“What do you remember?” Jamie asked.
“I remember making you coffee, but you took my ring off. Everything after that…” Kyle’s voice trailed off and he made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. “Why can’t I remember?”
Jamie carded his fingers through Kyle’s hair, cradling his skull. “You still had your ring on when I left for the State Dinner. I’m guessing you didn’t take it off before…”
When Jamie didn’t finish his sentence, Kyle twisted his hand in Jamie’s grip, holding on tight. “Just tell me. Please, Jamie. I need to know.”
“Stanislav was behind the attack on D.C. It was the only location targeted by the Sons of Adam where an attack took place. Declan attacked the condo before anywhere else that night,” Jamie said in a hushed tone. “He took you to Stanislav.”
“He took me to Russia? Did they field a teleporter?”
“No, Stanislav was here, in D.C.” Jamie took a deep breath, his fingers shaking against Kyle’s body. “He wanted me to come to him, and he knew I would if he had you.”
Kyle thought about the scans Gracie had been studying, the way he felt so, so tired, and how he couldn’t remember anything between now and the easy morning he’d shared with Jamie in the past.
“What did he do?” Kyle asked desperately.
Jamie’s expression crumpled, and he shook his head a few times. “It wasn’t him.”
“Don’t lie to me—”
Kyle had to steady them both when Jamie suddenly surged forward, pressing their foreheads together as he framed Kyle’s face with both hands.
“I shot you,” Jamie got out in a few ragged gasps. “To get to Stanislav, I had to go through you. I killed you.”
The tears on Kyle’s cheeks weren’t his own. In a daze, Kyle lifted his hands to thread them through Jamie’s hair, tugging until Jamie was forced to lean back and look him in the eye.
“You didn’t kill me, Jamie. I’m right here.”
It might be the truth in the moment, but it wasn’t the only truth between them, even if Kyle couldn’t remember Jamie’s supposed betrayal. And Jamie’s truth—his grief—felt more real than the blankness in Kyle’s mind.
Kyle wrapped his arms around Jamie and pressed their mouths together, lips sliding over each other. Jamie tasted like salt, his tears stinging Kyle’s chapped lips.
“I don’t remember,” Kyle whispered. “I’m sorry. I wish I did.”
At that, Jamie shuddered against him, pulling back. “I don’t. Fuck, Kyle, I don’t want you to remember how you died.”
“I heal.” He waved a hand up and down in the air to encompass his body. “I healed.”
Jamie shook his head, face pale beneath the red blotchiness from crying. “Blanchett was still alive. When I shot you…her nullification field was still in effect. Your body was human, Kyle. You couldn’t heal.”
Kyle stared at Jamie, blinking slowly, trying to process that detail. A nullification power disrupted metahuman powers, acting as a kind of biological EMP. If he’d been unable to heal after being shot—
Fuck, no wonder why Jamie was a complete wreck.
“Head or heart?” Kyle asked quietly, thinking about the scans Gracie had been studying.
Jamie pressed his hand against Kyle’s chest, fingers spreading wide, and didn’t say a word.
Kyle closed his eyes for a moment, forcing his breathing to remain steady even as the biobed sensors telegraphed his heartbeat to anyone who could hear. He pressed his left hand over Jamie’s, tangling their fingers together.
“You told me—” Jamie broke off, swallowing thickly. It took him almost a minute to find his voice again. “You told me to do it. And that’s not an excuse, nor me trying to shift the blame, because I was the one who pulled the trigger. That’s on me.”
It sounded like something Kyle would say, even if he didn’t remember saying it. From all the years he’d spent staring through the scope of his sniper rifle, living and breathing his role as overwatch and taking a shot after weighing a life, Kyle knew a truth few others did.
Sometimes the person that you would take a bullet for was behind the trigger.
“You know I would never blame you for taking the shot,” Kyle said, opening his eyes to meet Jamie’s gaze.
“I blame myself.”
“Is that fucker dead?”
