But he wasn’t. He blamed himself for everything that had happened over the last year, and he knew with the type of deep conviction he normally reserved for the name of the best basketball team in the world (University of Kentucky Wildcats) and best pizza topping (ham and pineapple) that Talley would hate him the moment she touched him and realized he was responsible for all the tragedies and stress they had endured.
Talley thought about explaining how stupid he was, but since she now knew about his academic insecurities she thought it might not be a good idea.
“Jase, stop.” He tried to drag her back towards her dorm, but she planted her feet and refused to move. “Stop. Look at me.”
This is it, he thought. Time to face the music.
“It’s not your fault.” Jase tried to look away, but Talley put a hand on his cheek and turned his face back towards her. Even with all the drama of the moment, the contact caused a pack of butterflies to take up residence in her stomach. Her heart stuttered as another cluster of thoughts and emotions coursed through her, but she pushed them aside. She could try to process that little bombshell later. These thoughts and emotions - this conversation - was more important.
When Jase was finally looking her in the eye, she said it again. “It’s not your fault, Jase.” His eyes turned a startling shade a green behind the tears welling up. She knew she would fall apart if one of them fell and wanted to say something witty or clever to lighten the mood, but she didn't. This had to be done. “Bad stuff happened. Bad stuff is still happening. You made some bad choices. But you know what? So did I. So did Scout, Alex, and Charlie. Do you blame me for keeping Scout and Alex a secret? Is it my fault that I insisted on staying with you guys, causing my parents to go to the Alphas? Do you blame me, Jase?”
“No, but—”
“It’s not different, so don’t even say it,” Talley said, dropping her hand from his cheek, but immediately grabbing onto his hand. It wasn’t because she wanted to See him, but because she needed to touch him. “If you want to blame someone, either blame all of us, or none of us.”
“I wish I could go back and do it all over again.” He swept a hand underneath his eyes to keep the moisture in check. “I would do things differently. I would be different.”
“So would I,” she said, and then because she could for the first time in a year, she threw herself into his arms.
Chapter 9
For a day that started with sneaking a girl out of his dorm and having an emotional breakdown on the sidewalk, the rest of Jase’s day was rather surreal in its normality. Despite all the other stuff going on in his life, he was still a college student with lectures to sit through, papers to write, and an entire book of algebra to teach himself. It was nearly midnight when he finally made it back to his dorm after a long night tucked into a study corral at the library.
For the first hour he just lay there, trying to figure out how it was that after all this time he’d finally been brave enough to let Talley See him. Was it Joshua’s ultimatum? The realization that he was hurting her by being a coward? Or was it just a frantic attempt to wipe the look of defeat out of her eyes. Honestly, he couldn’t remember. Maybe because it wasn’t a conscious decision. He just did it, and then it was over and Talley was saying all the words he didn’t deserve to hear.
And none of the ones he wanted to hear.
Eventually fatigue overwhelmed him and pulled him under. He woke up two hours later with someone poking him in the shoulder.
Poke. “Jase.”
Poke. Poke. “Jase.”
He cracked one eyelid open to see Talley leaning over him, her hair falling forward to obscure her face enough that he couldn’t really see the expression there.
“What’s wrong?” As he sat up he was already making plans in his head. He had a bag packed and ready if they needed to hit the road. He hadn’t been keeping up with the weather like Liam had told him to, but it was August. It wasn’t exactly like they were going to hit snow anywhere along the way. He would have Talley look and make sure there were no storms between Lexington and wherever it was they were going. As long as she wasn’t here to tell him someone was dead, he was ready to handle whatever it was.
“Nothing! Nothing is wrong.” She sat down on the edge of his bed and flipped a strand of hair around her finger. Suddenly, he was feeling even more anxious than when he thought the Alphas were coming for them. “Can we talk?”
“At three in the morning?”
Talley nodded.
He thought that since opening up to her that morning he would never shy away from her touch again, but he found he didn’t have the mental fortitude to let her See him now. He repositioned himself on the bed, making certain no part of him could accidentally brush up against any part of her.
“So, what do you want to talk about at this fine hour? TV? Music? Basketball?” He felt Guido wedged between his arm and the wall and considered clutching onto the little sock monkey for some moral support. That would have made him look all kinds of cool and macho. “I think the team this year looks promising, although they’re probably all a little nervous about having to move forward without me.”
Talley completely ignored the fact that he’d spoken. “Jase, you think you’re in love with me.”
So she had gotten that out of his head with all that other stuff. Well, at least he knew now and didn’t have to worry about it anymore.
“Talley, I don’t think I’m in love with you.”
Even in the dark with only the street lights shining through the window to illuminate the room he could see the uncertainty in her eyes. “But I Saw—”
“I know I’m in love with you. The verb is similar, but the difference is an important one.”
She just sat there unmoving for what felt like an eternity. He wanted to scream at her to say something already. There was nothing as painful as this anticipation. The not knowing was going to kill him.
“I won’t be one of your girls,” she finally said.
