by Wendy Knight
Instead, she pushed herself up on her elbows and watched Kim raid her closet, randomly throwing things backward. "There. This with this skirt and this jacket—" She ducked back into the closet. "—and these."
"Kim?" Harli held up the top that landed at her feet. "This is a strapless bra. Or a—a corset? Whatever it's called, it goes under my clothes."
Kim stood up, shoving stray strands of hair out of her face, and gave Harli a wicked smile. "It's going under your jacket. And these boots. Now, what to do with your hair." She put her hand on her hip and pursed her lips, studying Harli.
"So I feel like a bug under a microscope right now. I'm gonna go change." Harli scrambled off her bed, clutching the clothes to her chest, her heart hammering in her ears. She was about to wear a bustier in public — without a shirt to hide under. "I'm not sure I have the chest for this outfit," she called through the door. Kim laughed in response. "Yeah. You laugh. You aren't shaped like a ten year old boy," she muttered.
Kim was sitting on her bed, playing on her phone when Harli came back out. She whistled and then grinned proudly.
"This actually looks good. See? This is why I let you pick my clothes." Harli turned in circles in front of her full-length mirror, checking to make sure her skirt covered all necessary body parts.
"I'm wounded that you doubt me. Also, you do not have the body of a boy. You wouldn't have half the school beating down your door if that was the case."
"I don't have half the school. Just Brandon. And I sorta wish he'd…" Jump off a cliff. Throw himself under a bus. Get pecked to death by chickens… "Go away."
Kim shrugged, pushing the bright red stilettos toward Harli. "I think they're all afraid of Levi. He's almost put most of them in the hospital."
Harli plopped down on the bed next to Kim, tugging the shoes on. They were her favorites. "Hair?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"On it." Kim crawled behind her and started braiding. "I'm sure if we mentioned to a few people that you're looking for your next hot mess, they'd be beating down your door."
Harli pulled a face, but Kim was behind her and couldn't see it. That was a waste of an awesome scowl.
"Although I gotta say, I thought you guys were soulmates. He was a disaster until you came along. He was heading straight to jail with his awesome mom." Kim's fingers tugged Harli's long hair into submission. "You saved him. Twice. We're going to start calling you super girl. Or… something less dumb. All done. What do you think?"
Harli crossed the room, secretly loving the sound of her heels clicking on the hardwood floor. Her hair was twisted and braided on top of her head, with the ends loose and falling down her back. "Pretty," she murmured.
"I know. I'm good at what I do. Let's go before we miss the whole show. I can't wait!" Kim stood up, bouncing and clapping like a little girl and not the high school senior she was.
Harli's phone buzzed, and a stupid part of her hoped it was Levi, even though she had blocked him. And it wasn't him; it was Jace. "Where the hell are you?" he bellowed as soon as she answered.
"On my way. I was having wardrobe issues."
Jace muttered something rather incomprehensible, and given that he didn't sound particularly pleased, she didn't ask him to repeat it. "I'll be there in five minutes."
"I'll drive!" Kim squealed as she raced around to her side of the car. Harli flung herself in as Kim gunned the engine, and they shot out of the driveway.
"I should have asked if they remembered to set up my drums." Harli nibbled on her freshly painted thumb nail as she stared out the window.
"It's Blair. He never forgets anything. Like an elephant. Or my mom."
BLAIR, AN ADORABLE BOY just a few weeks older than Harli, and the band's bass, had her drums all set up on the stage when she got there. Jace leaned against the wall behind her drums, scowling and checking his phone. The rest of the band was backstage, checking last minute things, if she had to guess.
"Thank you so much. You have no idea how much you're saving us," Justin said as Harli walked up, tugging her amazingly short skirt down as far as it would go. Black corset top, lots of glittery bracelets with her six inch heel black boots. She looked about as country as a Lamborghini. Even still, country music was her first love. She'd tried to get Shattered Assassin to play it, but Levi's soul sang rock, and sang it beautifully.
