by T Gephart
The last time I sat by her bedside, I’d told her my lie. In my head it had made sense, giving her comfort in what I thought were her final hours. Except I had been wrong and she hadn’t remembered a thing. I wasn’t even sure she’d heard my elaborate story. And maybe that was why she had kept fighting, not being able to rest until she was sure I’d found my significant other.
“We have to break up.” I sat up in the bed suddenly, clinging to the slightest hope that maybe she would keep fighting if things went back to the way they were. After all, she couldn’t die if I hadn’t found my soul mate, and if Dave and I were no longer together, then obviously it hadn’t been him.
He shuffled up to the headboard, looking at me like I was insane. “Jess, what are you talking about?”
I guess he had a point, I hadn’t exactly told him what was going on in my head. “I know I said we’d do the breakup when we got back to L.A. but we need to do it now. It can’t wait, so you need to ditch being sweet. You need to break my heart and leave me. The messier and more dramatic, the better, it is the only way.”
He looked like he was going to argue, his brow rising in concern.
“Please, Dave. She didn’t remember me telling her about you the last time, and the fact she fought her way back was a miracle. She’d always said that she didn’t want to go until all of her grandkids were happy. If you break up with me, then maybe she’ll keep fighting. Trust me, I know her.”
He blew out a breath, putting his arms around me. “You honestly think the change in script is going to help? Yell out plot twist and move on? Jess, maybe it’s time we just tell her the truth. That you lied, and now . . .” He left his sentence deliberately trailing.
I didn’t ask what he was going to say, too terrified it was going to be “and now you paid a man to pretend and you were stupid to fall in love with him.”
Because sleeping with him obviously wasn’t bad enough.
“I just can’t.” My heartbeat raced as I looked into his eyes.
Deep down I knew I’d been falling in love with him, and I hoped those feelings would eventually be reciprocated. But I hadn’t dared to even think about it, let alone speak about it out loud. I just assumed that when we got back to L.A. and the dust settled, I’d see if the connection was still there, hoping the spark I felt wasn’t just one of circumstance. But I also knew there was a chance that I was in this alone.
He took my face in his hands, brushing his lips against mine. “Come on, Jess, you have to know she is going to love you anyway.”
He had no idea what he meant to me, no clue that the act had been one sided and the lies I’d told everyone weren’t even close to the one I’d told myself.
It was ironic that my heart was both blooming and breaking all at the same time, my body crumbling against his as I choked out a sob. “Please, Dave. I need you to follow through with the plan.”
As much as I wanted to forget about Gran, her words rang in my ear. There would be good times and hard times, and neither would last forever. And if I had a chance to keep her with us just a little while longer, I had to try, even if it meant putting us on a collision course.
“I know it sounds crazy, and I know I am asking way too much of you, but please do this for me.”
I felt the subtle shake of his body as he wrapped his arm around me and said words he probably didn’t want to say. “What do you want me to do?”
There was a lump in my throat as I swallowed, gripping him tight as I answered. “Find Suzie. Call her and tell her you couldn’t wait. I’m sure Darla has her number and—”
“No.” He shut me down, not letting me finish. “I’m not doing that. I only agreed to meet her tomorrow to be polite; I have zero interest in anything else. Jess, you realize what you are asking me to do is insane, right? I can’t just go and fuck someone else.”
“I’m not asking you to fuck her, just kiss her,” I reasoned, even though the idea of his lips on another woman made me want to go on a rampage. “Just kiss her, tell me it’s over—”
“No. I’m not kissing her either.” He moved his lips to mine, his finger tracing my jaw. “I’ll break up with you if that’s what you want, but I’m not involving anyone else. No one else, Jess.”
“Okay,” I agreed, kissing him back. Our breakup didn’t exactly feel like a breakup, but I knew it would probably be the last time I kissed him and I couldn’t make myself stop. “But you need to leave me, and soon. How are we going to do this?”
He blew out a long breath and hugged me tighter. “You sure you really want to?”
