“I’m terrible at names—just ask Madison. I hardly ever get them right. And, man—when it comes to those two? Well, I’ll just keep mum about that. Anyway, my business is booming right now. It always goes crazy this time of year, and Mama needs to make the money. I’m closed today, but what a past few days I’ve had—one customer right after the other, and with the same questions I get asked right before Christmas hits. ‘Does he love me?’ ‘Does she love me?’ ‘Should I get her the ring now—or later?’ ‘What will his parents think of me?’ ‘What will her parents think about me?’ ‘Can you tell me the Powerball numbers? Because look, psychic woman, I really need some jack.’ And that’s where I draw the line—I always know the damned numbers, but giving them out would be cheating and unethical.”
“I have to meet you,” I said. “We must do lunch!”
“Girl, it’s already on my calendar,” Rhoda said. “Madison is going to introduce you to me on January 14th. We’re going to db Bistro, where you used to work before you decided to give Alex a second chance—and look at how well that turned out. What a powerful love story you two share. You know, in a few short years, my Barry is coming to me, and I can tell you that I already know in my heart that he’s going to sweep me off my feet just as Alex did to you.”
“Rhoda,” I said, “if you can find a man like that, then you must do exactly what I did—marry him.”
“Oh, toots, that’s such a done deal, I can’t even tell you,” she said. “Barry and I are going to have one hell of a romance! Now, get back to cooking, kids. Madison, I love and miss you like crazy. Brock, I also love you—take good care of my girl for me. Alex and Jennifer, I can’t wait to meet both of you. So, Merry Christmas to all of you, but Rhoda has to go because she might have bought herself a pecan pie, and it might be calling her name right now. So! This girl is out!”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
IT WAS LATER THAT EVENING, not long before all of us were to meet in the living room for drinks before dinner was served, when Alex and I finished dressing.
“These cufflinks are killer,” he said.
“And ironically, they’ve saved lives. Here, let me straighten your tie for you. Nice suit, by the way.”
“You bought it for me.”
“And it’s a good fit—I like how it comes in close at the waist. And, God, here I go again. Just seeing you in a suit always makes me want to ditch everything and just get into bed with you. When it comes to you, I have such a suit fetish, it’s not funny.”
“I hear Santa wears a suit.”
“Not the same thing.”
“Turn around for me,” he said. “Let me see what you’re wearing.”
I twirled around, and as I did, my ivory-colored Alexander McQueen gown with floral jewel embroidery fanned out. Tonight, I’d decided to wear my hair exactly as Alex loved it most—cascading down my back in a tumble of curls. And I was wearing the necklace and earrings he’d given to me earlier, which were spectacular.
“You like?”
“What’s not to like—you look hot,” he said. “How did I get so lucky?”
“When it comes to you, I ask myself that every day. Now, look,” I said as I gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “I’m going to go see if Blackwell’s suit fits her, as well as the shoes. And if they do, we’ll be down to join the rest of you ASAP, OK?”
“You’ve got it.”
“HELLO?” I SAID WHEN I knocked on Blackwell’s bedroom door. “It’s Jennifer. Are you dressed? May I come in?”
“Of course,” Blackwell said. “The door’s open. And please tell me that you’ve brought cases of champagne with you, because I believe that I might need a few glasses before tonight starts.”
“How I wish that I did have some,” I said as I stepped inside. And when she turned and we looked at each other, her lips parted at the same moment that I raised my hand to my own lips.
“Look at you!” Blackwell said. “Alex finally did it—he bought you the iconic Harry Winston diamond wreath necklace and the matching cascading diamond earrings. Oh, you lucky girl. So elegant! And your dress—perfection. As is your hair and makeup—Bernie has taught you well. You’re going to be the star of the evening. Even I can’t get over those jewels.”
“I’m more than just lucky,” I said. “I’m deeply in love.”
“And yet none of your good fortune has changed you,” she said. “You’re still the feisty girl I met at our ruinous interview two years ago. None of it has gone to your head, and I can’t tell you how much I admire you for that.”
“I’m still a simple girl from the bowels of Maine,” I said.
“Well, there’s that...”
“And look at you,” I said. “The suit fits! Do you like it?”
“I love it,” she said. “It’s striking. And the shoes are divoon. So, thank you, my dear. To think that you sketched out the suit and the shoes for me with a senior designer at Dior means more to me than you’ll ever know, not to mention the sheer amount of time you spent to make this happen for me—and somehow without me even knowing about it. Now, come over here and give me a hug, because—and I will say this only to you—I might need one.”
Blackwell needs a hug? What does that even mean?
“What’s the matter?” I asked her as I crossed the room and gave her a hug. “Something’s wrong. I sensed it at breakfast.”
“Why don’t we sit down on the bed? I think I need to have a good chat with someone whose opinion I hold in high esteem, and that would be yours.”
“You can share anything with me,” I said as I sat down beside her. “You know that I’m a vault.”
“In fact, I do know that. You’re one of the most trustworthy and honorable people I know, especially when it comes to how you treat your friends. I’m fortunate to be among them.”
“Why do you look so upset?”
