“This is your kid, after all,” Leo continued, sitting up. “Hello? I’m speaking to you, Val.”
Val glared at the laptop screen. “I just have a few more things to finish for work.”
Leo tossed the screwdriver, watching it clank into a pile of other tools he’d been utilizing all evening. “I thought you wanted me to come over and help you get the baby’s things put together. You know, brotherly bonding and all that? If I’d known I was actually coming over to put it all together my damn self, I may have reconsidered.”
Val’s head fell, and he ran his fingers through his hair.
Leo leaned back against the crib, pulling his knees to his chest. “All right,” he said, seeing the agony on his brother’s face. “Talk.”
Val lifted his head and met Leo’s eyes, the bright computer screen amplifying the tortured gleam in his eyes as he held his hands out. “I can’t watch Zo walk into this apartment and look at that crib with disappointment in her eyes for another day. I just can’t, Leo.”
“So why the hell have you let it sit here, half-built, for months? You’re no bricklayer Val, God knows you’d die before you’d ever risk a single callus on your precious fingers…”
Val rolled his eyes and looked away.
“But this isn’t rocket science.” Leo snatched up one of the many instruction manuals he’d plowed through. “Put screw number one into hole number two. This shit is easy.” He dropped the manual and shrugged.
Val stood and began making his way to the kitchen.
Leo stood too. “Nah, don’t do that. Don’t walk away.”
Val froze in the middle of the room, and then turned to face Leo. “It’s hard, all right?” he demanded, pushing his hands into his pockets and pulling at his slacks. “It’s hard for me.”
“I thought you were excited? You’re always talking about how long you’ve loved Zoey, how she’s the only woman who you’ve ever really wanted, and the only woman you could imagine sharing a family with.”
“She is.”
“So why are you acting like you don’t want this?” Leo pointed to the crib. “Why has this damn crib sat neglected for months? I don’t blame Zoey for her feelings being hurt. Every time she sees this shit she must feel like she’s in it all by herself.”
Val’s eyes went to the crib. “I tried, so many times… to finish putting it together. I just… couldn’t.”
“Why?” Leo knew the look he saw in Val’s eyes. He’d seen it many times when they were kids. “You can’t always hold everything in, Val. You’re going to lose your mind. You can talk to me.”
Val looked away.
“What’s scaring you?” Leo asked. “Are you afraid that if you finish building this stuff, if you actually acknowledge that this kid is coming, you’re setting yourself up?”
Val’s eyes cut to Leo and heated up.
Leo saw it happen. “It’s easier to cast something aside than to give it all we got, right? Because then it can’t kick the shit out of us if things don’t work out.”
Val covered his eyes.
“But that’s the risk we take, Val. Yeah? That’s the risk we’re willing to take for someone as amazing as Zo.”
When Val’s chin trembled, Leo crossed the room and took the back of his neck, pulling him into a tight hug.
Their arms slammed around each other. After a short embrace, Val slapped Leo’s back, ready to pull back, but Leo didn’t release him.
He took the back of Val’s head and kept him close, whispering in his ear. “Fuck if I know why, but Zoey loves the shit in your boxers, Val. She’s not going anywhere. She’s not. So stop treating her and that baby like they have an expiration date.”
Val shoved himself out of Leo’s hold, teeth bared. “You don’t know anything about it.”
Leo watched him move back, eyes narrowing. “Listen, Val. Hear me. I’m not going to stand by quietly and watch you hurt her. So whatever it is that’s broken in you, whatever it is that’s been broken in you for a long time, you need to figure it the fuck out. Because if you hurt Zoey, you’re answering to me, and you’re answering to Rome, Gar, and Pop. By the time you’ve made it to Pop, you won’t have a single limb still attached, and he’ll be forced to start in on your teeth. I suggest you figure your shit out before it comes to that.”
Val moved to the wall, clenching his fists.
