by Paloma Meir
“Dude, water,” Danny stood above me, casting a welcomed shadow over me.
“Just one more,” I looked up at him, the stupid smile plastered on my face, “Zelda doesn’t like...” I looked back down, not wanting to talk to him about her.
“Zelda...You’ve got to get her to eat, dude.” He sat down next me and stared ahead at the waves or maybe Marco, “Sunscreen too, she’s not taking care of herself.”
“Sure Danny,” I shut down my phone, reached down for my t-shirt and wrapped it up. I could sneak off to the bathroom mid-dinner and answer the more pressing emails.
“Good... Come into the water, buddy... Working Serge, on his phone...” he laughed, “Different, everything...” We stood up together and walked down to the shore.
That’s how the days flowed. Waking up to my Zelda, because for those days, for the short time, five days she was mine. Wrapped up next to me, always a shine of perspiration between our bodies from the warm nights, the blanket by morning kicked off towards our feet.
The morning showers together, chaste, no more than kissing. Our game was not something we cheated. Zelda, complaining about my one outfit and how she would hold my well worn t-shirt to her face inhaling deeply, saying I should wash it. The smile on her face spoke something very different.
Off to the hotel for breakfast, our days by the pool, going for our long walks. The group accepting the unorthodox arrangement of Zelda and myself being together, while Danny, the father of Louisa, stood aside waiting. Nobody other than Zelda doubted they would be together. Occasionally Marco would mutter to Danny and me on our afternoon surfs “keep playing with fire until you’re in the trauma unit”. We ignored his folksy wisdom.
The only real discomfort was three days into our vacation. Zelda slept on her stomach on the chaise, having rejected my offer of sunscreen. I took advantage of the time by taking my phone out to answer the emails that were thankfully slowing down. Louisa sat on Danny’s lap playing the clapping game that both of them liked so much. I typed away as I heard Louisa’s chanting between hand smacks, “Mommy loves pineapple, Mommy loves Astrid, Mommy loves Serge...” She stopped and tilted her head the way Zelda sometimes would and asked, “Does Mommy love Daddy?”
An uncomfortable silence filled our group. Marco looked over to me with a shake of his head. Astrid looked up from her magazine and reached out to take Louisa as Danny sat dumbfounded.
“Mommy does love Daddy.” I said firmly and looked into the eyes I had seen for most of my life on her father. I did not look at Danny.
She smiled to me, and went back to her long list of other things her mother loved, like dresses and cookies. She knew her mother well.
…
All too soon it was the last real day of our time together. I would be leaving early the next day. Our game was over.
I awoke alone in the bed and by the way the sun shone through the window I knew I had adjusted to the time change. I had slept to the late hour of 7:00 A.M. I did not like waking up alone. I was already missing her warm body I would cling to as she slept so peaceful, so entwined with me.
I threw off the blanket and went downstairs. I found her in the kitchen. Bowls were everywhere, a flour mist over all the counters, chocolate chips scattered on the white tile floor. A mess Zelda had made, very unlike her. I stood in the doorway silently watching her frenetic energy, opening the oven, pulling out hot cookie sheets, placing them on the counter where dozens of other cookies sat on the plates cooling.
She did all of this in the nude, that’s not true, she wore a very tiny apron that I could see from the sides she had used as a towel wiping her dough stained hands across it. “Good morning,” I greeted her, “That’s a lot of cookies, Zelda.”
“Serrrrrrge....” She turned to me, her eyes a bit red, “I couldn’t sleep last night... I felt so bad... I hadn’t made you any cookies...” Her hands trembled as she gripped the metal sheet.
“Yes, that was remiss of you. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that... not a good way to treat a guest.” She did not laugh as expected, instead her eyes dulled at the word, guest. Not much I could do about that.
“Our game is over, Zelda,” I took the pan from her hand, placed it on the counter and held her in my arms. The tension in her body evaporated as I kissed her vanilla scented neck.
“Hmmmm,” she murmured.
I continued kissing her, gently though I wanted to ravage her. I untied her apron and stepped back as it fell to the floor. A goddess stood before me, a bronzed goddess. Her posture so much like Venus on the half shell.
“Do you remember when we were in middle school?” I held her in my arms, sprinkled kisses across her face, “When I took a real interest in physics?” I didn't know why I was bringing this up. My thoughts and words had a mind of their own, “More astronomy than anything else at that point...”
“That’s not true... You carried around that old book when we first met... So cute... I thought it was weird then... but in retrospect... so cute... A little boy with such a big book.”
“I had forgotten about that. I stand corrected, Zelda...” My mouth on her neck, traveling down to her breasts, “Every weekend I would go to the Planetarium... So many buses to get there... Sometimes your father would take me... Do you remember that?”
“Please don’t talk about my dad right now...” She said with a breathy sigh.
“Right Zelda... wrong time for that...” My hand found their way into her folds.
