“I killed you,” I said. “I felt the blood drain from your body, and I watched the light fade from your eyes. How are you alive?”
“I remember now. You did kill me.” She smiled softly. “Damn, I didn’t think you capable.”
That smile sent a beam of pure agony knifing through my core. “How?” I asked.
“Uro,” she replied, answering my one word question with a word of her own. A name, which, despite the buffeting hot winds caused by the flames around us, caused a chill to pass through my body. Uro, who I’d compared to Sauron, a being of pure evil, was somehow keeping the one I loved alive.
“No.” I turned away from her. “This is just a dream. No, it’s a nightmare.”
She reappeared in front of me once again. “You don’t understand. You’ve never understood.”
“Understood what?”
“Uro. I thought you couldn’t understand, wouldn’t understand. That’s why I didn’t try to persuade you before we fought, before you killed me. He has since told me I was wrong about you.”
I turned and ran from her, ran as hard and fast as I could. When I slowed, though, she was standing in front of me once again. I came to a stop.
“I loved you, you know. I never said that to you when you were alive; I didn’t even know it until after. Not directly after. It was months later that I realized. I should have been getting over you when the darkness of the world just opened up and swallowed me up. And in the pit of darkness, claws of guilt and claws of grief took turns disemboweling me.” As I said those words, I looked into her eyes and saw no emotion mirrored back.
“You’re definitely dead,” I said. I wanted the nightmare to end.
And then it did.
I sat up in the bed, breathing heavily. My head jerked back and forth, trying to make sense of where I was. It took a few moments before I remembered I was in Danny’s spare room and a few moments more before my breathing recovered.
I lay back down. Jerome, I thought. I need to talk to you.
It seemed he wanted to keep watching without saying anything, but I wasn’t going to continue to allow it. I clutched the necklace, feeling and ignoring the barbed-wire prongs digging into my hand. I know you can hear me. This time, you’ll answer me, or so help me, the next time I see Persia, I’ll get her to drive her chain mace through this necklace, damn the consequences.
You realize you’re hurting yourself, not me, when you squeeze, Jerome thought.
I don’t care.
Also, the chain mace would probably behead you before it damaged me, he thought. Intelligence is still a weak point for you, isn’t it? You should work on that.
I had no interest in bantering with him. Tell me, is Sash real or was that a dream? I didn’t doubt that Jerome was spying on my dream just like he did with everything else that happened inside my mind.
I don’t know. I don’t like it, though. The way you couldn’t find her at all at first, then, when you tried to avoid her, she was everywhere. Creepy.
Look who’s talking, you creepy necklace, you, I thought. Tell me what you do know.
It’s not just your own mind speaking to yourself, Jerome thought. There’s some connection to Brimstone. Many of the details of the place were perfect.
What do you know about the Oasis?
It’s a section of Brimstone that Uro rules over. The concept of ownership or property doesn’t exist in Brimstone, and until Uro created the Oasis, it wasn’t considered possible to control an area. Those who stay inside the Oasis are protected by the Shield and no longer have to fight for their existence. Uro has carved a little bit of order from the chaos, but in doing so he’s changed both of our worlds.
Bringing order from chaos sounds like something good. Is there any way that Uro is good, that he’s not evil? I asked.
There’s no such thing as good and evil in Brimstone. There’s only winning and losing. Survival and extinction.
Uro just had to be evil because if he wasn’t, then I’d been even more wrong to kill Sash, and already, I could barely live with what I’d done. I turned to the side and tucked my chin into the pillow. Uro had told Sash that she was wrong about me. That meant that Uro not only knew about me, but that he was actively thinking about me. Was he going to turn me into one of his followers like he did to Sash and to the fire sorcerer, Yarley?
Is that all you have to say to me? Jerome thought. Just going to pump me for information, then go back to sleep. Not even a thank you.
Yes. I pulled the blankets tight over my head. I was in no mood to deal with Jerome’s whining.
It took a long time for sleep to return.
Chapter 21
Thursday 12:35
Having washed and showered, I descended the stairs. Despite the interruption of the dream—or whatever it was—I felt refreshed. Sleeping in past noon tended to do that.
Hearing voices, I cautiously entered the living room. “Hey,” I said.
Danny sprang to his feet, switching off the TV but not before I got a quick look at Caroline Black on the screen.
“Watching the news?” I asked.
The way his gaze skittered away from mine said that he had being watching me on the news or heard me talked about. “Do you want some food?” he asked. “I cooked sausages and some eggs earlier.”
“Sounds good. Lead the way.” Just then, my cellphone rang. “Hold on, I’ll take this first.” I stepped back into the hall and answered.
It was Jo. “Rune, where are you?” she asked.
“Who wants to know?”
“The prison handover is at six today,” she said.
“Why are you like this, Jo? I try to get away, for everyone’s sake, and you drag me back in. First visiting Ally, then protecting Pete. I explained to you why I have to go. You’ll be sorry when your manipulations get me killed. Or worse, when I cause the death of everyone else.”
“Rune, it’s not like that. You know I love you.”
“I have to go.”
