That’s exactly what she did.
I head into work on Monday morning as nervous as a guilty baby daddy before a DNA test. I’m nervous because I’ve decided to tell Katherine the truth about being the source for the article in the Post. She may or may not already know at this point, depending upon Brooke’s commitment to weekend sleuthing, but whether or not she knows, I know. She will never forgive me. I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.
I’ve also decided to tell her about Theo. She said something in her speech about suspecting Theo might leave her. I have no idea what that’s based on, but as of Saturday morning, it was my understanding that Theo was not going to tell Katherine what happened. I try to put myself in her shoes and think about what it would feel like if Nick cheated on me and whether or not I would want to know. I know every situation is different so it’s hard to decide for anyone else. But, personally, I would want to know. I would most definitely want to know.
And finally, I’ve decided to confront her about telling Ash not to consider me for the digital-media job. I have to get all of these secrets out of my body. Their poison is making me sick. The backlash is most definitely going to be a bitch. But the alternative, keeping it all in, isn’t an option for me anymore. I’ll deal with the aftermath when it comes.
I delay the inevitable with my usual soothing tactic: the bagel guy. I order my regular and head toward the elevator. It feels like there are crack-addicted trapeze artists in my stomach, and they are just beginning their routine. I see Evan waiting for the elevator, so I head toward him and we wait.
“Hey, Luciebelle. I’ve see you’ve got your normal fortifications,” he says. “You’ll need them. Gonna be a busy day.” He says the last part in a taunting, sing-song voice.
The elevator door opens and we both walk in. Evan presses our floor and the doors close. It’s only the two of us in the car.
“What did you think about the speech?” I ask, taking a sip of my coffee.
“What speech?” Evan asks, looking at me with a confused expression.
“Umm,” I stammer, not entirely sure what to say. Certainly Evan must have heard about The Speech.
“Kidding, Luciebelle. Kidding,” Evan says.
“Not funny, Evan,” I say with a smile and a cock of my head.
“What did I think of the speech? If I had a dime for every time I’ve been asked that in the last twenty-four hours, I’d be a richer man than I am currently am. You know, to be honest, I’m still trying to digest it all. I will say that I’m proud of Katherine for being so honest. I know that was really hard.”
“Did you talk to her yesterday?” I ask.
“Of course,” Evan says. “Several times. I spent a few hours at her apartment and we discussed all the implications . . . for Green Goddess, for the book, for her.”
“And, what do—” I start to ask as the elevator doors open.
“Gotta run. Talk to you later,” he says, rushing off and flicking his fingers in a good-bye to me.
I proceed to my desk slowly. A dead man walking.
“Lucy, is that you?” I hear Katherine call from her office as I get to my desk and start setting my things down. I keep my coffee and head into her office. I’m stunned by what I see.
“Katherine? What are you doing?”
“I’m packing,” she says sounding as normal as if she had said, I’m going to have a salad for dinner.
“Packing for what?” I ask, though I already know. I look around her office and it’s a sea of brown boxes, some wide open revealing their contents: books, frames, vases. Some already taped closed.
“Packing up my office.” She stops, puts her hands on her hips, takes a deep breath and says, “I’m leaving, Lucy. I’ve quit my job. Today’s my last official day.” She sounds so content, so determined.
“What? Why?” I ask and collapse into a Kelly chair.
“Well, for a lot of reasons,” she says and takes a break from packing to sit at the edge of her desk. “Wait, first of all, is Nick okay?”
“Yes, thank you. He’s fine. He’s going to be just fine. Thank you.”
“Thank God. I’m so happy to hear that.”
I smile.
“I stunned myself with that speech. Up until the minute Sallie called my name, I did not plan on giving that speech. And then something came over me. I thought, to hell with it all. I was sick of the charade, Lucy. I’ve been holding it together, clearly not very well, and I couldn’t convince myself that it was worth it anymore. I know it all sounds very unlike me to give up like that, but maybe it’s more like me than I even know.” She gets up and starts walking around her office. “I really took Elaine Ireland’s words to heart. Sure, I’d heard that same argument hundreds of times, but I’d never truly allowed myself to let the words register. I’d always felt like that was a cop-out. And I realize now how arrogant I was and how stupid I was. And that’s what all came into my brain in that immediate moment before I went on stage. I left my speech on the table, and as I walked up to the dais, I was scared. In my head, there were voices shouting at me saying, Don’t do this and Turn around and get your speech. But, as I said, something came over me and I kept going.”
“It was a really good speech, Katherine.”
“Thanks,” she laughs. “I felt like I was possessed, in a way. I didn’t feel like I even had control over what I was saying. Don’t get me wrong, I knew what I was saying and I wanted to make that speech, but the words somehow seemed to formulate themselves. Anyway, when I was done and I started walking back to my seat, it was like a cacophony in my ears, though I found out later that the audience was dead silent. But to me the noise was deafening. And I didn’t really know what had just happened. I had to read the transcript of the speech when it was printed online the next morning to remember what I had said.” She smiles, calmly tucks her hair behind her ears, and takes a sip of her Glow juice.
