I swallow down a shaky breath as I remember how East mentioned the it.
“And every so often, that darkness rises inside me—it rises inside me,” he continues, holding my gaze. “And when it first started happening, I thought maybe it would be better if I just got rid of myself, because the stuff I think of doing while it’s at the surface of my mind is awful. But, eventually, I learned that I didn’t have to let it control me. That just because I have a little bit of evil blood in me doesn’t mean I have to become that. I can choose what I want to be, and so can you.”
“But I’m different,” I tell him, tears burning my eyes. “I can destroy entire worlds, and there are creatures out there that want to capture me to do just that.”
“So? That doesn’t mean they’re going to,” he says. “We’ve been collecting objects for a while now—powerful objects. And we were going to use those to take down the leaders. But now we’ll use them to take down the creatures that are trying to capture you.”
“That’s a lot of work, and you’d be risking your lives.” I shake my head, fighting back the tears that so desperately want to come out. “It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it. It’d be easier just to get rid of me.”
He slowly shakes his head as he stares at me. “Is this why you risked your life to save that friend of yours?”
“You mean, Jason?” I ask. When he nods, I become even more confused. “What does he have to do with this?”
“He doesn’t,” he says. “I’m just trying to figure out why you view yourself so lowly.”
“I don’t,” I insist.
“No, you do,” he argues. “Any time anything risky has happened to us, you tell us to ditch you. You thought Arrow and I ditched you back on Steel. When your friend Jason got himself into trouble, you risked your life by trying to steal Asher’s lamp. And then, when you did and you got death poison in you, you still tried to save Jason’s life and not yours.”
“I knew I was already going to die,” I tell him, trying to appear confident, but I suddenly feel exposed with things I’m not even certain I was aware existed. “So, why did it even matter?”
“It matters because I think you don’t think that you matter.”
“That’s not what it is.”
“No, I think that’s exactly what it is. I think that you think you don’t matter. I think that’s why you instantly turn to self-blame every time something bad happens.”
“No, I do that because, every time something bad happens, it’s usually my fault,” I bite out as irritation burns through me.
“And I think that’s why, every time I try to compliment you, you get uncomfortable,” he continues, ignoring me. “Which makes me wonder if, before us, anyone ever told you anything good about yourself.”
“I know I’m a good thief,” I argue, my irritation amplifying.
“Yeah?” His brow arches. “Name something else you like about yourself.”
“I …” I rack my brain for something to say, but I’m drawing a blank.
I grit my teeth so forcefully my jaw pops. “I can’t do this right now. Not when I just found out I’m some evil creature.”
“You’re not evil, and if you could see the good in yourself, you’d realize that,” he insists, dropping his hands from my face as I turn my head. “That’s all I’m saying.”
I breathe in and out, avoiding his gaze and struggling to stay in control over myself. “Just shut up.”
“Har,” he says, his voice softening. “Whatever you are, whatever creatures’ blood runs through your veins, you’re still the same Harlynn who snuck on our vehicle to save her friend and made a bargain with a genie. Who befriended Arrow and made him feel like he was more than just a cyborg. Who didn’t try to use us for our fame. Who always offered herself up when she thought she was bringing risk to the others around her. Who climbed under this damn vehicle when it was surrounded by the worlds patrol and hellhounds so we could fly off.” He places a hand on my cheek. “And you’re still the Harlynn who let Maxton onto this vehicle even when there was a risk he could still be evil.”
“He wasn’t.”
“You didn’t know that for sure.”
“So? He seemed good enough.”
“Which shows the good in you.”
Tears bubble in my eyes. “Stop saying that.”
He shakes his head. “No. Not until you believe it. You’re good. You’re good. You’re good—”
I shove him away as tears drip from my eyes, but he barely budges and grabs onto my arm, jerking me against him. As my head touches his chest, I lose any amount of control I have left in me and the tears come pouring out.