Jamie’s jaw twitched. “Yes.”
“Then you did the right thing.” The stricken, horrified look in Jamie’s eyes had Kyle leaning forward to kiss him. “I heal, Jamie. Between the two of us, I have better survival odds.”
“You were dead, Kyle. Your heart wasn’t beating. Gracie had to put you in stasis in hopes of mitigating the effects of massive blood loss and no oxygen to the brain. She didn’t know if she could save you even with her power and yours. I thought I would have to bury you.”
Kyle could hear the frantic, soul-deep grief in Jamie’s voice and it just about broke him. Blinking back his own tears, Kyle kissed Jamie again, because he could.
Because he was here.
Alive.
“You’re not going to bury me,” Kyle whispered fiercely. “Not for years, not for decades. You’re going to walk down that aisle with me and you’re going to fucking marry me, do you hear me, Jamie Callahan? This isn’t our end. Stanislav never fucking saw our end. But we will. You and me, Jamie. We will.”
Jamie shuddered against him before wrapping him up in a tight embrace and kissing him until their lips were bruised.
“I love you,” Jamie told him, breathing the words into him. “I love you so fucking much.”
“Yeah,” Kyle said, feeling more than a little lightheaded. “I love you, too.”
Jamie wouldn’t let him go, and Kyle was all for that, but it took some maneuvering on his part to get them comfortable. Kyle slid as far over on the biobed as he could, making room for Jamie. Jamie climbed up to lie down beside him, adjusting the biobed back down to a more prone position. The biobed’s sensors beeped loudly a few times before separating out their heartbeats.
Kyle rested his head on Jamie’s chest, right over his heart, and closed his eyes. “Hold me as tight as you want, Jamie. You can’t hurt me.”
Jamie’s arms came around him, keeping him close, keeping him anchored as Kyle drifted off to sleep again.
He stayed asleep for hours this time, resting more comfortably than he had been. When Kyle finally drifted awake, it was with the slow glide into awareness that said he was being watched over by people he trusted. The quiet murmur of a multitude of voices registered in his ears right before careful fingers stroked through his hair.
“Hey,” Jamie said, the words rumbling in his chest. “You awake? Lyosha is going to break something if he doesn’t get to hug you soon.”
“Lyosha can get in line,” Valentina retorted.
Kyle cracked open one eye, half-listening to his sisters squabble where he couldn’t see them, and poked Jamie in the ribs. “Since when do you call him Lyosha?”
“Say he could,” Alexei said, bending down to catch Kyle’s eyes. “<
“<
Alexei shook his head. “<
Alexei waved his hand impatiently at Kyle, who sighed loudly before propping himself up on one elbow. Jamie hadn’t moved from the biobed Kyle had fallen asleep on, so he had to lean across him in order to hug Alexei. His brother’s warm arms enveloped him in a strong hug, heads tucked close together.
“<
Kyle didn’t have to ask who Alexei was talking about. “<
When they separated, Jamie shifted out from underneath Kyle, sliding off the bed. His uniform was wrinkled from holding Kyle while he slept, but Jamie didn’t seem to care. Kyle stretched out on the biobed, reaching for Jamie’s hand, not willing to let
him go far.
Kyle looked around the crowded medical room at his team and his family, noticing that while his mom, dad, and sisters were in regular civilian clothes, everyone else was in dress uniform.
“How long was I out? And why is everyone in uniform?” Kyle asked.
His mother stepped up to the bed, bending down to hug him. “<
Kyle winced at the time frame, eyes darting over to Jamie. No wonder Jamie had reacted how he did. “Me, too, Mama. But a week?”
“I had you in stasis,” Gracie said from her spot in the doorway. “And seeing that you are more awake now, I’m going to have to ask everyone to clear the room. I need to run some checkups.”
She was polite but firm in her request, and everyone knew better than to disobey. Kyle got a round of hugs from everyone, but two from Phaedra, who darted back for another one.