I smile back as best I can and she continues.
“I have to say that I’m happy I did it. Well, most of me. Part of me wishes I had thought that whole plan out a little more,” she laughs. “I might have gone about it differently. I might not have spilled so many personal secrets. Ugh, like about Theo. And I could have used some time to think about how this would affect everyone else. In that moment I was only thinking about how I couldn’t keep the facade up any longer. Anyway, at the end of it all, I’m happy it happened the way it did.” She seems so light. Liberated.
“But why do you have to leave Green Goddess?” I ask.
“Oh, I can’t stay here, Lucy. It’s too much of a distraction for the company. I had a long talk with Evan yesterday. He tried to convince me that we could make it work. That we could smooth things over with shareholders and the board and all that, and that we could spin it all in a positive way. I get what he’s saying, and I can see some validity in it. But the main reason I’m leaving is because I can’t do this job . . . ,” she gestures around her office with her hands, “anymore. It’s too much. The commitment that this particular job requires is no longer what I’m willing to give. I’m officially a corporate cliché,” she says and then changes her voice to one of a news broadcaster, “Katherine Whitney is leaving her job to spend more time with her family.”
“Couldn’t they make your job a little less demanding?” I ask.
“This job requires someone who is going to make a 100-percent commitment to his or her career. And I’m not willing to do that anymore. Ah, that sounds so liberating. And, to be honest, scary as hell.” She comes over and sits on the chair next to me.
“What about London. And the book?” I ask.
“There are plenty of people to take control of the reins for London. And almost everything’s ready for the launch anyway. And the book, well, I’m not sure what’s going to happen with the book and the website yet, but I’m not worried. Things have a way of working themselves out when they need to.”
“Couldn’t you do a different job here?”
&nb
sp; “I could. But I don’t want to. You know how important my career is to me. But something inside is telling me I should make a clean break from all of this and start over. And I want to listen to that voice. I think it knows something.”
“So what are you going to do now?” I ask, my voice breaking a little. I’m starting to feel really, really sad.
“Oh, Luce,” she says and grabs my hand. “I’m not entirely sure, but everything’s going to be fine.”
“Katherine,” I say, gathering my courage. I need to do it now. I need to have it be done. “There are some things I really need to talk to you about,” I say. The Post. Theo. Ash.
“What’s on your mind?” she asks, slapping her hands down on her thighs (clad in jeans, I should add).
“You ready, Katherine?” Evan asks as he walks into Katherine’s office.
“Lucy, sorry, Evan and I have a call with London right now to go over what’s happening here. Can we talk later about what you wanted to talk about?”
“Sure,” I say, mostly relieved. I close the door behind me as I leave Katherine’s office and sit down at my desk.
And then it hits me. I don’t know what took me so long. If Katherine is no longer the COO of Green Goddess then I no longer have a boss, which means I am no longer anyone’s employee, which means I do not have a job. I let that sink in a bit and then I call Nick.
“She quit,” I say quietly when Nick picks up on the first ring.
“No way.”
“Yep,” I say.
“Wow. Totally not what I thought she’d do.”
“She’s here, but she’s packing up her office.”
“So what happens to you?”
“You’d think I would have asked that, right?”
“Well, yeah.”
“We were in the middle of talking about everything, but then she had to get on a conference call. So now I’m at my desk, whispering on the phone to you, while people walk by my desk staring at me and at Katherine’s closed door. I was so startled and flustered by her telling me about her job that I didn’t even think about my own job.”
“How long is she going to be on the call?” Nick asks.
“I have no idea,” I say.
“Well, as soon as she gets off you should ask her what this means for you.”
“Yep, that’s the plan,” I say.
“And if it means you no longer have a job at Green Goddess, then we can sit down tonight and come up with a strategy together.”
“Okay, thanks, Nick.”
“Speaking of tonight,” his tone changes.
“Yes?”
“Can you come over after work? Or can I come to you? I had my cardiologist appointment early this morning, and I’m cleared for strenuous activities. I’d like to be strenuous with you.”
“It’s a date. I would like to be strenuous with you, too,” I say, laughing.
As the day goes on, Katherine remains behind closed doors on a series of calls. Evan is in there most of the day, too, slipping out only to ask me to grab them lunch. I still answer her phone and conduct business as usual because there has been no official press release announcing Katherine’s resignation. As far as the public knows, Katherine Whitney is still the COO of Green Goddess. I guess I’m happy to have my job for at least one more day. One of the fears I had originally about telling Katherine the truth about the Post is that I knew I would lose my job. But I guess I don’t have to worry about that part. My job is already lost. Karma is a bitch.
Late in the afternoon, around four o’clock, Katherine’s door finally opens and she strides out, her bag on her shoulder.
“I’m going home, Lucy,” Katherine says.
“But—”
“We can talk about everything tomorrow,” she says and quickly walks away toward the elevator.
What was that? I find out about a half hour later.
“Katherine Whitney’s office.”
“Lucy, it’s Katherine.”
“Oh, hi, Katherine.”
“Can you come by my apartment in about a half hour? At five? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
“Um, sure. Yeah, that’s no problem. I’ll see you in a half hour.”