"I'm happy to help." Harli skipped the three stairs and leaped onto the stage, her fingers trailing over the purple drum set Levi had bought her when his first album had gone platinum. And the matching guitar that was propped next to them on its stand.
Yeah, she hadn't thought about that when she'd agreed to play.
It hurt to pick up the drumsticks. It hurt to look at the shiny purple drums. She closed her eyes tight and wondered again if she'd done the right thing.
Yes. Yes I did. Because if she had to look at one more picture of girls hanging all over him while he was supposed to be hers, or wait up all night hoping he'd remember to call, it might just make her heart explode. Boys are bad. Boys turn nineteen and their souls rot away.
But Levi's quiet voice was in her head.
Say the word. Say we're together and I'll stay away from every other girl on the planet. It's not my dream if you're not in it.
But she hadn't been in it. Not for over a year.
"Hey, wake up, woman. Are you playing or what?" Kim snapped her fingers in front of Harli's face and she blinked, nearly tripping over her stool.
"Creak," she muttered, because crap was a gross word. "Yes, punk. We're playing."
"Our little prodigy is ready to play. That cool?" Jace pushed away from Harli, wandering off the stage to settle at a table nearby. Kim followed. Blair picked up his guitar. Harli had taught him to play shortly after she'd taught Jace and Levi.
Levi.
Was nothing safe from his memory? Harli gritted her teeth and plunked herself down on her stool. No more Levi. She refused to think about him.
Blair strummed the first notes, and Harli closed her eyes. She could see the song, like a blueprint in her head, telling her exactly when each note had to be hit. It didn't matter that she'd only listened to it twice—her brain converted music to layouts as soon as she heard it, and then it was filed away until she wanted it again.
She twirled the drumsticks in her fingers, her blood starting to sing as the music washed over her, bringing her to life, healing her tattered soul. And then she caught the note and hit the snare, bursting into the song and letting the beat take over, weaving over and under Blair's bass guitar like a heartbeat and bated breath. For three minutes and forty-two seconds, she was free, flying high above all the pain and the darkness, finally in the light, and nothing in the world existed except her and the melody.
Sometimes, to amuse herself, she'd add in extra beats or rhythms, but not this time. This time, she just closed her eyes and followed the song.
"Let it out, Harli. Release the pain," Angela whispered, somehow able to be heard over the music. And Harli obliged, happily. Her aggression, her pain, her frustration, it all escaped through the pounding drums. Each hit, each tap was another tear released. She didn't realize she was crying until the song was over and Kim had her wrapped in her arms. "It's okay, Harli. It's okay to cry."
"She's right."
She sniffed, let herself bury her face in Kim's shoulder for thirty whole seconds, and then she pulled herself together. The four boys who'd been expecting a musical prodigy stood silent, watching her nervously.
Crying girls make boys nervous.
Jace stood watching them, on his feet and halfway to the stage. His face was pale and tortured, like her pain hurt him as much as it hurt her.
"Again?" she asked softly.
Slowly, Blair raised his guitar, nodding. Kim pulled a chair up to Harli's drums, as if she somehow knew that her physical presence gave Harli strength. And then they started again.
And Harli's soul healed a little more.
LEVI'S PHONE BUZZED AND he dove for it, pray
ing it was Harli, even when he knew better. She'd blocked him on the Forums, blocked his number from her phone, and didn't answer when he tried to be sneaky and call her from other numbers.
He could barely get it out of his pocket, the people were packed into this party so tightly. He elbowed himself some space, clearly hearing his own voice begging please please please in his head, despite the roar of the crowd. His hand shook until he saw Jace's name, and his heart fell, shattering on its way to hell.
"Harli played tonight. She hasn't played since before you left on tour."
Levi stared at his phone, hopeful for the first time in weeks. He knew how music could heal her. More than anything, music was where she found solace. If she was playing, maybe she'd get over her anger and come back to him.
She's never admitted to being yours in the first place. Can't come back to something she never had.
He shoved that thought away and instead, wrote Jace back. "Did you record it? Haven't seen her play for a long time."