No, I wasn’t sure. In fact I was positive I didn’t want him to break up with me even if it had been the plan all along. What I wanted was for him to tell me that he loved me, and that we’d work through this, but I seriously doubted that would happen.
I knew he cared about me, and yeah, he enjoyed sleeping with me, but that wasn’t enough right now. I couldn’t be his friend with benefits, and I was so tired of pretending, so maybe it was for the best anyway. Sparing me the humiliation later.
“Yes, this is what I want.” It took every ounce of strength to look him in the eyes and spew out more lies. “It’s what I’m paying you to do. We’ve had fun, but the plan was always to end it, and I need you to do that for me now. Like we agreed. Please.”
I hated myself. The loathing of what I was asking him to do making my skin crawl, but I did it anyway.
“Wow. Okay then. Yep, can do.” He shuffled away from me, his hand lifting off of me like my skin was repellant.
“What are you going to do?” I asked urgently, wanting to know if maybe he was considering my earlier suggestion and going to spend time with Suzie.
He shook his head, blowing out a slow breath. “Sorry, I forgot you needed creative approval. I was thinking we go a little old fashion, me saying I’m no longer interested and skipping town? Sound good?”
“Dave.”
God, I wanted to tell him the truth. That I was petrified of what I was feeling and worried that the minute we got back to our real lives it would all end anyway. We’d been living an illusion, one that would shatter sooner or later, so there was no point trying to prolong the inevitable. And even so, I wanted to beg him to be gentle. Even though I probably didn’t deserve it.
“Yes, Jessica, any lasts requests?”
The warmth that had been in his eyes was gone, and in its place the coolness of a stranger.
“No, say or do whatever you have to. It’s okay, I can take it.”
It was another lie. I wasn’t sure that I could, but I didn’t have a right to make him feel bad about it either.
He shook his head, running his hands through his hair as he looked at me. “I’m going to need to be a dick.” The conflict flashed in his beautiful brown eyes.
“I know, but you’re acting. I know you aren’t a dick.”
The mattress shifted under his weight as he pulled away, putting his shoes back on as he grabbed his jacket.
“Where are you going?” I asked, hoping we had few more hours before I had to say goodbye. Even if it was just one more night. And I realized how hypocritical I was being; wanting more time when it was my fault he was walking away to begin with.
“I’ll be back in the morning.” He leaned down on the bed, moving toward me like he was going to kiss me and then stopped.
He chuckled but there was no humor to his laugh. “Sorry. Habit.”
“No, I’m sorry.” I wanted to grip his shirt and kiss him one last time. “I’m so sorry I dragged you into this mess.”
He tried to smile, but didn’t quite manage it. “I’ll see you soon.”
Before I could stop him, he walked out of my bedroom and closed the door quickly behind him. I had no idea if my parents were up and asking questions, and I hated myself for leaving him to deal with that too.
There was no way of knowing if I’d made the right choice but ultimately it was the only one I had. After all, what kind of relationship could survive when it started
out as a lie? Even taking Gran out of the equation, there would always be a small part of me that would wonder if he was with me for the right reasons. Because I was enough, and not because he owed me.
We had been in a bubble, and I didn’t know if any of it had been real.
My hands covered my face but the darkness didn’t make me feel better. It just amplified how big a mess it all was.
The lies.
The act.
The intricate story.
I’d take it all back in a heartbeat if I could, but it was too late for that.
I shucked off my dress and slipped in between my covers wearing only my underwear. The room where I’d spent my entire childhood didn’t hold the same feelings of warmth and comfort it once did, my bed feeling empty despite me being in it.
My eyes squeezed closed and I tried to clear my mind, concentrating on the love I knew was real. For my gran. The reason why I had put myself through this to begin with. There was nothing more I could do tonight, and I had to believe that tomorrow, it would all work out.
The smell of breakfast wafted up the stairs.
