by Amy Clipston
“I’ll do that,” Aaron said. He didn’t want to argue with the bishop, but he knew the men who worked for them had their own reasons for leaving.
“Think about coming back to church, and also think about what I said earlier,” Elmer continued. “The Lord may be leading you home for a reason. Open your heart and listen to what he has to say.”
“I will. Danki.” Aaron shook the bishop’s hand. “Gut nacht.”
By the time he stepped into his room at the bed-and-breakfast, he was deep in thought. He couldn’t help but wonder if the Lord was leading him back to the community. But if God was calling him back to his hometown, why did Solomon and Becky want him to go back to Missouri?
Thursday evening Linda pulled the second loaf of bread out of the oven and set it on the counter. She smiled as she breathed in the warm, delicious aroma. The bread had turned out perfectly, not too brown but not underdone either.
“What are you doing?”
Linda started. She hadn’t heard her onkel Reuben come in from working out in the barn. “Why are you still cooking? Do you know what time it is?” he demanded.
“Ya, I know.” Linda smiled at him despite his permanent frown. The evening was still young. Her onkel just didn’t like anything outside their regular routine. “I made these loaves of bread for Ruth Ebersol. I’m going to take them to her tomorrow when I get off work at the hotel.”
“Tomorrow is Friday,” Reuben barked. “Why are you working at the hotel tomorrow?”
“I’m going to help Madeleine because our new coworker needs to take the day off. Madeleine and I are going to take some food to the Ebersol family when we leave the hotel.” She pointed toward the bread. “Isn’t it perfect? There’s nothing like fresh brot.”
He nodded. “Smells gut.”
“Danki.” Her smiled deepened. He’d actually complimented her!
“You need to head to bed soon,” he said. “It’s getting late.”
“I will. Gut nacht.” She wrapped up the bread as he disappeared toward the bedrooms. Her thoughts turned to Aaron as she began mixing macaroni and cheese for Ruth and her family. She had seen Aaron briefly on Wednesday, but they hadn’t had a chance to talk. He had walked through the sitting room while she was checking in guests. He’d given her a wide smile that caused her heart to thump, and she longed to talk to him and see how he was doing.
Earlier in the week, Linda and Madeleine had discussed visiting Ruth and helping her family. Linda was not only eager to see Ruth, but she also hoped Aaron would be there. Maybe she could sneak in some time to visit with him as well.
She pushed the thought away as she slipped the macaroni and cheese into the oven. She knew she should be focused on helping the Ebersol family, not talking to Aaron. Yet she also knew she was developing feelings for him. She thought about him more often than she cared to admit. She knew she had to guard her heart. After all, Aaron wasn’t baptized, and he never gave her any indication that he wanted to be a member of the Amish church. He also didn’t live in Pennsylvania anymore. He was English; therefore, having a relationship with him was strictly forbidden.
And Linda was sure she’d never want to leave the church like Hannah had.
Aside from all those reasons, she knew Aaron would never be romantically interested in her. If he knew she had a disabling limp and scars on her legs, the result of the buggy accident that killed her parents, he would surely reject her. How could he possibly love a woman with those glaring flaws, the ones she worked so hard to keep hidden from the world? She was destined to be alone and take care of her uncle. That was God’s plan for her, and she had to be satisfied with that. Wishing or hoping for anything more would not only set her up for heartache, but it would also be a sin.
As Linda cleaned up the kitchen counters, she let her thoughts wander to her conversations with Aaron. She hoped he could work things out with his bruder; she knew how much he wanted his family back. Yet she hoped he would gain even more—a new freind.
Linda relished the thought of being Aaron’s freind. She knew she would be blessed if they were more than freinds, but she would be satisfied with friendship—even if he joined the church and married someone else.
Then she frowned. Linda knew she was lying to herself. She didn’t like the idea of seeing Aaron marry someone else. And she knew one thing for certain—she didn’t want him to go back to Missouri.
