Carson talked and talked and talked. The girl to could chatter to a brick wall and never tire. Through it all Ethan had hung on her every word. He never told her to be quiet or interrupted one of her many stories. He let her carry the dinner conversation in any direction she wanted. And, for her part, she was smart and funny. It was obvious she’d spent a lot of time around adults and had soaked up all the information she could.
“What grade are you in?” I asked Carson while we were doing the dinner dishes.
“Third.”
“You’re pretty smart,” I told her.
“Thank you. Pop says it’s important to study. My daddy got straight As in school. Then, when I was born, he took extra classes and got out of school early, so he could start college.”
“Wow. That’s impressive.”
“What is?” Ethan asked, bringing in the rest of the dishes from the table.
“I was telling Honor how smart you are. You finished school way early and college too.”
“Are you bragging on your old man, Squirt?” He ruffled her curls, and she pushed his hand away.
“You’re not old. All the teachers talk about how young and cute you are. It’s gross.”
Ethan turned scarlet and shook his head. “That is gross. Your teacher is older than Gran.”
They both laughed and started loading the dishwasher. It was sweet to watch them.
By the time Ethan had taken Carson up to bed I was exhausted. I had to hand it to him, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to keep up with all the energy Carson had, but he did it all on his own and with grace. I grabbed a bottle of water and turned off the lights in the kitchen. While I was debating whether or not to shut off the rest of the lights Ethan came back downstairs.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d gone to bed and if I should turn everything off,” I told him.
He looked like he had a lot on his mind and when he didn’t answer me right away, I took that as my cue to go to my room and leave him in peace.
“Where are you going?” His words stopping me.
“I was gonna let you have some time to yourself. You look like you’ve had a long day.”
“Thank you for dinner. And for being so patient with Carson. I know she can be a handful.”
“She’s not a handful. Full of life, maybe, but she’s a good girl. I enjoyed cooking with her tonight.”
“Yeah, she liked that, too. It was all she talked about when I was tucking her in.”
The pensive look was back, and I didn’t understand why.
“Is that a problem? I didn’t mean to trample on your rules or anything.”
“Sit with me a minute?”
Dread washed over me. I’d lived here a week and I was afraid he was getting ready to give me the boot. I sat next to him on the couch, and my body slumped when he sighed. Oh, no. He didn’t look happy.
“Other than my mom, aunts, and female cousins, Carson has never had a woman around. Certainly not in the house, cooking with her.”
I waited for him to say something more, but he didn’t.
“If you’d rather me not, I won’t. I just thought she’d like it. I always loved cooking with my mom.” Ethan’s entire being changed and I rushed on. “That came out wrong. I didn’t mean . . . I don’t mean . . . I . . . fuck. Ethan I wasn’t saying I’m anything more than a roommate. I enjoy cooking and thought it would be fun for her as well. I swear, I wasn’t trying to push myself into your life.”
His next words shocked and saddened me at the same time.
“I was sixteen when Carson’s mother got pregnant. She wanted to give her up for adoption, but I wouldn’t agree. I couldn’t. Chrissy never wavered, not even after she’d given birth. She wouldn’t even look at Carson, let alone hold her. Not even ten minutes after Carson was born I left the delivery room with her, and, as promised, we’ve never heard from her again. A few hours later, her parents’ attorney dropped off the paperwork relinquishing Chrissy’s parental rights, and I took over all responsibility for Carson.
“There are some days, like today, I question what kind of father I am. Between my job being as dangerous as it is, and raising Carson without a mom, I wonder if I’m a selfish prick. I wouldn’t give up my daughter for anything, but I’ve never entertained the idea of dating or what it must be like for her not to have a woman in the house.”
“Don’t do that.” He stopped brushing imaginary lint off the couch and looked up at me. “I had two parents. My dad was rarely home. I knew he loved me and my mom, but he loved the military more. He’d volunteer for deployment even when he’d only been home a few months. I’ve heard men like your father tell stories about the great Buck Sully, but the truth is, he may’ve been a great soldier, but he sucked as a dad. I had a mom, a good one when she wasn’t lost in her grief over losing a husband who’d promised year after year things would be different. Looking back, I wonder if she was grieving the love of the man, or the loss of a future she knew he’d never provide. She loved me, but she never let me rattle on about my day and listen with her entire soul like you do for Carson.
“I’ve known Carson a week, and I can tell you with certainty that little girl wants for nothing. She is surrounded by love. There’s no way she’d be as bold and talkative if she was unsure about the people around her. Your job is dangerous. But that doesn’t make you selfish. I doubt you’d be happy working behind the counter in a hardware store. That’s not how you’re wired. And if you’re not happy, how are you supposed to make her happy?”
“And the dating part? Now that you’ve properly put me in my place for feeling sorry for myself do you have anything to say about that?” He smiled.
I hadn’t meant to come off sounding preachy, but he was selling himself short.
“You haven’t dated since she was born?” I asked.
“Before that, actually. I’d been dating Chrissy for six months when she got pregnant. The night she told me, everything between us changed. We were over. It was like a switch had been flipped, and she wanted nothing more to do with me. I’ve never told anyone this, not even my parents, I asked her to marry me that night. I told her we’d raise the baby together. She told me no.” His laugh sounded hollow.
