“You still want to have that talk?” He avoided looking at her to better control himself, and when he finally did look at her, he could see the hurt in her eyes. Putting his fingers under her chin, he pulled her face up until she looked at him.
“Don’t,” he said, softly. “I’m not sorry about last night. I actually want to do it again. But we have some things to talk about first."
“Can you wait until after we eat?” she asked. She tore off another piece of the bagel and nibbled on it.
Nikki took bites the size a teething toddler would take. At the rate she was going, breakfast, lunch, and dinner would’ve passed. “No, we need to do it now.”
She scooted back on the couch and rubbed her hands down the front. “Have you talked to your brother lately?”
He nodded. “Almost every night, why?”
“That’s nice. What about your parents?”
Where is this going? “Maybe two days ago. How is this relevant to what you have to tell me, Nikki?”
“My sister Kenya is getting married in a couple of days. I’m not a part of it or going because I haven’t spoken to her since I was six.”
Her eyes clouded over and she became distant, and he could see the sadness overcoming her. “It’s not too late to establish a relationship with her.”
“Yeah, it’s too late. The invite is probably because Kenya felt it was the right thing to do.”
He leaned back on the couch and bent a knee under his leg. “So you are distant from your sister… is that what you wanted to tell me?”
“Oh God, I wish that was all,” she snorted. “I asked about your parents because I haven’t spoken to my mother in weeks and never plan to ever again.”
Now he had an idea how deeply rooted her issues are. “Do you feel abandoned by your family, Nikki? Is that why you’re hesitant with me?”
She got up and paced the living room. “I was abandoned by family. My father is around but has a wife and other kids. See, I’m the "oops" of one of the many affairs my loose mother had with married men. Kenya has a different father, also.”
Logan’s heart ached for her. He understood her suffering by her mother; it’s not everyone who finds out their mother was sleeping with married men. Plus, to be hit with the knowledge that the woman who’d raised you didn’t want you.
“Nikki, that is all bad, but you went to college and have a great job where you support yourself and do not depend on others.”
She cut him off. “Yeah, I have an excellent credit score, and I don’t rely on government funds to take care of me, but I’m still an outcast in life.” Nikki sat on a stool at the kitchen counter. “It’s hard for me to hang out with Gayle these days. Her family is everywhere we go.” She emphasized by using her hands.
Logan dumped the trash in the paper bag and crumpled it in a ball, watching Nikki kick her foot repeatedly against the bottom of the stool next to her. It was an involuntary tic brought on by stress. The one semester of psychology class had taught him something.
He had to pick up her spirits. How? He had no idea. “What would make you smile right now, Nikki?”
“Someone else changes places with me,” she grumbled. “I’m kidding. Logan, I’ll survive. I just wanted you to understand why your text bothered me. All my life, I’ve never been the type men wanted.”
He walked up behind her and rubbed her shoulders. “That is unbelievable. You’re sexy and beautiful, and you smell so damn good.” A sudden arousal pressed against the zipper of his pants, and he needed to sit down.
“Are you trying to get in my pants again?” she asked and then smiled.
Logan could see a little excitement in her eyes. “Would that be bad?”
“For you, yes.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Logan, I like you. Because of that, you deserve to date women you desire. I promise I won’t be angry.”
“We have drifted off-track somewhere, but I’m going to say this once and then let it go: Stop putting yourself down because of your past, Nikki. That damn text can’t continue to be a crutch if we want to move forward.” Nikki was looking at him as if he were speaking in a different language. Had he been talking so fast that he had said something wrong?
“What? You want to move forward with me?” she asked in a soft voice. “Why, when you’re free to walk away with no strings attached? You broke my dry spell, so I’m good for a while.”
Logan ran a hand through his hair. “I’m going to ignore that remark; you’re in a delicate and fragile state of mind and feel unworthy. However, you are right about one thing. I do prefer women that are strong and empowered. I don’t want to have to hold your hand through every damn downturn in life.”
Her eyes widened, and her sexy mouth turned into a nasty frown. “I am not weak! The shit I’ve endured would make a regular woman break into a million pieces. But, I fought through that with no one by my side, Logan.”
“Really, cause all I’m seeing is a weak, wounded woman in front of me.”
“Screw you!” she shouted. “I am empowered. I would stand in front of a mirror for hours telling myself I am somebody! That my life matters even if I had no one in it to assure me it did.”
He had opened a can of worms, and they were slithering toward him fast with no way to catch them. Nikki was unleashing years of pent up emotions, and since he caused it, he would be a man and stand there and take it.
“Let it go, Nikki. Let it all out.”
And that she did.
“How many Christmases have you had where you woke up alone? There was no decorated tree or grandparents to call on Christmas morning, no presents to open, and no big turkey dinner. Until I met Gayle, I didn’t know people had holiday traditions.”
She was crying, and he wasn’t sure she realized it. Logan had never in his life seen a person so broken. He'd had a perfect childhood. He and Axl loved Christmas and all the holidays as kids. Their parents went to the extreme with the decorations and trips to the grandparents. There were so many presents to open and so much food to eat that he felt guilty when commercials came on showing poor people with nothing. He couldn’t imagine Nikki ever being one of those people.