“Ahhhhhhh...”
“There was a show, aligning the stars with mythology... showing the connections Aristotle had made in the night sky.” I paused for an eternity as she leaned back on the counter.
“Mythology...”
“Mythology?” I was a rock. I pushed my penis between her legs but not in her, delaying her satisfaction. She took her hand and tried to guide me inside her I swatted it away.
“The Goddesses, they were you...” Back on her neck, my mouth, as my hips swayed against her.
My careful control broke. Inside of her I was, in and out so gently, loving her, kissing her lips, saying words that I could not hear, as her heavy breath met mine as one.
“I can’t do this to you... I almost let it go,” she sighed, her arms tightly around my back, “I don’t have an IUD anymore. You’re leaving... I wanted to keep a part of you with me...”
I slowed down and considered what she was saying.
“It would be a girl... I would name her Seraphina... I could raise her alone... You with me forever through her...”
I pulled out ejaculating on to her blond tangle of hair.
“That’s a pretty name Zelda,” I kissed her gently on her nose, “We’ll pick up a box of condoms on the way to the hotel... Big night tonight for you and me.”
“What?” She pushed me away, “You’re not serious? This is our last day together, and we will spend it together.” A very loud sigh escaped her mouth with a whip of her hair, “I’ve played by all of your rules, not saying the things you don’t want me to say, not asking you to stay... This is my rule Serge. We are not going to the hotel. Today is our day.”
“Zelda, I can’t do it your way,” I yelled back, surprising myself with my fierceness, “I need this. I won’t be able—”
“To leave me if you spend the day alone with me?” Her face was in mine, the bronzed tan turning to a fiery red, “Maybe you’re not supposed to leave me. You’re making such a mistake.”
“This.” I stopped myself from yelling, “Is the way it is...” I wasn’t going to have an argument with her, “It can’t be any other way.”
She took a very deep breath. I kissed her nose as if the tenseness between us was not real. “Come on Zelda, get dressed. I’ll pack up the cookies.” She stared at me with pity in her eyes as I popped one in my mouth and chewed it in an exaggerated way with a big smile on my face. I ignored it.
The silence on the drive to the hotel was broken upon entering the lobby. A lot of, “I can’t believe you’
re making me do this." She sat down at the table with a pout and crossed arms, casting very dismissive looks Danny’s way.
The table other than Louisa's chose to ignore her petulance. Her daughter not understanding her mother’s foul mood tried to get her attention, offering her fruit from her plate. Astrid took control by putting Louisa on her lap and singing German lullabies.
“It doesn’t have to be this way,” she whispered into my ear, “We could leave... the three of us. We could roam the country... through the dust bowls... I’ve never needed the money...”
“That’s a Dorothea Lange photograph, not a life Zelda... that’s not the issue anyway...” I whispered back to her. I knew this particular argument wasn't one I was going to win.
“The game is over... Take me home now...” She threw down her fork, “Now Serge.” I noticed Danny’s ears perk up though he was talking to Marco as if he were indifferent to the scene before him.
“The morning swim, we’ll stay for that and—”
“The game is over.” I was pretty sure the people standing outside by the valet stand heard her loud whisper.
“We’re going to head back to the house, be back for dinner.” I abruptly stood and took her hand.
They shouted out their good-byes as Zelda practically ran me out of the large dining room. Her mood lightened with every step towards the valet stand. In the car she talked non-stop about the food waiting for us at home, what a beautiful day it was, and how special it would be, mentioning surprises. I responded with hand squeezes and smiles while driving up the twisted road. I could not think of another time in my life when I had been as silent as I was on this trip to Zelda.
In the grocery store we ran through the aisles looking for the condoms. She threw half dozen packs in the cart, I made a joke about her faith in me, to which she laughed and laughed.
“I’ve sent all the staff away for the day. They’ve left mountains of food. We have the whole house to ourselves,” she said as we walked through the heavy wooden door into her compound, “That’s the surprise.” She waved her hand across the property, “This will be our Garden of Eden.” She turned towards me meeting my eye, “I’ll be good now Serge, no more pleading for you to stay... I understand.”
That’s all well and good Zelda because I no longer understood. The day melted away. We didn’t speak much. It felt like time had stopped and every moment was an eternity as we made love in her garden surrounded by the Plumeria bushes again and again. I don’t remember our eyes ever looking away from each other.
We laid on the blanket atop the greenest grass that would never cease to amaze me with it’s rich color, more like a painting than reality and ate our lunch of exotic fruits and seared salmon. All the tension of the morning gone, in our solitary bubble of time.
“I don’t want you to go. Why did we wait so long?” she asked differently than before, lightly as I laid on top of her spent, content to hold our positions until the sun in the sky burned away.
“The waiting was your idea. You like the game, baby.”
“Please stay. It wasn’t enough time.”
