by Kip Nelson
“She knows what she's done,” Maggie said, tightening her grip on the gun.
She had both hands wrapped around the weapon and her legs spread out, giving her a good stance. Her eyes followed the line of the bullet, and it was pointed straight at Eleanor’s center mass. Maggie knew too many people tried going for the head shot when the middle of the body was an easier target. It was equally as deadly since there were so many organs that could be damaged and should be considered first aim, when trying to stop someone. Real life wasn't like in the movies, where people could shrug off a bullet wound and carry on running even as they were bleeding out. No, real life was much different, and much more dangerous.
“I think you can put down the gun now,” Mack said in a calm, even tone. Maggie glared at him. It was the only time she broke her glance, and Eleanor was glad to not feel Maggie's eyes boring into her.
“She's not going to pose us any trouble. She's terrified. Let's just talk and see what's been happening here.” Reluctantly, Maggie lowered the weapon as Mack walked forward to the counter and leaned over it, looking at Eleanor.
She started lowering her hands and Mack nodded, giving her permission. Eleanor's arms wrapped around her body and her head dropped down. She wiped her eyes and sniffed back her tears, looking entirely vulnerable, standing alone behind the counter. All eyes were on her once again.
“Eleanor,” Mack began, “nobody is going to hurt you. I'm sorry if we gave you that impression. I didn't mean to scare you. But we've told you what has happened to us. We must be on our guard in case we find anything amiss and, well, we have. Why don't you tell us what happened to your father, to Pop?” he implored.
At the mention of her father, Eleanor's eyes lit up, and within them Mack saw the pain and anguish that resided within her soul, the hurt that had prompted her to keep her father's body in that room and pretend he was still alive.
“What do you mean? He's fine. If you're wondering why he hasn't come out, then he's probably just gone for one of his walks. He likes to take walks, says that fresh air is good for the soul. And sometimes he meets people. Well, not so much anymore, but he used to, and that's how he made friends. He always comes back and tells me what he's found on his walks. I'm sure he'll be back soon, and you all can meet him. He'll be glad to see you.
“Well, he might be a little gruff at first, but that's just his way. He wasn't always the best with people, but he's a good man, and he won't be angry that you are here. I know you all are nice people, and I won't tell them about what just happened. It was just a misunderstanding, wasn't it?” she had a hopeful look in her eyes as she said it. Yet, even she knew the truth would have to come out, and her words faltered as they left her lips.
“Eleanor, I saw him,” Mack said, and just from the way he said her name she knew that, somehow, he had discovered the truth and there was no point in hiding it anymore.
But before she spoke the sudden realization that she would have to emerge from her chrysalis of denial caused a flood of tears to course down her face. She wept bitterly and loudly, making the others feel awkward. It was Grace who pulled out some cloth and went to Eleanor's aid, putting an arm around her shoulder. She held the cloth to her nose as Eleanor blew into it, her shuddering, shaking body trying to divorce itself from the sorrow in her soul. Thanks to the comfort offered by Grace, Eleanor was able to calm down and breathe a little more easily, and she began speaking again. Her eyes glistened as she looked at Mack and the others and told her story.
“It happened just like I said it did. The day it all ended, when the electricity went out, there were so many people outside. We went out and tried talking to people. We were just as confused as they were. Pop hoped we all could help each other. Some of the people we knew, but others we didn't. People were so frightened and angry. They started arguing with themselves. Some of them thought the city would be sending help and others said this was the end, and everyone was out for themselves. It was so loud and I was frightened, and Pop tried to reason with them. We all stopped when we saw a plane in the distance come crashing down, and that's what drove people into a frenzy. We knew our lives were in danger.
“Some people just went straight to the city, others got back in their cars and tried driving away. When they couldn’t, they began pulling their engines apart to see what was happening. Some people were running around asking to check everyone's phone to see if they could get a message through, but nobody knew anything. Pop invited people to come in here to talk about things, and work out a plan, but then people started to change.
“They suddenly realized we had food and water. Pop tried to reason with them, tried to warn them that it wasn't the way to do things, that there was enough for everybody if we just talked about it, but they didn't listen. They came in, and once a few people started doing it, the others joined in because they knew if they didn't, they'd go away empty-handed. Pop tried stopping them, but he just was pushed aside and trampled. I cowered in the corner, frightened, just wanting it all to end.”
She took a breath, and then continued. “Then when it was all over, Pop came crawling over to me and hugged me. He was bloodied and bruised, and by this point, everyone had shuffled off. Even the people we knew, the ones we had considered friends, were so ashamed of their actions that they didn't even ask how we were. They just left us alone, and everyone went their separate ways. When we got back inside we looked at the empty and broken shelves and just cried together. It was kinda funny, really. I always had been afraid of being robbed, but the cash was still in the register. It's still there now. I guess it's just useless paper.
“Pop was really down after that. I think it shook him, seeing how quickly people could turn into animals when he always tried telling me that if we just tried being good, we could help each other and the world would be a better place. We tried talking about our plan, but he didn't want to be anywhere near people, not after that, not after what he had seen them do. I couldn't blame him. I didn't want to be anywhere near them either.
