Hawk
I watch my wife from across the room. She smiles brightly at her family while talking with them over lunch. She is everything, and what a fool I was to believe otherwise. I will never tell a man on this Earth how bad I lost my mind. I still don’t fully understand what I did or why, but I could have lost her.
This past week, my mind reconnected with reality, and I see everything clearly of what I want. The only problem is Ashley keeps calling. I’ve ignored her number. I can only hope she goes away and finds another guy. I only fucked her once, and that was when I knew I hit bottom. Never went back to the house or called her. My skin felt dirty, and there wasn’t anything that could wash away what I had done.
I couldn’t go home after everything I had done. But when I overheard Stryker tell Alessia she could move down south with him, I lost it. My body sprang into action. All my self-pity washed away. My guilt may not ever go away. I’ll live with it. It is my cross to bear, not hers. My mission is to give her the things I never did before. To be the man I promised the last six years.
Snake isn’t the nicest guy in the club, not a funny guy, so when he hands me a beer with a smile, the alarm bells go off in my head that something is wrong.
“You doing okay, brother?” He almost has a sneer.
Popping the top off, I take a pull. “Everything is good. You?”
He nods a few times. “Yeah, things are just as I thought they were. It’s heating up in Reno, with the problem they are having, finding out who the rat is. It’s going to take some time, but secrets always have a way of coming out. Sooner or later.”
Snake found something out. What exactly, I can’t tell yet. “That, they do. It may not be as big a deal as everyone may think, though.”
“No, but usually, it is, or worse.” He taps his bottle to mine and saunters off to the group. Panic races across my mind. I need to get rid of her before anything can be found. Am I prepared for what could come next? Hell no. I’ve risked it all, and I’m itching to get out of this lunch at her parents’ house so I can go check on a few things.
I follow him back into the living room. Sliding in next to Alessia, I pick her hand up and kiss the top of it, then her ring finger, before setting her hand back onto my lap. Her mother, Cindy, watches us with hopeful eyes. “Please tell me I’m a lot closer to getting grandkids?” She brings her hands together at her chest as if she were praying.
Alessia shrugs a shoulder. “We talked about trying, and I think we will soon.”
My hand squeezes hers. “But first, her brand.” Which I need done as soon as possible, and an idea pops into mind. “Is Jazzy still doing ink?”
“Yeah . . . are you really in that big of a hurry?” Alessia turns and very accurately recognizes that it doesn’t sound like me.
Letting go of her hand, I raise my arm to pull her into me and croak in her ear, “I’ve wasted enough time with you. I’m not doing that anymore.”
Her hand holds my jaw, and she turns to me, placing a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you.” In return, I give her a quick peck to her nose.
Snake breaks the moment. “I hate to tell you two this, I just texted her, and she said she was booked solid for the next month. With her doing tattoos and now hair, she can’t for a bit.”
That was awfully convenient for him to do that. I am about to say I’ll call when Fuego interrupts, “We have stuff at the clubhouse to deal with, and we need to head out.” He gets up from his seat but stops and stares out the window. “What is Ashley doing here?”
All heads turn in her direction. I fight with my breathing to stay even and control my responses. My insides have screamed at me this whole day. Something was off, and I ignored it.
She rings the doorbell and Snake beats everyone there to welcome her inside. “Hey, Ashley, come inside. You remember my sister Alessia. Sorry I missed you at the barbeque she cooked for you when you got home.”
She hugs Snake, and when he closes the door, her gaze lands on us all. My arm protectively tightens around my wife. Ashley blinks and then holds a hand to her chest. “Where are my manners? I guess I was just stunned at the news and seeing everyone again.”
Fuego and Cindy welcome her into the house. Alessia rises from the couch to hug her, and Ashley scowls at me from over her shoulder. It is not possible to hate myself more than I do in this moment. It strikes me, seeing the two of them together, the mess I have made. She pulls back and the happy mask covers the ugliness that really hides beneath a shell. The fool I was, played easily into her hand. I am a piece of shit biker and Ashley proved it.
