by K. A. Linde
“You say that now.”
“Then, tell me. You have a different name. So what? I plan to change your last name anyway,” he said passionately. “You can tell me.”
“I met Dillon the summer before college. He was…he was bad news. I liked…like guys that way,” I said, wincing, as my eyes snagged on his tattoos. “I was enamored. Dillon only showed me the parts of him that he wanted me to see. I gave up my full ride at Northwestern to stay home and go to community college. I couldn’t be away from him. He wouldn’t let me be away from him. I was that idiot girl. He was dealing drugs. I knew but thought it didn’t really matter. You don’t grow up around Akron without seeing your fair share of drugs.
“He went from being the perfect boyfriend to being possessive to being…insane. I knew it. I wasn’t stupid. But I thought I loved him. I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t get away.” I shook my head. “I got into Ohio State my sophomore year. At first, he wouldn’t let me go. Then, he expanded his dealing and moved there with me. I had no friends. I had no one. I went to classes. I made straight As. But I was utterly isolated.”
“That still wasn’t enough, was it?”
“I managed to graduate, but the next two years of my life were hell. The only person I had was one of my professors. I put it all on the line. She got me out of Ohio, helped me change my name, and found me the job at Wright.”
“You were lucky to have her.”
“I thank God for her every day,” I admitted. “But…I thought I could escape Dillon forever.”
“And, now, you think he’s found you?”
“It all makes sense,” I whispered, putting all the pieces together. “He stole my jacket. He broke into my car. He probably got my car towed.”
“Julia, that stuff has been happening for weeks.”
“I know,” I whispered.
“Don’t you think he’d have approached you by now?”
“He’s a psychopath. Who knows what his next move is?”
“I wish you’d told me about this shit,” Austin said. He stood and started pacing the room. His hands clenched and unclenched.
“I’m sorry. I know I should have told you, but I haven’t told anyone.”
“I just…fuck!”
“Austin?”
“Just give me a minute.”
He continued pacing, absentmindedly running his hands through his hair. I could see his brain working. I didn’t know if he was trying to find a solution or if he was just pissed at me. I knew the look on his face. He wanted a drink. I was overloading him.
“Austin—”
“A minute,” he snapped.
I recoiled into myself, and he sighed.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. It’s just a lot at once. I fucking hate this prick who hurt you. And, now, I feel like a douche. No wonder you never wanted to talk to me again when you thought I’d used you. Christ! How can you even look at me?”
“You’re not Dillon, Austin.”
Austin Wright might be an asshole. He might have a drinking problem. He might put himself first in most things. But no one was as bad as Dillon.
If this was already too much, there was no way I could tell him the rest. If I peeled back all the layers of Juliana Peterson, no one could love her. She was a broken, used girl. And, when I thought about Dillon, I became that scared, helpless girl again. Rather than the strong woman who’d gotten away and built her own life. And I needed Julia Banner.
“We need to go to the cops,” Austin said abruptly.
I nodded, knowing he was right. “I’ll go in the morning.”
“We’re going now.”
“Austin, you have Patrick’s birthday tonight.”
“That can wait.”
“No. Look, it’s just one night.”
“Julia—”
“I’ll be with Heidi and Emery. Have fun with the guys. Let me deal with Dillon.”
Fire burst in his eyes at that suggestion. He didn’t seem to like that one bit.
“I need to tell the girls anyway. Just…be safe, okay?”
“I’m driving you there. I’m not leaving you alone.”
“I’m not going to have my life dictated again,” I told him.
“You just told me that some psychopath is out there, and you expect me to let you drive off alone? Fuck no, Jules.”
“Okay. You’re right,” I said. I didn’t want to fight.
I’d just dropped a lot on Austin. It was unfair of me to just expect him to be okay with something I’d been dealing with all of my adult life. Not that I was okay with anything that had happened with Dillon.
