by Bry Ann
“Of course.”
She looks at Sage curled up in my arms, sympathetically.
“She’s probably exhausted from sheer emotional trauma.”
“I know.” I try to keep the pain from my voice, but fail.
Ray looks me over once. “You need medical attention.”
Oh my… “I know! I know, okay? Let me help her and I’ll get myself taken care of, Jesus.”
“Relax. Fuck me for not wanting you to die.”
She huffs and crosses her arms over her chest and looks away. I smile a little. Aw, she cares. She’s pissed ‘cause she’s worried.
“I’ll be okay, Ray,” I whisper. “I feel fairly steady on my feet.”
“Fairly!”
“The faster you show me the shower, the faster I can move forward.”
She doesn’t waste a second moving gracefully down the hall. It’s a ways away, but she eventually leads us to a large bathroom, equipped with a shower and everything.
“I’ll get some clothes for her and leave them outside the door. I have some extras in my locker. My clothes will probably drown her, but they’ll work.”
“Thank you, Ray. Seriously, for everything.”
She searches me and nods. She gets what I’m saying. She’s done seeing me every other month. Done seeing me dirty and bloody and covering the heat for me. This is it.
“You’re welcome, Nix.”
… and she’s off. Going off to save another life. She’s pretty great.
I gently place Sage on her feet, holding her by her hip to be sure she doesn’t fall over. I quietly shut the door.
“You with me?”
She nods. Her dark circles are deep. This is the first time I’ve ever looked at her and not been able to see her beauty. It’s not an insult. She’s so swollen, so tired, it’s tragic looking.
I go to her, cup her cheek first, and then let my hands find the end of her shirt. I gently lift it over her head. She lets out a small sound when it’s off. I quickly search her for signs of panic, but nod when I see the goosebumps scattered all over her skin.
“I’ll make the shower warm,” I whisper.
She nods faintly. I turn the knobs so steam fills the room slightly. I throw my shirt off and go back to Sage. My fingers curl around the edge of her pants and pull them down her legs. She’s in nothing but a cotton bra and panties.
I yank my pants off, so I’m in nothing but my boxers. By the time my pants are down my legs, Sage has already removed the rest of her clothes. I nod at her and yank my boxers down. As soon as we’re both naked, she comes over next to me, silently looking for me to lead this. Fuck, I shouldn’t be showering with my injury.
I can work around this.
I wrap an arm around her and lead her into the warm water. I position it so she’s under the small spout of water and I’m freezing outside of it. The first thing I do is take her arm that’s elbow deep in my blood and rinse it off under the warm spray. She stares at it, skin going even more pale by the second. She looks nauseous. Her eyes spin around and land on my injury.
I immediately grab her chin.
“I’m okay. It’s over. It’s all over. I’ll get medical attention after this.”
“Over?”
“Shh, not the time.”
“I almost lost you.”
Her lower lip wobbles.
“You almost left me alone. You promised. You-you promised.”
“Shh, you’re in shock, Sage. Let’s get you clean. Then I’ll get you back to Charles.”
She nods wordlessly. Her body goes limp. From there, I scrub her top to bottom. Tears spill over her watery eyes, but now is not the time to discuss them. There’s honestly nothing I can say.
Because I feel very similar.
When I’m done cleaning her off, I quickly change into my clothes, leaving her under the warm spray. I grab the new clothes Ray brought for Sage. It’s a simple pair of black sweats and a white t-shirt. I set it on the chair and grab a towel, reaching in the shower to turn the knob. Sage immediately turns to me, eyes widened slightly from the cold.
“Come here, princess,” I murmur, holding the towel out. She runs into it and does a cute little dance. I kiss the side of her head as she leans back into me.
“What happens now?”
Some of her tears fall onto my forearm. I hold her tighter against me.
“One step at a time. Right now, we’ll be here for Charles.”
“You’ll get seen first, right?”
“Yes, babe.”