I had no idea what time it was or how long I’d slept, my brain and body feeling stiff and sluggish. I pushed off the covers and redressed in the same clothes I’d worn to the wedding. It wasn’t like I had anything else to wear, and I didn’t have the energy to raid my mother’s closet.
Leaving my heels beside the bed, I padded down the stairs barefoot, walking into the kitchen where my family was assembled.
“Hey, baby.” My mom was dressed—her hair and makeup perfect as always—cooking breakfast as I entered the room. “I’m glad you got some sleep. Dave awake?”
Well I guess that answered the question on whether or not they had seen him leave last night. His departure had gone unnoticed.
“He went back to the hotel last night,” I said, offering as little information as I could. After all, I had no idea what we were going to use as a cover story, and I didn’t want to complicate things by adding more lies to an already overwhelming load.
She stopped dishing up breakfast, giving me a sideways glance. “Oh, really? Well then, I guess he can bring you a change of clothes when he comes back this morning.” The assumption made that he was returning.
I took a sip of juice, mumbling in the affirmative as Travis and Amy came through the door. “Hey, how is she?” Travis asked, tipping his chin hello before taking a seat at the kitchen table.
Mom slapped his hand, stopping him from stealing some bacon. “Wait until I’ve got it all on the table. I swear I taught you better manners than that.” She shook her head as she continued to dish up. “And Gran Shelly seems to be doing okay. She slept most of the night, but is still really tired this morning. Dr. Bartlett is visiting in an hour or so, and hopefully we’ll get some answers.”
Travis grumbled about being hungry, helping himself to juice while he waited for the go ahead to eat. “What about you? How are you holding up?”
I shrugged, not really sure exactly what I was feeling. Scared, sad, out-of-my-mind-with-worry—any one of those could have been an answer. “I’m fine,” I lied, deciding it was better to change the subject. “How was the rest of the wedding? Who ended up catching the bouquet?”
Travis and Amy looked at each, a smile passing between them.
“I’m glad you managed to tackle the crowd on your own.” I smiled at Amy. “I’m sorry if I let down the team.”
“Oh, I didn’t catch it, someone else did.” She shook her head looking smugly at my brother.
“You?” I asked, staring at Travis.
“Finally playing ball in school ended up being useful. And the throw was a thing of beauty, fell right into my hands like I was the greatest wide receiver of all time.” He laughed, clearly proud of himself. “Helped that Lana knew exactly where to toss it. I still need to thank her for that.”
“Which means, we’re next.” Amy lifted her left hand, flashing a diamond ring.
“Oh my God!” I grabbed her hand and examined the ring. It was beautiful, and completely unexpected.
“Congratulations.” My mother smiled placing the rest of the plates on the table. “We’ll have to start planning an engagement party soon, and I’m sure Gran Shelly is going to be over the moon about another family wedding.”
I was sure Mom, like I did, just hoped she’d be around to see it.
Travis shrugged, looking over at Amy who couldn’t stop beaming. “It was the situation with Gran that kind of made me decide to man up. Who knows how long any of us have left?”
“Well, I’m really happy for you. It’s the best news I’ve heard all morning.” I willed myself not to cry, reaching across the table and giving his hand a squeeze.
“Thanks, sis. So where’s the big guy? Don’t tell me he’s still sleeping?” He looked around as if waiting for Dave to appear.
I did my best to not look concerned, forcing the smile to show I wasn’t worried. “He went back to the hotel last night. I think he’s coming back later.”
“Please tell me after everything that went down, he did not go to that film set this morning,” Travis warned. “Because straight up, that is bullshit.”
“No, he didn’t,” I answered with absolute certainty. Both he and Amy had made it clear that they had thought it was a bad idea and even I’d had my doubts. But even when I begged Dave to go—and to kiss her—he’d turned me down.
And Dave was right, infidelity was a cop out, something he would never do. “He just decided to go sleep at the hotel.”
“Of course. It makes sense, Trav.” Amy shoved his arm, throwing her support behind me. “All their stuff is back at the hotel, someone needed to go back and get their luggage, and there’s no way Jessica would have left.”