“I think that I might be getting a little too old for this,” she said. “I think I might have come to the point where I’m too cynical to enjoy any of it.”
“What are you referring to?”
“Marcus,” she said. “What he’s seeking—or what he appears to be seeking. Is this just a weekend flirtation? Or is it something more substantial than that? I certainly don’t know, and not knowing has rattled me. I don’t know what to do with him. I’m conflicted, which I never am. You know me—always so confident. Always so certain. But I can tell you right now, that’s not the person I am tonight.”
I placed my hand over hers, and could feel the vulnerability coming off her in waves. I’d never seen her like this before. What on earth was she going through? “Talk to me,” I said.
She did—and when she did, she opened up her heart to me.
“I’ve already had my chance at love, Jennifer,” she said. “It was with Charles—he was my first and only, you know? And we were married for over twenty years. I thought that we’d be together forever, but look at how well that turned out—him cheating on me with the very woman he’s married to now. And her name is Rita, for God’s sake. Just imagine that—Charles going for a woman named Rita! And why did he do so? I know why. First, he obviously was tired of being with me. Second, she’s a good ten years younger than I am, so what am I to make of that? That my shelf life is up at this point? Let’s just be honest here—it might be up. I am, after all, in my mid-fifties. And how often does a woman in her mid-fifties find love?”
“All the time.”
“Not for somebody with my standards, they don’t. And don’t ask me to lower them.”
“I never would.”
“What Charles did to me might have happened two years ago, but I’m here to tell you that it still stings. It still hurts. The deceit still lingers in ways that I should have shaken off a good year ago, but as much as I try to do so, I can’t. At least not completely. I hate how he hurt not only me, but also our two daughters. I despise him for that. And yet somehow, throughout our marriage and right up to the very end when all of his lies were revealed, I truste
d him with all of my heart. So tell me this—how am I to trust anyone again after what that sonofabitch did to me? I’m not sure that I can. And yet Marcus is bound and determined to come here again tonight to see me. I’ve tried my best not to lead him on, but that’s been nothing short of an unmitigated failure, because I admit it—I do find him attractive. He’s bright, he’s funny, he’s good looking, and he’s interesting.” She sighed. “I’m at a loss.”
“What you need to become is the person you were before Charles,” I said.
“I don’t even know who that woman was at this point. We all change with age—I certainly have. All of us are altered by our experiences, our triumphs, and our challenges, and by the accumulation of our disappointments. Charles gutted me. What if another man does the same thing to me, whether it’s Marcus or somebody else? How am I going to get through that? What I’m facing tonight really has nothing to do with Marcus—he’s a lovely man. And I sense that he could be a good man. But what if I’m wrong and he isn’t? What if it’s all smoke and mirrors when it comes to him? What I’m facing tonight has to do with trusting someone again. Allowing someone in beyond the fortress I’ve built around myself over these past two years. You and Alex and my daughters are perhaps the only people in my life who know who I really am as a person. Many rightfully see me as a full-on bitch known and feared as the façade that is ‘Blackwell’. And I take full responsibility for that. But those closest to me know that there’s another side to me, and it’s that side that was blindsided the moment I met Marcus. It’s not fair for me to play along with him if I’m feeling like this. So, when he arrives tonight, I’ve decided to just shut down whatever has been brewing between us once and for all. For his sake—and also for my own.”
“Are you sure? Barbara, it’s so clear to all of us that you two have a connection. And you must know that something like that just doesn’t come around very often. Are you sure that you want to throw that away just because you’re scared that he might hurt you?”
“I see no need to go through being hurt again.”
“Who’s to say he will hurt you? And how do you even know if anything will come of this? You’ve only known each other for three days—how much weight can either of you put on that? Both of you are in the midst of a try-out phase, so just listen to me. You yourself have said that he’s a bright, funny, good-looking, and interesting man. Isn’t that worth exploring? Don’t you deserve to at least see where this goes? It might go nowhere—and fine, if it doesn’t, both of you will know sooner rather than later, and you’ll just move on with no hard feelings. You’ll just part ways. But what if there is something between you two? How can you possibly deny yourself of that? You’re still a young woman.”
“The hell I am.”
“Fine, you might not be Daniella’s age, but does that mean there isn’t a partner out there for you who is your age? Does one’s love life end at mid-life? I think we both know better. I believe that Marcus has said that he’d been cheated on by his own wife. What kind of scars do you think that left on him? And yet look at him now—making an effort to get back into the game with a woman he finds attractive, funny—and from the looks of what I’ve seen on his face today and last night—stylish, and beautiful. Yes, he’s only known you for a few days, but I can tell you this—the moment I met Alex in that elevator after my disastrous interview with you, it was like lightning struck me. I don’t know how or where it came from, but there was an instant attraction and connection. And then there was the way that he helped me pick up my flyaway resumes. How gallant was that? The rest is history when it comes to Alex and me, but still, consider how we came to be. I didn’t make any of it easy for him at first because I’m nothing if not bull-headed, but eventually I let down my guard—and look at how well that turned out. We’re not only married, but we’re crazy in love with each other. So, why can’t the same happen for you? Why would you ever deny yourself a second chance—especially one that might turn out to be better than what you experienced with Charles?”
