“Baby girl, why don’t you come home for a few days?” her father suggested.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. She loved her daddy for always wanting to protect her. “I would, Daddy, but I have a lot of work to do with this expansion.” She really wanted to stay around just in case Derrick returned.
“Derrick will know where to find you,” her father responded.
“I think you should spend some time with Mom.” Marcus’s opinion confirmed her father’s suggestion.
“Besides,” Carey continued, “Marcus is the CEO. He’s home now. Let him run his own company for a few days.”
Her father was right. If Derrick did have a change of heart, the first place he would check would be her parents. And Staci really didn’t want to stay in that big house all alone. The six-bedroom house wasn’t meant to be lived in alone.
“I’ll see you in a little bit.” After her brothers left, Staci went upstairs to pack, all the while praying Derrick would come back or at least call. An hour later and without any word from him, she set the alarm, locked the house, then left.
Chapter 10
Staci pulled into her parent’s estate and found her father waiting outside in the circular driveway for her. Fresh tears threatened to fall. Carey Simone was her hero, always there to rescue her. Before Staci turned the engine off, he was at the car door waiting to open it for her.
“Everything is going to be fine, baby girl,” he said as he held her in his strong arms after she stepped from the car.
She buried her face in his shirt. “Promise, Daddy?”
“I promise. With God’s help, you’ll make it through this, and you’ll be stronger because of it,” Carey answered, then led his only daughter into the house.
Staci followed the onion and celery aroma into the kitchen where Alaina stood preparing homemade chicken soup. As far back as Staci could remember, Alaina used the soup to soothe any pain. “Hi, Mommy.”
Alaina laid the ladle on the spoon rest and welcomed her daughter into her arms. There was something about Alaina’s mothering arms that made Staci want to cry all over again and have her mother wipe her tears, but Staci didn’t cry because that would have made Alaina cry too. It had always been that way. If Staci cried, Alaina cried.
“Why don’t you go upstairs to your old room and take a hot bath. You’ll feel better after some aromatherapy. I’ll bring you some soup later.”
“Thanks, Mommy.” Staci slowly walked down the hall and up the winding staircase to the room she once called hers. Carey followed close behind with her suitcase.
“Remember, baby girl, everything is going to work out,” Carey said before leaving after placing her bag on the queen-sized bed. Staci wished she shared her father’s confidence. She wondered what the words, everything will work out, really meant. Did it mean everything would work out with Derrick, or did it mean without him?
“Thank you, Mommy,” Staci whispered after she closed the door to her former room. Her mother had thought of everything. Aromatherapy candles burned and soft music floated from the CD player. Inside the bathroom was an assortment of bath oils and salts and, of course, a pack of Handi Wipes. For as far back as Staci could remember, Alaina always kept a pack of Handi Wipes with her for everything from dirty hands to public restrooms.
While hot foam filled the tub, Staci slowly undressed. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and nearly tripped and hit her head.
“Oh my God!” she said as she took in her reflection. Her eyes were red and swollen. Brown streaks stained her face from the many tears she’d shed. Her lips looked ashy, and her shoulder-length hair was twisted into what looked like a knot. Good thing she had the hair texture that would soften in water, making it easier to comb through.
Once in the tub, the hot water and fragrant smells did wonders for Staci’s stiff muscles but didn’t touch her broken heart.
“God, what did I do wrong? Why did he leave? I did everything I was taught to do. The only thing I didn’t do was carry his seed. Maybe that’s the problem. Did he leave me because I didn’t get pregnant? That must be it, because I haven’t gained weight or let myself go.”
The unanswered questions hung in the air as Staci tried to rationalize why her husband had walked out on her.
“God, I know you forgave me for fornicating and for having an abortion. So why I am going through this?”
“Because you didn’t listen to wise counsel,” a still voice whispered back.
Staci’s mind immediately went back to the conversation she’d had with her mother a month before her wedding.
“Staci, I’m not saying Derrick isn’t the one God has for you. All I’m saying is wait until the time is right. Let him work through his insecurities first.”
“Mama, I love Derrick, and he loves me. That’s enough to handle every problem we may have.”
Alaina tried a different approach. “Staci, I know you’re afraid of losing him again, but you can’t rush into marrying him. Don’t overlook his problems. Allow him time to work through them. If you don’t, you’re going to add to the trials you’re already going to have.”
“I hear what you’re saying, Mama, but I know what I’m doing.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t really understand how deep not having a father has affected him. I see it every time he’s around your father and brothers. He works extra hard to be accepted by them when he doesn’t have to.”
There was some validity to her mother’s words, but Staci didn’t want to wait. She was afraid of losing him again.
“Mama, I can help him face his issues. I can—”
Alaina’s voice, filled with frustration, cut her off. “Stacelyn, you can’t help Derrick face anything he’s not willing to face on his own.”
In hindsight, Staci wished her mother had locked her in the basement to keep her from marrying Derrick. If she had, she wouldn’t be going through this heartache now. Staci recognized early in their relationship that Derrick was insecure. He didn’t express his feelings for her until after Staci expressed hers. Then periodically, Derrick would ask her if she was sure she really loved him. Then he would ask why she loved him. If he brought her a gift, he would ask her repeatedly if she liked it. And after they agreed to commit fornication, she had to constantly reassure him she enjoyed being intimate with him. Then when she had the abortion, he told her he felt like she had rejected him.