"Done. Uploading to Forums."
Levi shoved his way out of the room, dodging drunk people and leaping over the vomit on the floor. He'd hate to be the cleaning crew for this hotel room in the morning. "Levi! Where you goin'?" Colin called from the couch, where he was nearly buried under women. But Colin didn't get high, and he didn't drink more than a few beers, and he was still mostly coherent.
Levi raised his phone and shook it, and Colin nodded, seeming to understand despite the lack of words. Thankfully, Levi made it out of the room without anyone else catching him. How backward had his life become that he had to sneak out of parties instead of into them?
He clicked on the link Jace sent him. It went to an hour long video on the Forums, and it already had over five-thousand views. The caption underneath said, "World's Hottest Drummer? This girl is amazing!" Jace had uploaded it, and Levi couldn't help the stupid smile that spread across his face as it loaded.
"Hey. Did you start it yet?" Colin leaned over his shoulder.
Levi jumped and nearly dropped his phone. "Shit!" He dove for it before it hit the tiled floor, catching it just in time. "No. I was just getting there."
"Good. Let's go to your room and put it on the big screen." Colin clapped him on the back and took off for the elevators.
"Did I miss it?" Dorian appeared in the doorway, surprisingly sober.
"Nah, man. We're just heading to Levi's room to watch it in surround sound." Colin pushed the button bouncing on his toes until the elevator dinged its arrival.
"Yeah," Levi mumbled. "Why don't you guys come with me?" He followed Colin and Dorian into the elevator. "If we're all here, who's manning the party?"
Dorian shrugged. "It was lame anyway. Michael and Graham can cover it."
"Last time I saw Graham, he was passed out in the bathroom with his head in the toilet. Not really a good look for him." Colin smirked.
"Are we going to talk about this new habit he's picked up? Or are we just going to pretend it isn't happening?" Levi asked, leaning against the mirrored walls, his finger itching to hit play on the video. It felt like an eternity since he'd seen her last.
Colin ran a hand through his dark hair as the doors slid open, setting them free. Levi hated elevators. They made him sick and he didn't do well in tight spaces. "No. Can we just not? Maybe it will go away."
Dorian shrugged, watching Levi swing open his hotel room door. "I can't think of any big name bands that aren't all addicted to something."
Levi shook his head, relinquishing his phone so Jace could pull the video up on the big screen TV. "I grew up with a mom who was addicted to something. If it wasn't for Harli, I'd still be there. I'm not going to sit around and watch it destroy us, too. We've worked to damn hard."
Colin tossed his phone back to him and picked up the remote. "Technically, Graham is the only one of us old enough to drink. But that doesn't stop the rest of us."
"It stops me. I can't remember the last time I got drunk." Levi threw himself on his couch and kicked his shoes off.
"Well, yeah, okay. But the rest of us…"
"I've only got two months 'til I'm legal. But no one cares. No one cares what we do when we're famous," Dorian said, plunking himself down next to Levi.
"Everyone cares what we do. I feel like I can't move without a camera on me and a dozen tabloids talking about it the next day." Levi leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling. "Hurry up, Colin."
"Got it." Colin didn't turn away from the TV as he backed toward the couch, clicking through the options on the Forums to get to the video.
It wobbled to life, as Kim tried to steady the camera and catch the whole band in the shot. He remembered Blair and Justin from school — they were good guys.
And then the camera found Harli. She didn't look like she'd been losing sleep. She looked damn freaking hot, her dark waves tumbling over her shoulders, her top clinging to her curves. Levi's mouth went dry and he fought to draw a breath that didn't sear his lungs, and his entire body ached wanting to feel that skin against his.
"Harli looks good," Colin said, and Levi nodded distractedly. Biggest understatement of the month.
She had her eyes closed, and only Levi knew why—she was reading the blueprint. It was the way her prodigy mind worked. And then her eyes flew open and she twirled her sticks. Those dark eyes shone with pure joy, and it lit up her entire face. He couldn't help but smile as she blew into the song like a little hurricane, and as always, she owned it.
