by Sadie Black
“Please, just tell me what’s going on. Where’s Mom?” I still haven’t found a stable Nanny that Eileen will agree to, so I arranged for my mother to stay with Brooklyn instead.
“Is that your answer? You fucking abandon me, you abandon your family, Trevor. You’re off gallivanting around New York City like some kind of hot shot, and you think you can just send your mother over here and everything is going to be alright? What are you even doing there? Why did you walk out on us?” Her pitch is starting to drill into my eardrum.
“Eileen, please, can you please just breathe? We can talk about this, ok? But first, I just need you to tell me where Brooklyn and Mom are. Can you do that for me, please?” It’s a fine line to walk between concern and condescension. Spider webs are thicker.
“You’re cheating on me aren’t you? Aren’t you! Just admit it!” She’s hysterical and my stomach is a block of ice as I try to figure out how to get there in less than four hours. There’s no telling where Brooklyn is, I don’t think I’m going to get any straight answers from her in this state. Holy fuck, I’ve never heard her this bad before. Is she drunk?
“Eileen! Where’s Brooklyn? Fucking answer me or I’m calling the cops right now.” I’m done with this bullshit. Nice didn’t work.
“Are you threatening me? I wouldn’t threaten me if I were you.” Her voice is so suddenly calm; it’s eerie. A chill washes over me. “Maybe you should call the cops!” Her tone swings back to screaming in a single breath. “Because I can’t fucking do this anymore. I can’t. I don’t want to live like this. It’s no way for us to fucking live. Brooklyn and I deserved more from you, but you walked out on us. You expect me to live here and raise your kid while you fuck around in the big apple? Fuck you” she wails. My phone is filled with her sobs; she sounds like a lost child.
“Please,” my voice cracks with fear, “please, Eileen. I didn’t abandon you. I promise you, ok? But we can talk about that. We can talk about all of this. Just, please, tell me where Brooklyn is.” I beg.
“I’m going to take her with me. She can’t be in this world either, it’s too dark. It’s just too fucking dark. She’s like me, you know. She’s affected by the darkness. I can’t let her grow up like that. It’s worse to let her grow up like that, Trev.” She rambles.
“No, look, Eileen, you don’t mean that. Ok? Just hang tight, I will be there tonight. We can talk about this. Ok? We can make this better together. Don’t you want it to get better?”
“There is nothing left! You took away all my better days. You stole them from me. I have nothing left to live for. Nothing!” She cries and the phone goes silent. I check the timer, but it isn’t counting anymore. Fuck, she hung up. I try to call her back, but it’s going straight to voicemail. Fuck! I need to get there, now! I’ve gotta get on the next flight, and call work, and dammit, I’ve gotta call Brianna.
But first, I press the dial pad on my phone, praying with every fiber in me that Eileen is bluffing. “Hello, this is 9-1-1. Please state your emergency,” the tinny voice answers.
“Hi, my name is Bradley Sheppard and I think my child is in severe danger.”
Chapter Fifteen:
Brianna
This week has been moving like someone slow motion. Underwater. In a pool of molasses. I feel like a child counting the number of ‘sleeps’ left until their birthday. Somehow I made it through, the days finally disappeared. Tonight, Bradley is picking me up and taking me to one of the most luxurious spa hotels for a romantic weekend staycation. All week, I’ve been looking at the pictures online of the Mandarin Oriental New York, imagining myself as the smiling woman with her hand frozen around a wine glass for the photographer. Whenever an ungrateful customer complained about their fries being too cold, I would just close my eyes, take a deep breath, and remember the couple’s package that Bradley booked for us in the spa studio.
All week, we’ve been talking late into the night and texting like a couple of lovestruck high schoolers. I feel guilty that I ever doubted him, after our long conversations into the wee hours of the morning, I’ve learned that Bradley Sheppard is one thing: a great guy. For a self-made man, he’s so grounded and humble. Every day he listens to me talk about my day or my thoughts with genuine interest. At first I found his sincerity disarming, like most adults, I’ve grown accustomed to people being closed off and specific about how they advertise their ‘personal brands’. Bradley lacks all of that pretension, just being himself, to hell with whoever doesn’t like it.
Self-pity started to flood over me when I realized that I’ve deserved a man like this for a long time. Yet, I’ve been settling for men who treat me like a piece of ass for years now. Being the ‘fun girl’ has become a mask I’ve trapped myself behind because in my heart, I never believed that I deserved more.
Still, I can’t shake this feeling that Bradley is holding back. The teddy bear is at the bottom of my list of things that have tipped off my radar. Twice this past week, Bradley has ended our conversation abruptly blaming his job for the interruption. Who has work issues to tend to at eleven pm? I understand he’s the CEO of a multinational communications company, so I suppose it’s possible. I don’t want to make any assumptions and taint our blossoming relationship with suspicions that could just be my own issues getting in the way. I don’t feel like he’s a bad guy or even a particularly sneaky guy, so I’m just going to hold my tongue and see where this path takes me.
