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Fierce Love
A Sons Of Havoc Novella
Claire Shaw
1
Joker
Holding her close to me as she sleeps. I slowly stroke the hair out of her face. She looks so peaceful and beautiful, just resting in my arms with her head on my chest. I can feel the small puffs of breath from her pouty lips as she gently snores. The little noises are the sweetest thing.
I honestly still can’t believe she's here with me, lying in my arms, in my life. A part of me, the part I didn’t dare voice out loud, thought she was lost forever. I had hope that one day I would find her but as time went on, the hope got less and less. She was everything to me and when she was taken from me before I even managed to see where the growing love could take us, I thought it was the end of me.
For the longest time I felt like a vital part of me was missing, I didn’t feel whole. Everything was in black and white.
The minute she walked back into my life it was like a rainbow burst. Brightening my life. Who knew I was missing more, just her. Finding out I had a son felt like a power punch to the stomach. The air being forced from my body and leaving me gasping for breath. He’s my image. My boy, Beau. Jesus, I have a son. It still sometimes takes my breath away when he calls me Dad. Me, Joker, a dad for fuck’s sake!
I struggle keeping houseplants alive and now this actual small human being relies on me to keep him alive and raise him to be a valued member of society.
Thank fuck Carrie is a natural at being a mom. God she’s amazing. So gentle and nurturing with him. It is like she was born for the role of mother.
Neither of us had brilliant childhoods. Carrie’s mom was a queen bitch. She only cared about the drugs and booze. My girl raised her younger brother, Johnny. My mom died when I was too young to know what a mom was and how it felt to have one. Our dads did the best they could. Reck got sent down which left Carrie and Johnny in the care of the skank. Dad and I did what we could for them while Reck was inside. I wish we did more as maybe if we had she wouldn’t have been taken by the Social and then in the hands of that sick monster.
Carrie shudders and whimpers in her sleep. Holding her closer, kissing her head, I whisper to her “I’ve got you babydoll, you're safe.”
Fuck she still had nightmares and moments when she goes into her head. Who can blame her, she survived hell and managed to save herself like the badass my girl is.
Fuck I know I’m driving her mad but I can’t lose her again. I wouldn’t survive it.
So I struggle with her being out of my sight or not knowing where she is. I know she feels I’m crowding her and suffocating her but I can’t help myself.
Beau and I need her. I just can’t let anything happen to her again.
She whimpers again in her sleep.
“It’s okay, shhh. You’re safe” I say in what I hope is a reassuring voice.
She settles for a second before she lets out a scream and jerks awake.
“Fuck babydoll, I’ve got you” I tell her as I sit up and pull her into my body, wrapping my around her.
“Jason,” she whimpers.
Her body is shaking and I can feel the tears on my bare chest.
It breaks my heart to see her struggling like this. She’s been going to therapy and working it all out. The nightmares are becoming less and less.
Fuck, it’s only been just over a year since she escaped and found her way home.
“Jason,” she says, her voice a little stronger.
“I’m here babydoll.”
“Make me forget,” she says as her voice gets a little husky.
Her hand slowly strokes down my chest and beneath the sheet around my waist.
This is part of her recovery. Replacing the bad memories with good memories. Who am I to deny my girl.
Placing my fingers under her chin, lifting her face to mine as our lips meet. Kissing the sadness and pain away. Laying her back down on the bed, I kiss my way down her sexy as fuck body. Cupping her breasts in my hands as I take her nipple between my lips and suck.
Her back arches off the bed as my name leaves her mouth in a lust ladened whisper.
Taking her nipple between my teeth, and I nip it causing a moaning from her. Fuck the noises she makes when I touch her make me harder than steel.
Giving the other nipple the same treatment, I kiss each one and then keep trailing down her stomach and resting between her legs. Moving her thighs as wide as I can, I lick from the bottom to the top before sucking on her clit hard, causing her to cry out and her body to shoot up from the bed.
Using my forearm to hold her still, I go to town on her and feast on her juicy pussy.
I can feel her getting close, slowly I place one and then two fingers inside of her and stroke that sweet spot. My girl explodes with my name screaming from her lips as she crashes over the edge of her orgasm.
Not giving her the chance to move, I lean over her, kissing her as I push inside of her.
Fuck, holy Jesus Christ, this is heaven.
“Hold on baby, this is going to be fast and hard. Fuck you feel like home.”
I start a punishing rhythm as my hands slide under her arms and hold onto her shoulders as I pound into her. She screams my name as she comes again.
“One more babydoll, give me one more,” I demand.
“No, I can’t.” She cries.
“Yes, you can. Give it to me, I can’t hold on much longer.” I say as I feel my balls start to tingle.
I move my hand between us and press on her clit.
“Jason, holy fuck,” she cries as she comes again.
Feeling her pussy ripple around my cock causes me to join her as I roar out my orgasm.
Fuck that was intense.