“You’re a good creature,” he says again as he smooths his hand over the back of my head. “And we’re not going to destroy you. We’re going to protect you. Because you’re one of us, and that’s what we do for each other. And, as one of us, you’re going to let us protect you. Do you understand?”
I’m not one for getting bossed around, but I’m too damn tired to argue with him, so I just nod and hold on to him as I try to cry all the pain out of me.
Harlynn
Somehow, in the midst of my crying, exhaustion overcomes me. East moves us to the bed, and the instant my head hits the pillow, my eyes shut.
This sudden wave of exhaustion has happened to me before, and Asher told me once that it was from using too much of my power. This time, however, I think it might be from emotional overload.
I’m unsure how long I’m asleep, but when I open my eyes again, East is lying beside me in the bed. He’s on his side, facing me, with his arm is tucked under my head, and his eyes are closed. As I take him in, everything he said to me slowly trickles back and pressure builds in my chest.
Maybe he was right. Maybe I do struggle with hearing good things about myself.
I take a deep breath, and then another until the pressure subsides.
As I let out an exhale, East’s eyelashes flutter open. He blinks a few times, clearing the sleepiness from his eyes. Then a smile curves at his lips. “You’re awake,” he murmurs with a lopsided smile.
I offer him a tired smile. “Wow, that’s weird since you are, too.”
“Always such a smartass.” He reaches forward and sweeps a strand of hair out of my eyes. “How are you feeling?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’m not as tired as I was.”
“Well, considering you’ve been asleep for over a day, that’s not too surprising.”
My eyes widen. “I’ve been asleep for over a day?” When he nods, I ask, “Have you been asleep for that long, too?”
He shakes his head. “After you fell asleep, I went back out to talk to everyone. We’ve all been checking on you. When I came in here the last time, I realized how fucking tired I was, so I laid down and took a quick nap.”
“Oh.” I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. “Did you …? Did you tell everyone what happened in the bathroom?”
He shakes his head again. “No. If you want to, you can, but I figured it’s not my place to tell anyone.”
I nod, glad he didn’t. “Thanks.”
“But I do want to say that, if you do feel like telling Asher and Arrow how you’re feeling, they’d completely understand. Like me, they’ve both got their own painful stories.”
I press my lips together as that pain prickles in my veins. “Maybe later. Right now, I think I just need a break from … well, my emotions.”
“That’s fine. Just don’t bottle it up for too long, okay?”
“I’ll try not to.”
He traces a path across my hairline. “And no more cutting yourself. No, scratch that.” He wiggles his arm out from underneath my head and rolls on top of me, propping up on his arms and staring down at me. “No more hurting yourself period.”
“Okay.” I’m not sure I mean my words.
Apparently, he doesn’t either. “Promise me you won’t. Say, East, I promise I’ll never hurt myself again.”
“Dude, you�
��re starting to sound as bossy as Asher.”
“That’s not even remotely true,” he says with a grin. “Now, quit stalling and make the promise.”
I don’t have to. I know I don’t. And part of me doesn’t want to. But the other part of me doesn’t want to go back to that dark, painful place that my mind was at when I sliced my arm open.
“Fine, I promise I won’t hurt myself again.” While I mostly mean what I say, a tiny part of me is uncertain. And that part is connected to the unknown.
“Did you …? While I was asleep, did you learn anything more about me?” I dare ask.
“A little bit,” he replies. “But honestly, everything Maxton said before you ran out of the room was pretty much the gist of his knowledge.”
I chew on my bottom lip. “Did he say exactly what I was? I mean, is there a word for what I am?” I can tell the moment I ask that there is, and that he doesn’t want to tell me. “East, please don’t try to lie to me or keep the truth from me. I want to know the truth, even if it’s bad.”
“I understand that—I do,” he tells me carefully. “But maybe it might be better to wait instead of piling everything on at once.”
“No, it’s better if I just get it over with. Otherwise, I’ll just worry about it all the time.”
