by L. C. Davis
“What is this place?” I asked, staring out into the ocean. The waters seemed almost too blue, but there was no reflection on the surface.
Hanael followed my gaze, frowning. “That is the River of Souls. Styx, some call it. It’s the divide between the world you came from and the afterlife, but some souls get lost on the journey.”
The roiling blue waters took on a grotesque quality as her words sank in. “What happens to them?”
“They linger until Judgment Day.”
“And what happens then?”
Hanael bit her lip worriedly. “All souls will face judgment one day. Most reincarnate. It has been indefinitely prolonged.”
“Why?”
“You can’t have Judgment Day without a Judge,” she said pointedly. “What do you think Michael and Lucifer are fighting over?”
“They want to become God? Where’s the original?”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” she muttered. “A void creates a vacuum. Michael believes it is his duty to fill it, Lucifer has his own motivations.”
“And you? Which side are you on?”
She smiled. “You really haven’t changed that much.”
Before I could ask what she meant, she took off toward the water. “Hanael, wait!”
“When Lilith sent you back, she changed the timeline, but she didn’t change the outcome. You still have to become the Whore of Babylon, the prophecy will be fulfilled one way or another,” she said, turning to face me, her boots wet in the water. “If Michael had found you, he wasn’t going to keep you locked up until the appointed time. He was going to destroy you.”
“What? Why? I thought he wanted the apocalypse to happen.”
“He does. But only the Whore can open the Gates of Hell, and when that happens, demons will walk the Earth freely and Lucifer will have a fighting chance. Michael doesn’t want to let that happen.”
I gulped. “I mean, I can kind of see why. That doesn’t sound like a good thing.”
“It isn’t, but you can’t change things without consequences,” she said pointedly. “One way or another, things revert to their natural order. Your role in all of this must be fulfilled.”
“Because Adam says so?” I challenged. “If he’s such an instrumental part in all of this, then where is he?”
“He is where he needs to be,” she said firmly. “You must be as well. Now, come. I’m sending you somewhere you’ll be safe from Michael until Locke finds you.”
“To where?” When would have been another pertinent question.
“To Hell.”
I took a step back from the water lapping at my feet. “I think I’ll take my chances here.”
“Hell is the only place in this universe Michael won’t think to look for you,” she said in an urgent tone.
“What about Lucifer?”
“Lucifer walks the Earth. The demons trapped in Hell won’t recognize you in this form. Just keep a low profile and wait for Locke.”
I reluctantly took another step into the water. “What about my brother?”
“As I said, I will keep him safe. You have my word.”
“Thank you, Hanael.”
“No need to thank me, but the next time I see you, I will have to take up my sword against you,” she warned. “Deep breath.”
“What?” I gasped as Hanael gave me a shove and sent me face-first into the water. I thrashed around for a few seconds, trying to come back up to the surface even though it was already impossibly out of reach. Air bubbled from my lips as I struggled to reach it only to realize that the shadows around me weren’t coming from the light above. They were moving objects, transparent but solid when one bumped into my leg. The shadows began to swirl around me, forming an undertow and no matter how I struggled, I knew succumbing was inevitable.
The current pulled me under and I really wished I had taken that breath.
Twenty-One
DANIEL
I had been staying at Nick’s place for three weeks, and between covering for his constant disappearances while he went off in search of Locke and covering for Lucas, lying for the Whitakers was becoming a full-time job. There was still no sign of Holden and aside from Mrs. Marrin’s occasional rant about him leaving all his things at her place without giving her any notice, it was almost hard to tell he’d ever been there. I reminded myself that to the current residents of Stillwater, he was a newcomer who’d come and gone in a matter of months. Just another flighty Millennial who got bored and took off when the charm of small-town life wore off. I’d put most of his stuff in my extra room since I didn’t want Nick to have to deal with it and there was still some part of me that remained convinced Holden was coming back.
Not as convinced as Nick was, perhaps. I think he knew he was spinning his wheels, for the most part, but if hunting for the white cat who was still walking the earth somewhere was what he needed to keep himself together, I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him otherwise. I did my part by reminding him to eat from time to time, and occasionally I even managed to convince him to sleep.
Work was as much of a distraction for me as hunting for Locke was for him. Maybe I didn’t love Holden the way Nick did, but I cared about him and I knew Remiel well enough to fear for what was happening to him up there, or wherever it was the angel had taken him. The jetlag that came from hopping timezones was nothing compared to going back in time almost a year, and I didn’t even want to imagine what traveling to another dimension would be like. I felt little enough like I belonged in my own.
At first, I’d been convinced that my dissociated state was the result of whatever Holden had done to me, but it had yet to wear off. Most of the time, I felt like I was going through the motions of my own life without ever really being there. I saw patients and the fact that I still had patients was proof that I was doing a halfway decent job of managing my daily social interactions, but I scarcely remembered the conversations I was having. It was all on autopilot. The only time I felt normal was when I was around Nick, and it was a struggle to remind myself that I was still alive when he wasn’t there.