Leo waited for him to send one flying into the plaster. “You have no idea how lucky you are,” he said to Val’s back. “You have a fiance who worships you. She’s pregnant with a child that will worship you. You have two parents who worship you. You’re about to be a billionaire, so the world worships you.” Leo cringed. “This never-ending pity party you’ve been throwing yourself for years is about to get really old, V. You have nothing, nothing…”
When Val turned back to him, something new was in his gaze. Shock? Disbelief?
Leo didn’t know he was shaking until he pointed his finger and saw it moving. “You have absolutely nothing to be this miserable about.”
“You don’t know a damn thing, Leo. You have no idea.”
“No idea?” Leo’s voice rose. “I have no idea what it feels like to have a twin brother who both my parents love more? Who my siblings love more? I have no idea what it feels like to constantly be an outsider looking in, in my own family? I have no idea that Pop would be fine if you’d been the only one of us born? That he sees me as a fucking failure? I have no idea what it’s like to constantly be in your fucking shadow?”
Val’s mouth dropped, and this time, the shock and disbelief were gone. All that remained was sorrow. “Leo.” He cringed.
“They’ve always loved you more.” Leo nodded. “And you will never have any idea what that feels like.”
Val was frozen in place, his wide eyes filling as they searched Leo’s across the room.
Then, he laughed.
“Wow. Just… Wow, you have no idea—” Val voice broke as his laughter rose. “How wrong you are.”
Leo was surprised to hear the very words that Ashley had said to him on the yacht coming out of Val’s mouth.
“Leo, you have no idea.” Val looked up at him from under his eyelids. “What I wouldn’t give to be as kind and open…” He paused. “As fun and free as you are. What I wouldn’t give to have every person who meets me fall in love with me, on sight. What I wouldn’t give to escape this heinous thing…” Val made a claw at his gut. “This heinous thing inside me. To have Ma and Pop trust me enough to set me free in a real way, the way they’ve always trusted you. Pop can’t release me, because he knows I’m constantly on the verge of falling apart. Ma coddles me, because she knows I’m weak. They don’t do the same to you because they know how strong you are.” His shaky smile grew wider. “The only reason I am where I am today is because I’ve never stopped fighting to be like you, Leo, but there isn’t enough money in the world to buy the gifts that you were blessed with. You have no idea…”
When his voice broke, Leo zoomed across the room and pulled Val into a fierce hug once more.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed. “Val, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I was wrong to say all that shit.”
“I can’t put my kid’s crib together because I’m not strong enough, all right?”
“You will be,” Leo whispered. This time, Val didn’t try to pull out of his arms. “Because I’m always going to be right here to remind you just who you are.” He shook him. “You’re Val fucking Romanovsky. Smartest son of a bitch I ever met. About to be a billionaire before thirty. A man who gives to his family without question or hesitation. You might think you’re filled with heinous things, but I know what’s real. And I’ll always be right here, right on your ass, reminding you.”
Only when they heard the click of the front door did they pull back. They wiped their eyes and avoided each other’s gazes, in the embarrassed way only two men who’d become more emotional than they’d planned could.
Sniffling, they turned to the door just as Zoey s
tepped inside with several shopping bags hanging from her arms.
“Hey baby,” she called, voice somewhat solemn, focused on twisting her keys out of the lock. “I picked up some fun things for the baby…” She looked up and froze in the doorway when she caught sight of Val and Leo, looking flushed. “Uh oh. Were you two having a… twin moment? I know better than to get tangled up in that madness.” She motioned to the hallway. “I’ll come back.”
Val and Leo shared a look before they both stepped away from each other, giving Zoey a clear view of the crib, and the rest of the assembled baby items scattered across the living and dining area.
Leo grinned. Even though he’d complained the whole way, it was worth it to see Zoey’s mouth drop, and her eyes fill.
“What in the world?” she gasped, eyes searching the room as she stepped in, pushing the door closed. “Oh my god.”
Leo hurried over and took the shopping bags from her hands.
She looked up at him, eyes wet with emotion.
