After everyone left, I waited patiently for Shey and Sara to return. I didn’t know how long they’d be, after all, they had to keep up appearances. My water bottle was almost empty and it was nearing the hottest part of the day. I could very well have been there much longer but relief would come pretty soon. Shey and Sara pulled onto the hill. I glanced around to make sure no eyes were on them before approaching the vehicle as quickly as possible with my injuries. After opening the back door and taking my seat, I looked to Shey and Sara, still dressed for the occasion. “Got any water?”
Sara reached me a bottle and a turkey sandwich. “Here, I thought you’d be hungry.”
“Thank you,” I replied. Immediately, I took a drink of water to cool myself. “How’d it go?”
“You watched, didn’t you?” answered Shey. She backed down the hill slowly. “Didn’t take you for a peeping tom.”
Sara giggled a bit towards Shey, looking back. “Shame, shame.”
I took a deep breath, shaking my head. “You know what I mean, Squirt.”
Shey’s eyes glanced to the rearview mirror. “I know, I know. Everyone is tore up… At least the ones who didn’t try to kill you.”
“Jay, Ronnie?” I asked.
“Yeah,” replied Shey. “They can’t believe it. You of all people lost control of your car and sank to the bottom of a water reservoir.”
“Yeah. Deep down, they know better. What about Ramirez and Johnson?”
“Ramirez didn’t say much, just that he was sorry and you’d be missed,” answered Shey. “Johnson, on the other hand, begged for us to go to lunch with him. Told us how heroic you were and how it was a great loss not only for us, or your friends, but a great loss for the country.”
“Sounds like Johnson. He’s a good man.”
Sara let out a sigh. “He offered Shey a job in DC as his secretary. Great pay and benefits.”
“Shey, you should have taken that job. There isn’t a place that I can think of that would be safer for you.”
“I’m safe with you,” scoffed Shey. “Besides… Now that you’re dead, I got all the money I’ll ever need.”
“This is awful,” remarked Sara. “You have people who care about you, love you… And you have to pretend to be dead.”
“I know, but those responsible will pay.”
“Uncle Tommy, no offense, but you’re doing good to walk around.” Shey pulled out onto the road and began our journey home. “We should just leave. All three of us.”
“Shey’s right,” said Sara. “Tommy, you’ve done enough. You fought for your country. You’ve saved countless lives in the ASA. You don’t have to sacrifice yours.”
I know their hearts were in the right place and it was concern for me, but I couldn’t just walk away. Too much was potentially at stake. What of everyone else that could suffer at the hands of those corrupt bastards? At least that’s what I told myself. Maybe deep down, it was about revenge. I always had issues letting grudges go. After a few moments of silence, I said, “I can’t.”
“Why?” asked Sara.
“I don’t understand, either,” added Shey.
“I’m dead. Officially dead. I’d live my life hiding—”
“But you’d be alive!” shouted Shey. “You’d be alive and living! Who cares if you’re running? You just need to be alive.”
“Tommy, Shey’s right!” said Sara. “Please, think about this. I know it hasn’t been long, but I can’t imagine my life without you, Tommy.” Sara paused for a few moments. “Tommy, I love you.”
I didn’t know what to think. It had been so long since a woman told me she loved me, genuine or otherwise. I could tell Sara was genuine. Why else would she stay through all this shit? She could’ve cut loose and ran… But instead, she stuck by me.
“Uncle Tommy, say something!” Shey demanded.
“What?” I asked, still dumbfounded.
“This woman right here… Who happens to be extremely gorgeous and awesome just told you she loved you. Say something!”
“Shey, it’s alright,” said Sara. “He doesn’t have to say anything if he doesn’t want to… Or doesn’t feel the same.”
“Bullshit!” shouted Shey. “He’s been like this for as long as I can remember. Keeping those deep feelings inside. Being all tough and strong or whatever… I’m sick of it. He loves you. I know he does and he needs to tell you.”
