10
I was uploading the last file to my client’s cloud server when my phone rang, startling me.
I check the caller ID and smiled.
Ethan.
“Hey. What’s up?” I looked at the clock and noticed I’d lost track of time. It was almost dinner time, and I didn’t have anything planned.
“I have a favor.”
“Whatcha need?”
“Is there any way you can pick up Carson from my parents’ house? I’m gonna be at least another two hours. We collared the guy who’s been knocking over the liquor stores. We’re still writing reports.”
“Sure. I can do it now.”
“Thanks. My parents’ have dinner plans, or I wouldn’t ask.”
“You know you don’t have to apologize for asking me . . . or thank me. I love spending time with Carson. It’s perfect timing anyway; I just finished work. Would you like us to bring you a sandwich? If you made an arrest, I bet you skipped lunch.”
“Yeah, we did.” he chuckled. “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, I’d love one. Let me check with Lorenz and see if he wants something. I’ll text you.”
“Okay. I’m leaving now.”
“Thanks, Honor.”
To say Ethan had pulled back may have been an overstatement, but something had changed. Sunday, everything was perfect. We’d made love three times before Ethan went to pick up Carson and a pizza. We’d eaten together, laughed, heard all about Carson’s day, and then he’d kissed me good night and went up to his room. I’m not sure what I’d been expecting but a quick kiss and a goodnight wasn’t it.
As the week had progressed things had become, for a lack of a better word, strange. He was still engaging in small talk, and we ate dinner together. We’d even gone back to my room every night and made love, but it was different. It had lacked the passion and raw need he’d had Sunday. The sex was still great, but it was like mentally he’d checked out. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do.
Carson was waiting for me when I arrived at Ethan’s parents’ house. As always, she was bouncing up and down and happy. Lily apologized, explaining they had dinner plans with Levi and Blake. When Lenox came into the living room in a pair of slacks and button down, I noticed again how much Ethan and him looked a like.
“Honor,” Lenox stopped me as Carson and I were headed for the door. “I found this the other day and wanted you to have it.”
Lenox handed me a photo. A group of men all dressed in Army fatigues stood in front of an American flag. I scanned the picture and picked out my father out immediately.
“How did you get this?”
“That’s me,” he pointed to a much younger version of himself. “Levi, Clark, and Jasper.” He moved his finger over the picture pointing out each man.
“Where were you?”
“That’s top secret,” he chuckled. “I thought you’d like it.”
“Yes. Thank you. I only have one picture of my dad.”
“Well, now you have two. I’ll see if I have anything else.”
“Really, Lenox. Thank you.”
“My pleasure. You beautiful ladies have a nice evening.”
Without thought, I moved toward him and hugged him as tightly as I could. Much to my surprise, he hugged me back. Carson tugging on my hand, eager to get going, ended the embrace, but not before Lenox graced me with a smile. Holy hotness, it was easy to see where Ethan had inherited his grin. Lily was a beauty and had contributed to some of Ethan’s good looks, but he was his father’s son.
Ethan had already texted me to tell me he’d called in an order at a sub shop around the corner from the station. All I could think about on the drive to the restaurant was the picture Lenox had given me. I was dying to get home and study it more carefully. I didn’t know Buck Sully all that well, and depending on who you spoke to, they’d tell you he was a great hero or an absentee husband and father. My guess was he was somewhere in the middle. I glanced in the rearview mirror and looked at Carson. I was happy she had a great dad.
With sandwiches in hand Carson and I walked into the station. The desk clerk buzzed us through and gave me directions to Ethan’s desk. Not that she needed to, Carson led the way, telling me all about her Uncle Lorenz and Aunt Maria. She told me they had dinner over there all the time, and I wondered if that was part of Ethan’s problem. I’d barged into his life and disrupted his routine. Not only with Carson but with his friends too.
“Daddy,” Carson called out, and before I could stop her, she took off across the room.
“Hey, Squirt.” He swung her up into his arms, and she immediately started to wiggle out.
“Ouch. Your stuff is poking me.”
He set her on her feet, and a tall, dark, and handsome man cleared his throat before she beelined it towards him. Whoa, what was it with all the good-looking men in this town?
“Hiya, Princess Rose, long time no see. What, did you forget about your old Uncle Lorenz?”
“No, silly. Meet Honor.” She pulled his hand forcing him to turn in my direction.
His head swiveled between me and Ethan before landing on me again. He pushed his hand in my direction.
“Oscar Lorenz,” he offered.
“Nice to finally meet you, Oscar. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Same here, but it seems our boy here has been keeping secrets from his partner.” He shook my hand, and I wasn’t sure what his comment meant. He threw an accusatory glance in Ethan’s direction. “Just all right, huh?” Lorenz shook his head and turned back to me. “Thanks for coming all the way down here with our dinner.”
“No problem.”
Ethan was still staring at me with the same funny look he’d had all week. I was beginning to feel like a lab rat.
“I guess we’ll be on our way,” I announced to no one in particular.
The look of indifference had changed, and Ethan’s gaze went over my shoulder and looked pissed, really, really pissed.