Leo set the bags on the dining table, and Val made room as Zoey waddled over to the crib, reaching for it with clawed hands. She took the white bar under her shaking fingers, turning to Leo with big blubbery eyes.
He motioned to Val. “Val finished putting it all together. While you were out.”
Val’s chest swelled. He lifted his eyes to Leo over her shoulder.
Zoey turned to Val and launched her body at him, curling her arms around his neck. Every inch of suffering washed clear from Val’s eyes. His body relaxed, and his eyes fluttered closed as he tucked his head into her shoulder, disappearing into her essence.
“Val.” She sniffled. “I was so worried. I was so worried that you were having second thoughts… about me. About the baby.”
“Never, Zo.” Val tightened his hold around her, meeting Leo’s eyes over her shoulder.
Leo pointed to the door. “I’m gonna head out.”
Zoey pulled away from Val and turned to him. “Now?”
Leo ran his hand down the back of his head. “Yeah. I gotta go fix something.”
“With Ashley?”
Leo moved to the door with a blush, placing his hand on the handle.
“Just be honest with her, Leo,” Zoey said. “Be honest about every dirty, nasty, embarrassing, ugly thing about yourself. Every secret inside you. Give it to her. Just give it all to her, and she’ll have no choice but to love you, because all those things are the best things about you. Truly.”
Before Leo could stop himself, he crossed the room and took Zoey in a hug.
She smiled at him when he pulled back.
“Thanks, sis.”
Zoey pushed him. “Go get your girl, damn it. What are you still doing here?”
Leo bounced away on his back foot, pointing at her. “You’re the best.”
“You are.” Zoey smiled, turning to Val with a laugh when Leo zoomed out the door.
22
The stairs of the water tower rattled to life, and Jessica pressed her head back, gazing up at the cloudy night sky. She tried to take a deep breath, knowing it was him, but couldn’t. When his head appeared at the top of the ladder, and their eyes met, she knew she was still furious, even though she had no right to be.
He cleared the ladder and stepped onto the tower, keeping his distance. His white button-down was untucked from his black slacks, blowing in the breeze. He must’ve come straight from work. He pushed his hands in his pockets, holding her eyes.
“I’m not ready to see you right now,” she said.
A silence passed, leaving just the whooshing of the wind and the honks resonating from the Brooklyn Bridge to keep them company.
He shook his head. “I can’t eat, can’t sleep. I’m an R. Kelly song in the flesh, Ash. And not even one of the classic R. Kelly songs. I’m the track that got tossed during development. The track that never saw the light of day because it was so utterly broken, it was beyond help.”
Jessica had to turn her head away from him. She’d be damned if he saw the smile threatening her lips.
He spoke to the back of her head. “Haven’t gotten a damn thing done at work. I can’t function, at all, knowing that I hurt you.”
“You’re wrong, Leo. You don’t sound like an R. Kelly song.” She turned back to him. “You sound worse. Like a Lionel Richie song.” And she wasn’t buying it.
He stood a little taller once he had her eyes. “I got into it with Val the other night.”
Her lips parted.
He raised his eyebrows. “I told him… everything. About how angry I’ve been all these years. How resentful. How I’ve felt stuck in his shadow. Not worthy.” He laughed. “Imagine my surprise when he had a few shots to fire right back at me.”
Jessica couldn’t help it, she stood. She took a step toward him. She clutched the railing and held his eyes across the tower, the breeze blowing her hair across her face.
Leo held hers, too. “He said that he’s spent his whole life trying to be like me.” He laughed. “Me. This whole time…”
Jessica took another step, seeing the truth in his eyes.
“This whole time I’ve been so busy resenting him that I completely missed how much pain he’s in. That he’s fighting his own war. A fight I would’ve never known about if I hadn’t met you. I would have never opened up to him the way I did, if I hadn’t done it with you first. So… Even if you hate me for the rest of your life, even if you can never find it in yourself to forgive me… I wanted you to know that. I wanted you to know the part you played in making my life a little better. Easing the madness inside me. Opening my eyes to my brother’s pain, reminding me that he’s just as fragile as I am. Maybe more.” Leo shrugged. “I’ll do anything to protect Val, but I wouldn’t have even known he needed protecting if you hadn’t inspired me to be honest with him.” He breathed out. “So I guess I’m not just here to say I’m sorry… but to say thank you.”