Lillian parked her scooter outside her grandparents’ home. She climbed the steps and entered the house through the mudroom, and after kicking off her shoes and hanging up her coat, she made her way into the kitchen.
“Hi, Mammi,” she greeted her grandmother, who was setting the table for supper. “How was your day?”
“Gut, Lily.” Mammi smiled at her and then grabbed an oven mitt from a nearby drawer. “How was yours?” She opened the oven and pulled out a baking tray with breaded pork chops.
“Gut. The kinner were very well behaved today, even on the playground. They were attentive during their lessons and did well on the schoolwork. I’m glad I stayed late to grade all their papers. Now I’m ahead for tomorrow.” Lillian moved to a cabinet and brought out a stack of dishes. “I’ll finish setting the table. Dinner smells appeditlich.”
“Danki. I have a surprise for you,” Mammi said as she placed the pork chops on a platter. “I made your favorite dessert—carrot cake!”
Lillian placed the third plate at the head of the table, where her grossdaadi sat, and then turned toward her grossmammi. Mammi proudly held up the cake, which was iced with Lillian’s favorite cream cheese frosting. A lump swelled in her throat as she remembered the conversation she’d had with her mother in the grocery store only a few days ago. Mamm had invited her over to visit the bed-and-breakfast and promised to make her a carrot cake. The memory of her mutter’s words overtook her mind, and her lip quivered.
Lillian had tried to put the conversation out of her mind, but she couldn’t stop contemplating the desperation in her mutter’s eyes when she’d asked Lillian to visit her. After nearly two years, Lillian felt her determination to push her mutter away cracking.
“Lillian?” Mammi’s smile faded. “Was iss letz?”
“Nothing.” Lillian cleared her throat while trying in vain to stop her threatening tears.
“I thought you loved carrot cake.” Mammi looked at her.
“I do. Danki for making it.” Lillian busied herself with folding napkins and placing them by the three dinner plates. An errant tear escaped her eye, and she quickly brushed it away with the back of her hand.
“Lily?” Mammi sidled up beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Please talk to me.”
Lillian sighed and sank into a chair as Mammi sat down beside her.
“Please tell me what’s wrong,” Mammi said as worry enveloped her expression.
“I didn’t tell you that I saw mei mamm at the grocery store the other day,” she said. “She was so froh to see me. She asked me again to visit her and see the bed-and-breakfast. Her boppli is due in the spring, and she told me she really wants me to be a part of the boppli’s life.” Her voice was thin. “She seemed so genuine, and I felt different this time.” She sniffed as her eyes filled with fresh tears.
“How did you feel different?” Mammi touched her hand.
“I didn’t feel angry, like I normally do when I see her.” She examined the blue tablecloth, afraid of disappointing her mammi. “Instead, I felt like I was tired of arguing. I actually wanted to talk to her. I wanted to listen to her, but I thought it would be best if I left.” She held her breath in anticipation of her grossmammi’s angry words. Mammi had made it clear that she would never forgive Lillian’s mutter for leaving the community and taking Lillian’s siblings with her. Mammi had been heartbroken that two of her grossdochdern had left the Amish church.
“Lily,” Mammi began, her voice calm. “Lily, please look at me.”
Lillian lifted her gaze and was astonished by her grossmammi’s sympathetic expression
.
“Lily, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you as soon as we had a gut chance to talk. I think now’s the time. I know you’ll be surprised by this, and it’s not what most people in our community would expect from Barbie Glick, but I’m not angry with your mamm anymore. The Lord has been changing my heart toward her and the decision she made. And I’m sorry I have encouraged you to be angry with her.
“It’s okay if you want to forgive your mamm. I know she misses you, and she wants you to be a part of her life. I know you miss her, too, even though you’ve told me you don’t need her. She’s your mamm, and she’ll always have a special place in your heart. If you want to visit her, then you should.”
“Danki.” Lillian smiled as a weight lifted from her shoulders. “I’m so froh you understand how I feel and have changed how you feel about mei mamm too. I was afraid to tell you.”