He stood up, pulling her with him hugging her tight. She whimpered a resistance at first and then laid her head on his shoulder. She felt so timid, and he knew then he needed to protect her. “I got you, Nikki. Nobody will ever hurt you again.”
*****
It took about an hour to settle Nikki down. She went into the bedroom to change clothes so they could go out for a bit. Logan felt that getting out of the apartment to get some fresh air would raise her spirits.
The sun coming through the windows gave him a better view of how she lived. The apartment was typical, and she hadn’t embellished it with personal touches. There were plenty of books and magazines about math, science, and computer technology. There were also containers stacked neatly in the corners with computer pieces and parts. It looked like the labels on them indicated the model numbers. He wasn’t sure what the numbers meant since he wasn’t computer savvy.
What he noticed was that absent from the tables and walls were family photos and any type of pictures. Nikki had fooled him. He would’ve never guessed that the beautiful woman who had offered him to fix his computer was so tragically broken. He scanned the stack of music CDs on the shelf. She was into R&B and hip-hop. Ever since the day he met her, she had been like a song stuck in his head. No matter how many women he looked at or thought about, Nikki would not go away—yup, like a song you can’t get out of your head.
Logan heard the bedroom door close. Then, Nikki appeared wearing skinny jeans and a purplish, plumb-colored top that clung to her curves. He smiled internally; Ron would hate married life if he could see what Logan saw right now.
He walked over to her and smiled. “I’m happy to be your escort today; where would you like to go?”
She put her hand up to hide her smile. “You don’t have to do this, Logan. Besides,
I should work on the software I’m developing.”
“You can do that any day. It’s beautiful and sunny outside, and we both have the day off to enjoy it; let’s do something fun, Nikki.”
“Okay, you have convinced me. What do you want to do?”
Right, the introvert. He folded his arms and rocked back and forth on his heels. “We are going to bike through the park.”
Nikki’s eyebrow shot up. “You mean pedal a real bike, or you have a motorcycle?”
“Don’t tell me,” he sighed. “You have never ridden a bike.”
She shook her head slowly. “Nope. And I’ve never ridden a skateboard or a pony. I’ve never been to the circus or the amusement park.”
He checked his watch, and time was slipping away. “Nikki Graham, we’re going to make you some childhood memories. Are you ready?”
“Yes, I’m ready. At thirty, I’m ready to have a childhood.”
Chapter Fourteen
Nikki tried to rub her backside on the sly. The bike ride didn’t go as planned. Trees are not movable objects, and confusion between the hand brakes and stopping with the feet isn’t an option for an uncoordinated person like her.
But the day of making memories had to go forward. It was too late to go to Cedar Point as Logan wanted, so they went to the zoo. The walking intensified the pain in Nikki’s butt. Excusing herself to use the ladies room, she used a makeup mirror to see how bad the bruising was. The reddish-purple ring forming on her butt cheek would only get darker.
“Crap that hurts,” she winced, easing up her jeans.
Logan was standing by the entrance holding two cotton candy cones, one pink and one blue. “Have you ever had cotton candy before?” he asked, handing her the pink one.
“I have not,” she answered with a warm smile. They walked over to a bench. She eased down on it, avoiding contact between her right butt cheek and the hard wood.
From the corner of her eye, she caught Logan staring at her with concern. “Did you hurt your butt when you fell off the bike, Nikki?”
“A little.” She picked off a piece of the candy sticking it in her mouth. It was extremely sweet and made her mouth water.
“Let me see it,” Logan insisted.
“You want me to expose my butt in public?”
He looked around. “There is a shed over there.”
“Seriously, Logan? You want to look at my butt?”
He released a crooked grin. “I’ve seen more of you already. And those beautiful images are burned into my brain forever.”
She pointed a finger at him. “This is about you enjoying watching me blush; admit it.”
“I’d rather you’d blush from something else I’m doing to you.”
Nikki’s whole body warmed. Never had she engaged in such conversation with a man before. Gayle and Mike would banter and exchange sexual innuendos as if she were invisible.
“I know you could tell, Logan. You’re being kind and not saying anything about it.”
“You’ve lost me again,” he said as he took a big bite of cotton candy.
A group of kids ran past them almost tripping over her feet. Nikki wanted kids one day. If she could pick, she would choose to have a boy first and then a girl. They would grow up close and always be there for one another. That was her dream anyhow.
“That I’m not experienced in the bedroom we should have talked about before we slept together, but I’ve only been with one man. He was barely a man; we were both seventeen at the time.” She giggled. “God, it was awful.”
“Well, it’s a skill that takes time to learn. By the way, I didn’t notice. You had me so mesmerized I couldn’t think straight.”
She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Women probably flock to you because you have so much to offer.”
“Are you mocking me?” he asked in a confused voice.
“Heck no. Logan, you are compassionate and kind, and you know how to cook. However, you can be arrogant. I guess women like men to have that, too.”
“Wow, we sure weren’t having this conversation a few hours ago,” he exclaimed. “Nikki, any man would be lucky to have you. I’m not sure why you chose to withdraw from human contact after one bad experience.”
