“I can’t very well be angry with you for helping me,” she said. “I’m sorry though, that I’ve disturbed your sleep every night.”
“You needn’t apologize for something you cannot help,” Tristan said. “Tonight you didn’t scream. It was your crying that brought us to your door. We promised ourselves that we would not ask you this, but I find that I cannot help myself. Why do you have such nightmares, Faith?”
Faith trusted the Falcorans. If it was because she was supposed to be their Arima, she no longer cared. She hadn’t truly trusted anyone since Grace died, and she’d missed it. More than that, she needed it. And the Falcorans were safe. They could never claim her, never ask for something she couldn’t give them. Before giving herself a chance to rethink her decision, she began talking.
“A couple of years ago I interned part time at a museum as an art history student,” she said, surprising the Falcorans, though she didn’t notice. “I made friends with a woman who worked there full time, Cinthy Kick. She was a tour guide, like I was, and her older brother, Eric, was the head guard. One day I caught Eric, Cinthy, and three other guards loading crates of museum property into the back of Eric’s ground-truck.”
Faith stood up and went to the small chiller in the corner and retrieved a bottle of water. She offered some to the Falcorans but they declined. She opened the bottle and took a long drink, then sat back down.
“Cinthy shot me with a laser gun,” Faith said. “Three times, in the abdomen. That’s why I have the special diet.” She took another drink. “I remember nothing after that until I woke up in a healing tank weeks later. Healing tanks can’t regenerate complex organs if large portions of them are missing. The laser did a lot of damage, including burning away two thirds of my stomach.
“When I was removed from the tank I was told that our supervisor, Mrs. Henders, who’d sent me down to find Cinthy, arrived a couple of minutes later looking for me. Eric shot her, but before she died she was able to activate an alarm. The guards not on Eric’s and Cinthy’s payroll arrived in seconds, the police shortly after that. Eric got into a laser battle with police and killed one of them. He was wounded, and captured. Cinthy and the other three guards escaped.
“Eric was charged with both murders, among other things. Cinthy was charged with attempted murder, or would be if she and the other guards were ever caught.
“I went home and tried to get on with my life, until I realized Cinthy wasn’t going to allow that. I started getting threatening calls, messages, little notes left in my ground-car or shoved under my apartment door. She blamed me for everything, and was determined that I was going to pay for destroying her life, and her brother’s.
“The law enforcement agency couldn’t track her down?” Tristan asked when Faith paused to take another drink. She shook her head.
“They got away with a truckload of museum art and artifacts worth millions, even on the black market. More than enough to pay for virtually anyone’s silence. They could have been giving orders from Terien for all anyone knew. The only thing their money couldn’t do was get Eric out of prison, and they tried, more than once from what I was told.”
“It’s not possible to bribe anyone on a prison planet,” Tristan said. “They’re set up with too many fail safes.”
“I know,” Faith said. “But Eric hadn’t been sent to a prison planet. He was still on Earth, waiting for his murder trials. The last one wouldn’t take place for another eighteen to twenty-four months.
“My parents decided to send me to Jasan, to the women’s sanctuary. They’d done a lot of research, and decided that was the safest place for me. They wanted me to stay there until Cinthy made a mistake and got herself arrested.
“I was in the sanctuary for two months when I got word that my parents had died in a ground car explosion. It took me six weeks to get back to Earth. They couldn’t hold the funeral that long, but my sisters planned a memorial service to take place the day after I was due to return. Only my ship was late. It didn’t land until the day of the service.
“I grabbed a cab and went straight to the church. It was pure dumb luck that I spotted Cinthy standing behind a tree out front. The moment I saw her I realized that she was responsible for the deaths of my parents. She’d done it to lure me back to Earth, and it worked. I have no proof, of course. I just knew it. I told the cab driver to take me straight back to the spaceport. Then I picked a world at random and bought a ticket.