“What do we have here? Officer Shit-For-Brains has a hot wife and a cute little girl.”
I quickly shoved Carson behind me, shielding her from the handcuffed man’s view. The venom in his tone sent a chill down my back.
“Keep walking, asshole,” Ethan said to the man, then to the officer guiding the suspect. “Take him away.”
“Too late, Officer Ethan Lenox. I already saw them and I’ll be out of lock up in under forty-eight hours.”
Ethan moved with lightning speed and was in the man’s face in a heartbeat.
“You threatening me, motherfucker?”
Carson stiffened behind me, and I reached back, anchoring her tightly. I was stuck in place with nowhere to go.
“Not a threat, officer. Just telling you, I’ll be walking out of here soon.”
“This is your only warning. Stay the fuck away from my family.”
“Or?” the man taunted.
“Or you’ll find yourself not breathing.”
“You threatening me?” The asshole had changed the tone of his voice, trying to sound like a victim.
“Goddamn right I am.”
“We’ll see, copper.”
“Get this fucking dirtbag out of my sight,” Ethan instructed.
When the officer behind the shit-talking perp gave him a shove, he stumbled forward and disappeared around the corner. As soon as the men were out of sight, Ethan stalked straight to me and grasped my face, bringing his just inches from mine.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” I dismissed his question.
“Thank you.” He closed the distance and for the second time he kissed me in front of Carson. Only this time it was on my lips.
He released my cheeks and bent down, grabbing Carson from behind me. “Are you okay, Squirt?”
“Yes. Honor hid me. Someone needs to wash that bad man’s mouth out with soap for saying those bad words.”
I wondered if Carson realized it was Ethan who’d done the cursing. I gathered not,
considering I was looking right at him while he spoke and I’d barely recognized his voice.
“I’m sorry.”
“Gran and I baked a cake today. But we couldn’t eat it. She said it was for Aunt Blake because it’s her favorite.”
And just like that, the bad guy was forgotten.
“I’m sure you ate plenty of other treats.”
“I cannot confirm nor deny that, Daddy. It’s top secret.”
Lorenz let out a belly laugh before he recovered and told me. “Princess Rose, here, has the entire Lenox family wrapped around her finger.”
“That she does. We’ll let you two get back to work. Your mom said Carson still had spelling homework. We’ll throw dinner together then work on it.”
“Thanks.” And Ethan smiled the first real smile I’d seen since Sunday.
“Anytime, handsome. Let’s go, darlin’ we have bacon wrapped chicken to make and spelling words to study.”
“Do I get a cookie if I get all my words right?”
“No. You already had a ton at Grans. You’ll get a high five and you’ll get to pick the before-bedtime movie.”
“Deal.” Carson nodded.
“Deal,” I repeated. Ethan’s face was funny again. “What?”
“Nothing. I’ll see you at home. Love you, Squirt. Be good.”
“Always am. Love you, too, Daddy.”
I felt Ethan’s eyes boring into the back of my head as we made our way out of the bullpen.
Hot and cold. Fine one minute, pensive the next. I had to talk to him tonight. Good or bad something had to change.
Dinner was a hit. Carson cleared her plate and told me how much she loved bacon wrapped anything. I had to agree, bacon made everything taste better. She aced her spelling words and we watched Frozen until she fell asleep on the couch. It wasn’t a moment too soon. If I had to listen to Elsa sing one more time I was going to find ear plugs.
After I carried Carson up to bed and tucked her in I finished cleaning up the kitchen and set the coffee for extra early tomorrow. I’d been slacking on my runs and needed to get back to it. I was finding I didn’t need the stress relief pounding the pavement had always provided now that I was getting a different kind of pounding. The thought made my cheeks heat and my panties dampen. Even with Ethan’s current mood fluctuations he was still phenomenal in bed and always made sure I went first.
I’d sat on the couch, planning on waiting up for Ethan, but within minutes my eyes were heavy and a nap until he got home sounded good.
“Honor. Wake up.”
Ethan.
“I was having such a good dream.”
“What were you dreaming about?”
“We were on an island, just the three of us, and we were playing Frisbee. I was winning.”
“Is that why it was a good dream, because you were winning?” I heard him laugh and opened my eyes, not wanting to miss him smiling.
“No. It was a good dream because I was with my two favorite people and no one else was around. Just the three of us.”
His smile faded, and I’d had enough.
“What’s wrong?” I asked and sat up.
“Nothing, smalls. It’s been a long day.”
I checked the clock, it was after ten, and he’d left the house at seven to take Carson to school before he went to work. It had been a long day, but that wasn’t it.
“I’m not talking about right now. I’m talking about all week.”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Ethan, if this is going to work, we have to be honest with each other. Even the uncomfortable stuff. And don’t treat me like I’m stupid. You’ve been retreating since Sunday. What happened? Am I doing something wrong with Carson?”
He sat down next to me and was quiet for a long time.
“No. You’re great with Carson.”
“I feel like there’s a but attached to that sentence. Is that a bad thing?”
“Kinda.”
His answer was like a physical blow straight to my stomach. I loved what Carson and I were creating. It was going to kill me if I had to pull back from her.