“Ach, mei liewe,” Mammi said. “I’m sorry you felt that way. But you don’t need to be afraid to talk to me, even about your mamm. You can always tell me how you feel.”
“Danki.” Lillian fingered the hem of her black apron and considered her mutter. “I don’t think I’m ready to go see her yet, but in my heart, I know I will be ready soon.”
“That’s gut.” Mammi touched her cheek. “Don’t rush your heart, but don’t give up.”
Lillian swiped away another tear and smiled at her grossmammi. “I won’t.”
“Now why don’t you finish setting the table while I put the boiled potatoes in a bowl?” Mammi stood and crossed to the counter. “Daadi will be in here soon and you know he likes to have supper on time.”
Lillian considered her grandparents as she gathered utensils for their meal. She was so grateful they had taken her in when her mutter left the community to start a new life with Trey at the bed-and-breakfast. Lillian knew in her heart that she belonged in the Amish community. For the first time since moving into this house, however, she realized that she could be Amish but still make a place in her life for her mutter.
NINE
The following afternoon, Aaron looked up from cutting a piece of wood. He’d heard the van pulling into the driveway on the opposite side of his parents’ house. Two Amish women climbed from the back, one carrying a covered dish and the other balancing both a covered dish and a basket. Their arrival made him smile about how thoughtful and generous the community had been to his parents.
Aaron also wondered what delicious food was tucked away in the serving platters and basket the women carried toward the house. He hoped he’d have the opportunity to sample some of it. He’d enjoyed eating authentic Amish dishes since he’d returned to Pennsylvania. The home-cooked meals certainly beat the frozen pizza and fast food he’d grown accustomed to eating in Missouri.
As the women walked to the front porch, the shorter of the two glanced up, and his breath caught when he recognized Linda. He and Manny were working where the two women couldn’t readily see them, so Aaron took his time staring. Linda looked beautiful in her black winter coat, talking and laughing with the other woman, who was several inches taller than Linda.
When Becky met them at the door, the three women stood outside a moment and greeted one another. Though she still didn’t see him, Linda was facing his way, and Aaron was captivated by her smile. Even from a distance, he could tell her eyes were sparkling and she was glowing like an angel.
How had he not noticed her when they were teenagers?
“What are you looking at?” Manny’s question yanked Aaron back from his thoughts.
“Huh?” Embarrassed, Aaron cleared his throat and rounded the sawhorse so his back was to the front porch. “Nothing, nothing.” He pointed toward the wood. “Let’s finish cutting this wood.”
“Oh, no.” Manny grinned. “You were staring at those maed.” He pointed toward the porch. “Which one do you like?”
“Stop pointing.” Aaron gritted his teeth. “They’ll see us talking about them.”
“So who is it?” Manny asked, wagging his eyebrows. “You like Linda Zook? Or is it Madeleine Miller?”
“I don’t know Madeleine.” Aaron glanced over his shoulder and saw Linda and Madeleine walking into the house. He turned his attention back to the stack of wood he’d purchased to repair the screened-in back porch. He’d decided he might as well take care of everything needed out there, especially before any snowfall. His dat and Solomon had been too busy to get to it, and that wouldn’t change anytime soon.
“So it’s Linda.” Manny’s voice was full of amusement.
“I don’t really know her.” Aaron began marking a piece of wood. “I just talk to her at the bed-and-breakfast. She works there part-time. We grew up together.”
“Were you freinden with her when you were kinner?”
Aaron shrugged. “I already said that I didn’t really know her.”
“Does that mean you two reconnected?”
Aaron analyzed his nephew’s smile. “Why are you enjoying this so much?”
“I don’t know.” Manny picked up a container of screws. “I just think it’s neat that you reconnected with an old freind. It’s like a reunion, right?”
“We weren’t exactly friends. I just knew who she was.” But I didn’t notice her because I was an immature and out-of-control teen. “All right. Let’s get started replacing those rotten rails.” He carried the lumber around to the back porch while Manny brought the hammer and nails.