“My mother has a bad reputation that she earned rightfully. I don’t want to be judged because I’m her daughter.”
“Has that happened?”
She shook her head. “Not yet. As long as I stay under the radar and keep my nose clean, I won’t be labeled a cheating whore that women can’t trust their husband’s around.”
“I’m getting a better understanding of where your head is. You’ve probably been told this a thousand times, but I’ll say it again. You are not your mother. We inherit traits from them, but our behavior is on us. You choose to live a straight life, which is cool, but don’t curl up and disappear from the world because you’re afraid to have fun and experience life. You are too young for that, sweetheart.”
“Gayle preaches that to me daily. My first cruise was supposed to be later this summer. I was so looking forward to letting go and actually having some fun.”
“Why are you speaking in the past tense?”
“I sold my ticket to a member of Gayle’s family. Before you yell, I was mad at Gayle when I did it.”
“Get the ticket back,” he insisted.
“It is better I don’t go. They are a lively group of people, and my social anxiety would interfere with their fun. When it was the three of us going, I could handle that, but more of her family wanted to tag along.”
Logan took her hand. Heat raced through her body and made her breath catch in her chest. Their gazes locked and for a minute the zoo or the people walking around did not exist.
“Are you open to the two of us getting away for a weekend?” he asked. His voice was as potent as the look in his eyes.
Was this man serious? “Ha, ha—yeah right.”
“So that’s a no?”
“You are not serious, Logan. We are strangers… who does that?”
“Two strangers who want to get closer. Or am I the only stranger who wants to get closer, Nikki?”
Just say it! He’s leaving the door open for you to walk in. Nikki closed her fingers around his and licked her lips. “You aren’t the only stranger that wants to get closer.”
Logan let go of her hand. “I need a drink to wash the sugary taste out of my mouth. Do you want one?”
“A bottle of cold water would be nice,” she answered. The candy was sweet and made her thirsty.
She smiled as he walked to the concession stand. His physique was just as impressive from the rear. His jeans molded to that ass perfectly, and even through his shirt, she could see the outline of a man in prime condition. It didn’t take long for that smile to turn upside down as two leggy women wearing skin-fitting booty shorts had the gall to eyeball Logan… her Logan.
Nikki finished most of the cotton candy but could not tolerate any more of the sugar. Anyhow, the heat was causing the treat to melt quicker than she could eat it. She tossed the rest in the garbage, waiting for Logan to react to the flirting hussies who were standing behind him in the long line.
To her surprise, he appeared to ignore them. Nikki wondered if this could be the beginning of something new. A real, long-lasting relationship with a normal man? Could she possibly be in Kenya’s shoes and planning a wedding one day in the future?
Nope. This was a pity play date. Logan was a mover and a shaker. He liked to be in public and around people, whereas she preferred to hide behind her computer dealing with people only when necessary.
Obviously, he ignored those women on purpose; she was sitting less than fifty feet away from him. Blind men could not ignore those two. Nikki sighed from the jealousy rearing its ugly head and tried to push it away. Logan was not committed to her. The sex was spontaneous and scorching hot, but not a binding agreement it would happen between them again.
She put on her sunglasses as the shade started to give way to th
e sun. The zoo was nice, but there was little shade to hide from the hot sun. Crossing her legs, she wished she had worn shorts instead of hot jeans.
A young black couple with a baby in a stroller sat down on the bench across from her. The mother carefully took the child from the stroller and cuddled the baby close. The father leaned in and tickled the child under the chin making him react with a squeal. Nikki could not hear their conversation, but the interaction was enough for her to know how loved that child was. Judith would not be caught dead at the zoo, much less pushing a stroller or coddling a child.
Studying the couple drew Nikki’s attention to her and Logan, and she didn’t get what was going on. Why was she here with Logan at the zoo? They weren’t in a relationship and were just barely friends. The couple with the baby were in a relationship and fit the profile of a marriage. They probably got along, held the same interests and beliefs, and worked to support each other until they died. None of this spontaneous fall-in-love-and-run-away-together kind of stuff happened to women like her. It was not supposed to happen to her.
Logan returned and handed her a bottle of water. “Here you go. Drink it before it gets warm.”
“Thank you,” she said. He had already opened the bottle for her; what a gentleman.
He stretched out his legs and took a long swig of the water. “Having fun so far? I mean besides the fall. I plan to check that area later.”
“I am and no you won’t.”
“I can be very persuasive when I want.”
“And I’m very stubborn; wanna keep doing this?” she asked playfully.
He laughed. “You win for now. Hey, see that kid over there with his parents? He’s too young to know what’s going on, but today will be a part of his childhood memories forever.”
Nikki nodded. “Yes. He will relive it through the many pictures they are taking of him and with him. That’s a lucky kid.”
“Yes, he is. In the weekend, you will get memories, too. I’m taking you to see Trolls, the movie.”
She laughed. “That’s a movie for kids, Logan. We’ll be the oldest people there not chaperoning a child.”
Text 'Yes' if You Love Me Page 11