He thought he’d been smart and kept himself from hoping, but he was wrong. He knew he was wrong because at that moment he felt all the hope he didn't know he was holding onto die a quick and painful death just below his ribcage.
“I understand,” he somehow managed to say without bursting into tears like a two year old girl.
“Do you?”
Was she really going to torture him by laying out all the ways he wasn’t good enough for her? Didn’t she realize he already knew? Hell, if she wanted him to, he would write a ten page paper detailing his inadequacies. He would do anything if she would just leave and let him fall apart in peace.
“If we do this,” she continued, “you can’t just toss me aside tomorrow because you get bored. I’m not a plaything or an experiment on what it would be like to sleep with a fat girl—”
“Do not call yourself fat.” He wasn’t really understanding anything else she was saying, but he wasn’t going to let anyone put her down like that, including Talley herself.
“I’m a person, Jase. And my heart may not be worth much to anyone else, but it’s mine, and I will protect it with everything I have, so don’t say you want to do this unless you’re serious about it—”
She was saying yes. In her own lecturing, Talley-like way, she was saying yes. “I love you,” he said, smiling bigger than he thought was possible at such an ungodly hour.
“A relationship takes work, and you have to be committed—”
“Talley Anne Matthews, I claim you as my mate, now and forever.”
She stopped mid-rant. Her eyes grew big, and he thought she might have started shaking.
“What did you say?”
Emboldened with a sudden surge of confidence, he took her hand so she could See his sincerity. “You’re mine. Now. Tomorrow. When we’re old and have grey hair and wrinkles. If you don’t want this, you better say so now, because I’m not letting you go once I have you.”
Instead of answering, Talley grabbed his face and pulled it to
hers, which he decided was the best answer she could have given. Her lips were even softer than he’d imagined. He sipped at them, trying to find every nuance of her perfect flavor. He was wondering how far he should go, how much he could push, when her tongue parted his lips. Then she slid a hand up his shirt and he thought he might die of pleasure. He knew she was using her Sight. The moment he thought of something he wanted, she did it. It was the most mind-blowingly amazing make-out session in history.
And it was getting very hot, and very heavy, very quickly.
“Easy,” he said, capturing her hand with his own, although he couldn’t quite convince himself to remove it from his chest. He hadn’t thought he was cold, but the warmth she was radiating felt good against his skin. “We don’t have to do this tonight.”
She blinked those big, blue eyes at him, and he swore he was aware of each and every dark lash. “But what if I want to?”
Jase decided he was going to be awarded sainthood for doing the right thing. “I’m not ready.”
Talley looked genuinely confused. “But I thought you wanted to.”
“Trust me, I do. You and I are going to be having an ungodly amount of sex someday.” He sent a couple of X-rated images her way to reassure her. The way she flushed and wouldn’t look him in the eye afterward was all he needed to stay on track. “But our first time isn’t going to be at three in the morning on a twin-sized bed that sags on one side.” She was still studying the pattern on his comforter, so he put a finger under her chin and lifted her head until she was looking at him. “You’re not just another girl to me, Talley. I wasn’t lying before. This is it for me. I want to be the one helping you pick out denture cream someday. And I don’t want to spend the next eighty years regretting that I didn’t make our first time special.”
She kissed him again. It was just a little peck, but it was the best kiss of his entire life. “I love you,” she said against his lips.
“You do?” Sometimes life wasn’t fair. Sometimes you had to give up the basketball scholarship you had been working towards your whole life. Sometimes you had to wage impossible wars. And sometimes a girl who was way too good to so much as look in your direction fell in love with you.
Jase decided he might not punch life in the throat after all.
“Do you think I would throw myself at someone I don’t love?” She was more exasperated than offended. Jase wasn't quite sure how he knew that, but he did. It was like the Talley Power was working in reverse.
“You never know,” he teased, feeling lighter than he had in months, if not years. “I am pretty irresistible. It wouldn’t be the first time a random girl tried to rip my clothes off.”
She fisted her hand in his shirt and he thought she might be considering doing some literal clothes ripping. “This better be the last time you almost let her,” she said, using her grip on his shirt to bring his face closer to hers.
“I don’t know,” he said, stealing a kiss before continuing. “There is this one girl…”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, she’s this complete wild child. She even broke into an all boys dorm in the middle of the night one time just to try to seduce me. She might be hard to resist.”
Her eyes were focused on his lips. “Really? How hard?”
“Nearly impossible.” He traced her bottom lip with his thumb. Two could play at this lip-obsession game.
“What are you going to do about her?”
“Current plan is to kiss her until she passes out and can’t take advantage of me.”
“Hmmmm…” Her lips brushed against his. “I like this plan.”
There was no more talking after that. And even though he had to keep one leg braced on the floor to keep from rolling off the bed, he decided he wasn’t ever falling asleep without Talley by his side again.
