by Wendy Knight
She turned back to Levi's sister's headstone and resumed tracing her name. "Jace doesn't know how often I come here. Nobody does. But you. And her."
Slowly, as if she were some wild creature and he was afraid he'd spook her, Levi pulled her into his lap. But he needn't have worried. She went willingly, craving his warmth and his strength. Craving his touch.
"Do you think she hates me? For saving you and not her?" Harli asked, each word like a dark secret she'd been carrying too long.
"You, my dear, are an idiot. If I hated you, would I talk to you so often? I think not."
"You were twelve, Sunshine. The fact that you dared climb into a car that was underwater and on its side is amazing. The fact that you pulled me to safety — a boy who outweighed you by at least twenty pounds, was unbelievable. It was Angie's time. She's in a better place now."
She nodded, leaning against his chest, listening to his heart beat. "I missed you," she said quietly.
"I missed you, too."
"You have a concert in eight hours."
He nodded, his chin brushing the top of her head. "My plane leaves in forty minutes."
She burrowed closer, hiding her face against him, breathing deeply. "Can I keep your shirt?" she asked, and then blushed.
"You can keep any of me you want, Sunshine." His lips quirked into a devastatingly adorable grin. Levi tugged his flannel shirt over his head, and for just an instant, his rock hard abs were visible under his t-shirt. Her blood stirred and her hand nearly reached for him again.
But nothing had changed. And she had to be strong — not just for her heart, but for his dreams. "We can't be together, Levi. It just doesn't work."
He was quiet for several long, drawn out seconds where the only sound she could hear was his racing heart and the birds in the trees above them. No cars, no people. No groupies chasing Levi… at least not yet.
"I don't have enough time right now to tell you how wrong you are. But I'm not letting you go, Harli. I'm going to fight for you. Do you understand that?"
She smiled, tracing the outline of the tattoo on his arm with her fingers. It hid his scars; so many scars from fighting, from working. He'd been a mechanic before they'd gone on The Last Chord. Before everything had changed. "Yes."
"So… will you unblock me from your life?"
She tipped her head back so she could see his face. The weak early morning sun shone around his head like a halo. "Yes."
"I love you, Harli. More than anything. You realize that, right?" He kissed her temple, holding her so tightly she could feel his hands shaking.
She sighed, closing her eyes. He had a plane to catch and Harli had to let him go. She heaved herself to her feet, taking his hands to pull him up with her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she buried her face in his chest. Everything in her wanted to beg him to stay. To not leave her behind.
But he was a rock star. He was too far gone, too far out of her reach. She was nothing, and he was famous, and she needed to let him go so he could fly.
I won't shatter your dreams, too.
"Let me take you home on my way."
She leaned away from him, her fingers sliding along the headstone. "I'll walk home. I'm not ready to go yet."
He smiled ruefully, nodding, before he tugged her closer to him again. When he kissed her this time, there was no desperation like there had been last night. It was gentle and sweet and sad and far too short. Long before she was ready, he was pulling away, tracing her lips with his thumb.
"I could stay—"
She shook her head. "No. You couldn't. If you stay, you'll miss your plane and your concert, and then all those people would be furious, and they would blame me. I don't want the guilt." She shrugged. Easy, careless. Like it didn't break her heart to say it.
"Yeah, but—"
"Levi." She gently pushed him toward the wrought iron gate, and the car waiting beyond it. "I'm a big girl, and I want to be alone right now. It's time to go."
A storm of indecision raged through his eyes as he studied her face. Finally, he nodded.
And then he was gone.
Harli held his shirt against her chest and waited until she heard the car roar away before she crumpled to the ground and sobbed.
HARLI DIDN'T RAISE HER head, even when she heard Jace's footsteps stop next to her. She tugged her knees tighter against her chest and burrowed herself in, like a sitting-up potato bug. She peeked under her arm as he settled himself next to her.
It wasn't Jace.