That was then. Since marrying him, Staci did everything a good wife was expected to do. At times when he didn’t meet her expectations, she still catered to him. When she knew the only reason he desired to make love to her was to impregnate her, she submitted to his demands without mumbling a word. No matter how inconsiderate he was in bed, she never used a headache as an excuse.
Staci closed her eyes and squeezed the sponge on her face just as Alaina knocked on the bathroom door.
“Can I come in?” Alaina asked.
“Sure. I was just about to get out.”
Alaina handed Staci a towel after entering the bathroom. As Staci dried herself, Alaina picked up her dirty clothes. She made an attempt to lighten the mood. “You’re almost thirty years old, and I’m still picking up your clothes.”
“I don’t know why you’re complaining. You know you love looking after your only daughter.” Staci smiled slightly. She figured her mother had really come in there to make sure she didn’t drown herself. “I know I looked and felt a mess when Daddy brought me inside. I feel a little better now, but I have a long way to go.”
“You probably don’t want to eat, but I brought you some soup.”
As she tied the belt to her robe, Staci’s eyes glanced at the clock above the sink. It was eight o’clock and still no word from Derrick. She wondered where he was and what he was having for dinner. Staci tried to contain her emotions, but couldn’t. When she slumped over the sink, Alaina put her arms around her and led her to the bed.
“Mama, this hurts so much,” Staci cried.
“I know it does, b
aby.”
“Mommy, make it stop hurting, please. Make today go away. Please bring my husband back.”
Alaina held her tightly. “Baby, the only one who can fix this is God,” she answered and wiped away tears of her own. “Let’s talk to Him about it.” Alaina closed her eyes and bowed her head. “Heavenly Father, I ask that you comfort my baby right now. Let your love consume her and overtake her. Give her your perfect peace and understanding. Help her to lean on you for strength and not faint. Lord, turn this pain into ministry.
“God, I ask that you help Derrick and heal him of his past hurts. Help him to see that you did not make a mistake when you created him. Help him to see that you love him and that Staci loves him and that we love him. Help him to realize that he can’t make it without you. Lord, turn his heart back toward you, then back toward his wife . . .” Alaina prayed and prayed until Staci fell asleep in her arms.
Chapter 11
“Oh, God, how did I get here?” Derrick cried with his face buried in his tear-saturated hands. He looked around the small hotel room, making sure he avoided the mirrors. He couldn’t look at himself. He was too ashamed.
“I left my wife. I left my wife. How could I do that?” he asked in a barely audible voice.
“You left me,” the still small voice Derrick had been trying to ignore answered.
Derrick’s horrific sobs echoed through the room. His world was crashing down on him, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. It was happening too fast. This morning he was on top of the world, and now, the world was on top of him and crushing him with a vengeance. This morning he wanted to live; now at this moment, he wanted to die a quick death.
He walked over to the second-story window and looked down into the parking lot. He shook his head, thinking the worst that would happen if he jumped would be a broken leg. Instead, he walked back to the bed and plopped down, then asked a question he didn’t have a reasonable answer to. “What am I going to do?”
“Come back to me. It’s only in me that you live, move, and have your being.”
Derrick shook his head, then hurried into the bathroom and started the shower. The steam released more tears.
He didn’t sleep that night. Not feeling Staci’s warm body next to him underneath the stale covers depressed him more. Every time he managed to doze off, his mind would replay the scene from that afternoon and conclude with a picture of Staci sitting on the floor of their bedroom trying to make sense of his erratic behavior. He accepted defeat and threw back the covers. Finally, he picked up his cell phone and called for help.
A few hours later, Derrick sat in the hotel’s restaurant sipping a cold cup of coffee with Pastor Reggie. They’d been in there since Derrick phoned his pastor before dawn. He began by apologizing for avoiding his phone calls. To Derrick’s surprise and relief, Reggie dismissed his behavior and agreed to meet him.
After a few minutes of listening to Derrick, Reggie stopped being his pastor and uncle. He became his friend.
“Derrick, you can’t keep holding on to this. You’ve got to turn this over to God and let Him work it out. You have to make Him head of your life again.”
“It’s not that easy. I’ve struggled with this all of my life.”
“And now you’re making Staci struggle.”
Derrick blinked his eyes. He was trying unsuccessfully to block an image of Staci sitting on the floor, heartbroken.
“Derrick, you’ve done to Staci what your father did to you. You rejected her and placed your insecurities on her. The difference is, you know Staci loves you, but yet, you’re willing to hurt her instead of dealing with your issues.”
“I love her, too. She’s my heart,” he added sadly.
“Then go home and tell her that. Share your heart with her. Tell her the truth about what happened.”
Derrick listened. What Reggie said made sense, but he couldn’t do that right now. He was too vulnerable. Sure, Staci loved him, but would she once he unleashed the skeletons in his closet?