“I just wanted to be with my Pop. And he said everything was going to be okay. He said he would take care of me. He said he never would leave me. He said it always would be me and him against the world. And for a short time it was. We spent our days together, always watching out for people, but nobody came along. Sometimes we'd hear something in the distance, but it never amounted to anything. Then one day I was out walking, just getting some fresh air, when I heard a gunshot.
“I ran back, afraid somebody else had tried stealing from us, but there was nobody here. I called out for Pop, but he didn't answer. Then I...then I found him, like that, fallen over the side of the chair, with a hole in his head. He said he never would leave me, but he lied to me. He lied...he'd never lied to me before. He didn’t leave a note or anything. He just went away, just like that, without even saying goodbye, but I knew I couldn't leave him. I can't leave him. I can't survive this world without him. So, I put him in his chair and, I know it's not real, but it's like he's still here, and I just miss my Pop so bad...” she said, and collapsed into tears again. She fell into Grace's arms and shook tremulously as she let out all the sadness that had been building up inside of her. She was glad finally to have the respite of another person after being in the gas station all by herself ever since her father had abandoned her.
Grace soothed her by rubbing her back and looked up at Mack, who had a troubled look on his face. After a time, Grace managed to extricate herself from Eleanor's grasp. Saul offered her the can of peaches, which she accepted gratefully. Eating them managed to quell the sobs for a little bit while the group moved away and discussed the matter between themselves.
“What should we do?” Mack asked.
“What do you mean? She's been alright here until now. It's not our problem. We can't be expected to help everyone we come across,” Maggie said, “we have our own problems.”
“You can't just leave her here! She's been abandoned by her father. She's like an abandoned child, really, and any
one could come along,” Grace said. Maggie flinched, and only Mack noticed, but he did not question Maggie further about it because they had to talk about Eleanor first.
“She has some supplies here,” Mack said, “but they're not going to last indefinitely, and I'm not sure she has the mentality to survive by herself. I think we should try convincing her to come with us. That's the best chance she has at surviving.”
“Didn't you hear her? She ain't going anywhere, and I'm not going to drag a corpse with us,” Saul said.
“She does seem unnervingly attached to her father. It would be a difficult thing to convince her to leave,” Hank said.
“I don't think we can make the decision for her, but you are quite persuasive, Mack. So, if you want to try, I'm happy to have her come along with us. I don't like the idea of her staying here anymore than you,” Luis said, and Freddie nodded his agreement.
“This is something that has to be a group decision, so we'll put it to a vote,” Mack said. The only two contrary votes were from Maggie and Saul, so Mack went up to Eleanor and tried speaking gently to her.
“I know you want to stay here with your father, but surely you must see you can't stay here forever. If you'd like, you can come with us. We'll keep you safe, and maybe you can find a new home.”
But Eleanor shook her head vehemently. “No, my home is here. Thank you for the offer, but I can't leave. There's nothing that could make me see differently. My place is here, with him. He died here, and so will I. I'm sorry, but that's my final decision, and there's nothing you can say that will change my mind.”
As Mack looked into her eyes, he knew she was right, although it weighed heavily on his heart. He hated the thought of another soul being lost in this world. He helped Eleanor up, and the group bid their farewells, deciding it was best they got on their way. Eleanor provided them with some more supplies, including more water that she fetched from the back. Mack was surprised at this, and thanked her for her gracious gift. Eleanor just said she only was doing what her father would have done. She also gave Saul a can of peaches to replace the one he had given her, and his face lit up again. She even received a hug, which took everyone by surprise.
They bid their farewells and the group soon was on their way again. As the door closed behind them Eleanor smiled and hoped they would find their way. Then, she opened a can, got a fork, and went to the back room. She dug the fork into the can and raised it to her father's mouth.
“So Pop, I have some interesting news today. These people came into the gas station! There were seven of them and most of them were nice, and no, don't worry, they didn't take anything. But they told me some exciting stories. Would you like to hear them?” And there she stayed, in the small, squat building by the side of the road, living in her own little world, the only world she ever had known.
Chapter Nine
With heavy hearts, they left Eleanor behind. Grace, in particular, was feeling glum as she felt something of a kinship with the young woman who lived at the gas station. Her own parents had abandoned her. So, she knew what it was like to feel alone and, in some ways, Eleanor had it even worse as she had known what it was to be loved by a father, whereas Grace had no idea. It brought to mind the oft-quoted Alfred Lord Tennyson line, 'It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,' but judging from Eleanor's reaction, Grace wasn't sure Queen Victoria’s poet laureate had been correct. To have nothing to miss meant there was less pain, and although Eleanor still had her memories of time spent with her Pop, they only would serve to bring forward the sadness, time and time again. Grace, in contrast, had a void where her heart should have been. For a while they moved along without any words between them, until Freddie spoke up.
“I wish we could have helped her more,” he said.
“Sometimes you can't help people if they won't let you,” Luis replied.
