‘Yes, I do, Jared.’
He tensed even further, then lifted his dark head, staring down at her in stunned silence.
Christie flushed to her hairline. It was difficult to meet his eyes. She knew what she had said was a gamble, and it wasn’t one she was prepared to take to double or quits by saying, I love you. But it was a first step—and it was one she had to take, because he quite obviously wasn’t ever going to go near it.
‘That’s why I won’t let you take power over me,’ she whispered as he stared. ‘Why I wouldn’t let you do it three years ago, either. Because all I ever wanted from you was equality. An equal relationship, Jared; not a power struggle.’
He looked stricken for a second, then his eyes har- dened and he gave a cynical smile. ‘Sure. I suppose that’s why you’re rolling around on a bed, bargaining with me, while your fiance kicks his heels outside?’
It was on the tip of her tongue to say, The engage- ment’s off. Then she remembered Simon’s plea with her not to tell anyone. The words died unspoken, leaving her defenceless and silent. How could she possibly tell Jared that her engagement was over? He would un- doubtedly tell Nessa Vale, and then Simon would be humiliated.
‘No quick reply for that one?’ Jared laughed openly at her. ‘I can’t say I’m surprised. I didn’t let myself hope that you might have a shred of decency left. In fact, I take it all back, Chris. You are tough enough for Hollywood. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that you were capable of corrupting even Tinsel-Town itself!’
Anger flared in her. ‘I could say the same about you! Or have you forgotten that you’re supposed to be Nessa Vale’s boyfriend? I wonder how she would feel if she knew what you were trying to do with me!’
‘You just let me deal with Nessa.’
‘Oh, yes, of course!’ She was white with Jealousy and pain. ‘I might have known your chauvinistic double standards would explain it all away! You can do whatever you want—but women have to just shut up and do as they’re told!’
‘I wish to God you would!’ he bit out thickly.
‘Well, that’s your tough luck! I’m not going to give in over this, so why don’t you just give up?’
‘All right!’ His dark eyes blazed angrily at her. ‘If you won’t agree to my terms, I’ll have to match your devious little strategies and find a way to force you to capitulate!’
She stared, breathless at the threat and the force of his determination to have her. Then she heard herself whisper, ‘There is no way…’
‘There is, and I’ll find it!’ He wrenched himself off her, getting off the bed, reaching for his black T-shirt and shouldering into it while she watched, her eyes tracing that magnificence of his bare, bronzed chest while her mind raced at full speed. ‘If you think I’m letting you get away with what you’ve done to me,’ he said bitingly as he tucked the T-shirt into his faded jeans, ‘you’re seriously mistaken.’
Sitting up, she pulled the duvet up to cover her bare breasts. ‘But I didn’t do anything to you!’
‘You used and manipulated and humiliated me!’ his hard mouth bit out. ‘Now it’s my turn. Nobody does that to me—least of all a woman—without getting it all back, with interest!’
‘Jared, I loved you,’ she said huskily, feeling the bitter sting of tears and blinking them back. ‘I didn’t even know who you were when we met. How can you think I used you?’
‘Say what you want. It makes no difference. I know what you did, and I know what I’m going to do to get back at you.’
‘Jared, please—’
‘I fell in love with you!’ he said hoarsely, and strode back to the bed, eyes blazing with such fury that she gasped and tried to back away on her knees on the bed, clutching the duvet to her, but he took her shoulder in such a fierce grip that she dropped the duvet, kneeling before him as he towered over her in passionate rage. ‘I loved your beauty, your brains, your smile, your ten- derness … I loved watching you cook for me, iron my shirts… I loved it when you listened to me talk about my childhood, and stroked my hair, held my head against your breast…’
‘Darling…’ Her voice broke with emotion.
‘I loved you when you dressed up and seduced me…’ he whispered. ‘I loved you when you let me dominate you in bed… I loved you when you talked about our children…’ His hands bit into her bare shoulders. ‘And when you left me, when you threw all that away, I had to stand back and watch you soar into the Hollywood sky like a comet… and I realised I loved something else about you, something that was there all the time, some- thing I’d loved without ever recognising it.’