“I felt almost safe for a while. No one knew where I was, not even Grace. Then one day, over a year later, a woman I didn’t know walked up to me in a park on Terien. She told me she was an agent of the Directorate on Earth, and that they’d been searching for me because my sister, Grace, had died.”
Faith emptied her water bottle, then sat picking at the label for a few moments while they waited patiently for her to continue. “At first I thought Cinthy had gotten to Grace. But that wasn’t what happened. Instead, she was kidnapped because some group of sickos called the Brethren learned that I went to Jasan, and mistook her for me. They all died because of me. First my parents. Then Grace.” Faith got up and tossed the bottle in the waste bin, then got another bottle of water. Talking was thirsty work.
“I returned to Earth and met the Director, who told me that a woman who had befriended Grace, Hope Bearen, had asked that I come to Jasan. She’d even left a ticket for me. I had no reason to stay on Earth. Thanks to the Directorate, my little sister was safe with some cousins on a different world with a new name. The rest of my family was dead. So I decided to take the ticket, and visit Jasan again. I liked it when I was there before, what little of it I saw. It was as good a place as any, and better than most. But first I had to go to the cemetery and pay my respects to my parents, and Grace. I’d missed their funerals, so it was the least I could do.
“It was a big mistake. I have no idea how Cinthy knew I was on Earth, or how she knew where I was, but they were waiting for me at the cemetery. They shot me with a tranq dart and when I woke up, I was in a brewery on the edge of the city.
“According to Cinthy, everything was my fault, including the fact that her brother was in prison. I tried to argue with her, but she didn’t listen, of course. Then she asked me if I knew what happened to good looking guys in prison. I told her no. The three guards taught me the answer.”
Faith said the last sentence in a careful monotone, but the Falcorans heard the real emotion beneath the words. Their fists were clenched so tightly beneath the table that their nails drew blood in their palms. Tristan reminded himself repeatedly that Faith had lived through what she was telling them. It was the only thing that kept him from going into a blood rage.
“The next time I woke up I was hanging from the ceiling by my wrists,” Faith continued. “Cinthy had made a deal with the Directorate to exchange me for Eric. One of the guards argued with Cinthy and decided to leave. She shot him with her gamma rifle, and the over-shot hit me”
“You were shot with a radiation weapon?” Tristan asked, barely able to believe his own ears. Radiation weapons were outlawed everywhere in the Thousand Worlds. They were beyond dangerous.
Faith nodded. “After that I didn’t know anything but pain. I was told later that the Directorate’s agents recognized the flash of the gamma rifle for what it was and, after that, all bets were off. They killed Cinthy and the remaining two guards, then discovered, much to their surprise, that I was still alive. So they stuck me in another healing tank. Eventually I got out of it, and here I am.”
“Healing tanks do not work on Jasani,” Jon said. “Therefore, we don’t know a lot about them. I recall reading that they do not heal injuries caused by radiation.”
“That’s partially correct,” Faith said. “Radiation causes genetic damage in the tissues it comes in contact with, which prevents the healing tank from inducing regeneration. A human can have third degree burns over most of their body and a healing tank will heal them without leaving a scar in most cases. But if the damage is caus
ed by radiation, the healing tank can only speed up the body’s natural healing process. It can’t regenerate the damaged tissue.”
“So...wherever the radiation touched you, you have scars,” Tristan said.
“Yes,” Faith said.
“And how much did the radiation touch you?” Jon asked in a low voice.
“Thirty percent of my body,” Faith said flatly without looking up.
The four of them sat quietly for long moments while the Falcorans struggled to process all that Faith had told them. Faith sensed their efforts to control their emotions, and waited patiently to see what they would say. In a strange way, she felt relieved. Sharing her story with the Falcorans had been the right thing to do.
Their long silence made her curious, so she deliberately reached for their feelings. And hit a wall. She pulled back, her heart suddenly pounding. What were they hiding? Why were they hiding?
“Faith,” Gray said, his voice breaking the silence and startling her. She looked up at him.