2
Carrie
“Jason, holy fuck,” I cry as the most amazing orgasm takes a hold of my whole body. Unable to stop the seizure like tremors that rack my body. Jason’s arms wrap around me, holding me to him as my body comes down from the amazing high he has just given me.
Snuggling my face into his neck, I plant a soft kiss on his chin.
“That was amazing,” I say on a sigh as my whole body relaxes into his hold.
I swear being wrapped in his arms is my happy place. A place I feel safe, protected and loved. But it is also a place where I feel confident and feel able to express how I truly feel without worry or stress. That's the thing about Jason, since I came crashing, literally crashing back into his life with the son he had no knowledge of, he’s never held anything against me. I can be honest with him about how I'm feeling or coping. He listens and lets me get it all out without judgement. Which in all honesty is what I need. I hate that sometimes I freak out during sex, a movement or a word can send me back and I get stuck in my head. Lost in the memories of what happened to me. I try to be the strong old lady he needs by his side. Losing my shit makes me feel weak. I hate feeling weak. Weakness is not something the Sons of Havoc deal with. The club is built on strength, loyalty and trust.
I am loyal to the club, I trust every brother in the club, well nearly every brother.
One of the brothers just sets my nerves on edge. Dog joined the club a few years after I left. I’ve noticed recently that a few of the boys I’m close to give him a wide berth. Joker and Tank seem to barely tolerate him, BJ ignores him and my dad and Bull watch him like a hawk. He disappears at times with no word or reason. He’s secretive and my gut feeling warns me not to get close or be alone with him.
“You okay, babydoll?” Jason asks from
beside me.
“Yeah sorry baby, just got lost in my head.” I assure him.
Snuggling back down into his arms, resting my head on his chest. His fingers lazily trail down my arm.
“You have a session today, don’t you?” He asks.
“Yeah, this afternoon.” I confirm
“How are you feeling about the therapy?”
“I know it’s good for me and it has really helped me work through how I’m feeling about everything that happened to me but . . .” I trail off, not really wanting to talk about it.
“But what?” He pushes.
“But we’re now getting to the dark bits, before it’s like we’ve skimmed over it, not really examined what happened, not only to me but to Beau too. I don’t think I can go into detail.” I confess.
“Babydoll,” he says, holding me closer.
“She’s a good therapist and has been good for you so far. She won’t give you more than you can take. If you’re feeling like it’s too much, just tell her.” He assures me.
“I know I’m being silly. But I can’t help it. Part of me still feels guilty.” I confess
Jason pulls away from me so he can look at my face.
“What do you have to feel guilty for?” He asks, confusion in his voice.
“I should have protected Beau more. I should have got Agnes to bring him to you long before I did. He could have been with you for years and you wouldn’t have missed out on so much.” I say as a tear runs down my cheek.
“Fuck babydoll. No, you did the best you could have with the situation you found yourself in. Beau is fine and we’re together now. You can't live in the past babe, we have to move forward with our lives otherwise he wins.” He says holding me tight against him.
“I know, but sometimes when I watch you with Beau, the pain that you both missed out on so much time together hits me in the chest.” I say as more tears fall.
“I think you really need to bring this up with Dr. Wood. Explain this is how you feel.” He advises.
“I will babe. Can I ask you something?” I say.
“Carrie you can ask me anything.” He says with all seriousness.
“Will you come with me to the appointment, knowing you're outside waiting for me and close if I need you to help.” I say hoping he can.
“Babydoll, I will always be there when you need me.” He says kissing my head.
Snuggling back into him, I start to drift off again.
Waking a short time later, I find the bed empty. Getting up and slipping some pajamas on and grabbing my robe, I make my way downstairs, following the noise and laughter.
Entering the kitchen, I find Jason cooking breakfast while Beau and Tank are sitting at the island playing some card game. I lean against the wall and watch them all together, my family. Jason has taken to being a father like it’s the most natural thing in the world, the bond he now has with Beau is beautiful to watch. They are so alike, Beau is such a carbon copy of his dad. The brothers even got Beau his own kut with prospect in training and next gen patches. He wore it to bed that night and we had a full fight the next morning to get him to take it off so he could go to school. I had to promise it would be in the car waiting for him when I picked him up.
His relationship with Tank has also blossomed. Tank is an amazing uncle but he is also that annoying uncle who buys him the presents you said no to. You know the ones, loud, messy and completely inappropriate. But it is so worth it to see how close all three of them are. Beau has even started copying certain traits from both Jason and Tank. The three of them do all sorts of things together, like we did as kids.
Beau notices me standing just inside the doorway.
“Momma look, Uncle Tank bought me Top Trumps and a new helmet for my bike. It’s way cool.” He shouts as he jumps off the stool, running into the living room.
I look at Tank, raising my eyebrow in a “What the fuck you done now” look.
“Sorry princess but the kid needs a cool helmet,” he says on a shrug.
Before I can utter a word in reply, Beau comes barrelling into the kitchen with a mat black helmet on, with the club’s logo on the back and Beau written on the side.