It was irritating listening to them talk about me like I wasn’t even there. Shey was right, though. I always had trouble expressing things other than anger. Even when I felt happy, it was a smirk or a slight smile most of the time. She was right about me loving Sara as well… I had already died once without saying it, didn’t figure I should miss another chance. “I love you, too, Sara.” I paused for a moment at the silence. They were both dumbfounded. “I love you both. I can’t promise this will have a happy ending. I won’t break another promise to Sara, and I won’t lie to either of you. But I can promise one thing.”
“What?” asked Sara.
“That I’ll try for the happy ending. Once all of this is done… I’ll try for our happy ending.” Those words feel like another life. I still haven’t broken that promise… I’m still trying.
December 25th, 2025
Summer shifted to fall followed by winter. That winter was unusually bad. I woke early, as usual. Sara laid to my left, sound asleep. She appeared so peaceful. These days weren’t going to last much longer and I wanted her to enjoy them. Once I entered the bathroom, I found my face staring back at me. The reflection was hard to get used to. My hair was getting longer and I had a small even beard. Despite the changes, the scars along the left side of my face were visible. I couldn’t hide from what had happened. Those events would stare me down every day for as long as I’d live.
After brushing my teeth, I began my morning routine in the living room. I’d do a pyramid of push-ups and sit-ups. Work my way up to ten, then back down to zero. I’m not going to lie; the push-ups were still difficult. My arm had taken a while to heal. It still ached when I’d push myself. Towards the end of my routine, I heard Sara rustling through the hall. She was dressed in a white T-shirt and pink panties. I remember gazing at her beauty and time seemingly stopped and dwelled on that moment. I can only hope for more of those moments soon.
“Come back to bed,” said a groggy Sara.
“Are we going to go through this again?” I said, chuckling while I continued my push-ups.
“Babe, please. It’s Christmas.”
“Alright. I’m almost done.” Sara sat down on the couch, watching me. “Enjoying the show?” I asked.
She blinked her sleepy eyes before she yawned and squeezed her chest tightly. “I’d much rather enjoy sleeping in with you.”
“I don’t sleep in.”
“I know, I know. You don’t leave the house, either.”
“I can’t. You know that.”
Sara sighed before giving into a slight smile. “With that beard and all that hair, no one will recognize you. You need to get out of the house. You haven’t left other than those runs in the woods since your funeral.”
Before, I was always anxious to get out. Now, I’d only leave in secret. Being cooped up was maddening at times, but at least I had Sara and Shey there with me. “Cardio,” I replied.
“It’s a wonder you haven’t hurt yourself,” she mumbled.
After finishing my last push-up, I stood and gazed at her beauty once more. “And what would we do if I got out of the house?”
“Just anything! Go to the movies. A walk. I’d be happy with a trip to the grocery store with you,” joked Sara.
“Maybe. We’d have to go some ways away.”
“That’s a great idea!” boasted Shey.
I turned my head to see Shey walking through the kitchen. “What are you doing up?”
“What am I doing up? I’ll tell you what I’m not doing. Working out at six in the morning.” Shey sighed, opening the fridge. “At least you don’t get up at f
our anymore.”
“I don’t make much noise. You sleep like a rock.”
Shey poured some orange juice into a glass. She walked into the living room, then sat in the recliner, crossing her legs under her. Shey had on her checkered pajamas and a spaghetti strapped nightshirt. She took a gulp of her juice. “It’s the same thing every morning. You get up, get almost through your workout, then Sara gets up and begs you to come back to bed. Then you fuss a bit and I get up and here we are…”
“Well,” said Sara. “This time, he actually agreed to come back to bed.”
Shey gave a sly grin. “Ooh, feeling frisky, Uncle Tommy?”
I felt my cheeks turn red. Shey always had a way of making me feel awkward at times. She did it on purpose, I know it. Looking to Sara, her cheeks were red as well. “Shey, what’s it matter if I am?”
“It doesn’t. Just that you two need to go get a room.”
“We have a room,” I replied, smirking.