“But Rune—”
“I have to go,” I repeated, then I hung up. Immediately feeling terrible, I returned to the living room and sat down on the nearest chair. I had tried to put the dream out of my mind, but clearly it was still affecting me.
Danny stood in the doorway to the kitchen. “The sausages?” he asked.
“Maybe in a while. How’s the pick-up coming along?”
Danny sat down opposite. “Pretty good. I tinkered some this morning again. I’d like to spend another day on her, but if you wanted to take her now, she wouldn’t let you down. You’re considering leaving Lusteer straight away?”
I nodded.
Danny gestured toward the TV. “When I wasn’t working outside on the truck, I was watchi—”
“The JC is being handed over at six, yes, I know.”
“I don’t normally talk about all this stuff; I get the feeling you prefer it that way,” Danny said gently. “But perhaps you’d like to talk now.”
“I guess.” I turned to Danny. “What’s your take on all this? What do the ordinary everyday people make of the madness?”
“There’s no such thing as an everyday ordinary person, and if there was, I wouldn’t presume to speak for him or her.”
I glanced up at him. “Sorry. That was condescending.”
“It’s fine. I can’t imagine what stress you are under. Most people are experiencing a primal fear that they haven’t felt since they were old enough to know monsters didn’t live under their beds. Sometimes, knowing that magic is real seems ridiculous, sometimes getting on with normal day to day life seems ridiculous after what we now know. And the confusion just adds to the general apprehension. One day, all shades are bad guys, the next, some of them are helping us. Sentinels are our protectors, except when fire sentinels are reported to be the worst of the worst.”
“I’m a fire sentinel,” I said.
“That I know,” Danny said. “And one thing I’m sure of is that you are one of the good ones.”
; “I wish I was sure of that.”
Danny smiled, thinking I was joking. “I haven’t known you long, Rune, and to be honest, you’ve got the dumbest first name I’ve ever heard, but whenever I’m watching the news and struggling to make heads or tails of all stuff about magic and shifters, and I don’t know what, remembering that you are out there looking out for the everyday ordinary person calms my fears.”
“Didn’t you hear? I’m planning to leave Lusteer.”
“Still, wherever you are—”
“I’m not some vigilante superhero protecting people. The power inside me is more curse than blessing. The less I do, the better off everyone is.”
“I’m not so sure about that. You saved me at least,” Danny said. “You understand what’s going on better than most of us.”
“I should, but too many things still don’t make sense. L-SED officers have the athletic abilities of supernaturals, yet the organization hates shades, and they can’t all be sentinels like Lowndes. Are there experiments being performed in the restricted areas of the JC and to what end? Is it possible to take away the power of fire sentinels without killing them? Is Lowndes really going to just hand over the prison, take her division and leave the city? Why did Richard Sulle give her control of the JC in the first place if he’s a shade? Who are the firedrakes, and what do they really want? Is their power related to Conor Duffy, and/or is he involved in what’s happening in the city?”
“Take a breath,” Danny said. “That’s a lot of things to hold in your mind at once.”
I gave a weak smile, realizing I had dumped out a stream of thoughts that I couldn’t expect Danny to understand. “And that isn’t the half of it,” I added. I hadn’t even mentioned Uro or Sash.
“I only understood about…” He laughed. “I was about to say, one fifth of it, but, heck, only a few words registered. L-SED, JC, Lowndes, firedrakes. Listen, if you are leaving Lusteer, and you need somewhere to hide out for a while, I might be able to help you. There’s this lake cabin I own.”
“No, you’ve already done too much for me.”
“I haven’t gone there in years, and I don’t intend to return any time soon,” Danny said. “It was my and my wife’s favorite place. You know I don’t mind talking about her; it brings me closer to her. When I revisited the lake after she passed, I thought I would feel a similar joyous remembrance, but it’s not like that. All I feel is the sharp pain of her absence.”
“I understand,” I said. To go to the cabin and remember Sash and feel pain. Perhaps it would be the perfect place for me.
“You’re probably surprised that, after all these years, I can’t return to a place full of happy memories, given how much I talk about her.”
“I’m not that surprised,” I said. In all the times he’d talked about her, Danny had never said his wife’s name. Her passing had taken a piece out of Danny’s life that would never return. “Do you ever think… I’m sure it must have been horrifically painful for you, with the cancer and everything… Do you ever…” I trailed off.
“Would I be happier if I’d never known her?” His voice broke slightly. “I haven’t cried in years…” He swallowed. “But even to hear you suggest that.”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“I’d accept double the pain for one more day with her,” he said. “It’s worth it, it’s always worth it, and don’t let anyone tell you different. Don’t let the fear of being hurt isolate you from those around you. The worse thing is to pass through life like a ghost, not touching, not affecting those around them. It’s not a real life at all. I’m telling you, don’t give up on love. At the end, that’s all that really matters.”
I first thought of Sash, then I thought about Jo and Alex and Pete back in Ten-two. Could I really just get in a pickup and leave them behind without saying anything? “Maybe sometimes love means letting go.”
“I don’t claim to be an expert in any of the details of what to do and why. I don’t care what the question is, I just know love is the answer.”