“<
Kyle smiled at her, tweaking one of her Senegalese twists with gentle fingers. “Your Russian is getting better.”
She smiled widely at him. “Been practicing.”
“I can see that. Go with Mama and Papa. I’ll see you later, okay?”
Phaedra waved goodbye at him before hurrying out into the hallway with the rest of the family. Jamie hooked a foot around the nearest chair and dragged it closer to sit in it. He reached for Kyle’s hand and took hold of it again. Kyle had to fight back the instinctive reaction to pull away and keep his distance in order to hide his feelings.
“Does everyone on base know about us now?” Kyle asked.
“Yes,” Jamie said.
Kyle sighed. “How fucked are we?”
Jamie shrugged, unconcerned. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Jamie—”
“Kyle? It doesn’t matter. I’m not willing to hide our relationship anymore.” Jamie’s mouth twitched at the corners, a shade of a smile curving his lips. “Besides, my mother wants to meet you.”
“She’s already met me.”
“Not as my fiancé.”
Kyle tightened his grip on Jamie’s hand. “Okay.”
It’s not that he hadn’t thought about the day he would be formally introduced to Jamie’s parents as their son’s future husband, but he never thought it would happen like this.
Light flickered above him and Kyle’s attention shifted to the scans populating the holoscreens above his biobed. Gracie spread them out, expanding some and shifting others to the side. Kyle tried to make sense of it all, but medical jargon was like a foreign language.
“How did you bring me back?” he asked quietly.
Gracie left the holoscreens alone and settled one hand on the side of the biobed, the other on Kyle’s left wrist. Her touch was warm, and he let Gracie get her own read on him through her power.
“When Tessa teleported you to Medical, you had no heartbeat and had suffered significant blood loss. Some of the blood loss I believe happened prior to getting shot in the chest, most likely at the condo. There was evidence of a gut wound that had closed, but hadn’t healed.”
Jamie’s grip became almost painfully tight. Kyle turned his head to look at him. “You don’t have to stay for this.”
“I lived through it,” Jamie got out through gritted teeth. “And you almost didn’t.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to relive it.”
Jamie laughed hollowly, shaking his head. “You think I haven’t been? Every time I close my eyes, all I see is the way you looked when I shot you.”
Kyle flexed his fingers, getting Jamie to ease his grip a little. He wasn’t going to argue with Jamie—truthfully, he didn’t want Jamie out of his sight right now—but someday soon Kyle wanted to know what he couldn’t remember.
“Not going anywhere,” Kyle murmured.
Gracie tapped her fingers against his pulse a few times before removing her hand. “The bullet damaged the right atrium of your heart before exiting your body. Your heart wasn’t beating by the time I got my hands on you and it took some work to bring you back. Once I had a pulse, I made the decision to put you into stasis and work a regen treatment on you while you were under.”
“If I didn’t have my power when I was shot, it should have kicked back in once you got my heart beating again.”
“Your brain had been without oxygen for a number of minutes. Your brain scans weren’t even close to baseline. I couldn’t take the risk. I’ve been partially bringing you out of stasis in order to heal you slowly to ensure minimal possible brain damage, healing power or not.”
Kyle reached up and rubbed the heel of his palm against the side of his head. “I don’t remember getting shot. Or anything, really, from that day.”
“Traumatic memory loss isn’t unexpected after what you went through. The memories might still be encoded in your brain’s neurons. There’s a chance that Katie or another telepath could retrieve them, but it will have to be done within Medical and it won’t be today.”
Kyle rubbed his thumb over Jamie’s hand, turning to look at him. Jamie’s blue eyes had lost the redness from tears, but there was a weariness, a fragility in his gaze, that Kyle had never seen before.
“No,” Kyle said softly. “I don’t need to remember that.”
Jamie’s quiet sigh of relief was all the evidence Kyle needed to know he’d made the right choice.
“Then I’ll inform the director of your decision,” Gracie said. “I’m keeping you in ICU for at least another day, maybe two. I want your scans to level out a bit more. I’ve made it clear to the director that any debrief of you will happen after I’ve cleared you to be discharged.”
