by L. C. Davis
“Alright, rugrat, your brother and I’ve got some business to discuss and I’m sure Hana’s wondering where you are,” Remiel said, looking down at Ezekiel with a kind smile. “Why don’t you tell Holden goodbye? I’m sure you’ll see him again soon.”
“Okay, Remi,” Ezekiel said, turning back to me. He leaned up to hug me and I hugged him back, finding it harder to let him go than it had been the last time I’d held his body in his arms before the paramedics came to take him from me. I watched as Remiel placed a hand on top of his head and a cloud of light surrounded Ezekiel before he was gone.
“It’s really him,” I breathed. “He’s really in Heaven?”
There was sympathy in Remiel’s gaze when he looked back at me. “Technically, it’s called Limbo. Heaven would be boring as Hell for a kid his age--pun intended. In Limbo, he’ll get to have the childhood your parents robbed you both of for as long as he wants, with angels attending to his every need. They’re whatever he needs them to be. A loving mother, loyal friends, that dog named Fritz he always wanted.”
“Fritz,” I said with a short laugh, pressing a hand to my mouth because I knew there was a good chance the next sound out of it would be a sob. “And what if he gets tired of it? What happens then?”
“Time’s not as solid on the other side as it is here, but if he ever stopped being happy in Limbo, he’d have the option of coming back to Earth. Starting a new life, one where he could grow up and age the way he never got to in the last one. Of course, that’s not an option if you’re running around on Earth, but if you were somewhere secure…”
“Then you wouldn’t have to keep him in case you needed him for leverage, is that it?” I spat.
“More or less,” Remiel said in a solemn tone. “I don’t like it, but I’m not the one who calls the shots.”
“Then I don’t like the one who does.”
He sighed. “It’s time for you to make a decision, Holden. Are you gonna do what you brought me here to do? Are you ready to go?”
I nodded. Proof or no proof, he was right. I’d come there to make a deal, and I had already put my faith in a demon. Hopefully I would have better luck with an angel. “I’m ready.”
Remiel offered his hand. “Let’s go, then.”
I hesitated only a moment before I took his hand. It was almost a relief to finally be selling my soul, since it had been an inevitability from the moment I was born. I could only hope that this time, I was selling it to the right buyer.
Nineteen
DANIEL
I woke in a room that felt familiar, but it took me a moment to place it as Nick’s. He’d moved out as soon as he could convince his mother to sign off on basic training, and the age gap between us had rendered it less than appropriate for me to spend any lengthy amount of time in the room during the earlier days of our friendship. The room was pretty much exactly the way I remembered it, save for the clutter that had long since been cleaned up. Probably by Carla .
There was a bookshelf filled with comics, an entertainment center with a few outdated consoles, some retro games Nick had left behind when he moved and a closet full of leftovers from his brief emo phase. And of course, the posters of borderline naked eighties icons. He’d confessed once that he didn’t really have a thing for feathered hair and high-cut bikinis, but his mom had been such a pain when he started dating his first girlfriend that he’d put the posters up just to taint the icons of her youth. After spending ten minutes caught with Tiffany in an elevator once, I more than understood. I was ready to pry the doors open and jump down the shaft after five minutes.
I sat up slowly, trying to remember how I’d gotten there. I rubbed my chest and realized my heart was beating steadily. The tree branch that had impaled me didn’t leave a scar, but my chest usually felt cold. Hollow, like something was missing. For the first time since I could remember, it didn’t.
My heart started beating faster as I remembered why. Holden. He’d put some kind of sleep spell on me. He was going to turn himself in to Michael. I flew out of bed and flung the door open only to find Lowell waiting on the other side, arms folded. “You’re awake.”
“I have to go,” I said, rushing out the door only to get hauled back by the arm. Even as a zombie, I hadn’t been a match for a werewolf. Now it wasn’t even a contest.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
“Holden is going to get himself killed,” I snarled.
“It’s been three days, Daniel. Holden’s long gone.”
Thump. Thumpthump. “What?”
A door opened down the hall and Lucas stepped out, frowning at me. “Good, you’re awake. Come in,” he said, motioning for me to follow him before he disappeared back into his office. I hesitated, but Lowell gave me a shove to encourage me in the right direction.
Three days. I stumbled into Lucas’ office in a daze and he nodded to the chair Holden had occupied so recently. I fell into it and felt less in control of my awkward limbs than I ever had when I was dead.
Lucas sat down calmly, reaching for a bottle of liquor on his desk. “Drink?” he offered.
I nodded. The brandy went down smooth, but I was in the habit of gulping alcohol and it went straight to my head. Not enough to calm me down, just enough to make it even harder to think.
“I find myself in an unusual predicament,” he said, hands folded on his desk. “For the sake of convenience, it might help if you tell me exactly what you know. Do that, and I’ll tell you what I know. Deal?”
I nodded again because I couldn’t remember how my voice box worked. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I know you’re wolves.”
Lucas watched me, the faintest glimmer of amusement in his stern, golden eyes. “That I gathered. Care to be a little more specific?”
“I know Nick’s an Alpha, like you,” I continued, frowning as anger ebbed into my bewilderment. “I know you’re his father.”