Austin seemed frazzled the rest of the time as we got ready. All the tension that had left his body from the hot sex we’d had was gone. He threw on jeans and a button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. After running product through his hair, he hustled me out of his house in my slightly damp dress. He finally conceded in letting me drive my own car, but he followed me all the way to Heidi’s.
We both parked in the driveway. He hopped out of his idling car and came around to help me out.
“Thanks,” I said, leaning forward to kiss him.
“Are you sure I should still go out tonight?”
“Yes, I’m sure. It’s your best friend’s birthday.”
His cupped my cheeks and dragged me into a slow, steady kiss. “Be safe, Jules.”
“I’ll be fine. I promise.”
He sighed and looked like he wanted to say so much more, but that was when Landon stepped out of the front door.
“Do I get to take your piece-of-shit car to the party?”
Austin flipped him off. “Watch your mouth!”
Landon snickered. “Come on. Let’s get going. Patrick is going to be surrounded by those douchey gym bros you all hang with. He’ll need some class.”
“Then, why are you coming?” Austin asked.
Landon punched him as he passed by, walking toward the Alfa Romeo. “Can I drive?”
“Fuck no,” Austin said. “No one drives my car!”
Landon slid into the driver’s side anyway.
“See? You’ll have a good time.”
“If I don’t kill my brother in the meantime.”
“You love him.”
“Yeah. I do.”
Austin kissed me one more time before kicking Landon out of the driver’s seat and zooming off toward Patrick’s party. I sighed with relief. I was glad that conversation was done with. He had some time to hang with the guys and decompress. Hopefully, that would help him wrap his head around the truth bomb I’d dropped on him.
Now, I had to do it all over again with my girls. They deserved to know as well. Especially because, if Dillon was here in Lubbock, then no one was safe. Not really.
I took a deep breath and then went inside to find Heidi and Emery. Heidi was in a hot-pink sundress with her blonde hair in long, beachy waves. Emery was in cutoff jean shorts and Converse. Apparently, I’d chosen incorrectly for girls’ night.
Heidi arched an eyebrow at my appearance. “Girl, what the hell did Austin do to you?”
I smiled. “Nothing I didn’t ask for.”
Emery snorted, next to Heidi. “I like it.”
“We were thinking shopping and maybe takeout. You could borrow something of mine if you wanted to be more comfortable.”
It was my turn to look disbelieving. “Since when would I ever fit in your clothes?”
“You could!” Heidi cried. “I have a dress that would fit you so well.”
“Can we…can we talk before we go?” I asked.
Heidi and Emery shared one of their customary looks before nodding. We moved into the living room with the exposed wood beam ceiling and stone fireplace. It was stunning. Obviously custom built.
“What’s up?” Heidi asked. “Did something happen with you and Austin?”
“Yes, but no. Nothing serious.”
&nbs
p; I frowned down at my tightly clasped fingers and then delivered the news I’d told Austin. A weight lifted off of me as I finally got to divulge who I really was to my friends. And better yet…they didn’t hate me. They didn’t hate me for lying and hiding who I was. Dillon had always said that anyone who really got to know me could never really like me. No one other than him, of course. It was hard to dispel that poisonous voice whispering in my ear.
“So,” Heidi said, shaking her head, “how about we skip shopping and get that restraining order?”
“All in favor, say aye,” Emery said.
“Aye!” Heidi and Emery said together. They raised their hands in unison.
“I’m going to go with Austin in the morning. I think he might be upset if I went without him.”
“This Dillon guy really did a number on you,” Emery said. “And I thought I’d had bad relationships.”
“Yeah, Julia, I can’t imagine what you’re still dealing with,” Heidi chimed in. “What you had to endure all those years.”
“Giving up a full-ride scholarship,” Emery muttered.
Of course she would snag on that. She’d gotten a full ride to Oklahoma and dropped out of her PhD program after her professor boyfriend cheated on her. She was now a high school teacher. I wasn’t surprised that the idea of someone smart screwing up in such a spectacular way hurt her.