Jerking up so fast she nearly tipped over, she gaped at Levi. "I thought you left!"
Wordlessly, he took her hand, the one she wasn't leaning on, and dropped a key into it.
"What's this?" She traced the key with her finger before holding it up to him.
"The key to my apartment."
"You have an apartment?"
He nodded. "Around the corner from your school. I bought a plant. I need someone to take care of it."
"You—" She tried not to smile, but failed. "You want me to babysit your plant?"
"I think it's called plant-sitting. But yes. Please?" That face. Those eyes. She couldn't say no. There wasn't a force on earth that could refuse that boy.
"Okay. For the sake of the plant."
"Thank you." He tugged her to her feet, entwining his fingers through hers as he led her to his car. They made it out to the main road before he started talking.
"All those times… When I said you saved me…" Levi paused, glancing at her and then back to his sister's headstone "When I say you saved me, I'm not talking about pulling me out of the car. You know that, right?" He brushed an escaped curl away from her face, tucking it behind her ear.
She could only blink at him stupidly. "I—what?"
He watched her with a sad smile. "I would not have gotten through those days, months, years… I would not have gotten through them without you. You were my guiding light."
Despite herself, Harli smiled at the memory.
"Go away."
Harli crossed her arms, hiding the hurt, and raised her chin defiantly. "No."
"I don't want you here. Go away."
"Levi, I didn't drag you out of that stupid car so you could sit in your room and pout for the next month. I saved your life, and I don't even know who you are. So we're going to be friends now, and you are going to tell me things that friends should know, and if you don't, I'll sing under your window every night so you'll never get any sleep."
His battered, bruised face cracked the barest hint of a smile before he hid it completely. "You sing?"
She rolled her eyes, planting her hands on her hips. "No. I am a horrible singer. That's why you'll never get any sleep. My mother says I sound like a foghorn."
He struggled to sit up, and Harli hurried forward to push pillows behind his back. "Angela—" his voice caught and he scrubbed at his eyes, rubbing away the tears before they could fall. "Angela used to sing to me at night. When I'd have bad dreams and my mom was… gone."
Harli sat carefully on the edge of the bed. "If you promise to try to live again and stop telling me to go away, I'll sing to you every night. And when your ears bleed, I'll get you cotton balls to clean it up."
Unfortunately, she'd never gone back. Her mother had sent her away that summer, but she hadn't forgotten him.
"You saved me, too," she said quietly. "And you missed your plane."
"Michael made some arrangements. I have ten minutes until I have to leave. I won't be able to help you get settled, though. Unless you want me to stay…" The hope in his eyes almost killed her.
"No, Levi." Like her words were a hammer, shattering his heart. "You have to get on that plane. I'll take care of your plant.
He stopped the car and came around to her side, helping her out like he'd done a thousand times before. She followed him up the stairs of the apartment building — third floor, because he was claustrophobic and hated having people above him. Harli had no idea how he'd rented an apartment, or when
, and she didn't have time to ask. He unlocked the door and turned, folding her hand around the key, he tugged her against him again, bending his head to hers. "I can't leave you," he whispered against her mouth.
She kissed him, and in that kiss she tried to tell him everything her heart wouldn't let her say out loud.
I love you.
I'll wait for you.
Please don't hurt me.
"Be careful, Rocker Boy. Okay?"
He nodded, swallowing hard, before he backed away from her. "This is the hardest thing I've ever done, Harli. One day I'll come back, and you won't be able to make me leave you again."
He'd just described heaven. But he could never know that. So she crooked her finger — their sign — and turned her back on him, shutting the door behind her.
A half hour later, the door swung open. Harli was curled into the window seat, staring outside, seeing nothing.
"How'd you find me?" she asked, massaging her forehead.
"Levi wrote me. He instructed me to make sure you get settled."
"Oh." It was the only thing she could think to say. Not one of her most clever comments. Of course Levi would send Jace after her.