“And we’re safe?”
I stiffen slightly. “Yes.”
I know she senses the way I’ve pulled back.
“We’ll talk about it later, right?”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “We will.”
“Promise.”
“Swear.”
She turns and I slip the shirt over her head. She looks up at me again, legs still bare.
“Everything changes now.” There’s so much fear in her eyes.
“For the better, princess. For the better, I promise.”
It was discovered that Charles has a traumatic brain injury from the accident. The effects of it are severe. He has a difficulty processing basic things. He has very little memory of events in his life before the accident. The main things he remembers are faces. He knows who people are, but not the memories behind their relationship. He knows Molly’s his wife, but doesn’t remember marrying her. He knows he’s a successful business owner, but doesn’t know his business. He knows Sage is his daughter, but has zero memory of anything beyond her relation to him. No memory of her kidnapping, the accident, their only recently built love. Nothing. He’s almost childlike. He struggles with most tasks, such as reading and writing, he has an increased sensitivity to sound, and, honestly, overall he’s just completely different. Due to his age, previous health history, and the shorter amount of time he was in a coma, the doctors say he has hope for recovery. But it’s going to be a long road, still. A road Sage is fully committed to staying on. Even though it’s been a few months since the accident.
Molly, on other hand, is not as prepared to handle a husband that needs virtually 24/7 care. Luckily, they can afford home care, but Sage and I are there nearly all the time, taking care of him, keeping him company, anything we can do. It’s hard on both of us, seeing him this way. Seeing a man who was once so powerful reduced to a childlike state due to something my father did. The one thing Molly has been good for is keeping his business afloat. She has the intelligence and cut-throat mindset to do so.
Molly’s sucked as a mother. I’ve gotten a glimpse into what Sage’s life was like before it was so wildly altered. Her mother is downright verbally abusive to Sage at all times. She blames Sage for everything that’s happened. Not only that, but the bigger issue for Sage has been that Charles is in charge of Essie’s (Tammy’s) care. As some sort of punishment to Sage, she’s threatened to pull her care. Seeing as Essie’s parents are no longer around, this is serious. I’ve told Sage we’ll find a way to take care of her, but it would involve moving her to a new location. I have enough money from my time with Aaron and the stuff I’m doing currently to change the direction of his mini empire to take care of us, but not nearly as much as Charles. That sent Sage into a panic. She tried to explain that if Essie — she still calls her Tammy — was emotionally unstable, moving her would be traumatic. In hell, she explained, being moved meant you gave up. She’s scared that if they move Essie, in the back of her mind, she’ll think she’s been given up on and quit fighting. Essie has made some progress, thanks to the staff at the center and Landon, the agent assigned to her case. So that’s a problem.
I did sit down eventually and tell Sage everything. From the day I came up with my plan, to the two men I killed, D and Renner, to the night Aaron died. He was murdered by two of Adam’s men in prison that night. He died brutally. I never told Adam not to take mercy, but Adam apparently made it known Aaron was to suffer before he died… and he sure di
d.
Rose was notified soon after his death and did not take it well. Sven said she fell apart. To the point where Sven had her enroll in a few sessions with Lacey’s therapist. On some level, I get it, but on others, I completely do not understand.
He was a thief. A liar. A murderer. I mean he tried to kill her!
But the part I do get is that he was a father. To her, for seventeen years, he was a father and I have to remember that.
Today, Sage and I get a break. From everything. The nurse is with her father. Her mother’s working. It’s finally just the two of us.
I settle in next to Sage on the couch. I grab her tiny body and pull her into me. She snuggles into my side, letting her ever-present Kindle fall into her lap.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“Hey,” she responds, quietly. I’ve been gone all week on a trip with Gerald. I wouldn’t say I’m a good guy now. I’ve been a criminal my whole life. It’s what I’m trained to do. I’m not sure I could change that aspect of myself fully, even if I tried, but I refuse to hurt anyone anymore. I only do basic shit. Enough to support Sage and I and the decent men who were with Aaron, like Gerald. The rest I booted out.