His face blurred before her eyes.
‘Your talent!’ he said thickly. ‘I loved your talent.’
She groped for his shoulders, blind with tears of love.
‘And now I’m going to use it against you,’ he whis- pered fiercely. ‘It’s poetic justice—don’t you see that? You used your talent to convince me you loved me.’
‘No…’ She could hardly see, hardly speak.
‘Now I’m going to use it to get my revenge.’ He stared down at her for a second, then his long hand snaked into her hair, tangled in it, pulled her head slowly but surely back.
‘Oh…’ she gasped in pain.
‘No need to act any more, my darling!’ His other hand stroked her bare breast as she knelt on the bed at his mercy. ‘You’ll be able to just be yourself with me!’ He bent his dark head, his mouth closed over hers, and his kiss was passionate, making her moan in abject desire, and making him give a rough exclamation of excitement as he whispered, ‘Oh, you want it just as much as I do! Say you’ll do it now! Give us both what we need so badly!’
‘Never!’ she whispered against his hot mouth. ‘I’ll never let you do that to me. I’ll never give in, and I’ll never go on the casting couch with you!’
His hand jerked her hair angrily, then released her with a faint shove. ‘It’s going to be a fight, then, is it?’ He stepped back from the bed, face hard. ‘Very well. But I warn you, Chris, I’ll win it in the end—no matter what it takes.’ Turning on his heel, he strode to the door. ‘Even if I have to ruin your career to do it! You will dance to my tune, Christie McCall! I can promise you that!’
Christie stared after him, tears slipping hotly over her lashes, blinding her as the door slammed, and she found herself collapsing on the bed to cry until her heart nearly broke.
Talk about losing the biggest gamble of her life! Oh, God, the pain just went on and on, smashing her dreams to pieces everywhere she looked, leaving her feeling as though she had walked over broken glass for nothing.
He hated her so bitterly. How could she ever fight that hatred and win? He was never going to forgive her for what he believed she had done to him, and he was never going to accept that he was wrong about her.
Damn those stupid articles about her! Christie covered her hot face with her hands, rolling into a little ball and crying even harder. It must have something to do with them that Jared refused to let go of his opinion of her. When she left him for fame, he had hardened his heart to her, but when those articles had come out his heart had simply slammed shut to her forever, and nothing she could do would open it again.
Not only had she lost her love—she had risked her whole career.
And for what?
She sobbed deeply, raging as she cried, hating every- thing now, the whole world turning black as despair closed in on her and she questioned her entire life. All this work, for such a bitter reward. She thought of drama school, the fun of it, the endless grind of voice lessons, acting lessons, fencing lessons… the excitement of re- hearsals, the end-of-term shows. How wonderful it had all seemed to her then! And how the movie world had glittered enticingly beyond theatre, beckoning her on as she dreamed and dreamed of becoming like one of her idols. Was this how it ended up for them? she wondered in despair. With the casting couch? The lies, the cor- ruption and the callous way people bartered with love and human souls, just in order to get that picture
made the way they wanted, just to make the rest of the world see them as the false icons they were?
A Jared Buchanan picture, she thought savagely, tears streaming down her face. What a tragedy he was! How could he have come here and broken her heart like this, her faith in love.
Yet he had been so convincing…
The light came back as she remembered his hoarse voice, the pain blazing in his eyes as he said, ‘I fell in love with your talent and now I’m going to use it against you!’ Her eyes welled up again with tears of a different sort as anger faded and hope took its place, leaving her swinging wildly back to belief in him, faith in him, and trust filtering back as the darkness fell away.
Had he really lied? She couldn’t believe it! Oh, he had sounded so real, so loving, and so like the man she had fallen in love with all those years ago. Jared Buchanan: a passionate, obsessive, emotional man who prized talent beyond rubies in his professional life.
Was it possible that what Jared was really fighting against was love?
Sitting up, she dashed her tears away and struggled to think. It was so hard to be objective when your whole life was on the line. But she had to try, even though she was still on the edge of losing her love, her man, her future happiness and her career.