"Up for a moving day?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Harli, I swear, one of these days I'm going to kill you absolutely dead. Do you hear me? D.E.A.D." Kim stormed in with all the force of a hurricane. "Do you have any idea how worried we were?"
"I—yeah. I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know what I was thinking."
Kim's lips twitched to the side in an unimpressed scowl. "Do it again, girl, and you will be sorry."
"You'd be more threatening if you weren't the size of a dwarf," Jace said, raising an eyebrow. Kim turned the force of her glare on him and he laughed, retreating to a safe distance from her tiny fists.
"I'm actually not ready to move my stuff in yet. I like the space." It still smelled like Levi. She was afraid if she moved all her stuff in, the smell would fade, and she would lose him.
"That makes no sense."
"I know."
Chapter Twelve
HARLI'S ALARM WAS LEVI'S SONG, AND even though it didn't come with the shirtless, tattooed chest and rock hard abs from his video, it was still a good way to start the day. Problem was, she'd been sleeping on the floor for a week, and getting up was considerably harder than it would have been if she'd been sleeping, say, in a bed or something. And in pajamas instead of the clothes she'd been wearing for several days straight. One could only change up an outfit so much with just a tank top and a flannel shirt.
Levi's flannel shirt.
Unfortunately, it didn't smell like Levi anymore. Since she'd been living in it, it smelled like her, and that wasn't awesome at all. As she staggered to the bathroom, she grudgingly admitted it was time to go home, at least long enough to grab some clean clothes. And then to her lovely home-away-from-home janitor's closet to grab her makeup. And a brush.
Damn, she looked like she was homeless.
She turned on Kim's radio that her friend had so thoughtfully left and dug through the kitchen for cereal and something to eat it with, stretching her back every chance she got because she felt like an eighty year old woman. A migraine simmered just behind her eye, and she absently reminded herself to grab her migraine meds from home, too. The ones in her purse were gone.
"Have you seen Levi Vasi's new video he posted on the Forums? It is hot as he-e-e-e-e-llll," the radio announcer breathed.
"Yeah," Harli mumbled, emerging from the fridge with milk in hand. "Once or twice."
"Can't get enough of him? Shattered Assassin is playing in Phoenix tonight, but rumor has it the show is completely sold out…"
Harli snapped the radio off. She was having a hard enough time keeping him out of her head as it was. No need to listen to the radio announcer lady getting all hot and bothered, too.
Forty-five minutes later, she was showered, dressed, and on her way home, mentally tallying everything in her head that she'd need to grab and trying to ignore yet another broadcast about Levi's concert in Phoenix.
"Phoenix is only eight hours away. If you left now, you could make it on time."
"Yeah. To a sold-out show. That would be pointless. And stupid. I'm too young to go on road trips by myself."
"You're too young to live by yourself, too, but look at you doing that."
"Well. Yeah, there is that."
The house was dark. No sign of movement. She gnawed on her lip, her hand shaking as she turned the knob. Thankfully, the massive mahogany doors swung open on silent hinges, and she slipped through, leaving it open behind her. She sprinted up the stairs on light feet, tiptoeing past her mom's room. The door was shut — Selicia was paranoid of home fires.
Safely in her own room, she grabbed clothes and shoved them into her bag. Without pausing, she hurried to the bathroom and swept everything on the counter into the bag, on top of her clothes, cringing at the disorganized mess. She snatched her favorite pair of boots and her red heels on her way past the closet and raced back down the stairs.
The front door was shut.
She swallowed hard, her palms instantly clammy as she turned in a slow circle, looking for her mom, but the house was silent.
There wasn't enough courage in the world to move her feet toward the front alcove, where she suspected Selicia hid, so she whirled around and ran for the kitchen door.
She didn't see the fist coming for her face until it was too late; she ducked, but not fast enough. Her mother's costume ring sliced across the top of Harli's forehead as her knuckles connected with Harli's scalp.
