by L. C. Davis
“Victor --” I called after him, but he had already turned around and made swift progress down the hall.
“He's always brooding and storming off somewhere,” said Sebastian.
I spun around to find him leaning against the wall. “Guess the honeymoon phase is over and he's showing you the real Victor.”
“At least we got a honeymoon phase,” I said, glaring at him. “Were you eavesdropping?”
He shrugged. “Never hurts to keep tabs on the competition.”
“There is no competition,” I said firmly. “You're not even playing in the same league as Victor, but keep pretending if it makes you happy.”
He smirked, stepping closer. “Are your feelings for me really so strong that being angry is the only way you can drown them out?”
I swallowed hard and carefully weighed my reaction, not wanting to prove him right. “You know, your ego is as big as the rest of you.”
“You would know,” he said with an amused smile, tipping my chin up towards him. “You always were good at stroking it.”
I turned my head, partly to break away from him and partly to hide the traitorous color creeping onto my face. If there was anything more awkward than living with an ex, it had to be dating his brother. “Mature as always, Sebastian.”
“Don't pretend like you haven't missed our spirited banter,” he said wryly.
“I haven't, but I am starting to miss being shunned.”
“Oh, come on. You were begging me to come back in the dream,” he reminded me. “I know Nice Remus got locked out with your wolf side, but something's still there.”
“If you think I'm just going to run back into your arms as soon as my wolf side comes back, you can give up now,” I told him firmly.
“Oh, I don't expect you to come running,” he said casually. “I took you for granted before, thinking you'd wait for me while I came to terms with you being a vampire and all. It was stupid and I'll be kicking myself for it for the rest of my life.”
His candor took me by surprise. I was still grasping for a proper reply when he pushed me back against the wall and my heart sank. Memories of Jeff were still filtering in by the day. It was anyone's guess what was going to trigger them. I flinched when his huge hand rested on the wall beside me and his other one cupped my face so I had no choice but to meet his eyes. His touch was surprisingly gentle for a brute.
“I know you don't owe me anything, but I'm gonna be a selfish bastard one more time and demand that you hear me out,” he began. His tone was stern but earnest, chipping away at the shield of anger that was so essential to have between us. “Maybe I don't deserve you. Hell, neither of us do, but I'm not a good enough man to step aside and let you go twice. The way I see it, you're marked by both of us and until that changes I'm not backing off without a fight. I might not have my brother's way with words or his fancy degrees, but what I do have is patience, and Remus Black, I am gonna wait for you until the end of time. If Victor wants you, he's gonna have to prove he's worthy of you by getting through me first.”
I stared at him in shock. It was impossible to look away. I didn't know what to say or even what I was feeling. It was a mysterious emotion that pierced like heartache and surged like love, but I didn't want to accept that it could be either.
He leaned in closer and I thought he was going to kiss me. Admittedly fearful of my own reaction, I turned away and breathed, “Sebastian.” It came out as more of a plea than a command, but he stopped short.
His hand came off the wall and he took a step back with a small, self-possessed smile. When our eyes met he was cool and calm, but I was reduced to a panting, pathetic mess. The mark on my left hand burned as if to scold me, but it was nothing compared to the punishment my own guilty conscious was inflicting on me.
“I'm in love with Victor,” I said, leaning back on the wall for support.
“So you've said.” His grin faded slightly. “But you were in love with me once, too. You were in love with me first. That has to mean something.”
“Jeff came before either of you,” I pointed out. “He left me feeling nothing but pain.”
“I know,” he said, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. A dark look came into his eyes at the mention of my abuser's name. “I know you're still mad at me for hunting down that vampire, but I can't apologize for that. Why didn't you tell me what he did? Why didn't you tell me those were Jeff's parents you killed?”
“Would it have mattered?”
He stared at me in disbelief. “Of course it would have.”
“Maybe it shouldn't. I don't regret trading their lives for Victor's, but it doesn't make what I did any less wrong.”
“I think your definition of wrong is a little skewed,” he said, shaking his head. “If you hadn't killed them, I would have done it a hell of a lot less humanely. Same thing with the vampire you spared. They deserved to die by any standard, human or otherwise
“You don't think I know that?” I snapped. “My decision to spare that vampire wasn't for him, it was for me. You have no idea what it's like to feel vulnerable like that, to have every choice taken away from you but one, even the choice to live or die. Knowing that I spared that vampire gave me some sense of control. Now I don't even have that.”
“Tell me you don't still want to die,” he pleaded.
I couldn't.
He took a deep breath to steel himself before asking, “What about Victor?”
I bit my lip. “There were times when he was the only reason I even wanted to keep going, especially after you left.”
“And now?”
“Now I take it one day at a time and try to focus on all the reasons I have to be here. I can't change what I've done or what I've become, but something Clarence said helped.”
“Clarence?” he asked doubtfully.
I shrugged. “He called me out on being selfish and acting recklessly without thinking of the pack. He helped me see that my self-destructiveness was hurting everyone else, too. I guess buying into the delusion that the pack needs me in some small way has given me something else to focus on.”