“Not my best move.”
Not my worst either…
“Well, we don’t have to go out if you’re worried something could happen,” Heidi said.
“I’m not, but Austin is. I just can’t figure out what Dillon is up to. Why break into my car and steal nothing? Why take my jacket out of my own freaking apartment and then return it? I mean, he put it back on a hanger in my closet! Why have my car towed? Why freaking send the lilies?”
“He’s playing a game,” Emery said. “He wants it to all add up, to freak you out.”
“Yeah. He’s a manipulative bastard.”
“And you can’t prove he did any of that,” Heidi said, chewing on her bottom lip. “Even the towing. Didn’t you say that the guy had said the company called it in? He’s not leaving a trail. Just terrorizing you from afar.”
“Pussy,” Emery spat.
“Hey, a pussy can take a beating!” Heidi said. “I bet he’s more like balls. The slightest flick sends him to his knees.”
I laughed at her analogy. “Either way, he’s dangerous. I knew that when I got out. Having him here, in Lubbock…” I shuddered and closed my eyes.
The last time I’d seen Dillon flashed before my eyes. The way he’d held me. By my hair. The way he’d spat in my face. Literally and figuratively. The terror as he lost control. Fucked up on who knew how many drugs. Pissed at me for…God, everything. Just everything.
“Hey,” Heidi said, sinking into the cushion at my side. “You are not alone in this.”
Emery took the seat on the other side. “We are here. Austin is here. You have the full weight of the Wrights behind you.”
“And, really, all you need is us,” Heidi said, nudging me. “Em and I can fuck shit up.”
Emery rolled her eyes. “Have you been taking kickboxing again?”
“It’s a good workout.”
“Dear Lord.” Emery shook her head. “What she’s trying to say is…you have us. We’re sisters now. We’ll do everything to make this right.”
I wanted to believe them. I appreciated what they were saying. But they didn’t know Dillon. And, if they did, they wouldn’t want to get involved. I wouldn’t want them involved.
But I smiled and nodded. I agreed to stay in and have a chill night. Emery put on Buffy the Vampire Slayer while Heidi found some sweats and a T-shirt that did actually fit me, to my utter shock. I suspected the pants at least belonged to Landon.
“Oh my God,” Heidi said when she came back into the living room. “If we have to watch Angel become Angelus one more time, Em, I swear!”
“But it’s the best season!”
“Give me some Spike! All the Spike!”
Emery muttered something vulgar under her breath with a muffled, “Team Angel,” and then changed the TV to a different season.
Heidi piled up bowls full of ice cream so high, it rivaled Kevin McCallister in Home Alone. We all sat down and dug in.
I was with Heidi. I liked bad-boy Spike. But for me…not Buffy.
And that had been my problem for all of time. I always wanted the bad boys. It was as if I were marked or something. My mind drifted to Dillon, even as I tried to forget him. This was not how I’d wanted this night to go. Not at all.
But I was lucky at least. I had found friends who actually stuck by me. Girlfriends that I’d never had before. Not even close. And a family behind me. Not a family I couldn’t even claim.
I chewed on my fingernail and promised myself that I’d enjoy the rest of this night. Dillon had his own agenda. If I let him interrupt my day, then he’d win. He wanted to throw me off and to make me feel like I was never safe.
Well, I wouldn’t let him win.
Fuck that!
Never again.
Twenty-Six
Austin
Patrick’s birthday was exactly what I needed right now.
Not that I could tell anyone why.
I was so utterly fucked up.
This prick had hurt Julia. For years. She’d been so hurt that she had to run. She’d had to become a new person to get away from him. And then, when she’d finally opened herself up to someone, it had been me.
And what had I done? Fucking hurt her.
She never should have given me a second chance. She had to see Dillon when she looked at me. Fucking asshole addict who used and abused her good graces. That slap she’d hit me with last fall felt so much more weighted. I’d deserved it then. I knew I deserved it more now.