Chapter 12
The next afternoon Staci went for a walk with her father along the man-made lake that ran adjacent to her parents’ estate. Carey looked over at his daughter walking in silence with her head hung down and put his arm around her shoulder. She relaxed and rested in the safety her dad provided.
“Baby girl, hold your head up.”
“Daddy, it’s hard,” she replied, with her head still down.
“I know it is, but you’re a strong woman. I raised you that way.”
“Maybe if it didn’t hurt so much.”
“Stacelyn, it only hurts because you love Derrick.” Hearing her birth name, she instantly lifted her head. Carey almost never referred to her by her given name. She was simply his “baby girl.”
“Derrick loves you too,” her father continued. “He just doesn’t know how to show it yet. I’m not trying to minimize the severity of his actions. In fact, I’m angry at him. But I also understand that he’s battling a war within himself.”
“Where does that leave me?” she asked and blinked back tears.
“Unfortunately, it leaves you hurt and wounded,” her father sighed. “Sometimes no matter how much we try not to, we still hurt the people we love, the same way others have hurt us. That’s what’s happening to Derrick. But, baby girl, I promise you, you’ll get through this. Hopefully, Derrick will come around, but even if he doesn’t, you will get through this.”
“How, Daddy?” she whined.
“By taking one day at a time. If it’s easier for you, take an hour at a time. Do what you have to do, but don’t stop living your life. Love Derrick, but don’t stop living because he’s not there.”
“But, Daddy, I want him here. I want him with me,” she moped.
Carey stopped walking and locked eyes with his daughter. “Do you want him with you if he’s not willing to be there for you 100 percent? Do you want him here not knowing how to love you back? Do you want him here before God settles him?”
Staci didn’t answer because that’s exactly what she had now.
“Baby girl, this was a hard lesson for you to learn, and an even harder one for your mother and me to watch. But I think you’ve got it now.”
“I thought Mom would be the one to say, ‘I told you so.’ Staci half-smiled.
“We’re not concerned about taking credit for warning you. We just want to make sure you learn the lesson.” Carey narrowed his eyes, and Staci knew he was waiting for her to recite the lesson, just like he’d done throughout her childhood.
“‘God is the only one who can change people. And anything that is not in God’s designated time is out of time.’ Oh, one more. ‘You can not hurry God; neither can you help Him out.’”
“That’s a good start,” Carey said, then kissed his daughter on the cheek.
“Daddy, there’s more?” Staci whined.
“Oh, there’s much more, but you’re on your way.”
Monday morning, after a hearty breakfast of pancakes, bacon, and eggs, Staci left her parents’ peaceful home and set out to face her tumultuous life. As she drove down Highway 37, the wind from the sunroof blew her hair and she actually felt good. It had been an entire week since Derrick had left. She hadn’t heard one word from him. Today that would change. She’d planned to stop by his office in hopes of spending his lunchtime talking about their marriage. She’d prayed fervently every day and hoped for a quick reconciliation. If that didn’t happen, she would do what her parents instructed. She would keep living her life one day at a time.
Before heading to his office, she went home to change into something more appropriate and appealing, like the red and gold pantsuit he’d bought her for Christmas. Funny, Derrick couldn’t coordinate his own clothing, but could select flattering outfits for Staci with ease. Walking into the house knowing no one else lived there was kind of creepy at first. She turned on the sound system, and the atmosphere warmed a bit.
Inside her bedroom, she noticed Derrick had been back and ha
d removed more of his clothing. She swallowed the bile that threatened to erupt from the pit of her stomach and quickly changed clothes and applied light makeup to highlight her natural features. Before leaving, she sorted out Derrick’s mail and tucked it into her handbag.
“Hello, Mrs. Garrison.”
“Hello, Phyllis,” Staci greeted Derrick’s office manager and the other staff members present. “Is my husband available?”
“He’s in with his last patient before lunch, but you can wait for him in his office.”
“Thank you, Phyllis.” Phyllis buzzed her inside the back office, and Staci slowly walked down the hallway that led to Derrick’s office. With each step, she wondered if this is what the death-row inmates across the bridge at San Quentin felt like. It was like walking to her execution; the end of the world.
“Excuse me, Mrs. Garrison.” Derrick’s colleague, Dr. Hunt, bumped into her.
“It’s my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Staci said and repositioned the handbag strap over her shoulder.
“I’ll tell the big guy you’re here,” the elder gentleman offered.
“No need. I’ll just wait for him in his office. I have a key.” Staci was afraid Derrick would leave if he was alerted to her presence. She hurried on before Dr. Hunt could comment.
Staci entered the office quietly. She placed her purse and Derrick’s mail on the desk. Out of habit, she walked around and checked the stock in his minirefrigerator. Mentally, she made a list of things to pick up at the grocery store. Then her eyes traveled to their wedding picture, still in its place on his desk. Her optimism returned. She picked up his picture and was outlining his face with her fingertips when Derrick walked in, leaving the door slightly ajar.
At first she thought she saw a slight smile on his face, but he froze too quickly for her to be sure. Her heart nearly leaped at the sight of him. She had missed her teddy bear so much. He just stared at her, so she spoke first.
Unresolved Issues Page 5