“It's not a delusion,” he muttered. “I haven't been back for that long, but the way you went to work helping Clara while no one else knew what to do made it pretty obvious that you belong here, vampire or not.”
“That's enough for now to keep me going. It has to be.”
“And one day if it's not?” He tilted my chin up and his eyes searched mine, demanding the truth.
“I don't know,” I admitted. “I guess we'll find out. It's not like I'm easy to kill.”
He looked disappointed yet strangely relieved by my honesty. “I'm not gonna force you to make a promise you can't keep. I'm just gonna ask that if that day ever does come when you don't feel like you can do it anymore, you'll come talk to me first.”
“Why, so you can stop me?”
“No,” he said. The somber look on his face actually made me want to believe him. “I just want the chance to talk to you.”
I nodded reluctantly. “Okay. Deal.”
He gave me a smile that didn't reach his eyes. “It's late,” he said, stepping back. “You should get some rest. I'm assuming you can still sleep if you're meeting up with me on the astral plane?”
“I can sleep when Victor's around. Thanks to you, we're doing the separate rooms thing.”
“You're the one who told him about the mark,” he reminded me.
“Don't tell me you wouldn't have.”
He shrugged. “I would have if you hadn't. He's still my brother and unlike him I don't believe in sneaking around and keeping secrets.”
“Don't pretend like you're a saint in all this, Sebastian.”
He smirked a little. “If you have trouble sleeping alone, I'd be happy to fill in for Victor.”
“Nice try, but I don't think us bunking together is going to make him back off this silly competition idea any sooner,” I said, rolling my eyes as I headed towards our room.
“Who sa
id anything about sharing a room?” he asked innocently, following me. “I'll sleep outside your door.”
I glanced back at him doubtfully. “You'd do that just to help me sleep?”
“I'm not exactly thrilled at the prospect of bunking where you and Victor fuck. Super-sensitive nose, remember?” He grimaced. “Besides, sleeping against a wall is good for your back. I read about it in an article.”
“I'm not sure which is more unbelievable, the science behind that theory or the idea of you reading an article,” I said, snorting. I stopped in front of the room and leaned in the doorway.
Sebastian looked past me into the room. “I see you gave it the uh, flowery touch,” he said with a flourished hand gesture.
I rolled my eyes. “Victor likes the curtains and the bedspread, for your information.”
“Oh, I'm sure he does.” He leaned on the other side of the door, watching me. “Come on, you know you like having a guard dog around. At least admit that I still make you feel safe, if nothing else.”
It seemed like a dangerous thing to admit, but I was tired and he had a way of wearing down my defenses. “Fine. You make me feel safe.” Sometimes against my better judgment.
He grinned. “See? That wasn't so hard to admit.”
“Goodnight, Sebastian,” I said, shutting the door in his face.
His giant hand caught the edge. “What, no goodnight kiss?”
I shoved it closed with my body weight, but I could still hear the sound of his laughter on the other side. “Don't push your luck, mutt.”
“Sweet dreams, bloodsucker.”
My heart fluttered. The fact that he could call me that so lightheartedly meant more than any term of endearment. Maybe he really had experienced a change of heart about my vampire nature during his time with Sarah. I lingered with my hand on the door for a moment before heading over to the empty bed. I slid underneath the covers without even bothering to take off my clothes.
The moment my head hit the pillows, exhaustion overtook me. Whether it was due to my role in the ritual or the fact that I was living off of bagged human blood and werewolves, the day had been a draining one. I missed having Victor beside me and wanted nothing more than to nestle into his arms, but the presence outside the door was an admittedly comforting one.
As deeply as he had hurt me, and despite the fact that we had become such different people that it was hard to see how we could ever even be friends, Sebastian would always be the very best at doing one thing. No one else made me feel safe the way he did.
Not even Victor.
19
As usual, everyone was gone by the time I woke up. Sebastian had gone missing from his post at the door and Victor was nowhere to be found in his office.
I cinched my white bathrobe around my waist and wandered in the direction of Ulric's study. As I drew closer, the sound of feminine laughter became clearer. One voice was Clara's, but there was another unsettlingly familiar chuckle mingling with hers.
When I knocked on the door, the other woman's voice called, “Come in!” I steeled myself before opening the door, displeased to find that the source of the laughter was exactly who I'd feared it was. Sarah was perched on one of Ulric's high-backed leather chairs wearing a red silk dress with a sky-high slit. Her red hair had been cropped to just below her chin and her green eyes lit up like a traffic light when she saw me.
“Hi, sweetie,” she called sweetly, holding a delicate rosebud teacup and saucer in her hands. Clara was seated on the couch beside Sebastian sipping from a matching cup. Victor was leaning against the wall just outside the intimate gathering and Ulric was in the other high-backed chair, looking like he would gladly pay the first hunter that came along to put him out of his misery.
“You came,” I said, making no attempt to hide my surprise as I shut the door.
“Of course I did,” she said, setting the teacup on the coffee table before she stood up. “My little boy needed me.”
“You mean you needed a hunter-free zone to crash in before everything goes to hell,” I said, keeping my hands at my sides to rebuff her open arms. Her hands fell to her hips, but her fake smile remained firmly in place.