The thing about watching Harli was that it felt like magic. Her hands moved so quickly, so flawlessly. She could play more notes than two drummers playing in harmony could. "Holy shit," Dorian breathed. "She makes Graham look like a preschooler."
Levi nodded, but he couldn't tear his eyes off her. He devoured every second, watching her rip her way through the songs. And the band took care of her. Justin and Blair both stepped up to meet the edge she brought the songs. Levi, Colin, and Dorian sat, riveted, for an entire hour, until the band played their last song and Harli stood up.
More than anyone he'd ever known, Harli was made to be a star. But Selicia refused to let her shine.
"You shatter me, Sunshine," he whispered, brushing his finger across his screen as if he could reach through it and touch her cheek. A longing hit him, so fierce and so painful it nearly brought him to his knees. Everyone kept saying it would get easier. If he stayed away from her, it would get easier. He'd forget her.
But it didn't get easier. It got harder. Every thought was of her. Most of the time, he could barely breathe, and his heart was always half-broken. He needed her, like he needed light. She was his Sunshine, she always had been, and now she was gone and he didn't know how to live in the dark.
Chapter Six
"HEY. I SAW YOUR GIG LAST night on the Forums. That was so cool!"
"Uh… thanks?" Harli murmured, glancing at Kim in bewilderment as they walked to their lockers after the last class of the day. She'd been a walking zombie through most of it, but this was the first time she'd heard about the gig on the Forums.
"I didn't put it up," Kim held up her hands and shook her head. "This girl learns from her mistakes."
Harli smirked, rolling her eyes. "I wasn't that mad."
"No. Not at all. If by that mad, you're comparing yourself to a fire-breathing dragon with her mouth sewn shut."
Harli frowned, throwing her backpack over her shoulder so they could go home. "Are you calling me a fire-breathing dragon?"
"Nope. Comparing you to one. It's completely different."
"Hang on while I try to come up with a response to that." Harli pushed open the double doors leading to the parking lot. It felt distinctly like freedom. "Nothing better than spring time Fridays," she breathed.
"Except spring time Fridays with Jace leaning against your car. Daaaamn, that boy is hot."
Harli nodded distractedly. It used to be Levi waiting at her truck. A lifetime ago.
But Kim was still talking. "Think it'll crumble undernea
th him?" Kim gave Rust Bucket a dubious scowl.
"You better hope not, or you'll be walking home. What's up, Jace? You get out of class early?"
Jace nodded, uncrossing his arms folded over his chest. "Spring break, baby. Let's go somewhere."
Kim squealed and clapped her hands. "Road trip!"
"I have to work," Harli said, tossing her bag into the back. The Muse-ik Store isn't closed for your spring break." She glanced at her friends, both of whom looked like they were being crushed under unbearable disappointment.
"How about you call in sick for the first time in your life, and we go do something fun for a change?" Jace drawled, opening her door for her.
"I've called in sick before."
"Name once."
Two weeks ago when my arms and chest hurt too bad to pick up an instrument.
She shrugged.
"Come on, Harls. You've been moping around like that depressed stuffed donkey… I forget his name. You deserve some fun." Jace reached around her and did up her seatbelt. She resisted the urge to point out that she could, in fact, buckle herself in like a big girl.
"You're a bad influence," she said instead of answering him, stuffing the key into the ignition.
"The worst. Come on, Harli."
"Puleeeease, Harli?" Kim asked as she clambered into the passenger seat, huge blue eyes making it impossible to say no.
Harli sighed in defeat. "Fine. Where are we going?"
Kim squealed and kissed her on the cheek. Jace grinned and hugged her, practically dragging her out of the car. "Wherever you want, baby."
"Let's go camping!" Kim bounced excitedly and the old truck groaned.
"It's March." Harli felt inclined to point out the obvious. "It's too cold."
"Moab!" Jace yelled, startling Harli so much she nearly fell out of the truck. Who knew she'd need her seatbelt before she even started the car?