Chapter 10
It took Talley some time to realize the sound she was hearing was a knock on the door. Jase had been a man of his word and kissed her until she was so blissfully exhausted she’d drifted off to sleep snuggled into his side, his lips still trailing kisses over her closed eyes. It was so perfect and loving, she might not have believed it if Jase wasn’t still projecting, even in his sleep. He loved her. Like really, truly loved her. Maybe even as much as she loved him.
Talley had expected her first kiss to be clumsy and embarrassing. Even in her fantasies where anything could happen, she’d imagined awkward angles, giggles, and furious blushes. She’d never dreamt that she would turn into some sort of wanton aggressor, crawling all over the guy, desperate to have more of him.
It’s amazing what the confidence that comes from knowing you’re truly loved and wanted can do to a person.
“Does everyone have their clothes on?” Joshua asked, pushing his head through the door. Apparently, he thought there was a real possibility they didn’t since his eyes were closed. Despite everything that had happened between her and Jase last night, Talley wasn’t quite sure what had led Joshua to that belief. When he let her sneak up to the room, she’d told him there was an urgent family matter she needed to discuss with Jase in private. She figured if he was really keeping tabs on them so he could pass information to the Alphas, he would be eager to get her to the room and talking, and sure enough, he’d practically pushed her out of the lobby and up the stairs.
She wanted to believe Jase was wrong and Joshua was only worried that something was really wrong last night, but his next words left no room for doubt.
“Talley, you’re on the bed! And your mate is touching you! Fantastic!”
Well, at least he seemed excited about it.
“Joshua,” Jase said, trying to sit up. Due to the bed’s dilapidated state, she had to help him, which probably didn’t help with the whole you-don’t-want-to-screw-with-me vibe he was going for.
“You two are absolutely perfect together,” Joshua said, tossing his messenger bag carelessly on the desk. He seemed oblivious to the fact that Jase was considering the best way to incapacitate him without causing a ruckus. “I have no idea why you didn’t realize it sooner. I’m pretty sure the blind kid on the first floor saw how crazy you two are about each other before you did. I really thought a Shifter and Seer would be a bit more self-aware than that with all their animal instincts and super-Sight-powers.”
“Who the hell are you?” Jase growled.
“I’m Joshua. Your roommate.” Joshua grabbed a Snickers bar and plopped himself down in Jase’s desk chair.
Jase was so angry he was beyond speech, so Talley asked, “What do you want, Joshua?”
“Glad you asked, Talley-girl.” Joshua leaned back and propped his feet up on the desk. “I need to the know where the Alpha Male is.”
“Stefan is in a secure location—”
“Stefan is in a private hospital room in Nashville.” He tilted the chair back until he could grab one of the iPads off his desk. After punching the screen a few times he said, “His blood pressure is 80/40; his heart rate is 40; his O-2 count is at 99; and his brain activity is, as it has been for weeks, practically non-existent.” He put down the device and looked at Jase. “I don’t care about a living corpse. I’m looking for Liam Cole.”
Jase’s thoughts were aligned with her own. This was a test. The Alpha Pack either knew about their allegiance to Liam, or they had their suspicions. Either way, the only thing to do at this point was to deny it.
“Why would we know where an enemy of the Alpha Pack is hiding?” Jase asked. He looked like he was insulted Joshua would even ask such a question, but Talley could See his fear. Her heart melted a little over the way most of that fear was aimed at her and how he was going to keep her from getting hurt.
Instead of saying anything, Joshua did another lean and grab, this time snagging yet another iPad. It took him a bit longer to pull up whatever information he was looking for, but eventually she heard her own voice coming from it.
“Do you think she’s okay?”
“Of course. Liam will take care of her.�
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“You’ve been listening to our conversations.” Even though she and Jase had talked about the possibility, it was still a shock to know someone had heard everything the two of them had said to each other in that room. Everything, including—
“And watching, too. This baby can record images simultaneously from both cameras for forty-eight continuous hours. The CIA made an offer, but I refused. I’ve been burned by them too many times before.”
“I want you to erase last night’s recording.” Every muscle in Jase’s body was tense, ready to lunge at the guy who had the nerve to lounge in Jase’s chair as if they were all just hanging out and talking video games.
Joshua looked from his screen to Jase and back again. “But I want to hear the heartwarming confessions.”
“Erase it. Now.”
There was a sigh as his fingers flitted across the screen. “Fine. Done. Now, it’s your turn.” Joshua dropped his feet off the desk and leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees. All traces of the lovable goofball were gone. This Joshua meant business, and instinctively Talley knew this Joshua was dangerous. “I need to know where Liam Cole is hiding.”
Unlike Talley, Jase grew more relaxed the more serious Joshua became. “Are you sure you paid close attention to those recordings? Because the very next thing Talley and I talked about was how we don’t know where he is.”
“But you know how to find him.”
“Sorry, bro, I really don’t.” Jase used the hand that wasn’t tethered to Talley to lazily scratch his chest. “Listen, if you’re going to call in the big dogs, now is the time to do it. I’m not going to tell you anything else. The only person I’m passing information to is Sarvarna.”
All We See & Seem (Timber Wolves) Page 8