The bell rang over the door. Probably a walkin, since I didn’t have any more appointments booked that day. “Be right out,” I called, finishing up with the chart I was filling in from my last patient. I felt someone watching me from the doorway and I mentally prepared myself to deal with Mr. Felch, since he was the only person entitled enough to just barge into my office, but when I turned around, I found myself wishing it was just the moody dentist.
Instead, I got to deal with the tooth fairy. Asher was watching me like he was the one who had reason to be afraid. I reminded myself that he didn’t know I knew what he was, or what he’d done to Dennis. If there was one silver lining to getting sent back in time, it was not having to deal with him. He avoided me like he always had, and I hadn’t thought much about the strange looks he gave me whenever he saw me from across the street until he showed up at my clinic.
“Can I do something for you, Mills?”
“You dropped out of the running for Council.”
“Is that an accusation or a question?”
“Why?” he demanded, leaning in the doorway, his arms folded as those blue eyes scrutinized me. I still couldn’t shake the mental image of the way his eyes had looked on that film, cold and metallic. It was easy to tell myself I’d imagined the warmth, that I’d only seen him as human or something like it because that was what I wanted to see. It wasn’t as easy now that he was standing right in front of me.
“I don’t have time,” I said, filing the papers from the chart and trying to pretend like I wasn’t wary of him.
“What happened to running against me for the good of the town?”
I stopped, my back turned to him. “Maybe I finally realized this town doesn’t need my protection.”
“You know, don’t you?”
By the time I turned around, he was stalking toward me, blocking me in between him and the exam table. “What the f--?”
He took my face in his hands, looking me over like I was some specimen to study, to examine. I tried to push him away but he pinned me back against the table, slipping his right hand down to my neck, pressing his fingertips into my jugular. “You’re still human. How is that even possible?”
“What else would I be?” My heart beat faster against his fingertips, but I couldn’t entirely blame that on the prospect of being found out.
His eyes narrowed, like he was trying to tell if I was bluffing. His hand fell away and he took a step back. “I don’t know what you’ve done, but you’ve made a terrible mistake.”
“Is that a threat?”
“It’s a warning. You’re covered in kronus debris, which only ever happens when there’s time travel involved,” he muttered. “Since I very much doubt you have access to a portal, I’m guessing a demon is responsible.”
“Demons? Time travel? That’s some strange talk for a perfectly normal human.”
He gave me a weary stare. “Don’t be cute. There’s something seriously wrong with you and Brent Whitaker, for that matter.”
“What about Brent?”
The bell rang and Nick tore into the room, pinning Asher against the wall with a snarl. Guess we weren’t even bothering to pretend like we were human anymore. Nick looked from Asher to me and back again, his eyes glowing in agitation. “Did he hurt you?”
“No,” I said, even though my pride had seen better days if Nick thought he had to swoop in and rescue me.
“We were just talking,” Asher said coolly.
Nick had him by the collar, his lip curled back in a snarl. “What’d I tell you about talking to him, freak?”
Asher looked away. “I really should be getting to that dinner. It would be a shame if someone noticed I was missing.”
Nick stared him down for a moment before he finally released him, smoothing out the lapels he’d been fisting a second ago. “It would. Just remember, you’re not the only one who can make people disappear.”
“Do give my regards to your uncle,” Asher said, slipping through the door. He paused, looking back at me as if he wanted to say something. Instead, he furrowed his brow, shook his head and left. Once I heard the bell over the door chime, I finally relaxed.
“You okay?” Nick asked, frowning at me.
“I’m fine,” I said, swatting his hand away when he tried to fuss. “I don’t need you deciding who I can and can’t talk to.”
“Apparently, you do. I warned you, he’s not --”
“Human, I know. Trust me, I know.”
Nick sighed. “What did he want?”
“He didn’t say,” I lied. I hated how easy it was getting to lie, especially to him. “Hey, have you seen Brent?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Is he acting...I don’t know, strange?”
“Not that I’ve noticed. Why, did that weirdo say something about him?”
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it,” I said, shrugging out of my lab coat to hang it up. “Any luck finding Locke?”
“No,” he said in a sullen tone. “I was thinking of calling it quits for the night. You up for takeout and beer?”
“Always.” I still didn’t have much of an appetite even if I could keep human food down, but I figured that might have more to do with the time travel than being un-undead. “Your place or mine?”
“Mine. The game’s on and your flatscreen’s kind of shitty.”
I snorted, deciding to let that diss slide since I knew the real reason Nick wanted to avoid my place was because it was full of Holden’s things. At least he’d stopped resisting my attempts to keep an eye on him. Maybe he just knew it was better to have to deal with me than his family. “Alright, just let me grab a shower first.”
“I’ll go get the food, just come in when you’re ready,” he said, breezing through the clinic door.