If he loved her talent, he must love her. He couldn’t possibly list all those qualities he had loved in her without still feeling something other than hatred and contempt.
And if he did feel love beneath his hatred, then he must be going through the same kind of hell as her right now.
Only Jared could answer that. But dared she ap- proach him again? No, she didn’t dare, and she knew it. The thought of putting her heart on the line again for him was enough to send her screaming out of this white palace by the sea, and running all the way back to Beverly Hills in her bare feet.
But she had to know if she was right—that Jared loved her and had meant every word he said when he listed every quality he had ever loved in her, including her talent.
She’d have to be brave.
She’d have to confront him.
Getting off the bed, she didn’t allow herself to think about what she was doing, she just pulled on her bra and then her lace top, buttoning it with shaky fingers. A glance in the mirror showed raw red eyes swollen from crying. She looked like a tragic Chekhov heroine.
To hell with what I look like, she thought fiercely, it’s time I stopped worrying about anything other than making Jared see, really see, that I love him, that I’m not what he thinks I am, and that he’s got to stop hating me.
Determined, she went downstairs.
Lunch was being served by the pool. It was one o’clock, the sun was like a gold furnace, and music played lightly from a radio as waiters moved around the tables with vast silver tureens of Caesar salad.
‘Oh, my lord!’ drawled Millie, staring at Christie as she emerged from the house. ‘What happened to her?’
Jared, standing by the drinks table with Mike, turned his head to look at her. He was wearing dark glasses. She met his gaze, lifting her head, not hiding the bruised expression in her eyes, nor the tremor of her mouth as she felt herself more vulnerable than she had ever been.
Without allowing herself to collapse with fright, she marched straight over to him, watched by the others in breathless anticipation of another love scene played in public.
‘I want to speak to you privately, please,’ she said in an unsteady voice as soon as she reached Jared.
Jared’s eyes narrowed sharply.
‘Immediately, please,’ Christie said.
Mike grinned at her, then at Jared. Everyone was watching with bated breath. Jared had no option other than to give a cool, hard smile and say politely, ‘Of course. Shall we go into the house?’
‘No.’ She didn’t want to be alone with him where he could either kiss or insult her angrily. ‘Out here will do.’ Glancing around, she pointed to the pool. ‘Over there. OK?’
‘OK.’ He put his drink down, gave Mike a curt nod, and strode coolly with Christie across the terrace to the glittering blue pool.
It was almost an inner sanctum. The Roman statues surrounded them, rich green grass beyond the sun- bleached patio, and nobody could hear what they said there, they were alone with the impassive white statues.
‘You’re going to tell me you’ve decided to take the role of—’
‘No,’ Christie said huskily, and stopped walking, aware they were out of earshot now, and ready to risk every- thing on this one, final confrontation. ‘This has nothing to do with fame, fortune or films, Jared. I want to talk to you about us.’
He stopped too, towering over her, his smile cynical. ‘You’ve decided to accept my terms for—’
‘Jared,’ she cut in, looking away from him, her heart pounding with nerves, ‘do you remember when we first met?’
He gave a hard smile. ‘How could I forget!’
‘I thought you were just a handsome cameraman,’ she said, ignoring his cynicism. ‘And when I found out you were a world-famous director, I tried to get out of our dinner date. So you said to me, Can’t you just pretend I’m a cameraman? Treat me as though I really am what you thought I was before?’
‘Yes, I remember,’ he said tersely. ‘What of it?’
‘Well…’ She looked up at him, and the warm breeze lifted strands of her blonde hair back from her tear- ravaged face. ‘Can you do that with me? Just for the next five minutes? Pretend I’m the woman you fell in love with—and forget that you think I’m like Lelie?’
He gave a harsh laugh. ‘Why should I do that?’
‘Because I have a few things to tell you,’ she said bravely. ‘And I just can’t face telling you them when you keep insulting me, hurting me, and talking about revenge.’
Jared’s eyes narrowed. ‘What is this!’