“What just upset you?” he asked.
She gave her head a little shake and dropped her eyes. “Please, tell us.”
“You guys are hiding your feelings,” she said.
“To protect you,” Tristan said. She looked at him in surprise.
“Protect me from what?”
“Our...anger,” Tristan said, then shook his head. “I’m afraid that the word anger isn’t quite strong enough to express how we feel about what was done to you.” He paused a moment, thinking. “We Jasani are very respectful of women. We treat them as the treasures they are.” Tristan shrugged. “Most of them, at any rate. Even so, if we thought there was any possibility that the woman, Cinthy, were alive somewhere in the Thousand Worlds, I’m afraid we would find it enormously difficult not to hunt her down, beginning right this moment. Instead, we are disappointed that there is nothing we can do to those who caused you so much harm.”
“I suppose this will sound a bit heartless of me, but it makes me feel good that you feel that way,” Faith said. “It kind of sounds like something Grace would have said.”
“May I ask a question?” Gray asked.
“Yes, of course,” Faith said.
“What was done to you, all of it, was horrifying,” Gray said. “I am very sorry that you suffered so much. But I don’t understand why those experiences, specifically, cause you to reject the idea of becoming our Arima.”
Faith stared at him. Was this a joke? No, she realized, Gray would never make a joke like that. He was sincere. But how could he ask such a question? Wasn’t it obvious? She’d told them...but then again, now that she thought about it, she hadn’t told them. Not directly. She’d only alluded to it.
“Tell me something,” she said. “Do you have prisons on Jasan?”
“No,” Tristan replied. “No Jasani could survive being locked in a cage.”
Faith sighed deeply. No wonder they didn’t understand. Well, she was just going to have to say it straight out. She looked up and met Gray’s gaze, determined not to look away. She’d done nothing wrong. She had no reason to be ashamed. She could say this.
“The three guards raped me,” she said, getting the words out in a rush.
The Falcorans stilled so suddenly and so completely that for a long moment Faith was afraid to breathe. All at once they leapt to their feet, their eyes glowing so brightly it frightened her, their bodies stiff with barely restrained fury. “Please excuse us,” Tristan said, speaking through clenched teeth. “We must go to the Roar Room.”
Before Faith could respond, they were gone. She sat staring after them, shocked by their sudden departure. She didn’t understand it. She reached for them without thinking, then withdrew as though burned.
They were beyond angry. They were, all three of them, in a towering rage, their minds completely engulfed by it. Were they mad at her? she wondered. No, that made no sense. They would not be angry at her for this. She knew that much about them.
Suddenly she had an overwhelming urge to go to them. They needed her. She wasn’t sure what she could do to help them. She only knew she had to go to them. She got up and threw some clothes on, grabbed Bubbles, and raced out of her room and up the corridor.
Even if Tristan hadn’t told her they were going to the Roar Room, she would have found them. She could feel them pulling at her like a magnet as she ran. She grabbed the door knob, yanked it open, and ran inside, skidding to a stop at the window. She watched the three majestic falcon-like birds race around the room, their heads back as they roared their pain and anger to the cold, white padded ceiling above them.
Faith’s heart burned in her chest as tears sprang to her eyes and poured unchecked down her cheeks. She had no idea what to do. How to soothe them. How to take back what she’d said. This was her fault. All her fault. Why did she have to tell them? She should have kept it to herself. But no, she had to tell them, had to have someone else share her pain. She was so selfish. Everyone she touched got hurt. Everyone. How many times did it have to happen before she learned that lesson?
“Excuse me,” a soft voice said from just behind her. Faith turned around, shocked to see a tall, beautiful woman with long black hair standing behind her. There were three huge, golden haired men standing behind the woman, all of them staring through the window with worried expressions on their otherwise stern faces.
“My name is Summer Katre,” the woman said. “These are my Rami, Maxim, Loni, and Ran.”