“Did you go to singings and youth group when you were a teenager?” Manny asked as he removed the first of the old posts.
“Ya, I did.” Aaron took down the railing at the far end of the porch. “I was more focused on getting into mischief than participating with the group. I don’t recommend you do that. Enjoy your time with your friends. You’re only young once.”
“Ya, I know. Mei dat has told me that more than once.”
“Really?” Aaron’s eyebrows soared toward his hairline. “Your dat told you to enjoy being young?”
“He said he doesn’t regret getting married young, but he had no idea how many responsibilities he’d have until they moved into their haus.” Manny tossed another rotting post onto the pile. “He warned me not to jump into marriage too quickly.”
“Are you thinking of proposing to Nancy?”
Manny shrugged and kept his eyes on the post in front of him. “I’ve thought about it, but I don’t think I’m ready. I think we should be at least twenty.”
“That’s a gut plan.”
“Do you want to get married someday?” Manny asked.
“Sure I do. When the time is right, I suppose.” Aaron shrugged off the question even though the answer was truly a resounding yes. He just didn’t know when or how it could happen for him. He again wondered why Linda wasn’t married. Had she ever been in love? He knew he hadn’t, but he longed for a home and a family with whom to share his life.
“I’ll have enough money saved up to ask Nancy next year,” Manny said. “I guess we’ll see what the Lord has in store for us. It’s best to rely on him.”
“Ya, that’s very true.” Aaron wondered what the Lord had in store for him as well.
“I’m so froh you came by today,” Becky said as Linda and Madeleine followed her into the kitchen. “I know Ruth will be thrilled to see you.”
“How’s she doing?” Linda asked as she placed the basket and covered dish on the table.
“She’s doing better.” Becky’s smile faded. “Jonas thinks having Aaron back here has helped Ruth. He says she isn’t as agitated, and I have noticed a change in her too. She hasn’t been quite as frustrated when she talks, and she’s even talking more. But at the same time, I’m not certain it’s a gut thing Aaron is back.”
When she heard Aaron’s name, Linda’s heart turned over in her chest and the tips of her ears heated.
“What do you mean?” Madeleine asked as she placed her covered dish beside Linda’s. “Ruth talked about him constantly even before she had the stroke. She always worried about
him and wondered if he was safe and healthy. She was heartsick over missing him. After the stroke, she was adamant about seeing him again. I think it’s a blessing that he returned. How could it be a bad thing?”
Becky shook her head and crossed her arms over her black apron. “Solomon and I have talked about this, and we both agree that Aaron is getting Ruth’s hopes up that he’s going to stay. He’s not going to stay. Instead, he’ll visit just long enough to make her froh and then go back to his life in Missouri and not return for another seventeen years.”
Linda fiddled with her apron. “I hope that’s not true,” she said softly while studying her hands. “I know he’s been excited about meeting his nieces and nephews. I think he may consider staying. He told me he’s froh that he’s connected with his family again.”
“You’ve spoken to him?” Becky asked.
Linda met her questioning gaze and nodded. “Ya, I’ve talked to him quite a bit. He’s staying at Hannah’s bed-and-breakfast, and I’m working there part-time to help her out. She has to rest more since her boppli is due in the spring.”
“If his family meant so much to him, then why did he stay away all these years?” Becky asked. “He left and never looked back. He claims he wrote letters to Ruth, but she never got any.”
“But he’s back now when his mamm needs him,” Linda said. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to get into a debate about the letters.
Becky shook her head. “Solomon is very upset. Aaron caused a lot of pain when he left. Ruth cried for months, and she never got over that pain of losing him. Now he’s back, and she’s froh. But her heart will break when he leaves again, and she’s in such a fragile state that we’re afraid she may not be able to survive another heartache. Solomon thinks it may have been better if Aaron never returned. If he’d stayed away, it would have saved Ruth the heartache and disappointment she’s going to feel from losing him again.”