He considers this then sighs. “There’s not an official name for what you are, but Maxton says some creatures refer to your kind as Condensed Futura in Inferorum Animas Excitat.”
“What does that mean?” I ask quietly.
He hesitates. “It means the shadowed souls.”
I bite down on my tongue as the words sink in. “So, my soul is shadowed?”
“No,” he insists. “It’s just a name. And it’s a nickname. We’re not even positive what you’re really called, since your creation happened such a long time ago. And Axel was very careful about telling Maxton as little as possible about his mission.”
Something occurs to me then, a faint memory.
“When I first met Maxton, he said something about my kind usually being more submissive, like he’s met another one of my kind before.”
“That’s because he has. Axel has been trying to capture one of your kind for a very long time but hasn’t been successful yet, which is a good thing.”
“Has Axel known what I was from the beginning?” I wonder. “I mean, when he first cursed me?”
He nods. “Maxton says he has, but that something happened when he cursed you. He’s not positive what it is. All he knows is that Axel has been in hiding ever since and has been using Maxton as his puppet. The problem was you had some sort of shield on you when you were in your world, but apparently, the moment you left, the shield dropped. That’s why Maxton was able to track you down while we were on Steel.”
“A shield?” I ask. “What sort of shield? And who put it in on me?”
“I have no clue since that’s about where Maxton’s knowledge about this ends,” he replies. “However, we have a few ideas of where to look for information about this. We just need to be cautious about it because, if the wrong creature found out about you—”
“They’d try to take me and use me to do horrible things,” I finish for him.
“No, I was going to say they’d try to take you and keep you.” The corners of his lips quirk. “And we’re not going to let that happen since you belong to us.”
I roll my eyes. “Do we have to go over this again? I don’t belong to anyone—”
He silences me with a brush of his lips then looks me in the eye. “You belong to us, and we belong to you.”
I swallow the lump wedged in my throat. “How come you’re not afraid to kiss me after knowing what I am and what I can do? Doesn’t it scare you at all that I could lose control of my powers or something?”
His brow quirks upward. “Do I scare you knowing that you’ve learned about the demon blood I have running through my veins?”
I slowly shake my head. “No.”
“Okay then.” He kisses me again, I guess to prove that he’s not afraid of me at all.
I still don’t understand how he couldn’t be. I don’t understand a lot of things right now. I guess I never really have. And maybe I could pull away and overthink everything until I figure out the answers. Instead, I kiss him back, distracting myself. While I don’t want to admit it, it kind of makes me feel better.
As I let my hands wander to his back and stoke his velvety wings, he groans, his entire body quivering.
“Gods, you drive me crazy,” he murmurs then kisses me again while rolling his hips against mine.
I gasp, my hands leaving his wings and dragging down his back.
“I’ve got to stop, though … I need to stop.” He grinds his hips against mine one more time before pushing off me.
His hair is all disheveled, and he looks as wound up as I feel.
“Why do we have to stop?” I ask then immediately bite my tongue.
What in the hell is wrong with me?
He lets out a low chuckle as he turns and looks at me. “Trust me; I don’t want to at all. And one of these days, I fully plan on doing everything I’ve wanted to do to you from the moment I saw you. But I want to take my time and, right now, we’re getting too close to our destination.”
“Oh.” I sit up, feeling squirmy, like I need something. I’m just not sure what that something is.
He assesses me then shakes his head. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“I’m not looking at you like anything.” I scratch my arm, feeling twitchy. “I just feel … restless.”
He watches the movement. Then, nibbling on his bottom lip, he glances at his pocket watch dangling from his belt loop. After he checks the time, he glances up at me. “Come here,” he says.
“Why?” I ask dubiously.
“Because I’m going to release that restlessness for you.”
“How?”
He rubs his lips together. “Do you trust me?”
I press my lips together then give an unsteady nod. “Yeah.”
The corners of his lips tug upward into a smile that makes my stomach somersault. “Then come here.”