“You want me to stay? Say three words, and I’ll stay otherwise it’s not real.” I had given up. I didn’t want to leave. It would never come to a good end, disastrous for both of us, most of all me, but self-preservation had lost its importance.
“Stay for one more day.” No edge in her voice, but my good sense returned, and it wasn’t a request I could honor.
“It was always going to hurt. You misunderstood the word casual because your English isn’t very good,” I answered back with the lightness her acceptance deserved, “Casual doesn’t mean pain free, and, truthfully, not for one day was it casual.”
“Will you come back to me again?”
“Probably not.”
“Maybe in the next life?”
“You saying things like that is the reason I’m not coming back,” she laughed, and I kissed her grateful for every moment.
“Serge” she asked as we stood up, the sun setting on the day, “Remember how you always thought about time?” Her eyes looked off at the expanse of her yard as she folded up the blanket, ”Did you ever think about space?” I opened my mouth to answer, but she continued in her dream-like way.
“Did you ever imagine a space so large, that it bends, curves around...”
“The universe...” I interrupted, but she didn’t hear me.
“Immense, so large, every moment stretches... I don’t know... but at the same time... a corner of it, so small... fit for two... a second would be an eternity...” A tremor traveled through her body, forcing her out of her reverie, “Did you ever think about space?” She abruptly laughed as if embarrassed, I had caught her in a private moment.
“And that is why you received a firm rejection from MIT.” She really had applied, saying stubbornly at the time it had a top-notch liberal arts department, and she was sure they would accept her. I put my arm around her goose-bumped body as a cool wind blew through her garden, wanting to warm her.
“That’s not fair to say...” Her body that had been melded to mine, a very part of me for so many hours that day tensed as she buried her head in my shoulder.
“No Zelda, I only thought about time...”
The first of her many tears fell, a tiny fissure opening into a crack, that would expand devouring the two of us. They would fall from this moment on well until after I left. But I wouldn’t know about that for years.
“Come on, inside we go,” I secured her under my arm, her crumpled body dragging behind us, “Too much sun Zelda, tiring. I should have kept you better hydrated...” I hoped to make her laugh, but her tears heaved. I took to joking about our intimacies off the menu.
I laid her down on the sofa, like one of Louisa’s rag dolls that littered her home. “I’ll get us our dinner, you stay here...” I redundantly stated because it was clear her moving was not an option. “We’ll eat here, watch a movie. Which one?” I sat down beside her, kissing her forehead, avoiding her wet eyes as if she weren’t crying.
I flipped through the menu on the television avoiding anything with romantic overtones, “How about a documentary, Zelda?” I selected one I could never remember the name of and went into the kitchen to plate our food from the abundant pre-prepared medley in her refrigerator.
The hour was still early, but our bodies were tired. In fact a sunburn was setting on my backside that had never been exposed to sun in such an intense way. I carried a sniffling Zelda up the stairs to her bedroom.
She refused with a grunt my suggestion that we shower and brush our teeth before getting into bed. I patted her head and laid her against the pillows and pulled the light silky blanket over us. I could hear the quiet tears that judging by the periodic tenseness of her muscles, she was trying to hold back. I told her stories, memories from our youth.
Tales of her as a child climbing the magnolia tree in my backyard, so lithe was she that she could reach the top without any trouble. She would reach the top clinging to the thinnest of branches before looking down and seeing the heights she had reached. It was always me who climbed to retrieve her. A chore I looked forward to, even encouraging her to climb. I would admonish her as we slowly descended, my boyish arm wrapped around her tiny waist. She would giggle as she wandered off with my sister after we landed safely back down to the ground.
My mind wandered as I told the tales calming but not vanquishing her tears. My outward heroics well hid my cowardly ways. It was pretty clear to me there was not a time in my life when she was not in my heart. I didn’t mention this to her. Her tears settled as my stories ended. I sensed she was asleep and joined her in slumber.
…
Waking the next morning from what I thought was a dream of her crying, the sound of tears was not from my dream, but coming from the bathroom that seemed a million miles away. I roused myself awake. The sun hadn’t yet risen. I placed my hand on the cut glass handle of the door not knowing whether to warn her or walk right in.
I shook my head in the affirmative and opened the door to find her sitting in a heap of tears not far from the glassed in shower built large enough for four.
“This is no way to start the day, Zelda.” I lifted her up off the ground, held her against me, running my hand through her long hair. We were both nude as were so often in her home, but the kisses I gave her felt more paternal than from a lover. “Let’s get in the shower.”
“Serge...” she hiccupped, “ I...I…I...”
“In we go...” I reached in and turned on the rain shower, “You know Zelda I always thought your shower in Boston was the most decadent... but this one... You’ve outdone yourself. Is there an online luxury class you take to keep up on all the latest offerings?”
“I don’t need any of it... I hate this shower... all of it...”
“I like it... relaxing... reminds of the waterfalls in Peru.”
