real interest in her, maybe it was time to stop reliving those few hours and get back to the present.
Veda and Sully slipped off into the crowd, and I felt not even a little regret.
Taking another sip of whiskey, I settled down to a good, hard brood about the woman I didn’t deserve to want but couldn’t stop thinking about.
Light, too bright and harsh, shown into my eyes and I groaned, flopping onto my belly and wondering why the hell I hadn’t pulled my curtains.
It wasn’t until the doorbell rang and I jerked upright, still fully dressed and lying on the couch, that I solved the puzzle.
I looked around, and my gaze landed on the TV.
The menu for the Captain America Blu-Ray disc was on the screen, the familiar music playing softly.
I’d fallen asleep, watching it again.
And the light that would have been blocked by my bedroom curtains shone in just fine through the skylight in my living room, right into my face.
Slowly, I rotated my neck, feeling it pop. A dull throb settled at the base of my skull, and I grimaced. There was a nasty taste in my mouth, and my tongue was as dry as cotton.
One look at the table confirmed my suspicions.
Not only had I fallen asleep watching the movie I’d probably seen twenty times in the past month, I’d done it while nursing a bourbon bottle.
I needed help.
The doorbell sounded again, and I called out, “Alright, alright! Gimme a minute.”
As I shoved out of bed, I sought out the clock on the wall. Shit, it was past noon. I was supposed to meet Sully and Zeb at the bar. We had shit to do. And where was I?
Here. At my apartment.
Sleeping off a hangover.
I could almost guarantee it was either Zeb or Sully at the door, and a few seconds later, squinting against the bright sunlight, I peered through the security hole in the door to discover I was right.
It was Zeb and Sully, Zeb standing in front, his bald scalp protected by a bandana of bright red. Sully, by contrast, looking almost short standing next to Zeb, but Zeb was a big guy.
He was also a patient one.
Sully went to hit the doorbell again, and Zeb lifted a hand to stop him.
I was tempted to just walk away and go back to bed, but with Zeb standing there, it was pointless. Sully might get tired and give up, but Zeb would wait all day, and I knew it.
Sighing, I opened the door and stood there, gripping the doorknob and holding it close to me as I wedged myself in the door frame. I didn’t invite them in.
I wasn’t in the mood for company.
Zeb looked me up, then down before giving a small shake of his head. “We have shit to do today, Lane.”
“I’m tired.”
“That why you left so early last night?” Sully asked, his normally sly smile absent from his face. “Why you ain’t been coming around much?”
I half-expected Zeb to tell Sully to mind his own business, but instead,
the big guy cocked a brow at me and waited.
“I’m just tired of some shit, that’s all,” I hedged. Realizing they weren’t about to just disappear and leave me in peace, I opened the door and let them come in.
They trailed on inside, and I closed the door behind Sully, following them into the living room. Sully dropped into the armchair while Zeb took up position against the wall. I grabbed the mostly empty bottle of bourbon and some other shit that had accumulated on the coffee table and carried it all into the kitchen, dumping the trash and putting the dirty dishes in the sink, stowing the bourbon over the fridge.
“Give me a few minutes to wake up, and I’ll shower, and we can go,” I told them as I rinsed off the dishes and shoved them into the dishwasher.
Neither of them responded, and I headed down the hall toward my bedroom.
Zeb followed me.
“Shit, Zeb. Can I have some privacy?” I asked, shooting him a look as I jerked open a drawer on the dresser.
He leaned a shoulder against the door frame and studied me. “Sully’s right.”
“Mark it down in the history books as a first.”
He didn’t even smile. “You’re still hung up on that girl, aren’t you?”
Sighing, I dropped down on the edge of the bed and shot him a look. A mental debate waged inside me. What did I tell him? I wasn’t worried that anything I said to Zeb might be used against me. He’d been around the club almost as long as I had, and I knew where his loyalties lie. We were more than just brothers – the two of us were friends.
Maybe because we were, I finally met his eyes and told him the truth. “Yeah. I am.”
“So go find her.”
I snorted in response. “She’s a sweet girl, Zeb. She’s got no business in this kind of life.”
Zeb looked like he wanted to say something else, but after a few seconds, he just nodded. “If you’re not going to find her, you need to forget about her. Sooner or later, you’re going to get in trouble if you can’t get your brain back in the game.”
I thought about all the tension between TU and me, the way he’d been taken on jobs that were more and more reckless. The past few months, he’d been working with somebody to help move drugs around the city, and it was something I didn’t want to have anything to do with. So far, just a few select people in the club were involved, but I’d be happier if nobody was involved.
We hadn’t dealt in drugs and booze when Dad ran the club.
Now that TU was the one in charge, he seemed to think we were all there to do whatever he wanted.
Sometimes, I thought the only reason the Devil’s Firstborn hadn’t gotten even deeper involved in the drug messes that TU seemed so enamored with was because of me.
He’d know I wouldn’t want anything to do with it and he might be holding back on the final confrontation.
But it was inevitable, and we both knew it.
With everything weighing down on me, I needed to be thinking about the shit in my life, not some girl who’d already disappeared from it.
Nobody knew that better than me.
And yet, as I slid into the shower a few minutes later, as I turned on the water and closed my eyes to wet my hair, who did I find myself thinking about?
Trice.
Twenty
Trice
I had no desire to go to a Halloween party.
I was too tired for one.
I’d worked a double the day before, and I hadn’t slept well, either. Now, I felt like I was dragging.
But the hopeful look in Joelle’s eyes had me acquiescing.