Alessia holds her at arm’s length. “Girl, you are looking good. Tell me you have a man waiting for you? You have grown up.” Her kind words of affection rip through my body like a dagger. I put my wife in the hands of a snake.
Between the two of us at this moment, I don’t know which is worse. I can’t watch the show and look away. The guilt is searing away at any conscience I have left. I am the one that is being burned. I cannot handle the fire I created.
“Oh, I thought I had a man, but it didn’t work out. I haven’t heard from him in a few days. I guess he’s not interested.”
If I could crawl out of here, I would. My ass is on fire with the hot seat I put myself in. “He sounds like an ass. You should come to the clubhouse. We can find you some company.” Alessia winks at her.
“We need to head out,” Fuego interrupts. “Stay and catch up with the girls.”
Snake stands at the door with a smirk on his face. If I can’t convince him nothing has happened, then I am screwed. Brothers or not, he will take his sister’s side over mine on this. I have no doubt. Snake got his name for a reason— smart as hell, and will strike after he’s pinned you into a corner when he needs to defend his MC or family. I never wanted to go against him, but I have no other choice. On my way out the door, his hand clamps down on my shoulder, halting my movement. “Don’t you want to kiss your Ol’ Lady and wife goodbye, carpe diem, and all that?”
Alessia bats us away, too involved in her conversation to care about another kiss from me. I see it for the first time. Her passion is to connect with other people and to welcome everyone around her. For years, I thought it was because she wanted the attention for herself, but she just loves people. Nothing has prepared me for this. My own selfishness has caught me red-handed. I’m not sure if there is anything I can do to stop this.
* * *
Alessia
My eyes had bulged out of my head at the sight of Ashley. When I said she grew up, I wasn’t ready to see for myself this sexy young woman that came back after college. Over the afternoon, we had time to catch up on what we missed. To say I am proud of her is an understatement. Finishing school all on her own is amazing.
After lunch, I called the girls in to meet us at the clubhouse for a man mission. She needs a little fun. And what would be better than to help Jenn and her sister start to repair their strained relationship?
At the clubhouse, the common area is barren while the members are inside church. There is no one behind the bar, and I decide this is the perfect time to try out what I was hoping to start.
Waltzing behind the bar, I grab a few glasses and a towel, “What can I make for you, ladies?” I fog up the outside of the glass with a puff of air and then began to shine it while we wait.
“A glass that has not been breathed on by you,” Jenn deadpans. “There is nothing back there besides beer, whiskey, and tequila.”
“Hmm, I’ll be right back.” I dart out from behind the bar, running into the kitchen to find fruit and any ingredients available to make mixed drinks. By the time I am back, a prospect is behind the bar flirting with my friends.
“Shoo, boy,” I tease him. “You’re in my space.” With the pan of ingredients from the kitchen and the bottle of vodka from the freezer, I’m ready to experiment. I hope they are ready. I smile because they will go along with it anyway. They rattle off a few ideas and I begin to look up what I need to make their reques
ts.
The first two are horrible, and Jazzy laughs. “These are disgusting. Please tell me you’re keeping your day job?”
“Psh, you never know. Besides, bitch, it’s not like you’re back here trying. Shut up and enjoy your free drinks.” I pass out the third batch and cross my fingers.
“Touché.” Jazzy holds up her drink. “To the future, whatever that may hold.”
“To new adventures,” Jenn adds.
“And new beginnings,” I toast. We all hold up the first lemon drop martini I have ever made, and I pray this drink is better than the last. We clink glasses and take a tentative sip.
“She did it!” Dana squeals. “This one is pretty good.”
“That’s because it has sugar water and lemon.” I laugh at her.
She scrunches up her shoulders. “Keep these coming.”
“So, new beginnings,” Ashley hesitantly comments. “Did you and Hawk just get back together?”