I chuckled. “And you said you aren’t a poet.”
Danny chuckled back. “Not sure where that came from. I must have seen it written somewhere or heard it. It’s true though. Everyone needs a compass to follow, and if you don’t choose love in some form, then you are doing it wrong.”
I nodded. “I don’t know if phrases too saccharine for Hallmark cards qualifies as advice, but you’ve actually clarified my thinking. I’ll take you up on the use of that cabin, but not right now. I have some things to take care of first.”
Chapter 22
Thursday 13:50
Arriving back at Ten-two, I opened the always unlocked front door and walked into the hall. I had expected to find the house buzzing with activity, but it was silent. I almost turned around and walked straight back out again with the intention of never returning. No, I would stick to the decision I had made. I would let Pete and Jo and the others know that I had to leave and that first I would see to an end what had begun. Once the JC was back in the control of Harriet Ashley, the situation in Lusteer would surely calm down.
The living room and kitchen were empty, and it was only when I tried the rarely opened back door that I found the others. The back garden of Ten-two was an enclosed space with high walls which was so neglected that, other than watching the nature channel, it was my closest experience of rainforest terrain. However, the vegetation wasn’t as thick as the last time I’d been out here; some of it had been recently cleared away.
In one corner, Ally and Harriet sat on chairs facing each other, both with focused expressions on their faces as they used their magic. Ally’s hands were in front of her, fingers outstretched as she manipulated a small wall of fire between herself and Harriet. Harriet had created tendrils of smoke which pulsed against this fire.
Two supernaturals—one an unstable child—practicing magic was alarming enough, but what was happening on the other side of the garden had me even more fearful. Pete was holding a longbow stretched out in front of him, pulling the string and arrow back to his cheek. This bow wasn’t like the flimsy one Nathan had broken. My hands instinctively went to my mouth. He wasn’t aiming at me; it was just that Pete was the kind of person who you wouldn’t put chopping vegetables for fear someone would lose a finger.
Pete released, and the arrow sped forward and thumped into a wooden board that had been erected against the far wall. The arrow didn’t hit inside the painted circle, but it wasn’t that far away either. Nathan, who I just then noticed had been standing dangerously close, took a step forward and grabbed Pete’s forearm. “Don’t let this fall until you hear the arrow strike.” He slapped the outside of Pete’s thigh. “And hold your legs steady.”
“Not bad, though, was it?” Pete asked.
“For a beginner,” Nathan considered, “you’re bad, but not terrible.”
Pete fist pumped as if that was the greatest praise he’d ever received. Then, spotting me, he held up his bow. “I’m moving up in the world,” Pete said. “I’m no longer Samwise Gamgee. I’m now Legolas.”
“Didn’t you tell me the hobbits were the strongest of all the heroes because they were the only ones who could resist the power of the ring.”
“I’ve the heart of Frodo and Sam, and the elf eyes of Legolas,” Pete said.
“And the stupidity of the stone trolls.”
“The stone trolls were in The Hobbit, not Lord of the Rings,” Pete said. “Get it right.”
“They still existed in…” I stopped myself. I wasn’t going to get into an argument about Middle Earth. “Fine.”
“The prison handover is at six o’clock,” Nathan said.
“So everyone keeps telling me.” I turned, then jumped as I realized someone was just behind me.
It was Persia. “I seem to have an effect on you,” she said.
“You just startled me. How long were you standing there?”
She studied me. “
It’s not just now. Whenever you notice me, this white startled look appears on your face.”
“I guess you are just that scary.” Nothing to do with the way she reminded me of Sash.
“I wish. I’m just too short. Even wielding a fiery chain mace, I can’t pull being terror-inducing. Except with you, the best I can usually hope for is evoking a little light concern.”
“I seriously doubt that. I saw you fight.”
“We should never have been out there,” Persia said. “I warned about the firedrakes. My instincts were right. First the mayor wouldn’t listen, then everyone else.”
“I agree. We could have just gotten in contact with Lowndes and organized for the mayor to be given back, and he would have ordered the handover of the JC. Instead, we risked lives, destroyed property, and made a big spectacle on live TV. And it could have been worse. None of us fire sentinels had needed to use magic that would open a portal to Brimstone, but by engaging in the fight, that was always a possibility. All for no good reason. Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
“You still came back,” she said.
“One last time,” I said. “Then I’m out. You and Noah are staying?”
She nodded. “Lusteer is the battle line for us. Walker sent Lowndes here for a reason. If we hide, the Order will find us eventually. If we are going to go down, we want it to be fighting the good fight.”
“You think the handover of the JC will go better than our attempt to bring the mayor to the news conference?”
She tilted her head. “It better. From what I’ve heard, we don’t have enough people if something goes wrong. Though three fire sentinels makes up some for our lack of numbers.”
“The only thing worse than too many shades is too many fire sentinels,” I said.
“Huh?”
It had been Lowndes who’d said that. “Are you not terrified that any decision you might make could be catastrophically the wrong one? The more power one has, the more devastating the consequences of a wrong choice.”
Fire Soldiers Page 13