“As I said, I’m scared,” she said in a low voice. “Because I think that my time for finding love again has passed.”
And when she said that, I knew that Blackwell had once again just bared her soul to me. She really did believe that her time was up when it came to meeting someone who might eventually come to love her. She was in a dark place right now.
And it was my job to lift her out of it.
“What do you have to lose from getting to know Marcus?” I asked.
“Just getting to know him? Nothing, I suppose.”
“Then how about if you just start there? Do you think that he’s worth the trouble? If not, then I do agree with you—move on. But right now, if we just forget about what Charles did to you and focus on your initial impressions of Marcus, what do you feel inside? When you strip Charles away, do you really believe that you should be finished with Marcus? Or do you think that when all of us are back in Manhattan, that you should see him a few more times, and decide where you go from there? Look, I get that you have every reason to be scared and to feel vulnerable after what you’ve been through, but don’t let your fear of starting over again derail what might be the best thing that has ever happened to you. Because this might be it, Barbara. You’re attracted to him, which is great. What’s better is that your attraction isn’t just physical, but also intellectual. Being open to possibilities doesn’t equate a commitment, wouldn’t you agree?”
“I suppose it doesn’t.”
“How long has Marcus been divorced from his wife?”
“Five years.”
“Then all the better, because none of this can be considered a rebound situation for either of you. That period is long gone. So, how about just proceeding with caution, but also with a fair bit of willingness to be open to him and to give him a chance? Because while you might not believe it, Barbara, you do deserve a second chance. You deserve to have a partner in your life, to have someone to go home to and to grow old with. If Marcus turns out not to be the one, then fine—onward you go. But if he is the one, think about the implications. You will be able to enjoy an entirely new life. My suggestion is that you let go of Charles and every rotten thing he ever did to you, and move forward. The past is the past, and you’re facing a potentially exciting new present. It’s time for you to tend to yourself and your own happiness. Screw Charles, because Marcus might be the one who leads you to a happier future.”
“He is rather something,” she said as she squeezed my hand.
“Then see what comes of it,” I said. “If it’s nothing, move on. And even if it does come to that, then your takeaway is this—you’ve still triumphed because at least you can say to yourself that you did give it an effort and that you are open to more opportunities when and if they should come.”
“As if they’ll come,” she said.
I kissed her on the cheek. “They will if you allow them to. But why not start with Marcus first? It’s only been three days—what harm can come from getting to know him better? It’s not as if you’re completely invested in him at this point. You’ve both just started this journey of yours.”
“I will say this,” she said. “He’s going to have to pursue me—it sure as hell isn’t going to be the other way around. I come from a completely different generation than you do, Jennifer. I will not chase after him. If he wants to spend time with me, then he’s going to have to work for it. And when I say that, I don’t mean that he’s going to have to work hard. I just mean that he’s going to have to engage me as the gentleman he’s already revealed himself to be. I’m old-fashioned when it comes to those sorts of things. If he wants to be with me, then he’s going to have to show me that he wants to be with me.”
“Fair enough. And since he’s around your age, I’d actually expect that from him.”
“I’ll demand it.”
“But hasn’t he already done so?” I asked. “I mean, come on—you haven’t been pursuing him at all since we’ve been here. Instead,
he’s been pursuing you.”
She looked thoughtful for a moment when I said that, and then she just shrugged. “I guess he has been.”
“Men,” I said as I leaned back on the bed. “And relationships. Why do so many of us have to deal with the kind of insecurities that surround both, no matter how strong we think we are as women?”
“Good question.”
“Well, here’s your answer—it’s because we’re human. And you’re human, Barbara. Follow your heart tonight. Be spontaneous. Take risks. Become alive again. If he surprises you, surprise him right back. Breakfast was a bit stiff between you two this morning, but you can fix that now. All of what happens next is up to you, because I can tell you that he’s already there, ready and waiting. So, what do you want? Have a think about that before we go downstairs. In the meantime, I’m going to haul my fat ass off this bed and give you a hug and a kiss, and tell you that I love you. So, come on—that’s right. Get up off the bed and give me a hug and a couple of air kisses. I might call you my surrogate womb in jest, but you truly are the mother I never had. And I do love you, Barbara. I only want the best for you.”
“You were wonderful just now, you know?”
“I only spoke from my heart.”
At that point, the time occurred to me, and I looked down at my watch. “It’s late,” I said. “Marcus might already be here at this point. Are you ready to do this?”
“First, I need to check myself in a mirror, because my eyes might have become a bit bright during certain parts of our conversation.”
“Take your time.”
When she emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, I saw the Blackwell that I knew and loved—strong and confident, and with a sparkle of mischief in her eyes.
“All right,” she said. “Let’s do this, because you’re right. I became nearly paralyzed because I was overthinking all of this. So, thank you for talking me off the cliff, my dear girl. You’re wise beyond your years, which is one of the things that I’ve always admired about you. So, game on. Let’s see what comes of this.”
Holiday: Annihilate Him, #4 Page 18