My back straightens, and my head swims a bit at her question. She couldn’t have heard anything about our problems. Jenn pulls me out of the fog. “No, they have been married for forever. You were at their wedding, Ash, why would you ask that?”
“Oh,” she giggles. “I must have misunderstood your toast.” Ashley plasters on a friendly grin.
The church doors open, and the guys start to file out. Ashley pops up from her seat. My hands are at my sides, and my feet are frozen to the floor. Doubt floods me like a wave in the ocean, drowning me in the deep end. The problem is, there are too many details from the past for me to be able to make sense of it in a split second. The nagging voice at the back of my mind tells me to chase it, but if I do, will it be devastating to see what is at the end?
Hawk steps out, spotting me easily behind the bar. He sees it, the worry laced in my features. Ashley walks right beside him and slows long enough to say something. Jenn distracts me, grabbing my hand, “Don’t, Alex. It’s what she does. There isn’t anything wrong. She’s a bitch. There is a reason I only look after her.”
“Alessia,” Hawk calls from my side now and wraps his arm around my waist. “What are you doing back here?”
“Waiting for you . . .”
9
Hawk
I haven’t been able to find Ashley in over a week. Every phone call has been ignored. If she is home, she’s been ignoring my calls. It would only be my good luck to have the bitch die in a car accident, but somehow I don’t think that’s happened. An idea pops into my head. If she thinks she is in control, I can get her to meet me.
This will be tricky, but I can do it. I send her a text saying I am sorry and I need to explain over dinner, to please meet me. Within an hour, the little cunt texted me back that she will be there. I send her the address of a restaurant I am sure no one will see us at.
The day crawls by painfully slow. The club is weary about the problem in shipments the Nevada Chapters are reporting. Stryker, the Las Vegas Prez, has been meeting with Fuego more than usual. Everyone is on edge, especially me.
After my last local run of the day, I head home before Alessia to shower and dress. Stepping out of our room, I find her in the kitchen cooking.
“Alex, what are you doing home early?” My voice comes across wary and a little more forceful than I expected. Damn it. Relaxing my posture, I apologize. “Sorry, long day, and I was just called out. I was going to surprise you and take you out for dinner.” Placing small kisses on her lips, I confirm, “I’ll be home soon. We can watch a movie and stay in.”
Alessia is cautious but pushes past whatever has crossed her mind. “I’ll put your dinner in the fridge. Be safe, come home soon.” She wraps herself around my body. Call me crazy, but it is crushing. Did she find out? My one hand digs into her shirt and the other into her long curly hair that I love.
Tilting her head back, I rasp, “I love you, Alessia. Every part of me belongs to you. I don't want anything to ever come between us. I will be home soon.”
Her eyes shine. “I’ve just missed you so damn much, now it scares me when you leave.”
Her confession is not lost on me. For Alessia to admit her emotions, it is a gift, and one I don't deserve. I can’t leave, my mind wars with me to stay, but I have to. If she finds out this mess, I will lose her forever. “I’m going to take you away from all this when we can. Me and you, forever.” My forehead touches hers, and for a minute, I pray this works. “Love you.” Our lips meet, and my tongue takes hers in a demanding kiss. I steal what I can because I can’t let go of her.
My fingers tighten and pull back to gaze into her soft brown eyes. The heart of her is there. “See you soon.” Letting go, I walk away and face the consequences of my actions.
Ashley is ten minutes late to the restaurant. I’m nursing my beer when she finally struts through the front doors. I flag her over to my table. Once she is seated, I pass her a menu, and after a few minutes, our orders are given to the waitress. “Ashley,” I start, “I was wrong with what went down between us. I am sorry for the way I treated you.”
She spins her white wine around on the table and watches me closely. “Why am I here, exactly?”
“I need you to keep what happened between us quiet. You’re back in town, let’s not make this a problem with your sister and Alessia. There is no reason we need to hurt them, or you, by what we did.”
“I’m pretty sure you mean you.”
Her coolness is throwing me off. Why isn’t she more pissed? “More than anything, I don't want to ruin my marriage.”