I’m still dirty, covered in grime, bruises, and who knows what else, but I’m here. With her. She doesn’t ask where I’ve been, she simply holds me and lets me love her.
We’re mid-conversation about some erotic demon romance she’s reading, or whatever the fuck — I swear this girl’s shit is weird — when my phone rings.
When I see it’s Rose’s name, I can’t ignore it.
I look once at Sage.
Then at my phone.
It’s time we stopped isolating ourselves.
There’s no reason to.
“Rose, sis. How are you?” I answer gently.
Sage
Nix is gentle with Rose. He asks her how she’s doing. They talk about Lacey some, but it’s easy to tell when the conversation shifts to me.
I mean, he looks right at me. He always does that, but there’s something different about it this time.
Then I discover why he’s looking at me like he needs to read inside my soul. He says four life-changing words.
“Wanna talk to her?”
Me? Does he mean me?! I… I’ve always been kept separate from his other life. But Aaron has been dead for months now. There really is no threat to me. Not anywhere. I can’t imagine a world where that’s true. Sty, Z, and Marcus are dead. Aaron’s dead.
I’m safe.
I can be with other people.
He trusts me to be around these people in the mafia. I’m not too weird. Too crazy. The men seemed nice, despite everything they do.
“You sure?” I whisper anxiously.
Nix smiles softly at me. “Come here, babe. Wanna meet my sister?”
My hands start to shake and my eyes water. I’m meeting his family. Finally, I’m being included.
It’s almost too much.
I grab the phone, tuck it into my ear, and walk to the side. I’m almost scared something will happen and this opportunity will be taken away.
“Hi Rose, my name is Sage,” I whisper into the speaker.
“Hi, Sage!”
Her voice is enthusiastic and bright. Super welcoming.
“My brother finally lets us talk. I was hoping we’d meet before I started playing bingo.”
I feel a laugh burst out of me before I can stop it.
“I love bingo.”
“Oh, shoot! Sorry. I’m off to a terrible start. I meant no offense. I—”
I laugh harder. “I’m sorry. I’m just kidding. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Her beautiful laugh echoes over the phone. “Oh my gosh, I have to meet you!”
I look over at Nix and bite my lip. “I’d love to meet you. Do… do you text?”
She chuckles. “I don’t know how isolated Nix has kept you, but everyone texts.”
Hey! I don’t like that.
“He’s had good reasons for his actions!” I snap, feeling defensive of Nix at that.
“Sage…” Nix chides softly.
I glare at him. He shakes his head and smirks. He likes when I defend him. He can try to deny it all he wants.
“I’m sure. I’m sorry. Text me and we’ll set a date to meet. Oh gosh, I can’t wait for you and Lacey to meet. You two need each other.”
Why does everyone keep saying that?
“Okay, I’m-I’m excited.” And really overwhelmed.
“Okay, I’ll let you go. Seriously, Sage, I know you don’t know me, but thanks for always being there for my brother. I don’t know who he would have become without you.”
I look over at my guy.
“He’d be okay.”
“You’re so in love,” she laughs. “Text me!”
“I will.”
Click.
“Well?”
I run over and jump into his lap. I’m straddling him, kissing him passionately. My fingers run through his blond hair and hold his head back.
“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
“No,” he says softly, eyes brimming with emotion. “Thank you for waiting on me so damn long, princess. Thank you so much.”
“I’m your ride or die, remember?”
He smirks. “Yes, doll. I remember.”
“Okay, then. Stop thanking me and kiss me.”
I release his hair.
Before I know it, I’m on my back. My green shorts are being dragged down my legs and he’s slowly sliding inside me, gently making love.
It’s so overwhelming, I cry. He kisses every tear.
“This is all I ever wanted,” I whisper.
… and once again, his lips are on mine, kissing me so hard everything else goes away.