Jessica couldn’t believe it. This son of a bitch had done it. He’d sucked every inch of anger right out of her, and now all she wanted to do was cross that tower and cuddle his head to her chest.
With what felt like the world between them, they each took hesitant steps forward, taking their time to close the gap.
“Three weeks ago, I leaned in to kiss you for the first time,” he said. “And you reared away from me—”
She froze in mid-step. “Best decision ever.”
He didn’t miss a beat. “Before that, it had been a long time since a woman had turned me down. I didn’t even know how deeply invested I was in their acceptance until you refused to give me yours. When you didn’t kiss me that night, you changed me. I didn’t have the foresight to see how deep. I just needed to win. So I made it my mission to get you to say yes. I made it my mission to get you into bed. To conquer you. To prove I was worthy.”
The wind kicked up her hair, and they were close enough now that the ends tickled his shirt. She barely heard her own whispered voice. “I hope you’re getting close to redeeming yourself soon.”
They both stopped, searching each other’s eyes.
“Ashley, I was owned by my ego. Driven by my insecurities. That feeling of never being good enough. Smart enough. Val enough.”
She had to force her eyes away. The wire strapped to her chest was itching again.
“I didn’t want to face that feeling, so I surrounded myself with women who I thought were building me up. I truly believed they were. Until I met you. Now I know the lies I told myself everyday, the reason I had them around, was because I didn’t want to face what was really going on with me. My relationship with my family. With women. With myself. I didn’t want to believe that I hated Val’s successes, because they always diminished my own. I thought it made me a terrible person, and I did anything to stifle it.”
She breathed in.
“Then I met you…” He smiled. “And, yes, you became the next woman to check off a list. There for the sole purpose of justifying the lies I needed to tell myself. I c
ouldn’t wait to lay you down, because it would validate me all over again. But the more time I spent with you, the less I wanted that. I just wanted… you. Not just your body, but your heart, your mind, your smile.” He pressed a hand to his heart. “Jesus, that smile.”
She was unable to fight the very phenomena he was praising, looking away when it tugged her lips.
He took in the sight. “I wanted to know you. And I wanted you to… want to know me.”
She licked her lips, peeking at him from the corner of her eye.
“I know you have no reason to believe me, but the day you showed up at my door, I’d just got done telling those girls all about you. Telling them why the party was over. Why the madness had to end. They’re not just gone from my apartment. Here?” He pointed to his heart. “They’re gone. Here?” He pressed two fingers to his temple. “They were never there. Not the way you are. I wanted them gone before you came to my door, Ash, I swear to God.”
Jessica fell against the railing next to her.
He closed in. “Do you believe me?”
She told the truth. “No.”
“Ash, I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I want to be the guy who’s worthy of you. Whose apartment you can show up to unannounced whenever you feel like it. I want to be the guy that you trusted enough to leave the city alone with for two days. The guy who you smile at with that smile.” His own lips parted into a grin. “Not that conniving Wednesday Addam’s smile, but that real one… the one that takes a hook to my heart and shreds it to a thousand pieces.”
“Leo, the truth is…” Jessica shook her head. “I was wrong to rip your head off about those girls at your place. I reacted like a crazy person. I reacted like you were mine, when we haven’t even talked about whether or not you’re mine, or whether or not I’m yours.” She looked down. “You’re not my boyfriend. You never were. I had no right to dictate—”
“I’m giving you the right. You can dictate all day. I’m yours.”
Her mouth fell open.
He reached into his back pocket and produced a ticket, holding it up. “The gala is next week, and… I’d love it… if I could arrive with my girlfriend on my arm.”
Loving Leo (The Romanovsky Brothers Book 3) Page 23