“Remus,” said Ulric. “She's still your mother.”
“You have to be joking,” I muttered.
“It's alright,” she said, waving him off. “He has every right to be upset at me after the stunt I pulled in Austin. You know, Remus, if I'd had any idea you were such a sensitive boy I would have handled things a lot differently.”
“I'm sure,” I said dryly, looking at Victor and then at Ulric. “So what, we're just letting her run free? I thought we'd all learned a lesson from the last time I escaped. Vampires can't be trusted.”
“Before entering the Lodge, Sarah submitted herself to a full psychic protocol from Victor,” said Ulric. “I'm confident that her abilities won't be causing us any problems while she's here.”
“She doesn't need her abilities to cause trouble,” I said, unable to believe they were all taking her presence in stride. Judging from the laughter I'd heard before coming into the room, Clara was downright smitten with her.
Sarah gave a deceptively good-natured laugh and draped her arm around my shoulder. “Trust me, that boy of yours gave my mind one hell of a work over. I couldn't bend a spoon if I tried.” She leaned in to whisper, “I see why he's your favorite. Nothing like a good mindfuck to start the day.”
I pulled away with an exasperated noise. “Can we just get this over with?”
Sarah shrugged, taking her seat. “As you wish. I told them not to wake you up since there's no rush. I'll be staying for awhile,” she said pointedly.
“Lovely,” I said, taking a seat next to Sebastian since there was no other option and Victor hadn't looked at me since I'd come into the room.
My focus turned to Clara, who showed no signs of leaving and no one else showed any signs of asking her to. “Um, you know what's going on?” I asked warily.
She turned to me with a small, apologetic smile. “A bit. If you'd feel more comfortable with me out of the room --”
“No,” I said quickly. “It's fine, please stay.”
“Wonderful,” said Sarah, clasping her hands. There was a twinkle of curiosity in her eyes. “So much has happened since we saw each other last. I suppose suppressing your werewolf half completely is one way to get around dying from not transitioning before the first harvest moon.”
“Trust me, it wasn't planned,” I said, pouring myself a glass of scotch. Ever since moving into the Lodge, I had developed an appreciation for it.
“Which makes it all the more impressive,” she said. “Even I couldn't have done something like that at your age and I'd had decades of training by then.”
“Then I guess I'm just a natural at screwing things up,” I said, taking another sip. “All I wanted was to suppress my conscience enough to save Victor.” It was my turn to throw her a pointed look. “From you. Ring any bells?”
She smiled. “Yes, well, I've apologized to Victor. I do feel badly,” she said, pressing a hand against her chest. “You have to understand, I was trying to save your life. I knew you'd never be able to awaken properly without completing the ritual.”
“And you need me alive so you can take over the vampires with my hybrid blood, right?” I asked, smirking. Maybe the others were falling for her charms, but I wasn't about to let her get away with pretending like she was there out of some motherly instinct she hadn't shown over the last twenty-three years.
“I did misinterpret the texts, that much is true,” she said in a seemingly remorseful tone. “That's why I'm here, but this is bigger than just the vampires. It involves the werewolves, too. Both main houses of the Kingdom of Night are threatened now and if we don't unite against the hunters, we'll all go extinct.”
“I keep hearing that you misinterpreted the texts, but I've yet to hear how,” I said. “How do we know you're not just going to try the sacrifice again next time?”
�
�All in good time,” she said, standing again. She came to kneel in front of me. “For now, let's have a look at those hands.”
I stared warily at her outstretched palms.
She laughed. “I'm not going to read your palms, darling. I only do that for gullible tourists. I need to see the marks.”
“You can't,” I said, but I offered them to her anyway. “I thought only a holy person could do that.”
“Ordained by the Church of Night for the last twenty years,” she said proudly, closely examining my right palm.
“Vampire religion must have loose standards,” I muttered.
To my surprise, she laughed. “We have a different value system.” She squinted. “This mark is strong. Vibrant red color, a crisp outer frame. The crescent is very visible. Judging from the psychic signature, I can safely say this one is yours,” she said, glancing at Victor.
He looked visibly relieved. “Yes, that's my mark.”
“Let's see if there's anything here,” she said, focusing intently on my other hand. I shifted nervously. She really was seeing them if she had described Victor's mark so accurately. Only Victor and I had ever seen his mark, unlike Sebastian who used his as a stamp.
“I see something here,” she murmured. “It's a lot fainter, but it's there. It's dark blue with a slightly jagged circular outline. There's something in the middle—a wolf's head?”
“Yeah!” Sebastian cried, jumping to his feet. His sudden movement caused Clara to spill some of her tea.
“Both marks are present?” Ulric asked in disbelief.
“Oh, yeah. The other one isn't quite as clear, but it's still there,” she said, standing.
“How?” asked Victor, stepping forward. “It shouldn't be possible for them both to be there.”
“Wrong,” she said. “It's never happened before, but that doesn't make it impossible. Remus is also the first true hybrid to exist, at least as far as we know. Duality is in his nature, after all.”
“But how do we know which mark is legit?” asked Sebastian.