Harli fell to the floor and curled up in a ball as Selicia kicked her, screaming obscenities. Too many times, Harli had lain there and taken it, but this time she couldn't. Not anymore. She was done being her mother's punching bag.
Rolling to her feet, she shoved Selicia away from her. Selicia was tiny, and Harli worked two jobs — both of which gave her an amazing workout. Selicia flew backward, slamming into the kitchen island. "You little bitch!" Selicia wailed, doubling over, her hands groping at her back.
Harli didn't wait to see the damage. She spun on her heel, snatching up her bag, and wrenched the door open. She ran with everything she had for the road and the safety of her truck. She heard the front door open, heard Selicia screaming. But she didn't stop. She flung herself into Rust Bucket and jammed the key in the ignition, slamming on the gas pedal. Tires squealed as she shot out of the subdivision, through the gate, and onto the road. Seconds later, she was on the freeway heading south.
To Phoenix. To Levi.
HARLI BRAIDED HER HAIR around her head, then rolled her windows down and let the wind dry the blood on her forehead. She flipped through her iPod to her Shattered Assassin playlist, complete with Levi's newest heartbreaking song, and turned the volume up so loud her speakers vibrated and rust flaked off the passenger door. As she roared down the freeway toward Phoenix, listening to his silky voice, her heart began to heal. Her head throbbed, but her heart, not so much.
That meant this was the right thing to do. Wasn't it?
Heart healing aside, she decided it might be wise to take her migraine medicine the next time she stopped for gas. That's all she'd need — a killer headache to sideline her once she finally made it Phoenix.
The drive was long and flat. There wasn't a heck of a lot to see, except for the random outcropping of huge, vibrant red rock. For the first time in several weeks, she let her mind wander where it wanted to go, instead of keeping it strictly in line and away from Levi. As he sang to her through the radio, she remembered hearing the songs for the first time — no drums, no guitars. Just Levi's voice, telling her all the things he couldn't figure out how to say unless he was singing.
Levi put down the guitar, afraid to look at her. Which was for the best, because Harli was fairly positive she was drooling.
"Sorry. Too much, huh?" He rubbed the back of his neck, staring at the cement. "It's just—it's about you. But you knew t
hat. I don't—I don't know how to—" He finally looked up at her. "I don't know how to talk the way you do."
"Levi." Her voice wobbled in the quiet night. "That song was amazing. Not too much. I don't think it could ever be too much if it comes from you."
He froze, finally meeting her eyes. She bit her lip and dug the toe of her worn shoe into the ground.
"I don't get you," His voice didn't wobble at all. It was soft and silky and seemed to wake up every single cell in her body.
And set it on fire.
"You, Harli, could have anyone." He looked back at the Jace's house, then up at the sky. Anywhere, it seemed, but at her. "I know you're super popular and super rich and your grandma is like this huge country music mogul…"
She smirked. She couldn't help it. "No one under the age of forty says mogul, Levi."
His eyes widened in surprise and then he smiled, that smile that had been turning her insides to mush for the past several months. Since he'd walked into her shop class and made fun of her, actually. "You've rubbed off on me," he said, "With your huge vocabulary and all." He pulled her to her feet, and they wandered slowly out of the garage and down Jace's driveway.
She grinned, bumping him gently with her shoulder. "You've taught me a few new words, too. Ones that my grandmother probably prefers I not use."
He laughed, but it was subdued and held a tinge of panic, as he opened the door to his beat up silver… Harli wasn't sure what it was, exactly. Old and rusty. He'd been driving her home in it for weeks, and she loved it. It smelled like him — like a mechanic's shop and the cologne department at the mall.
He went to his side and her eyes watched him, memorizing the easy way he moved so she could dream about it that night. He slid easily into the seat next to her and started it up but didn't say a word for several long minutes. They were almost to her neighborhood when she finally gave up and took matters into her own hands. "Why don't you get me? I thought you got me very well." Realizing the double meaning too late, she blushed and hid behind her thick hair. Smooth, Harli. Real smooth.