“I know,” Freddie continued, “but it's clear she's grieving. What she really needs is some counseling. I wish I could have done more for her. It seems a shame to leave her behind, knowing she's in that gas station all alone. We pretty much can tell what's going to happen.”
“You never know,” Mack said, “some people are resourceful, and someone else may come along who is able to do her some good. None of us know what is going to happen to her, but at least we were there to offer our aid, and to let her talk about what had happened.”
“It's still pretty messed up if you ask me,” Saul said.
“I mean, keeping her father’s dead body in a room like that. I'm glad you saw it, and not me, Mack. I don't think I would have been able to keep my lunch down. It must have smelled awful. How does she manage to stay near it?” he said, shaking his head.
“Some people have strange ways to deal with death,” Hank said, “and it's hard for people to let go.”
“I suppose you believe in the eternal soul, don't you? And that we're all going to be lifted up to the heavens when we die?” Saul said, with a smirk on his face.
“Not all of us,” Hank replied with a wink, and Saul laughed heartily.
“So then, preacher,” Saul said, dropping his face to fall in line with Hank’s.
This meant that Grace, who had been walking by Hank's side, was pushed out of the way, much to her chagrin. She glared at Saul, but he didn't seem to notice.
“What are the rules for this new world? Do the Ten Commandments still hold true? Because I think we're all being classed as sinners, and from what I've done in my life, I know I'm heading straight to hell. Is there any chance of redemption for any of us?”
“I think there's redemption for all of us. This world is still the world, and we're still human beings. Whatever challenges we face we should face them with love in our hearts. Eleanor may have been misguided due to her grief, but she listened to her father's words about greeting strangers as though they were friends, and in that she was right. It's just saddening to hear there was so much chaos in the initial outbreak, and that her father was unable to deal with the shattering of his worldview. I think that is what's going to cause the most trouble in the world at the moment, people who seek to hold onto what has slipped away. Just like Eleanor has to accept the death of her father, people have to accept the changing of the world.”
“I still can't believe he would abandon her like that,” Grace said. “I mean, what kind of parent just does that? Says that they'll be there for their kid, and then shoots themselves, without even saying goodbye? I can't believe, after everything Eleanor told us, that he would do that without leaving a note.”
“People act in different ways,” Freddie said. “Without knowing the man, it's hard to give a professional diagnosis, but I imagine he was struggling to deal with how the world had changed. Probably all his beliefs about people, and his confidence in the stability of the world had been shaken. It must have been like the rug was swept out from underneath him. And remember, Eleanor said her father had owned the gas station since before she was born. It obviously meant a great deal to him, but his entire purpose in the world had been rendered obsolete. Some people can't handle that.”
“What about his purpose of being Eleanor's father?” Grace said sharply. Freddie shrugged.
“That, I can't answer. Maybe he thought she would be better off without him. Maybe he didn't think they would be able to make it through. Maybe he killed himself so she would have more food to eat. It's impossible to tell. Either way, I feel sorry that Eleanor had to discover his body on her own. I can't imagine what it was like for her. She already had lost everything, and now the only thing she had to remember her father by, the gas station, is now just an empty building.”
“I still think any parent who abandons their child, especially in a time like this, is just being selfish. They have a responsibility to look after their children and they can't just choose not to do so,” Grace added. Maggie, who was walking at the front of the group, blinked harshly and her hands clenched by her sides as she listened to Grace's words. Mack walked up to her.
“You know, you didn't have to draw your gun on her,” he said, trying to speak lightly, but she snapped at him in response, and he regretted they had not been able to connect yet.
“I thought she was dangerous. You told me you found him with a bullet in his head. I think I was within my rights to infer she was the one who had done it.”
“I never said you weren't. I just was trying to make a point about how you go about doing things. Personally, I believe in talking first, then drawing weapons later. I don't want to be getting into fights all the time because eventually we're going to lose.”
“And how is that working out for you so far?” she asked.
“I'm still here,” Mack said, smiling. “Look, you have your way of doing things, and I have mine and that's fine, but it seems to me that sometimes you're looking for a fight. I've noticed you've been tense ever since we met...probably before then, too. If there's anything you want to talk about I've been known to be a good listener, and we're all friends here so--”
“No Mack, we're not friends, and I don't get how you can be so calm in this world. Everything has fallen apart, and you're treating it like it's some big adventure. You've been captured, you've been attacked by a bear, you've almost died, how are you still holding it together? I don't get how it's so easy for you. You can't just trust people, or accept them, or walk around with your guard down. That's not what you're supposed to do in a world like this. It's full of danger wrapped up in death and the moment I let my guard down is the moment I die.
“You can think we're all just one big, happy family if you like, but the truth is we're just a few strangers who bumped into each other and happen to be going in the same direction. Once we get there I'm going my way and you're going yours. The others can do what they like, but I have something I've gotta do and you have a wife to find. So, let's just get to the city. Then we can say our goodbyes, and you won't have to worry about me drawing guns anymore, and we'll see how long you manage to last with your attitude.”