Everyone in the MDF, the director included, knew better than to fight Gracie on the care she gave her patients. Until she released them, no one else had claim, and even the brass toed that line.
“Thank you, Gracie,” Jamie said.
The wealth of emotion in his voice had Kyle wanting to crawl into Jamie’s lap and hold him. Gracie seemed to understand that they still needed some privacy, because she signed off on whatever she needed to before minimizing the holoscreens.
“Get some rest, Kyle. I’ll be back in a couple hours to check on you,” she said.
She left, and then it was just him and Jamie and a slew of questions tumbling through Kyle’s mind.
“Where were you today?” Kyle asked.
Jamie lifted Kyle’s hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “Matthew lost his second-in-command during the attack. We buried him today.”
Kyle bit his lip, feeling a rush of relief that it wasn’t Matthew. “I’m sorry.”
Jamie worked his jaw, gaze distant. “It’s been a long week.”
“I bet,” Kyle said quietly.
“They wouldn’t let me see you. Wouldn’t let any of us see you. No one was sure you’d make it through, even with your power and Gracie’s. Too much trauma happened to you while you were without your power.” Jamie took a deep breath, steadying himself. “Katie has been in my thoughts since the attack, making sure I didn’t do anything stupid.”
“Fuck.” Kyle let his head fall back, having an idea of what Jamie meant by doing something stupid. “I’m glad she kept you in line, but I can’t believe I’ve been unconscious for an entire week.”
Jamie nodded. “Worst week of my entire life.”
Kyle didn’t doubt that. “I mean it, you know. I don’t blame you, even if I can’t remember. I never would, Jamie.”
“I know.”
“Then stop blaming yourself.”
“It’s not that easy, Kyle.”
“I know that, but just promise me you’ll try. Please?”
Jamie lifted his hand to cup Kyle’s jaw. “I can’t. Not right now.”
Kyle didn’t push, just turned his face into Jamie’s touch. “Okay.”
Kyle knew it might take years for Jamie to forgive himself, but Kyle vowed to alw
ays remind him whenever Jamie needed it.
They had time, after all.
22
Safe Harbor
“<
Alexei eyed his little brother before looking at Jamie. “Says he’s hungry. Not feed in Medical?”
“Gracie fed him,” Jamie replied, holding both their travel bags in one hand. “He just wants food not from the mess hall.”
“Chow isn’t food,” Kyle retorted.
Alexei nodded in agreement. “Sean making dinner.”
“Is he cooking or is he ordering in?”
Alexei shrugged. “Just told him food.”
The elevator came to a stop, opening up on his apartment floor. The three of them stepped inside and the smell of pizza had Kyle making a beeline for the kitchen where four pizza boxes were lined up on the kitchen island.
“The pepperoni is mine!” Kyle called out.
“Save me slice,” Alexei said.
“Get your own damn pizza.”
“I got two large pepperonis,” Sean said as he came down the hallway. “You can have the other one, Lyosha.”
Alexei grinned and pressed a quick kiss to Sean’s cheek as they passed each other. “Keep safe from Kyle.”
“Yeah, you’re on your own there. Hurry up and come eat.”
Alexei waved for Jamie to follow him down the hallway to the guest bedroom he and Sean had set up once Katie had discovered Jamie’s plans to bunk at the base with Kyle. Since their condo was unlivable and Jamie wasn’t taking up his parents’ offer to stay with them, Alexei had bullied both of them—with Katie’s help—into staying at his and Sean’s place.
The apartment that he and Kyle used to share, but which neither had lived in for months, wasn’t an option. It meant no one on the team had eyes on the pair, and Alexei wasn’t having that. Besides, he was pretty sure Jamie was going to close out the lease now that they no longer had to keep up their cover.
“Is comfy bed. Not too hard, not too soft,” Alexei said.
In the Requiem (Metahuman Files Book 5) Page 33