She picks up her glass, takes a small sip, and holds the glass up. “Not a problem.” Ashley winks. “We can still be friends with benefits if you should ever get lonely again.”
Luckily, the waiter brings our appetizer, and I shove food into my mouth. What the hell is wrong with this girl? Halfway through the meal, I realize she thinks this will continue as a quiet affair. But why would she want that?
Ashley scoots out of her chair and excuses herself to the bathroom. Quickly, I reach into her purse and pull out her phone, pocketing it into the inside of my cut. The last thing I need is for her to have my number or any evidence of this.
She returns and slides into the seat next to me. “Ashley, how are things with you and Jenn?”
She bristles a little at my question. “Fine.” She holds the ‘e’ a little longer than needed, and it is obvious she has drunk too much to drive herself home, doing this on purpose. “Jenn, like my mother, chose the club over me.”
“Ashley, she cares for you. You could always be a part of her world too.”
“Don’t worry about me, Hawk. I’m used to being tossed aside. I thought maybe we would have a run, but I’ll take what I can.”
“Why would you want only part of me?”
“Because, one day, I’ll get what I want.” She beams with pride. Ashley is using me to get back at her sister for whatever grudge she’s been holding onto. I think she would have used any guy who approached her first. That dumb ass was me. I would bet part of her hates Alessia for being close to her sister.
She never did thank Alessia for the barbeque she put together for her. That night, she was pleased to hear when I told everyone Alessia left. Ashley had the spotlight to herself. Everything was right in front of me.
“Let's get you home.” Pulling out my phone to call an Uber for her, her hands cover mine, stopping me.
“Can’t you take me home?” she pleads very sweetly. “It is on the way to your house. You can come inside . . .” Her finger sweeps over my shirt.
Capturing her hand, I remind her, “Friends, remember?”
“Sure, friends,” she squeaks. Ashley will be a problem, but at least I have her phone until I can figure out how to get rid of her.
* * *
Ashley
Does he think I am this stupid? I’ll do anything to piss off Jenn. I’m in this war with her for the long haul. I’m going to chip away at every piece of her life, causing her to be miserable. Alessia, unfortunately, is ju
st the spoils of war. Besides, the way I see it, I’m doing her a favor. Hawk is a piece of shit, and I just saved her years of dealing with this asshole.
Snake is on to us. I’ve dropped more than enough hints to him for him to not get it. I’ve been at the clubhouse all afternoon with Jenn and Jazzy. I gloated about my mystery date and where he was taking me. They didn’t get it, but Snake sure did.
All they will ever think is poor Ashley was taken advantage of. The idea hit me on the way home when he picked me up on the side of the road. I could be friends with Alessia. Problem is, I hate bikers— they killed my mother. It infuriates me that my sister hangs out with them. The more I can take down, the better.
If all goes to plan, Snake will be outside to confront us. As we walk through the restaurant, I spot Alessia coming around the outside of the building, heading toward the front doors. Even better. Hawk holds the front door open for me, and it’s my time to shine.
“Thank you so much for tonight.” I stumble more than I need to and grab ahold of his hand. She will be standing there. I go for the gold, putting on a spectacular performance. “I really should not have drunk so much.”
He chuckles and shakes his head, leading me to his bike. Grabbing the helmet off his bike, he places it on my head. I pull him toward me and plant a quick kiss to his lips. He gives me a playful smack to the side of my hip. “Behave yourself.” He glides his large frame onto his bike and I take advantage.
I slide in as close as I can. “Don't worry, I’ll hang on tight.”
* * *
Hawk
What the fuck have I done?
Alessia’s broken face is all I see as soon as I sit down on my bike. Thinking back to the last few moments, I realize I am caught. The panic in my mind holds me captive. My lies have buried me and my future. I’m trapped in when Ashley slides in behind me and whispers into my ear. Her hands have been obsessively all over me since we walked out here.
Twisted Steel: An MC Romance Anthology Page 49