Landon shot me a curious look. “You’re awfully quiet.”
“I don’t like to listen to the sound of my own voice like you do.”
“Whatever, dude. It’s more than that.”
“Let it go, Landon.”
He sat up straighter in his seat as we pulled up to The Shack. It was the best barbeque west of Dallas. Even if my car did hate that it had a gravel parking lot.
“You want to talk about it?” Landon asked.
“No.”
“All right. Well, if you change your mind…”
“Seems unlikely,” I said, stepping out of the car. “We’re here to celebrate my best friend. Not for you to baby me.”
Landon held his hands up. “My bad, dude. Just looking out for you.”
“Well, don’t.”
I locked up my car and headed through the front door, behind Landon. Patrick was already there with a few of the guys from the gym—Evan, Mick, and Connor. I was truly surprised it was this subdued, considering the fact that Patrick was such a life-of-the-party kind of guy. But I wasn’t complaining. I’d rather it just be us anyway.
Landon and I ordered at the front. Landon got brisket while I got ribs. I was obsessed with them and would come to get them all the time if the Shack were closer to the office. I filled up a water cup and then headed for Patrick’s table in the back of the restaurant, near the bar.
My eyes lingered on the shelves of whiskey. I really wanted a drink. One to take the edge off. This felt like a good reason. I’d even take a fucking beer. Anything. Instead, I sat my ass down and just stared longingly instead.
“Happy birthday, man,” I said to Patrick as I waited for my food.
“Good of you two to finally show up!”
“Yeah, sorry. I got hung up.”
Patrick raised his eyebrows. “Why do I have a feeling that wasn’t the only thing hung in this joke?”
I laughed and shrugged. “I’ve got a pretty amazing girlfriend.”
“Aw, my lovesick puppy,” Patrick joked.
“Here we go!” Evan said, carrying four beers in his hands and dropping them on the table.
Mick ha
d two more drinks and passed one to Connor.
“Hey, thanks, man!” Patrick said, grabbing a beer.
Landon took his, and Evan swigged back some of his.
And then there was one.
It was as if Evan had freaking looked into my brain and materialized the exact thing I wanted. But I let it sit there, in front of me, tempting, alluring. I knew exactly how it’d taste. How it’d make me feel.
“That one’s for you, Austin,” Evan said, pressing it over to me.
Patrick and Landon shared a look.
“I’ll just double-fist it,” Patrick said with a laugh.
“It’s just one,” I said, meeting their eyes. “No big deal. Right? It’s your birthday.”
“Austin,” Landon muttered, “are you sure?”
My hand slid across the table and wrapped around the beer. God, yes, I am so sure.
“It’ll be fine,” I reassured them.
I could be like everyone else. I could have one drink for my best friend’s birthday. This was totally possible.
The first sip brought it all back. It was an effort not to empty the bottle. It tasted so good. So fucking good.
But I felt Landon’s and Patrick’s eyes on me. Worry creased in every line of their face. So, I forced myself to put the drink down and grin. Some of that worry left their eyes.
Everything went back to normal. Our food came. I finished my beer. We ordered another round. We were all having such a good time that, when I went through the third beer, I wasn’t even sure anyone else had noticed.
“I know you wanted this to be a small thing,” Evan said after we all finished eating. “But I might have invited the rest of the guys for drinks at Flips. It’s supposed to be a surprise party. So, act surprised.”
Patrick laughed. “You sneaky motherfucker.”
Now, Landon glanced at me. “Maybe we should head out.”
“What’s the worst that could happen?” I asked.
“Famous last words, Austin.”
“Ah, come on, man. It’s not a big deal. We’ll hang out for a couple of hours and then get back to the girls.”
“You sure that you’re okay?”
“Fine.”
We all stood to go, and I was pleased to see that I could walk just fine. If I’d felt drunk at all, I might have heeded Landon’s warning, but I didn’t feel drunk. I was fine. Even better than fine.