“Let’s stick to what you know about the pack,” he said calmly.
My nostrils flared. “How could you not tell him? After his dad’s death, after all the shit Tiffany put him through --”
“It wouldn’t have changed anything.”
“The hell it wouldn’t!” I snapped. “He’s your son. He needed you.”
“And I was there. Maybe not as his father, but I’ve always been there for Nick and I always will be,” he said firmly. “I’ve always protected him, whether he thinks he needs it or not. The fact that you’ve done the same is the main reason you’re still here.”
“You mean the reason you haven’t killed me.”
“It would certainly be more convenient,” he murmured. “But Nick cares about you, and with Holden’s absence, he’s going to need you. That and I watched you grow up. I knew your parents, and I know you’re a credit to this town. I watched you grow from a troubled boy into a good man, Daniel, and I’m taking it on faith that you will do the right thing.”
“Do the right thing,” I scoffed. “You mean keeping your family secrets.”
“If you feel about Nick the way Holden said you do, keeping secrets is part of that. It’s what pack does,” he said, pouring himself a glass as he leaned back in his big leather chair. “It’s what family does. Sometimes you have to lie to people in order to keep from hurting them. You want what’s best for them, even if it means driving a wedge between you.”
“And how is lying to Nick about any of this what’s ‘best’ for him and not just what’s best for you?”
Lucas watched me and I wondered if he was weighing whether this was all more trouble than just putting a bullet in my skull and being done with it. God knew he’d have an easy enough time making the body disappear. The only person left who’d miss me would be the one he thought he was protecting. “You know, to this day, you’re the only person in this town I’m not related to who speaks to me that way. You were like that when you were younger, too. I’ll never forget what you told me after you found Nick that night, after you saved him.”
“
If it’s all the same, I’d rather not go down memory lane.” That night replayed itself often enough in my nightmares.
“You told me that Nick was who he was,” he continued, ignoring me. “You said you understood it was hard for the family to get used to, but we could either grieve Nicole and learn to accept him as Nick or we could grieve them both. That you might not be around the next time it happened, and that if we didn’t stop being, and I quote, ‘such selfish, self-righteous pricks,’ his blood would be on our hands.”
I listened, biting back my rage even though it had been more than a decade. “If you want an apology, I don’t have one to give you. I meant what I said that night, and I don’t have any regrets about saying it.”
“Nor should you,” he said, setting his glass aside. “You were right. Men twice your age wouldn’t even think of standing up to me, but you looked me in the eye without hesitation and tore me a new one, and you were right about all of it. I didn’t much like you back then, not the least of all because of your attachment to Dennis Mills,” he said with a flippant wave. “But that was the day I learned to respect you. It never mattered to me who Nick loved. Once you imprint on someone, your family’s opinion doesn’t factor into it, so wolves seldom have the hangups that have caused Tiffany so much friction in her relationship with Nick, but that night, I found myself hoping that maybe, once he was a bit older, he’d realize he had imprinted on you. Someone who loved him enough to stand up to me on his behalf.”
“Well, he didn’t. You know that now.”
“I do,” he said thoughtfully, swirling the liquid in the bottom of his glass. “But as irrevocable as an imprinting bond is, there are some things that matter more. Friendship, loyalty, family. You’ve been all of those things to my son, and he’s going to need them now that Holden is gone. He’s going to need you.”
“I’m always here for Nick and I always have been. That’s not gonna change now. It still doesn’t mean I’m going to help you lie to him.”
“No, and after we speak, if you choose to tell him, so be it. But I’ll warn you that there are going to be consequences if you do.”
I laughed. “So now you’re threatening me. Of course you are.”
“Don’t be a martyr, Daniel. It doesn’t suit you. I’m not threatening you, I’m simply reminding you that Nick is going to need all the support he can get, and this is going to shake him in ways you have no idea of. His relationship with his mother is already hanging on by a thread, but this? This will end it, and he’s already lost his mate. Do you want him to lose us, too?”
My stomach clenched in rage--and probably hunger, since I hadn’t eaten in three fucking days--but I held my tongue. He was right. News like this would rock Nick’s world under the best of circumstances, and right now, the thing he needed most was the very thing that had driven a wedge between us long before Holden ever came into the picture. His pack. His family. I’d always hated the fact that he kept so much from me while I told him everything, and I knew I was a hypocrite for even considering it, but I couldn’t do this to him. If he ever found out, and I knew he would, it would probably be the end of our friendship, but I couldn’t let him go through that kind of pain. Not now.
My shoulders sagged in defeat. “I won’t say anything.”
“I was hoping you’d come to that conclusion.” The approval in Lucas’ tone was a scarlet letter on my chest and it burned shamefully.
“Does he know about Holden?” I asked listlessly.
“He does. As I’m sure you can understand, he’s...angry about the pack’s role in his escape, but some part of him understands. He’ll get over it.”
“He imprinted. That’s not something you just ‘get over,’ I shouldn’t have to tell you that.”
“Holden left of his own free will. Nick hadn’t marked him, and thank God for that,” he said halfway under his breath. “It won’t be easy, but there are ways it could be easier. One of them, I’m hoping you can help with.”