“I guess you haven’t found the right woman to be Carson’s mom.” He adverted his gaze from me. “You know any woman you find has to not only be right for you but Carson, too. It’s easy to trust your heart, but I suppose it would be difficult to trust someone with hers.”
“I’m going to kiss you, smalls. I know what I said earlier, and we’ll go slow until we both know this is something we want to explore. But I have to taste you.” He leaned in and cupped my face. “Tell me now, if you don’t want this.”
“I want this,” I whispered.
He quickly closed the scant distance between us and, instead of going for it like I would’ve allowed, he slowly explored my mouth with his. When he finally licked the seam of my lips, I was panting with anticipation. The first swipe of his tongue tasted like paradise. It didn’t take long for him to scoot closer and angle my face where he wanted it. The kiss became demanding, and I wanted nothing more than to submit. I met him stroke for stroke, completely lost on the most erotic voyage of my life, trusting Ethan would steer us where he wanted to go. It may’ve been five minutes or two hours when he slowed the kiss and sweetly bussed the corners of my mouth before pulling back, leaving me dazed.
With his hands still cupping my cheeks he spoke. “I thought I was sure before that kiss but now I’m absolutely positive I want to see where this goes. I’m scared as fuck because I’ve never let anyone close to us before. But, smalls, I’ve never been kissed like that. I’ve never felt a spark of excitement so deep I never wanted to breathe again. I swear we’ll go as slowly as you need, as long as we’re moving forward.”
“And if I don’t want slow?”
He closed the distance again and softly kissed me.
“I need slow. I’ve never done the whole dating thing as an adult and I’m
sure I’m gonna fuck it up. Bear with me?”
“Is that what this is? Dating?”
“I don’t know what you’d call what I’m feeling, but, whatever it is, I want more of it.”
“Okay. But I need something from you, too.”
“Anything.”
“I need patience. The last time I had a boyfriend I was a senior in high school, and it didn’t go so well.”
He studied me for a second before asking. “Did he hurt you?”
“Yeah. But not the way you’re thinking. After I gave him my virginity, he told the whole school about it. Then he gave a blow by blow description of the night and offered to share me with his buddies on the lacrosse team.”
“What a dick.”
“He totally was. The rest of the year was spent trying to restore my reputation. But it never worked. Once you’re deemed a slut in high school, there’s no changing it.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.”
He situated himself on the couch and pulled me back into his arms to cuddle. It felt nice sitting and sharing with Ethan.
“Eh. It was a long time ago. After I graduated, I started design school and was so caught up learning new stuff and getting my portfolio together, dating and sex were the last thing on my mind. Then my mom died. Nothing seemed important after that.”
“Tell me about her?”
I shifted and curled up even closer to Ethan. With my head still spinning from the information he’d given me, my heart pounding from our closeness, and wet undies from our scorching hot kiss, I relaxed and told him stories about my mom—the good ones before Franklin came into our lives.
7
“Can Honor come?” Carson asked, sitting on my bed, waiting for me to finish getting ready.
“If she wants. But, Squirt, don’t be disappointed if she says, no. She may have to work today.”
“But it’s a Saturday,” she said, telling me something I already knew.
It had been almost a month since I’d first kissed Honor. And in the four-weeks since, there had been more stolen kisses after Carson had gone to bed. My hands had never moved from her face or back. I’d kept my promise and my dick in check. That didn’t mean after our goodnight kisses I’d hadn’t gone up to my room and jerked off thinking about all the things I wanted to do to her.
Honor, however, was getting braver; her hands roamed my chest as I devoured her mouth. Last night, as I had her pressed against her bedroom door, her touch had ventured south, and she rubbed my dick over the outside of my pants. Her tiny hand stroked over the material, and I was a moment away from coming when I pulled her hand away. She’d almost broken my will. I wanted her so badly I could barely stand to wait any longer. But I’d walked away, leaving her breathless, and both of us needing more. I had lain in my bed with my dick in my hand wondering why I was waiting. I could’ve walked back to Honor’s room and made love to her until we were both satisfied.
The truth was, I was scared. What if the excitement and anticipation waned after we had sex? What if she wasn’t as perfect as I thought she was? What if I fucked this up and hurt her? And what about Carson? Over the last few weeks, they’d cooked together, gone out back and Honor showed Carson how to use her camera, they’d painted together, they even went grocery shopping—just the two of them. I’d stayed home to set up Honor’s new TV and Blu-ray player for her, and the girls had left. Bottom line, Carson was attached; she liked Honor. Case in point, she wanted to invite Honor to come along with us to Savannah. This was our time, Carson had never wanted anyone to come with us on our trips to the city—not even my parents.
Fuck.
I was at a loss. Did I pull back and pump the brakes, or did I give in to my desires and lift the temporary ban on sex and go for it? And why the fuck was I mixing sex with emotion? We were both adults. Surly we could get hot and sweaty between the sheets and still behave like rational people. But, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew why I was holding back. It had been a month, and I was already half in love with Honor. If I took her to my bed, I wouldn’t be able to keep my emotions out of it. I wouldn’t be fucking her, I’d be making love to her. She was so different from the other women I’d been with, they weren’t even in the same universe. I could see Honor in our lives for the long haul.