‘My last attempt to make you listen to me.’ Her eyes glittered in the hot sunlight. ‘I’ve tried everything I can think of, and now I’m just going to put my cards on the table, but I can’t do it if you keep treating me like an enemy.’
‘Too bad!’ he drawled. ‘It’s how I see you.’
‘Well, I need you to see me as the woman you loved!’ she said fiercely. ‘Now, come on, Jared! I did it for you three years ago! You can do it for me now! Just for five minutes—is that so much to ask? Or have you forgotten how important it was to you back then? It’s as im- portant to me now, and I need you to do it!’
He stared at her in silence for a moment, and behind the dark glasses his eyes were fierce with emotion.
‘I went ahead with that date, Jared. Even though I felt frightened and inferior, I sat with you all night and pretended you were just my handsome cameraman. And then I—’ She was trembling with nerves, but still brave. ‘I fell in love with you, in spite of my feelings of in- adequacy. I let you into my life, let you take my vir- ginity, make love to me—I was ready to marry you, too, even though I did genuinely feel inferior. If I could do all of that for you—why can’t you just pretend none of this has happened? Pretend I’m still the woman you loved and trusted? Just for five minutes?’
He was pale beneath his tan, the skin stretched tautly over his hard bones. For a second she thought he’d refuse, because of the tough line of his mouth.
Then he gave a terse nod, glanced at his watch, and said thickly, ‘Five minutes!’
Christie almost collapsed with relief, but she knew he didn’t truly believe yet, not as she had three years ago, so she said huskily, ‘Take off your dark glasses. Let me see your eyes.’
His mouth tightened, but he slowly removed them, and she stared deeply into them as the seconds ticked by.
‘Your eyes are so clear,’ she said softly. ‘Mine aren’t. I just cried myself into a wreck upstairs. Are you really so unaffected by what’s been happening between us, Jared?’
He said nothing, but his gaze moved over her tear- ravaged face.
‘I…’ She touched his arm, smiling. ‘I’m going to ask you something,
Jared, and if you’re to keep your side of this particular bargain, you will answer me honestly.’ She drew a level breath. ‘Is your hatred of me based on my involvement with Simon? I mean—I know the articles didn’t help, and the way we split up was disastrous, but- is Simon one of the major reasons you believe I’m like Lelie?’
‘You must know it is!’ he said tightly.
‘Then I want to tell you the truth about Simon. But you must swear to me that you won’t tell anyone else.’ Her fingers tightened on his arm. ‘Swear it, Jared! I know you’ll keep your word if you give it.’
‘All right,’ he said, eyes narrowing. ‘You have my word that I won’t repeat a word of this conversation to anyone.’
She drew a level breath, then said, ‘I came out here with Simon three years ago as actress and agent. For the first two and a half years, that’s how we remained. But we got lonely, Jared. That’s all. Two old friends who couldn’t bear to face the emotional desert they had built for themselves on the altar of ambition.’
Jared looked away, his face hard. ‘Touching!’
‘So…’ she struggled to ignore his blatant disbelief ‘… we just kind of got together. There’s no real passion or mad desire. We’re just friends, trying not to be lonely. And I thought it would work—we both did. Until we came here, to Casa Camarra.’
He gave a rough laugh. ‘I suppose you’re going to say that you’ve now realised it isn’t going to work, and the reason you have is because you met me again et cetera, et cetera, blah blah blah!’ His dark eyes were angry. ‘See? I can almost read your mind! But don’t let me stop your convincing little act. You just carry on.’
‘Don’t do this to me!’ she burst out furiously, eyes flashing. ‘You just gave me your word that you’d be- lieve in me—and my time isn’t up yet! I still have three minutes left!’
He looked away again, silent.
‘But why am I bothering?’ she said bitterly. ‘Coming to you like this, trying to get through to you, when it’s perfectly obvious I’m just wasting my time!’
‘Yes, why are you, Chris?’ he said thickly. ‘Or shall I guess? You’re scared stiff I’m going to get angry enough to try and ruin your career if you keep refusing to—’
Blue Fire Page 12