I hang up the phone and I just stare. I could not read her tone. It wasn’t exactly unfriendly but it was nowhere near the tone of our little banter this morning. Which doesn’t necessarily mean anything. But it could mean everything. Maybe she just wants to talk to me about what’s going to happen with my job. Maybe she decided not to come in tomorrow so she wants to let me finish the conversation I started with her earlier when Evan walked in. Maybe she’s going to tell me that she pulled some strings and I have the job in digital media. Or maybe it’s something else entirely. I slowly gather my things and send a quick text to Nick.
Lucy: Katherine wants to see me at her apartment. Heading there now.
Nick: Why?
Lucy: Not sure. Will let you know after. In fact would love for you to head to my apartment so I can tell you in person when I’m done.
Nick: I can do that.
Lucy: If it’s bad news, I might need some strenuous drinking in addition to the other strenuous activities you had in mind. Be prepared.
Nick: Done. Good luck. I love you.
Luck might be exactly what I need, I think as I head toward the elevator. Toward Katherine’s.
Chapter Twenty
Cute Doorman and I smile at each other as I walk into Katherine’s building.
“Go ahead,” he says. “I’ll tell them you’re on your way up.”
“Thanks,” I say and head toward the elevator.
Apparently, five o’clock is a sort of rush hour in New York City doorman buildings. I’m never home at five on a weekday nor do I live in a doorman building, so I’ve never gotten to observe this phenomenon.
There are no fewer than six kids and what appear to be two nannies and a mom waiting for the elevator. There’s a stroller, two soccer balls, one baseball bat, and a scooter. There are two sippy cups, one half-eaten bag of popcorn that’s now spilling over onto the pristine marble lobby floor, and three bottles of water. There’s pushing, crying, whining, and kicking. And there’s me, observing it all. Empathizing with these caretakers. Happy, for the time being, that I’m not them.
I let them all cram into the elevator when it comes and am relieved that another elevator comes soon thereafter. I don’t want to be late to meet with Katherine. I’ve mentally exhausted every iteration of this conversation, and now I just want to get it over with.
I knock on Katherine’s door, and Theo opens it.
“Hey, slugger,” he says glumly.
“Hey,” I say.
“Come, she’s in the library.”
I follow Theo into the library. In large Manhattan apartments inhabited by the very wealthy, the library is more often than not an intimate room painted either in an oxblood red or midnight-blue lacquer. There are solid-wood bookshelves displaying hundreds, if not thousands, of books. There is almost always a leather couch laden with decorative pillows as well as various other upholstered chairs or benches assembled to form a central seating area. And there is a coffee table that always holds a scented Diptyque or DayNa Decker candle, a beautiful low arrangement of single-hued flowers, a crystal dish filled with nuts or wrapped candies, and a neat stack of urbane coffee-table books published by Rizzoli. If you don’t believe me, look through any issue of Architectural Digest, and you’ll see what I mean.
As I enter the library, I see Katherine curled into one side of the espresso-colored leather couch, a decorative pillow atop her lap. The DayNa Decker Tuberose is lit and it gives the room a warm glow. Katherine’s wearing sweats and a cashmere sweater, her hair in a ponytail. She has obviously been crying and she continues to do so, tossing spent tissues into a small leather wastebasket on the floor by her side.
“Katherine,” I say, shocked by what I see.
“Lucy, how could you?” Katherine asks with venom in her
voice. And I realize she knows.
“How—” I start, unsure of what I’m going to say.
Katherine interrupts. “I know you were the source for the Post.” She looks at me with daggers in her eyes.
“Is that true, Lucy?” Theo asks.
“Yes, but—”
“But what? But what, Lucy?” Katherine asks angrily as she tosses another tissue into the garbage and plucks a fresh one from the box next to her on the couch.
“Katherine, I’m so sorry,” I say in a wretched voice. “Please, can I explain?”
Katherine makes a disgusted sound.
“Let her explain, Katherine,” Theo says. He and I have been standing up till now. He sits down next to Katherine on the couch and gestures toward a small bench on the other side of the coffee table facing them.
I sit in my assigned seat and take a deep breath.
“I’m so sorry. I’ve never been more sorry about anything in my entire life. I tried to tell you earlier today when I was in your office because I couldn’t keep it from you any longer. And it’s not all exactly how it seems.”
“It never is,” Theo says.
“I found out from the assistant grapevine that you told Ash not to hire me for the job in the digital-media department. His assistant Sera’s desk is where a bunch of the assistants assemble to gossip, and I guess someone overheard you having a conversation with Ash in his office.” One last lie, but I will not snitch on Sera.
I see something come over Katherine’s face, but I’m not sure what it is.
I continue. “I was so mad, Katherine. I’ve never been madder in my life. I felt like I had done so much for you, that I had worked so hard all the time for you, and that seemed like such a betrayal. And you flat-out lied to me and said you had spoken to Joan and that you’d support me.”
“I—” Katherine starts.
“Let her finish,” Theo says softly, touching Katherine’s shoulder.
The Balance Project Page 21