Carson jumped off my bed and headed for the door.
“Carson, if she says no, don’t batt your pretty eyes at her and try and convince her. She has deadlines, and her work is important.”
“Fine,” she huffed and went in search of Honor.
A few minutes later, as I was brushing my teeth, Honor appeared in the doorway of my bathroom,
“Hey there, handsome.” She smiled.
I had a mouthful of toothpaste, so I opted for a chin lift in response.
“Carson invited me to tag along on your big day out. I wanted to check that was cool with you. Last night you were excited about some one-on-one time with her. I don’t want to intrude.”
I rinsed my mouth and thought about what she’d asked. Honor was always careful not to intrude. She always asked before she did anything with Carson, she didn’t even take her into the backyard without permission. She respected my time with my daughter and would sneak away if she saw Carson and me cuddled on the couch, watching a show. I wasn’t sure if that made her the world’s most perfect woman, caring about my time with my kid, or if it made me an asshole because I’d made Honor think she was an interloper when I’d invited her into our circle.
Time to shit or get off the pot. With my mind made up, I dried my face and listened for Carson. The slamming of a cabinet door downstairs told me everything I needed to know. I was alone with Honor.
Two strides and I was face to face with the woman who’d plagued my dreams and turned my world upside down.
“I want you to come,” I told her. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel otherwise.”
“You haven’t, but your time with Carson is important.”
“You’re important, too.”
“Thank you, Ethan,” she whispered.
“Are you sure about where we’re headed? You want to try this with Carson and me?”
“I promise, I’ve thought a lot about it. It’s not just you and me. I’d never do anything to hurt Carson. Never. I like you.” She stopped and smiled. “A lot. I want to see where this goes. And for the record, I’m done with taking things slowly with you. But, I want my friendship with Carson to be separate from my relationship with you. Does that make sense?”
“It does.”
“It’s important she never feels like I’m taking her daddy’s time away from her. And I want her and me to gradually get to know each other better. I only have one shot with her and I won’t fuck it up by pushing; we move at her pace. It won’t matter if what we have is perfect, if Carson isn’t comfortable, that’s a deal breaker for me.”
Yep, world’s most perfect woman. I was happy she’d said exactly what I was feeling. Eight years ago, I gave my life to my daughter, I never knew how or where a woman would fit into our world, but Honor had shown me. One step at a time.
“I’m gonna kiss you, smalls. And, tonight, after I get Carson to sleep we’re taking our goodnight kiss behind closed doors.”
“Is that right?”
“It is. And just so you’re forewarned, you may need a nap. It’s gonna be a long night,” I informed her.
“You think so?”
“I know so.”
“We’ll see. Maybe you’re the one who should take a nap.”
The mischief that sparked in her eyes meant good things for me later.
“Smalls, every night for the past twenty-nine days I’ve come upstairs after I’ve kissed you senseless and stroked my dick, imagining all the ways I want to make you come. On my fingers, in my mouth, all over my cock until the bed is soaked. I’ve thought up a hundred filthy ways to make you beg for more. Trust me, you’ll need the nap.”
I pushed forward and pressed my dick against her
stomach, letting her see how effected I was by the images.
“Kiss me, Ethan.”
I lowered my mouth to hers and took my time enjoying the taste of her. Sunshine and promise. It should’ve worried me how she could bring me to my knees with just the brush of her tongue. But it didn’t, instead it filled me with hope. Honor Sullivan was everything I never thought I’d find.
“Honor!” Carson called from the landing outside my bedroom and we both jumped apart.
“Oops.” She wiped her mouth and answered Carson. “Coming.”
“Not yet you’re not. But you will tonight,” I quietly added.
“Promises, promises.” She threw her comeback over her shoulder and left me standing in my bathroom adjusting my throbbing hard-on.
Fuck yeah, it was a promise. A promise I fully intended to make good on. Multiple times in a multitude of ways.
“Daddy, can we take Honor to the candy store then to the ice cream shop next door?” Carson asked as we strolled down the river walk, passing the tourist shops that lined the path.
“We can after dinner.”
“Do they have Swedish Fish at this candy store?” Honor asked.
“Yes. Every candy you can image. They even have fried crickets.”
“Fried crickets? Gross.”
“Totally gross. We bought some for Pop. He ate the whole bag and said they were pretty good. But Pop will eat anything, so I don’t believe him.”
“True story,” I laughed. “My dad will eat just about anything.”
We found a restaurant across from the Echo Square and walked the two flights of stairs to our table. It had a perfect view of the Savannah River, complete with the old-time riverboat replica docked nearby.
I watched as the girls sat close, heads together, scrolling through all the pictures Honor had taken.
“There are a lot of pictures of me and daddy.”
“There are. The two of you are perfect subjects. Always smiling.”
“What’s a subject?” Carson asked.
Chasing Honor (The Next Generation Book 2) Page 6