Snapping my suitcase shut, I have to laugh at myself. With all the changes of clothes and products I’m dragging along, you’d think that I was going away for much longer than a couple days. I think I’m all set, now I just need to wait for Bradley. Checking my phone I see that I have missed two calls and a voicemail. It’s always on vibrate for work, but then I forget to turn the damned ringer back on when I get home. Hopefully, Bradley isn’t outside waiting for me.
There’s a loud roar in the background on the message, making Bradley’s voice sound distant and small. “Brianna, I’ve already called, but you’re not picking up. I didn’t want to do this on your voicemail, but I have to cancel our plans. I’m at the airport right now; I’ve had an… unexpected matter come up that I need to deal with right away. I’m so sorry, but I promise I’m going to make it up to you when I get back, ok?” The roaring in the background becomes unbearable, muting out anything else he might have said. I dial his number, ready to give him a piece of my mind, but it goes straight to his mailbox. Surprise.
My heart is pounding, and my stomach is twisting up in knots. Unexpected matter? Bullshit! What the hell is going on with him? It’s like he keeps flying somewhere on weekends to live another life. The thought forms ice in my veins. Is he married? “Christ, I bet he is!” I kick my suitcase in my stockings, and my toe crumples along the side of the sturdy Samsonite. “Oww.” I hop around on one foot, cursing Bradley and his lies. The pain subsides in my foot long before it will in my heart. I have no intention of being the other woman in some man’s life. That would explain his late night phone calls, the last minute changes, and the teddy bear. Wouldn’t that just be my luck?
I decide that a quick Google search can answer a few questions for me. However, when I read through his wiki page, there’s nothing about any marriages, past or present. Searching through a few more pages, I come up empty-handed. There are no records of Bradley being married, divorced or engaged. Nothing. My nerves settle a little, but a nagging little voice is telling me something isn’t adding up here. I need some time and distance to clear my head. I guess it works out well that my weekend has been ruined so I have plenty of hours to fill with suspicion and worries. Lucky me.
I’m drowning in a sea of paperwork and brochures. If there’s anything that makes you question if you’re smart enough to go to college, it’s filling out all the forms for college. Since I decided to work on my degree part-time, I thought I had found the perfect loophole and that my stress would be over. Little did I know that it was just beginning. Between sifting through all the bursari
es, grants and scholarships and reading the fine print on private loans, my head is about to crack open. When my phone starts buzzing across the desk, it’s a welcome distraction. Although, I’m not so confident when I see Bradley’s number flashing on my screen.
“Hello?” I sigh. I wish I wasn’t excited to hear from him at all, but I am. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him know that though.
“Oh, Brianna! I’m so happy you’re home. I thought it was going to go to voicemail. You don’t know how nice it is to hear your voice.”
“If it’s so nice, you think you would’ve called in the last four days,” my words almost cool my tongue they’re so icy.
“You’re right, I should’ve made some time to call. Things have just been… hectic. I’m still at the airport, my plane literally just landed fifteen minutes ago, and I called you as soon as I could. I was hoping you would be free tomorrow? I feel terrible about how the weekend was ruined, I really want to make it up to you.” He does sound genuinely upset, but I’m not interested in making any more plans.
“No, I don’t think so Bradley. I think I’m coming down with something.” I couldn’t sound less convincing. And the Oscar goes to…
“I’m sorry to hear that.” His disbelief drips through my phone. “How about once you’re feeling better? There’s no expiration date.”
Just on my patience. I can hear the buzz of the airport in the background, a noise I’m tired of hearing in his calls. “I don’t know, Bradley. I just… I don’t know if you’re married to your work or if there’s another woman, but I’m feeling like there’s more to this than you’re telling me. I’m not interested in being a mistress either way.”
“Another woman? How could there be any woman other than you? No. Look, you couldn’t be more wrong about that. But, you’re right that my time has been really divided lately.” The connection is starting to get fuzzy as a loud whirring interrupts his words.
“You’re cutting out,” I yell. Cutting out, running out, sneaking about. At least he’s consistent.
“I’ve got to grab my bags and get back into the city. Please, give me the chance to explain everything to you. Let me take you out for dinner and hear me out, and if you’re still angry, I’ll leave you alone.”
My mind is whirring as loudly as the baggage claim belt he’s yelling over. “Fine. Tomorrow night. No cancellations!”
“Fair enough. Tomorrow night it is. I’ll pick you up at seven?”
“Ok.”
Hanging up a wave of relief washes over me. He sounds so sincere that I want to believe him when he says there’s a reasonable explanation for all this. I just need to make sure that my desire to believe him doesn’t outweigh my good sense. The wave of relief crashes down into despair as I look at the pile of paperwork I still need to sift through. Why isn’t anything simple? They say that nothing worth having comes easy, so I guess Bradley and pursuing my degree must both be worth a lot.
“Sorry to leave you short-handed Mr. Taylor.”
“Just get some rest and feel better, Brianna,” my boss reassures me.