“Look Momma, how freaking cool,” his excited muffled voice comes from inside the helmet.
“Really freaking cool Beau,” I reply with a giggle.
At least he’s stopped cursing, not that long ago freaking would have been fucking. Clearly having heard all the brothers and his dad’s language. That was an awkward conversation of explaining why they could cuss, but he couldn’t.
“Can we go for a ride Uncle Tank,” says the muffled voice.
“Yeah sure kid,” Tank replies, getting off the stool.
“Erm, have you had breakfast yet?” I ask their retreating backs as they make their way towards the garage door.
“Yeah Momma,” comes the muffled voice again as he still hasn’t taken the helmet off.
“Then you can go once you have gotten dressed,” I say with my “seriously” look on my face. Aiming it right at Tank, who starts to laugh when he looks at Beau, realising the kid is still in his pajamas.
“Okay,” muffles pass me as Beau runs upstairs to get dressed, helmet still on.
“Maybe I should go help him, I doubt he will think to take the helmet off to get dressed.” Tank says chuckling as he walks past me.
Rolling my eyes, I make my way over to Jason, slipping my arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder.
Lifting his arm so I can duck under, I kiss his nipple.
“Cheeky,” he grins.
“Something smells good.” I say with a grin.
“Making you pancakes, babydoll.” He replies
Oh My God, Jason’s pancakes are amazing.
“Go sit down and I’ll bring them over.” He says.
Making my way back over to the island, I grab a cup and make myself tea while he finishes my breakfast.
I’m just taking the first delicious mouthful of pancake when Beau comes stomping down the stairs all dressed in dark jeans, black t-shirt and his kut. Fuck, he looks like a mini version of Jason.
Laughing around my mouthful, as the helmet is still on his head.
“He take that off at any point?” I ask
“Yeah once he tried to get his t-shirt over the top a few times and realised it wouldn’t fit.” Tank replies causing me to choke on the pancake.
“Fuck babe, you okay?” Jason asks as he comes rushing over to me.
Swallowing the mouthful and washing it down with some tea I laugh.
“Your freaking son alright.” I reply, still laughing.
Tank and Jason join in while Beau is standing there trying to put his biker boots on.
“I best help him.” Tank says, still laughing.
Tank is keeping Beau for the rest of the day doing man stuff as they put it. Jason and Tank bought an old, beat-up Harley. Together with Beau they are working on it, once Beau turns 18, they plan to give him it. I swear when they ran the idea past me, I nearly cried. It is in the garage at the compound and all the brothers have been helping Beau work on it. It really is such a warming sight, all these hard ass bikers being so patient and kind with a little boy.
While they are out, Jason is coming with me to my appointment.
3
Joker
“Babe you ready?” I shout up the stairs.
Fuck she seems to be taking ages to get ready. Carrie is a low maintenance type of woman. She can be ready for a night out in half an hour. Normal trip somewhere during the day, she’s ready in 10 minutes. I know she is trying to delay setting off as she doesn’t really want to go to her therapy session today. My girl is so strong and has handled everything that has happened to her with a strength that has amazed us all. But that being said, I know she needs a little push to let go and tell you how she’s truly feeling. She keeps it all inside as she’s putting everyone else’s feelings first. I know Reck has tried to talk to her about how she came to be with him i
n the first place but she shuts down. I know my girl and she doesn’t want to upset Reck. He already blames himself as he thinks if he hadn’t got sent down, he would have been there for Carrie and Johnny. But Dr. Wood is right, we can’t live in the past and we have to move forward. The monster has no place in our lives now.
“Babe, seriously if you're not down these stairs in 5 minutes I am coming up to get you.” I shouted at her.
“Okay, Jesus. Keep your hair on, I’m coming” she calls back as she’s coming down the stairs.
“Thank God,” I mutter.
Heading for the car, I lock the house and get into the truck.
“You okay, babydoll?” I ask her. She looks nervous.
“Yeah I’m okay, just want this over with.” She says on a sigh.
Pulling up outside the doctor’s office, I can feel the nerves coming off Carrie in waves.
“Babe, it will be okay. I’ll be right outside in the waiting room if you need me,” I assure her, squeezing her hand.
She gives me a small nod and gets out of the truck. She looks so unsure and scared. Fuck I hate seeing her like this. My girl is always so confident and sure of herself but watching her as she slowly walks into the office, you would think she was walking to her death. I want to wrap her in my arms and hold her tight. The therapy sessions have been good for her, she’s light and happy like she used to be. But the sessions also take it out of her and she can be in a dark mood for a little bit after. Usually time with Beau and me can bring her out of it. I know today is going to be hard on her.
Dr. Wood has been easy on her up to now, not pushing her too hard for her to really open up and let go of what happened to her. I knew there would come a day when she would need to examine it closer and really come to terms with what happened.
Checking in at the reception, we take a seat in the plush waiting room. Pulling her hand into my lap, I give it a reassuring squeeze while we wait.
Twisted Steel: An MC Romance Anthology Page 42