Sage
I meet with Rose and Lacey in exactly one week. Adam, Lacey, and Rose are coming over for dinner. Sven is hanging back for who knows what reason. He’s weird, from what I’ve heard. They offered to come sooner, but Nix and I both decided it would be best to have my second session with Cut first. I look at my dad, who’s fully focused on trying to rewrite an old document of his.
“I have my second session with that trainer I told you about. Remember that, Dad?”
“Ooh, yes. Good. Good.”
My heart sears. “I’m glad you remember,” I whisper as my eyes once again well with tears. His eyes furrow. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset. He doesn’t get that I’m crying because he sounds nothing like himself.
“I’m okay. Don’t worry,” I reassure him.
His head cocks to the side. He knows what he’s supposed to do as a father, comfort me, but it doesn’t quite register in his mind how he’s supposed to do that.
“Hey, Charles,” Nix’s voice rings from over my head. He’s coming to pick me up. I feel Nix tense behind me when he sees my dad’s attire. My dad has insisted on sweats and logo t-shirts since the accident.
I’ll repeat. Sweats and logo t-shirts.
My dad.
Charles Briar-Rose.
Sweats.
I feel my heart start to pound again. The guilt in me sometimes is too much to contain.
“Excuse me,” I whisper. I squeeze Nix’s shoulder and run to the restroom. As soon as I’m there, I jam my fingers down my throat and force the food I ate for lunch back up. Nix doesn’t know about this. It’s not all the time. I’m not bulimic. I don’t want to lose weight. It’s the guilt. It’s killing me.
“Sage.” Nix raps on the door.
“Coming,” I call. My voice is a little hoarse. Damn it.
“Can I come in? Are you crying?”
Yes, I’m crying. Definitely not sick to my stomach. Nope. I swig some mouthwash around in my mouth.
“Nope, I’m good,” I say when my breath is fresh, my clothes are intact, and the door is swung open.
He looks me up and down before taking my hand.
“He’ll heal. He’s already improved so much.”
“Months la
ter. He… he wouldn’t want this.”
A lump forms in my throat.
“Your mom’s handling everything, so literally, he’ll lose nothing.”
“Except time. The most precious gift we are given in this life.”
His arm goes around me. “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. He loves you, Sage. He’d want you to be happy. Lord knows you deserve it.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it. I haven’t seen Cut since that day and I’m determined not to be in tears this time.”
“Fair,” he murmurs.
The whole way back to the house, my throat feels like it’s raw and swelling. Partially from vomiting, partially from guilt and pain.
Cut arrives literally two minutes after we set our bags down in the living room. His large body takes up so much of our tiny home, much like last time. Except last time I trained with him, Nix greeted him first and I hid back. I was so afraid. This time I wait to greet him. In fact, I had Nix drop me off and he went to get some food. I told him to stay out for an hour or so and bring me back something.
I needed to prove I could do this without him. And ironically, the person I am least threatened by is this 6’4, quiet, scarred boxer.
The second he lays eyes on me my gaze flickers to the floor.
“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper.
Thank you for dealing with my breakdown.
Thank you for keeping me safe.
Thank you for saving Nix’s life.
Thank you for getting someone to my father.
Thank you for not making me feel bad about any of it.
“Nothing,” his deep, to-the-point voice echoes in the room. “You tell me nothing. You needed help.”
He says it like I asked him to help me change a spare tire.
“Cut…” I start.
“Nope,” he cuts me off. “Jumping jacks.”
That’s it? Really? Who is this guy?
I look up at him. I know my eyes are wide and confused. He softens only slightly.
“50 jumping jacks. Go. Get your body warm.”
I’m confused, but I don’t know what else to do, so slowly, I jump my arms and legs apart. 1… 2… 3… 4…. On and on until fifty. I feel a little dizzy by the end. My appetite has been nil, which is weird. Add to that my occasional vomiting… and yeah, this isn’t good.