It was a flimsy excuse at best, but I was glad to have her on my side. My nerves prickled with the uncertainty, it was like falling and waiting to hit the ground. Just because you knew it was coming didn’t mean it wasn’t going to suck.
The doorbell rang breaking the tension, my dad leaving the table to answer it.
The voices carried into the kitchen, but we couldn’t hear the words exchanged, Dad returning shortly after followed by Dave who looked like hell.
“Hey.” He waved to everyone but didn’t smile, the temperature of the room dropping a few degrees with his frosty glare landing on me. “Check out was at ten, so I brought your bags. I’ve left them beside the door.”
I swallowed. “Thank you.”
His demeanor was at odds with the man I knew. He was so cold, so distant, and even though I assumed it was an act, it was hard to be in the line of fire.
“No problem.” The lack of warmth in his voice was almost jarring. “I’m on an earlier flight so I’ll take the rental car back. I’m assuming you can get a ride to the airport later?”
I swallowed, unsure if he’d actually booked an earlier flight or if it was part of his performance. As selfish as it sounded, I didn’t want him to leave. “Yes, thanks, I’ll be fine.”
“Good. Well,” his mouth thinned to a tight line, “I guess I’ll see you around. Take care.” He turned, not bothering to say a proper goodbye.
I couldn’t move, invisible bands holding me in place as I watched him stride toward the door.
When I had originally asked him to do this, breaking up had always been the end game. I assumed we’d fall back into some kind of friendship and maybe even become closer having shared the experience. But I hadn’t counted on having actual feelings for him.
“What the fuck?” Travis pushed away from the table and getting to his feet. His booming voice punched through the silence and made Dave turn around.
“Travis, language,” my mother admonished, turning her attention to Dave who stood in the doorway.
“I’m sorry, Mom, but seriously.” He leveled his stare at Dave. “I know you aren’t just dumping my sister’s suitcase and then jumping on a plane and leaving her here.”
Dave shrugged, his voi
ce complete devoid of emotion. “She’s with family, where would you like me to leave her?”
“You don’t, asshole,” Travis spat back, moving toward the door.
I grabbed his arm, stopping him from getting closer. “Travis, don’t.”
“No, he needs to explain himself.” Travis shook off my hands, facing Dave and folding his arms across his chest. “We’re waiting.”
Dave’s eyes connected with mine but they were too difficult to read. The kindness I’d seen less than a day before was completely gone. “Look, I’ve got nothing personal against your sister, but this is a little more than what I signed up for. I’ve got a career to think about, I really don’t have the energy for the . . .” He waved his hand. “Supportive boyfriend stuff.”
“Are you kidding me? You can’t waltz in here pretending to be part of this family and then waltz out. What kind of man are you? When your woman needs you, that’s when you step up to the plate, not run and hide like a coward,” Travis’s voice exploded.
“Travis, please just let it go.” I looked at Dave, the pain I was feeling so real even though I knew what he was saying wasn’t. “I wish you the best of luck, Dave, thanks for everything.”
I wanted it over, I wanted him to walk out of the door, because the longer he stood there, the harder it was for me to not to throw myself at him and tell him I’d made a mistake. But I had to remember why.
He wasn’t mine to keep.
Dave just shrugged, looking at me one last time before he went to turn. “Yeah, okay.”
“You’ve got some fucking nerve.” Travis lunged at him, Dave ducking out of the way before the fist connected with his jaw.
“Travis,” I screamed, jumping out of my chair and grabbing his arm. Amy latched on from the other side, neither of us doing a great job of trying to contain him.
His face was red, advancing toward Dave despite having a woman hanging off each arm. “That shit might fly in Hollywood, but you’re in Louisiana now. You just be grateful I left my gun in the car.”
“Well lucky for me I don’t live in this backward place and am going back to where that shit will fly. And no offense, Trav, but last time I checked you weren’t the person I was dating. She’s more than capable of speaking for herself, so maybe back off.”