Maybe I shouldn’t listen to him. I mean, since when do I listen to anyone, let alone a faerie? But the truth is I kind of want to go to him, because I do trust him.
Like I said before, trust is a scary bastard. And also, it apparently makes you do crazy things, because I do what East says and move across the bed toward him.
His gaze looks like he’s about to gobble me up, and when I’m within reaching distance, he grabs ahold of my arm and pulls me onto his lap, putting one of my legs on each side so I’m straddling him. Then he strokes my cheek with his knuckles while staring at me with a look of deliberation on his face.
I wait for him to say something, but he doesn’t. And the longer he stares silently at me, the louder my heart beats, like it senses something’s about to happen. Then he slowly leans forward, moving his lips toward mine.
“If at any time you want me to stop, just say so,” he whispers right before his lips reach mine.
The instant I have that connection again, that restlessness in my body dissipates. I painfully realize that it only appeared to begin with because it was craving touch. Touch. Something I barely know. Why do I barely know it? Because of the curse? Because of what I am?
All thoughts evacuate my mind as East travels his hand down my spine, splaying his fingers across my lower back. Then he pulls me closer until my chest is touching his. At the connection, he starts kissing me deeper and more intensely, gripping my waist with his other hand.
The fabric of my dress rides up to the point where it’s not even covering my legs anymore. I can feel him, how hard he is, and holy crap, I have no clue what to do with that.
And then he keeps rocking his hips against mine as he finds the hem of my dress, sliding up underneath the fabric, along my side, and to the bottom of my breast. He briefly pauses, as if giving me time to protest. When I don’t, he brushes
the pad of his thumb over my nipple. It feels like a burst of fireworks set off inside me, and I end up biting his lip.
He groans and does the movement again while continuing to move his hips against mine and, oh my gods, I feel like I’m going to die. No, not die. I feel like I’m alive. More than alive. Like I’ve left my body and floated off somewhere where nothing but blissful peace exists.
That feeling last briefly, and when it fades, I realize that East has stopped moving his hips and his mouth has left mine. I also think I just had another orgasm.
No, not think. I definitely did.
East strokes my nipple again, causing me to jolt. “You okay?”
I give an unsteady nod. “Yeah … How did you know that would get rid of the restlessness?” As soon as the words leave my lips, I want to retract them.
His lips quirk into a wicked grin. “I’m very good at sensing other creatures’ needs and wants.” His smile broadens. “I’m also very good at giving creatures what they need and want.”
I make a big show of rolling my eyes, but a blush creeps across my cheeks, so I’m sure I just end up looking like a dumbass.
“So damn adorable,” he murmurs then places a light kiss on my lips.
As he’s pulling back, the vehicle unexpectedly lurches.
I clutch his shoulders. “What’s happening?”
“I think we’re getting ready to land. And I feel like I have to warn you; the planet that we’re on, it’s called the Midnight planet. And it’s called that because it’s where a lot of”—he wavers—“night creatures reside.”
“What’s considered a night creature?”
“Vampires, werewolves”—he pauses, wavering—“demons.”
A handful of weeks ago, I may have freaked out at the mention of demons. But with everything I’ve learned about myself and East, it’s not nearly as frightening as it would’ve been.
“Why are were here?” I ask. “I mean, I know you said that we were heading to a planet so we could find out more about me, but why do you think that knowledge is on this planet?”
He hesitates again then slips his hand out from my underneath my dress and loops his arms around my waist. “I don’t want to lie to you, so I’m going to be honest, okay?” He waits for me to nod before he continues. “Because we know for sure that you have some demon blood in you.” Panic whips through me, and he quickly grabs my hand and lines my palm to his chest. “Remember, there’s a demon living in here, too.” His eyes briefly shadow over before quickly glittering again. “But it doesn’t mean you’re evil or that you have to be evil. You can control who you are. You can control your own destiny. You just have to figure out what you want and fight for it.”
Chasing Promises: (Capturing Magic, Book 3) Page 13