“Shit, Honor. No, it’s not. I don’t know. I can’t find the right way to say it.”
“So why don’t you just blurt out what comes to mind.”
He thought for several moments before he answered. So much for blurting it out.
“It’s always been just Carson and me.”
“I know,” I cut in.
“I thought it always would be. Now she has you, too. I’m struggling with what to do with that.”
“What?”
“It’s not jealousy. I love watching the two of you together. I love that she’s comfortable around you and asks you to help her. I think that’s what’s hard. I love it, but at the same time it scares the fuck out of me. What if something happens and you leave?”
“Leave? I don’t want to leave, Ethan.”
“You say that now, but it could happen. And we haven’t used protection since Sunday. What if you get pregnant?”
“Is this what the problem is? You’re afraid of me getting pregnant?”
“No,” he emphatically answered. “Not because of the reasons you’re thinking.”
“First, I told you I have an IUD. Of course nothing’s infallible, not even a condom.” I raised my eyebrow as a reminder. “But if I were to get pregnant. We’d deal with it.”
“Deal with it?”
“Ethan. Tell me what’s wrong. Right now. You know I didn’t mean deal with it as in not have it.”
“You’d keep it?”
“Yes. I want kids.”
His whole body relaxed, and right before my very eyes a weight lifted from him.
“So, you’ve been acting weird because you were worried I could be pregnant. And thought that if I were pregnant, I’d run like Chrissy did. Either I wouldn’t have it, I’d leave it with you, or I’d take it and you’d never see it.”
“Something like that.”
“I cannot believe you’d compare me to her.”
“I wasn’t. I just—”
“Yes, you were. I am not her. We are not sixteen. I don’t pretend to know what the two of you went through. I can’t pass judgement on her because she left you with the best gift in the world. But I can tell you with my whole heart, I would never leave my child. Not at sixteen, not at twenty-three, not at thirty. So, Ethan, don’t you ever compare me to Chrissy again. And next time you want to know something, ask!”
“I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
“Goddamn right you were. Now let’s talk about condoms.” His lips twitched, and I felt my temper rise. “You think this is funny?”
“No.” He smiled.
“I’m not smiling, Ethan. I’ve spent the last few days worried I’d done something wrong. Afraid you were done with me and didn’t know how to tell me.”
Ethan grabbed me, and I shrieked. Once he had me straddling his thighs and we were face-to-face he started. “I’m sorry I worried you. I told you when we started this I’d fuck up. I did, and I’m apologizing. I should’ve talked to you but, honestly, I couldn’t understand what was going on in my head, so I couldn’t explain it to you. I don’t want you to change a thing. You’re perfect and that in itself scares me. I can’t lose you, Honor. I don’t want to use condoms. You want the truth?” I nodded my head and braced. “I don’t care if you get pregnant. Part of me has been hoping all week your fucking IUD will somehow fall out, or break, or however the hell an IUD can fail. I know that’s fucked up and irresponsible, but I never wanted Carson to be an only child. I just assumed she would be. When I was younger, I’d always wanted a big family. I saw my parents and my aunts and uncles with their kids and I wanted the next generation to have what we all had. I was never lonely growing up, there was always a cousin around to play with. It kills me because I had Carson so young she’s missing out on that.”
“She’s not missing out on anything. She has all the cousins.”
“Honor, my
youngest cousin is ten years older than her.”
“So? They obviously give her plenty of attention because all she talks about are them and your brother.”
“Out of everything I told you all you picked out was what I said about Carson.”
“Because that was the only important part.”
“You’ve got nothing to say about me wanting to get you pregnant?”
I had plenty to say but nothing I was willing to verbalize. I should’ve told him he was nuts and anytime in the future we had sex he was going to double up on the condoms, but that wasn’t the way I felt. Maybe I was the one that was nuts. Totally and completely off my rocker. We needed to pump the breaks on the baby talk, however, I would be lying if I said I didn’t like the fact he wanted me to be the mother of his future children.
“Sorry to say, that is a non-topic, handsome. It can’t happen, I’ve been assured by my doctor my IUD is exactly where it needs to be and is good for another few years yet.”
“We should test it out, check the accuracy of the device.”
He lifted his hips and pressed his hard-on between my legs.
“Maybe we should.” I said returning his smile.
“We good?” he asked.
“I am as long as you are. And you promise never to compare me to Chrissy again.”
“Promise,” he replied.
“Then take me to bed, handsome. Seeing you in your uniform does crazy things to me.”
He stood, and I wrapped my legs around his back.
“You have a thing for men in uniform?”
“No. Just you in yours.”
“Good answer.”
He walked us to my room, kicked the door closed, locked it, and tossed me on the bed.
“I love coming home to you.”
“It’s the best part of my day.”
While I undressed I watched as he stripped out of his uniform. I was sorry to see it come off, but the more flesh he exposed the less sorry I became.
He crawled into bed and was kissing me when it dawned on me, he hadn’t asked about Carson. He trusted me with the most valuable thing in his life—his daughter.
11
“We don’t have to stay long,” I told Honor.
Chasing Honor (The Next Generation Book 2) Page 9