I frowned. “What is it?”
“It’s not something you need to worry about now. For now, just be there for him like you always are. The first few weeks will be the hardest. When a wolf’s mate is in danger, instinct takes over and he’d do anything to get to her--him, in this case. Since Holden isn’t anywhere Nick can get to, he’s having a hard time keeping his wolf in check. Cam is with him now, but I think your presence would be good for him.”
“You want me to what, go over and play video games like old times, pretend it’s all okay?”
“If that’s what it takes. He shouldn’t be left alone, not right now.”
“What about Locke?” I asked suddenly. “What if he tries to retaliate? Nick is the first person he’d go after.”
“That won’t be happening.”
“How do you know? Have you seen him?”
“No, and I very much doubt he’ll show up here again. Remiel fulfilled his promise to Holden. There are angels surrounding Stillwater as we speak, keeping an eye out for Locke, Lucifer and anyone else who might try to come here looking for Holden.”
I grimaced, thinking of the sacrifice Holden had made. If I had known what he was planning, I never would have let him come here. I couldn’t have known, could I? The way he’d been talking at the Victorian had worried me, but I couldn’t have known he was planning something like this…
Lucas stood and came around the desk, putting a hand on my shoulder in fatherly approval that made my skin crawl. “Whatever you need, I hope you’ll come to me. You’re one of us now, Daniel. You’re family.”
Lucas’ approval had always been something I vaguely coveted, even if my every encounter with the man seemed to push it further from my grasp, but it had nothing to do with the fact that he was the mayor or his family money. I wanted his approval because there had always been some small, narcissistic part of me that dared to hope that one day, I’d need it. Now, knowing that I was helping this man lie to his son, making it easier for him to go on patting himself on the back for his own deception, I wanted to vomit.
“Can I see him?”
“He’s at his place. I tried to convince him to come back here for a while, but...” he trailed off with a sigh.
I moved to the door, stilling when Lucas called, “Daniel?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
My spine stiffened. “I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing it for Nick.”
Something tugged at the corners of Lucas’ lips, but the guilt weighed them down too heavily to form a smile. “That’s what I’m thanking you for.”
~
Walking through town, experiencing the aftermath of the event that never was, was the second strangest experience of my life, right after waking up from the dead. Every trace of what had happened that night seemed to have been wiped from the town. People were laughing and smiling, going about their lives like nothing had happened. I couldn’t resist the grotesque urge to look across the street at the sheriff’s station, but I regretted it the moment I saw Brent standing there with a cup of coffee in his hand, talking to one of the other Council members. He nodded to me and I waved at him, trying to remind myself that he had no idea he was living a day that came after what should have been his last.
When I arrived at Nick’s apartment, Cam was on the couch, as Lucas had said he would be. I wasn’t sure how drinking beer on the couch and playing a first-person shooter was supposed to be helping Nick. I let the door fall shut and Cam took off his headset, looking back at me. “Hey, look who’s up from the dead.”
I frowned. I knew he was just talking about my three-day coma, but it would be a long time before I found any humor in dead jokes. “I’m here to take over, uh, whatever it is you’re doing. Where’s Nick?”
“In there,” he said, nodding toward the bedroom before springing off the couch. “Just in time, I might actually make my date. Good luck,” he said, patting my shoulder. “He’s in a mood.”
It was hard to imagine how he wouldn’t be. I kn
ocked on the bedroom door and when no one answered, I knocked again. Still no answer, and an all too familiar surge of dread overwhelmed me as I flung the door open only to find Nick pounding the shit out of a hanging bag on his far wall. Relief and blood rushed to my head so fast I nearly passed out and he turned, frowning at me in disapproval.
“Sorry,” I stammered. “I just...I thought you…” I trailed off when I realized there was no way to say, “I thought you might have tried to off yourself again since Holden is Michael’s new favorite collectible,” without sounding patronizing.
“You were expecting to find me what, curled up in a ball sniffling and wrapped up in blankets?” he offered, wiping the sweat off his brow before taking a swig from a bottle of straight vodka on his bookshelf.
“No,” I muttered. “Not that.” Never that. I’d seen Nick grieve his father, then his brother and I knew him better than that, but I hadn’t expected him to be like this, either. Even if I reminded myself that the Nick in front of me had known Holden for almost a year less than the one I’d left behind in my original timeline, I’d expected him to show at least some pain. Maybe the anger was just masking it.
“Heard you were with him when he got the brilliant idea to turn himself in to Michael.” Thump. The bag split and sand started trickling into the floor, but he didn’t stop.
“I was.”
“My uncle says you tried to stop him.”
“I did. I’m sorry I didn’t succeed.”
The next hit sent a gush of sand through the rip in the side of the bag. Nick tore it off the hook and it ripped out of the ceiling in his haste. He stared up at it for a moment, frowning.
“Guess you’re not getting your security deposit back.”
His shoulders heaved in something resembling a laugh and he grabbed the bottle of vodka, leaning against the wall as he took a long swig. “So, you’re on wolf watch, huh?”