“Ugh. Don’t tell me I have to listen to that again.” Shey rolled her eyes before downing her juice. “At least wait until I’m gone or asleep.”
“Well, you could’ve been gone all fall. But you skipped out on college.”
“Tommy, don’t pick on her too much,” said Sara, smiling. “She stayed here to be with you.”
“Yeah, Uncle Tommy, not every day a corrupt government agency attempts to kill the only family you have left.” Shey stood up and walked back into the kitchen. “Then instead of disappearing… He decides to go on some suicide mission.” Shey turned her head, looking at me. “I’d like to spend as much time as I can with my only family until that time comes.”
“Okay, okay,” I said while shaking my head. “You got headphones, use them.”
Sara burst into laughter. She placed her hands over her face, muffling the laughter and hiding for a few moments. “Tommy, hush!”
“You two are impossible,” remarked Shey. Shey opened the deep freeze and stared in for a few moments. “So, the other day I had this great idea.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“We’re going to have a real Christmas dinner.” Shey pulled out a frozen turkey from the freezer. “And I’m going to cook it.”
Sara stood and walked towards the kitchen. “That’s a great idea! I’ll help.”
I stood there looking at the two. They were happy. Blissful, even. I didn’t want to pop their bubble but I saw one problem with the whole idea. “The turkey is frozen…”
“So?” asked Shey.
“Have you ever tried to cook a frozen turkey?” I asked. Shey just looked at me in silence. “Have you ever tried to cook a turkey at all?”
“It can’t be that hard,” answered Shey.
“Yeah, we can just look it up on the internet,” added Sara.
I chuckled a bit. I knew it would either turn out amazing or amazingly horrible. “Just don’t burn the house down. I might be dead, but I still live here.”
“Shut up!” scoffed Shey.
“Only you can joke about being dead,” said Sara, shaking her head.
“Ah, well, might as well laugh while we can.” I returned to my room with the sound of them fumbling over pots and pans in the background. I grabbed a black hooded sweatshirt and slipped it on. Once I returned to the living room, I laced my boots and pulled my sweatpants down overtop of them. “I’m going for a run.”
“Can’t you ever take a break?” asked Shey. “We could use your expertise here, master chef.”
“Oh let him go,” said Sara. “We’ll show him what we can do.”
“Like I said, don’t burn the house down.” I left out the back door. The snow was blowing wildly in the winter wind. It was brutally cold. Probably single digits before you added in windchill. That didn’t matter to me. I needed to be fit. I needed to be prepared.
The snow was about eight inches deep with no sign of stopping. My boots dredged through the snow alongside the river. A path my Dad and I had traveled frequently when I was younger. He loved to fish and I loved to fish with him. Along the path, I was shielded from sight. No one along the road could see, and if they could they wouldn’t notice. There weren’t any houses for quite a ways along the river. I came to the stone bridge not far from my house. It crossed the river and led into a hollow at the base of the mountain. After looking to be sure of no traffic, I climbed the riverbank and crossed the bridge before darting into the woods.
The snow here was a bit deeper. I was careful not to lose my footing, to stay on the path I knew. All I needed then was another injury. During the run, I kept thinking of Robins, Ratliff, Wilson, and the greater ASA. I had already faded into a memory. It was nearly time to make my move. My plan was before me. Colonel Johnson would provide equipment, I hoped. Ronnie could get me some intel, maybe. I knew Jay would jump at the chance to build me another car. I needed transportation, but I needed something fast and nimble. Jay was just the guy to provide.
About a mile later, I turned back. The snow was picking up. It was almost a blizzard. That’s when I realized how anxious I was to get back to Sara and Shey. I knew that once I was ready to act, they’d have to leave. Maybe I was just enjoying the time I had left. Maybe I thought they’d eventually talk me out of it. I wish they could have, but what’s done is done.