I haven’t had to call in sick since my partying days. However, this morning my bowl of Cheerios didn’t stay in my stomach for more than five minutes before I threw it back up. I know I should eat some crackers or drink some water, but the idea of both is making my stomach do somersaults. There’s no way I’m going to make it out to dinner tonight. Staring at my phone, I consider just sending a text message for a second, but decide to give him a call. It doesn’t matter anyway because his voicemail kicks in on the second ring.
“Hi Bradley, it’s me. I know yesterday I told you I was getting sick, but I really am sick now. I’m gonna have to cancel our plans for tonight. I hope we can reschedule soon.”
Throwing my phone on the comforter beside me, I let my exhaustion win as I drift off.
I wake up from my dream of being chased down by a giant, angry mosquito and find my phone buzzing on the bed next to me. That’ll be Bradley, he probably thinks I’m faking. I would if I was him.
“Hello?”
“I’m baaaack!” Kendra’s voice is too cheery for my brain right now.
“Hey, welcome home.” My voice is so flat; I sound disappointed to hear from her.
“What’s wrong?” She hones in right away. “Is everything ok?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine, I’m just sick.” I hold my hand across my eyes, trying to block out the daylight.
“You’re sick? Ok, how about I come over with some Gatorade and soup, I can take care of you.”
“No, you don’t have to do that.” I secretly hope that she’ll insist, it always feels good to have someone look after you when you’re under the weather.
“Hush, I’m already one foot out the door. I’ll be there soon.” I’m sure she can hear the smile on my face as I say goodbye.
By the time Kendra walks in, I feel completely fine. Whatever I had seems to have already moved on. I don’t think I even had to cancel my dinner date.
Kendra is radiant, which is difficult with the dull light in my apartment. “You look fantastic! Your honeymoon must have been amazing, it’s done wonders for your skin.” I give her a quick hug and take the grocery bag from her hand.
“The honeymoon was incredible. Europe was just like I imagined, except with even better food. You know, when you go to French restaurants or Italian bistros here, they really don’t do that food justice.”
“I wouldn’t know.” I smile. “Well, you look gorgeous Mrs. Blackwell.”
“Thanks, I think my souvenir is agreeing with me.” Her smile is so wide it looks painful.
“Souvenir?” I raise my eyebrow, looking for a new piece of jewelry or something.
“I’m pregnant!” She squeals, jumping on her toes.
“What? That’s amazing! Congratulations!” I throw my arms around her and jump with her. “Wow, you two didn’t waste any time, huh? How far along are you?” I look down at her belly in awe.
“Six weeks.” She’s still grinning. I don’t think she could stop smiling if she tried right now. “The blood work just came back yesterday. We’re not telling anyone else until we hit the three month mark though, ok? I just knew there was no way I could keep it from you though.”
“My lips are sealed.” I twist the air beside my mouth like I’m locking them together. “Six weeks, what did you do? Get knocked up on the flight over there? You only left six weeks ago.”
“Maybe.” Her smile turns sly, and my sealed lips drop open in disbelief.
“You? You’re in the mile high club?” I squeak. “Now I’ve heard it all.”
“What can I say? It was a long plane ride.” She shrugs. I throw the bag on the counter and join her on the couch. “You know, the crazy thing is, I had no idea at all. Honestly, I’ve never felt better. My energy has been fine; I haven’t been sick. Knock on wood.” She raps her knuckles against my end table lightly. “I didn’t even realize that I was late until two days ago.”
“Well, you’ve had other things on your mind, I’m sure.” I smile, but my eyes lose focus over her shoulder. Ever since I had an unplanned pregnancy when I was a teen, I’ve used an IUD. However, my mystery flu this morning has me concerned.
I excuse myself and splash some cold water on my face in the bathroom. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck are on end as I try to think about when I had my last period.
The phone rings, and I hear Kendra answer. Cocking my head toward the bathroom door, I listen in for a second. “Of course she’s really sick, what kind of question is that? I’m here looking after her.” She tells the person on the other end. Numbers are melding and blurring in my mind as I try to think of dates. When was my last period? Am I late?
When I step out of the bathroom, Kendra has her hands on her hips, and her head tilted. “So, you and Bradley Sheppard are a thing now? I go away for six weeks and everything changes around here? You’ve got to tell me how he managed to get you to settle… hey, what’s wrong?” She sto
ps teasing me and furrows her eyebrows together as her eyes flicker over my face. “Do you need to lie down? I can get you some Gatorade…”
I shake my head wordlessly from side to side, trying to form a single sentence. “No.” I finally whisper. “Can you do me a favor, please.”
“Name it.” Worry spreads over her face as the remnants of her smile disappears from her lips.
“Can you to run over to the CVS across the street? I think I need a pregnancy test.”
I’m crumpled on the floor in the center of a pile of instructions and plastic sticks soaked in my urine. Some of the pregnancy tests have faint pink lines; others have blue crosses and the priciest ones have digital screens, but all they all share one common trait: they’re all positive.
My eyes brim with tears as I try to imagine a world where this isn’t going to destroy my dreams. However, with Bradley running off without explanation every second week and a stack of unfinished paperwork for college sitting on my desk, it’s difficult to envision a happy ending.