Faith opened her mouth, but found that the usual polite words wouldn’t come. She closed her mouth and turned back to the window. She heard the three men moving to the other side of the room, then Summer moved closer, standing beside her now as she, too, looked in at the Falcorans.
“Do you know what is happening to them right now?” she asked.
Faith shook her head.
“It is what the Jasani call a blood rage,” Summer said, her voice still soft and low, as though she were trying to soothe Faith. “It happens sometimes, if they are unexpectedly faced with a difficult situation, or upsetting information. Do you know what might have put them in this state?”
Faith nodded reluctantly. “I told them that I was raped.”
“Mon dieu!” Summer gasped softly, while low, rumbling growls from the Katres filled the room.
“Are you their Arima?” Summer asked, ignoring the growling.
“Yes, or...well...I’m supposed to be,” Faith said. “Or, I would have been.”
“I don’t understand,” Summer said.
“They can’t claim me,” Faith said. “They’re already mated to someone else. Please, tell me what to do to help them.”
“If you’re their Arima, then you can sing them out of their blood rage,” Summer said. “No one else can do such a thing. Only their Arima. But if they have another mate, I don’t know if it will work.” She looked toward the men at the far side of the room, then turned back to Faith.
“I’m afraid to tell you to try singing them from their blood rage,” Summer said. “You’d have to go in there to do it, and if they are mated, that could be dangerous to you.”
“I don’t care,” Faith said. “This is my fault. Tell me what I have to sing and I’ll do it.”
“I cannot tell you what to sing,” Summer said. “It must come from within you.”
Faith didn’t understand that any more than she understood anything else that was happening. “I’ll try it.”
She moved toward the door that led into the room where the Falcorans were flying around and around, but Summer’s Rami stepped in front of it, blocking her way.
“We cannot let you take such a risk,” one of them said.
“It’s not up to you,” Faith retorted without a trace of fear. She was too worried for the Falcorans to be afraid for herself. “Now please, move out of the way.”
“I apologize, but we cannot,” the man repeated calmly. “You are Unblind, are you not?”
“Yes, now move,” Faith said.
“Y
ou are too important to risk in such a foolhardy manner,” the man said.
“This is not your business,” Faith snapped. “I don’t even know your name. You have no right to dictate to me.”
The man tilted his head slightly, then smiled before his head suddenly transformed into a gigantic golden panther’s head. With horns for crying out loud. If that weren’t enough, the panther’s mouth opened wide, revealing far too many teeth, and roared loud enough to rupture her eardrums. Then several things happened at once.
Faith leapt backward, tripped over her own two feet, and fell on her butt.
Bubbles shot to the floor in front of her and transformed into her bright red bear shaped self and roared as loudly as the man-cat-panther-thing.
And the door leading into the Roar Room flew open as all three Falcorans flashed into the room and surrounded her and Bubbles, their eyes still glowing as they growled furiously at the other three men, their teeth bared.
“Well, it worked,” Summer said dryly, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the chorus of growls coming from the Falcorans and Bubbles. Silence fell and several pairs of eyes turned toward her as she reached down to help Faith to her feet.
“Yes, it did,” the man who had been a cat, partially, but was now a man again, sort of, said.
Faith looked at Tristan, then Gray, and finally Jon. They were back in human form, which was a relief. But their eyes still glowed, and they were still very upset.
“Come on,” Summer said to her. “Collect your raktsasa and let’s go find ourselves a cup of coffee. We’ll let the men chat a bit. You know how they like to gossip. In the meantime, we can get to know each other.”
Faith looked at Tristan again who met her gaze, his eyes softening a little. He nodded briefly and she let herself take a deep breath.
“Bubbles, let’s go get a snack,” she said to the gigantic beast still standing in front of her. At the mention of food Bubbles immediately shifted back to her usual form and leapt up to Faith’s shoulder. She raised up on her hind legs and pressed her nose to Faith’s cheek, making several little popping sounds before settling down.
The Falcoran’s Faith Page 21