I headed up to my apartment and dropped my work clothes in the hamper along with the rest of the laundry piled on the floor. I hadn’t spent more than twenty minutes at my place in the last few weeks, so it was falling into a state of disarray. I saw that I had a few messages waiting on my answering machine, but Carla was the only one who called my home number and I didn’t feel like hearing her guilt trip me about dropping out of the Council race. After a quick shower, I changed into some jeans and a sweatshirt but ended up second guessing my utter lack of fashionability and went for a T-shirt instead. No need to look as rundown as I felt. Not that Nick ever noticed shit like that to begin with.
When I arrived at his place, he was still out so I put the six pack I’d brought over in the refrigerator and sat down on the couch to wait. I surfed through the satellite channels until I found the game and settled back to relax. I didn’t even remember closing my eyes, but when I opened them, Nick was watching me from his perch on the couch next to me with a look of deep concern. His hand was warm as it rested on my shoulder and he shook me lightly. “Daniel? Dan, you okay?”
“I’m fine.” My voice sounded slurred and when I tried to sit up, it felt like my body had been weighted down.
“How much did you drink?” he asked worriedly.
“Nothing, I…” When I finally managed to sit up, I slumped forward and lost all control of my movement. Nick caught me, easing me back against the couch.
“Whoa. You’re definitely not okay, I’m calling an ambulance.”
“Don’t,” I pleaded, reaching out to grab his wrist. He looked down at my hand, confusion flickering on his face.
“Your skin...why’s it so cold?” he asked, taking my hand in his, pressing our palms together. The touch alone would have been enough to clear every rational thought from my mind under normal circumstances, but I was already dazed and all I could do was stare at him like an idiot.
“You’re just warm,” I said, trying to slur a little less. “You’re always warm. Like a furnace.”
“Okay,” he said slowly, standing. He let my hand fall away only to drape my arm over his shoulder. “You need to lie down.”
“I’m good,” I assured him, stumbling a little as he led me into the room. “I’m not drunk, just tired. Haven’t been...y’know.”
“Sleeping?” he offered, leading me over to the edge of the bed. I collapsed on it.
“Yeah, that.”
Nick watched me, his features set in guilt. I couldn’t imagine what he had to feel guilty about, until he muttered, “Probably because you’ve been over here taking care of me all month.”
“Nah. I always worry about you,” I admitted, reaching out to touch him because I always wanted to and for once, I couldn’t remember why I usually held back. He seemed surprised, but he leaned his cheek into my palm a little. “It’s easier to just be with you. It’s nice,” I said, sweeping my thumb along the cut of his jaw.
His gaze softened. “You always worried,” he said quietly. “No matter how much I told you not to. Used to piss me off.”
“And it doesn’t anymore?”
His lips twisted into a little smirk that had no business looking that sexy on anyone, but especially not him. “I just realized you’re a lost cause and finally accepted that I had one more annoying older brother to deal with.”
Evidently, I didn’t do half as good of a job at hiding how much that remark hurt as usual. It shouldn’t have hurt at all, I reminded myself. Going back in time didn’t change anything. I was over Nick. I was good with what we were, even if that was all we were ever going to be. He needed me to be that more than ever, but with my thoughts turning at even more of a crawl than when I was dead, it was hard to remember just how fucking good I was with it all.
“What’s wrong? Why do you act like I punched you in the gut whenever I say that?”
I should have feigned ignorance or made up some lie. I should have said anything other than, “Because that’s what it feels like.”
“Why?” He was relentless.
“Because I don’t want to be your fucking brother.” The words came out so much harshe
r than I meant for them to. Hurt registered on his face and I knew I had to fix it, even if it meant humiliating myself. Hurting Nick was so much worse than telling him the truth. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
“You know how I feel, Nick. I’m tired, my filter’s off, just pretend I didn’t say anything.”
“I can’t. You know that’s not how I work.”
“Fine.” I sat up sharply and regretted it when my head started spinning. “You want to know what I meant? You want me to say it? I fucking love you. Not like a brother, not just as a friend. The way I feel about you isn’t like I’ve ever felt about anyone else, not even Dennis fucking Mills and no matter how hard I try, I can’t make myself stop feeling this way.”
He stared at me and I knew I’d fucked up. After all the mistakes I’d made and fixed only to make them again, this was the one that crossed the line, but there was no taking it back. All I could do was wait for the fallout.
“Daniel.”
I flinched at the sound of my own name. It wasn’t harsh or scolding like I’d expected, but I wasn’t sure what to make of the strangeness in his tone. It wasn’t anything I’d heard before, not from him. “Daniel, look at me.”
“I should leave,” I said, refusing. When I went to stand, he pushed me down, his lips locked on mine, and my head spun. The kiss was brash and demanding, just like everything else about him, and I was too stunned to return it at first. When he finally pulled away, the look in his eyes helped me understand what this was. It was a test. For him, at least. He was studying me, as if contemplating the results of the experiment he’d just conducted, trying to decide if I was a fitting subject.
“Why did you do that?” I asked once I had the presence of mind to formulate words.
He shook his head slowly. “I don’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You knew. On some level, you knew and I wasn’t going to be the one to make it weird. You’ve never had an issue taking what you want, and it was pretty damn clear you never wanted me.”