Once I returned home, it was around ten o’clock. What would’ve normally been a quick run had taken quite a while in deep snow. I walked in, shaking from the cold to hear a winter weather warning blasting on the TV. The aroma of a roasting turkey also greeted me. Shey and Sara were relaxing on the couch, both now dressed for the day. Sara had on a pair of jeans and a blue hoody. Shey was wearing sweatpants and a red snug fitting T-shirt. “I’m back,” I said, complete with chattering teeth.
“Freeze to death?” asked Shey.
“Almost. Hell of a storm out there.”
Sara pointed to the TV. “They just issued a winter weather warning. The News says we’re supposed to get up to twelve inches of snow before five this evening.”
“Shit,” I said, chuckling. “I don’t remember the winter being that bad here since I was young.”
“You are getting pretty old,” spouted Shey.
“And you’re getting a smart mouth.”
“She must get it from you,” added Sara, grinning.
“Come on Uncle Tommy, come sit down,” I’ve got a surprise.
“A surprise?”
“Just sit down and you’ll see.”
I approached the couch and sat next to Sara. She cuddled up next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. “You’re freezing. You should’ve come home sooner.”
“I’ll be fine now that I have you to warm me up.”
“You should’ve come back to bed,” she remarked, giving me a sultry look.
“Next time. Promise.” I looked through the kitchen to the master bedroom. “What’s she doing?”
“I don’t know. First I’ve heard of it.”
A few moments later Shey returned carrying a brown box. She set it down in front of the TV and started unpacking the contents. Shey pulled out an old dust-covered VCR and several videotapes. She turned and looked at me, holding up a small black zip-up bag. “Remember this?”
I held up my hands, catching the bag as she tossed it to me. Unzipping it revealed a mini-cassette recorder and a bunch of blank tapes. “I haven’t seen this in years. Your mom gave this to me when I was little. I used to pretend I was recording a radio show or on TV.”
“Really?” asked Sara, smiling. “That’s so adorable. So you weren’t always a hard ass. You were a kid just like normal people.”
“Shut up,” I said playfully. “Shey, is there another bag in there? I had a bunch of tapes that had recordings on them.”
Shey bumbled around in the box. “Nope, nothing.”
I was a bit disappointed… Even though I would’ve been embarrassed all to hell from what was on them. “Ah, well. Maybe they’ll turn up.” I watched Shey climb through the TV stand and sta
rt hooking the cables from the VCR in. “What are you doing?”
“Hold on, you’ll see.” A few moments later Shey wriggled back out and dusted her shoulders off before she shook her hair out. She popped in a videotape and pressed play. “Uncle Tommy, turn it to channel three.”
It had been forever since I messed with a VCR. It almost caught me off guard when she asked to turn it to channel three. I changed the channel and couldn’t help but smile. It was a video recording of the Christmas before I had joined the Army. “So, this is your surprise?”
Shey remained quiet as she watched a young Angel and a young me laugh as Dad passed out the presents. “Go on, Tommy. Open it,” said Dad.
She stood up and returned to the recliner. Her face bearing a bittersweet smile. “You know, we were all here in this one. I can barely remember because I was so little… But Momaw, Papaw, Mom, and you, Uncle Tommy.”
I felt Sara’s arm squeeze tightly squeeze me. I glanced over at her to see her smiling with tears welling in her eyes. The feeling was mutual. I fought the tears back, but I couldn’t hide the smile. “So, this was your surprise?”
“Yeah,” replied Shey. “They aren’t here anymore, but this way…” Shey sniffed and wiped her eyes. “This way we can all be together again at Christmas.”
I reached across the couch arm to the recliner and tugged at Shey. “Come over here, let’s watch.” Shey hopped on the couch arm next to me as I wrapped my arm around her. “This was a good year,” I said, smiling.
“Dad, let Shey go first. She’s the baby.”
Dad, he was disabled at this time. He had come out of the mines some years before because of an accident that injured his back.
“Tommy’s right, Bob,” said Mom, from behind the video camera.
A baby Shey wobbled over to Angel carrying a present. “She wants to open this one,” said Angel.
A Tommy Logan Story Page 13