I hadn’t exactly planned on doing anything for Halloween, so my costume choices weren’t plentiful. I had a black dress though, so after a quick run to a craft store, I was ready to go. Black fingerless gloves, a pair of cat ears, and I would use makeup to draw whiskers and a nose on my face. Nothing terribly unique, but considering I’d rather stay home, I figured any effort was better than none.
Suria and Joelle had gone all out.
Suria was dressed up as the stereotypical Gypsy fortune teller with a peasant-style blouse, long billowing skirts, and a scarf with bangles tied around her waist. She’d wrapped a red scarf around her head and layered necklace after necklace until she practically glittered with gold and silver.
Some of the pieces belonged to her mother. She’d gone back to the house once to get some stuff for her and Joelle. She’d also picked up more of my things for me, including most of my clothes and shoes, the few precious books I had, and what jewelry she’d been able to sneak out under Mom’s nosy, watchful gaze. None of the jewelry we owned was very valuable, but it was still ours. Costume pieces we’d picked up here and there, or in my case, a couple of gold chains my grandmother had given me.
Joelle had a locket from her mother, and Suria had a couple of pieces from hers too.
Those few pieces probably wouldn’t get more than a couple of hundred from a pawn shop, but they were invaluable to us.
Joelle appeared behind me, dressed as a belly dancer, complete with a veil and headdress. I eyed her in the reflection and shook my head. “We’re going to have to carry a yardstick to keep men away from you.”
“If I wanted men to stay away, I would have worn something else.” Joelle winked at me.
I made a face at her. “You’re sixteen. You need to spend more time on boys and schoolwork.”
“I don’t want to waste time on boys,” Joelle protested.
“You barely had a chance to be a real kid, Jo,” I told her, turning around so I could look her in the eye. “None of us did, really. It’s a little late for Suria and me, but you’ve still got a chance. Don’t be in such a rush to grow up.”
“In two more years, I’ll be eighteen. That’s not much of a chance.” She rolled her eyes and nudged me out of the way so she could check her makeup. “It’s not like I can go back to being five years old and hoping that, this time, Santa really will leave a new bike under the tree.”
“It’s not about turning back the clock,” I told her. There were things Suria and I had been forced to do that neither of us had liked, that we hadn’t wanted to do. Things that had dragged us into adulthood, all but kicking and screaming. Joelle had been spared that. I was glad for it too. But I didn’t want her wasting the chance she’d been given. “It’s about enjoying what you’ve got. Settle down, enjoy school…flirt, date. Go to the prom for crying out loud.”
Her eyes met mine, and I saw understanding there. I’d had a nice guy ask me to prom my junior year. I’d busted my ass trying to save money for a dress too.
Then Gabriel had taken it.
“I would have given almost anything to go to my prom, Jo. You know that. So…just stop rushing it.”
“If I can find a guy in school who isn’t a jerk…we’ll see.” She turned and kissed me on the cheek. “Come on. Let’s go. They’re waiting on us, and I’m so excited. I’ve never been to a party outside the clan before.”
Neither had I.
I wished her excitement was contagious, but while Suria and Joelle were celebrating the fact that they were free from their old life, part of me still felt like I was trapped in mine.
And I didn’t know why.
I needed to lighten up.
I needed to take my own advice and settle down, enjoy things…my job, my freedom. I needed to flirt, date.
Yet the thought of doing so just filled me with apathy.
But as we headed downstairs, I pasted a smile on my face. My cousins were looking forward to this, and I wasn’t about to throw a shadow on their fun.
I could fake a good time. After all, I’d spent most of my life faking my way through things, hadn’t I?
With my back against the rough brick of the wall, I stood outside in the shadows, watching the party-goers who were doing what I told Suria I’d try to do – have fun.
A zombie stumbled by with Tinker Bell at his side, the two of them giggling.
It looked like everybody, and I mean everybod
y, was having fun.
Except me.
Suria’s older brother and his girlfriend had shown up at the party as well. Apparently, he’d done some work for the people who lived here, and when he found out his sisters were coming, he decided he wanted to join them.
He and I had talked a little bit before they’d wandered off to enjoy the party. Nicco wanted to take me out to dinner – said he’d like to get to know me since we were family. Wanted me to meet his girlfriend, who was working that night.
I was still trying to figure out if I wanted to.
Suria and Joelle seemed to adore him, and he was a nice enough guy. I just didn’t know if I wanted to have some sort of familial tie with him like I had with Suria and Joelle.
Maybe I was just being a jealous bitch, though.
Why couldn’t I have some fabulous older brother out in the real world somewhere who’d ride to my rescue?
Or just show up and want to take me out to brunch?
“Quit feeling sorry for yourself,” I muttered.
I sipped from the soft drink I’d nabbed while inside and turned my eyes away, trying to think about something, anything a little less maudlin as Tink and her zombie disappeared into the shadowy recesses of the garden.
The people who owned this huge home and the gardens were friends of Kian’s. He’d introduced us briefly when we got here, then he and Suria had gone off to dance, leaving me with Joelle. Then Joelle had been invited to dance…time after time after time.
I could have been with her.
I’d fended off several interested requests, but the last thing I felt like doing was making idle chit-chat with guys I didn’t know.
Voices edged closer, and I pushed away from the wall, moving closer to the gardens.
There was a path that led off to the right, and I followed it, because to the left, I could hear Tinker Bell giggling with her zombie.
I found myself at the beginning of a maze. Curious, I edged inside, but only walked to the first curve, taking the bench there. It was out of sight from the entrance, giving me the illusion of privacy, and that, for now, was good enough for me.
