by Swann, Rylee
I stare indecisively at the assortment of donuts until someone next to me clears their throat. A man in about his late thirties, smiling at me. He’s average looking but not unattractive.
I automatically smile back at him.
“Can’t decide what you want?” he asks in a friendly tone, one dimple on his left cheek. Cute.
“No.” I laugh and motion to the display of baked sugary goodness. “It all looks so good.”
“Yeah, I feel the same way.” He laughs and I realize he’s trying to flirt with me. “Want to know what I do when I can’t decide?” What a sweetie and so brave.
“Sure, if you have a secret you want to share?”
He nods, leaning his head closer to mine like we’re in cahoots. “Get a box of munchkins. Make it assorted so you get a small version of every donut you’re craving.”
“Ahhh.” I toast him with my coffee cup. “That’s a great idea! Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome.” He steps a little closer. “I’m glad I could help.”
I wave to the girl behind the counter and the three of us have a few laughs while he and I decide which ones I should get. Blueberry, strawberry, chocolate, glazed. I add two more strawberry frosted munchkins and then I’m done.
“I think that about does it. I’m going to be in heaven eating these.” I wait as the employee rings up my order.
When she tells me the amount, he takes out his wallet. “Here, allow me,” he says gallantly.
“Oh, no, I couldn’t.” I set my coffee on the counter and rummage in my bag for my debit card.
“It would be my pleasure. Really.” He looks at me so earnestly that I die a little inside.
I’m not prepared for this. I’ve been one half of a couple for so long I’ve forgotten how to flirt. Even worse, I don’t remember how to let someone down gently.
At the same time, this little ego boost is exactly what I need. Johnny Longo is not the only fish in the sea. Look at me! The first time I venture out on my own as a single woman, a very nice man tries to scoop me up. He could turn out to be a serial killer, but I’m still bolstered by his attempt to woo me. I’m going to be just fine.
I find myself smiling and try to tamp it down, not wanting to give this guy the wrong impression.
“I’m sorry, you seem very nice but I’m a little uncomfortable with you paying for me.” I find my card and hand it to the girl. “I hope you understand.”
“Oh, of course, of course. I apologize.” He hesitates and I can tell he wants to say something more.
While he vacillates, I finish my transaction, take the bag of goodies, and turn to tell him to have a good day.
He beats me to it. “Hey, look… maybe I could get your phone number? We could meet for lunch?”
If I was already in Nashville and this had happened, I think I might have given him my number, if only to prove to myself that I was really moving forward. Despite my little bun in the oven. But I’m still in New York and only about to leave it for good. I suppress a sigh. Time to dash his hopes.
“Do you live here in the city?” I ask as my lead-in to turning him down.
“Yes, I do,” he says, his smile telling me he thinks I’m going to hand it over.
I nod slowly and put a gentle smile on my face. “You see, that’s the thing. I don’t. I’m actually relocating and the plane I get on today is a one-way trip, I’m afraid.”
His expression crumbles. “Oh, I see…”
“But thank you,” I say quickly. “I’m flattered, really. If it had been a different time and place, I might have said yes.” I don’t add, and if I weren’t pregnant.
He brightens a little. “Yeah? Well, okay, then. Have a good flight and good luck to you.”
He excuses himself and once he’s gone, I break into a smile. That was lovely.
Checking the time and seeing that I have a little more than an hour before boarding, I stroll toward the shops to do some window shopping before sadness can settle on me again. I already miss Johnny but I’ve also learned that my life and happiness don’t depend on him.
It’s a hard but necessary lesson.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Gian
Empty.
Jae’s apartment.
Empty.
How I feel.
Spending a boy’s night with Dom was a lot of fun. We hadn’t done something like that in far too long and I missed it. And, it somehow let me release a lot of the anger I was holding on to about our parents. Dom helped me come to the realization that since they’d been out of my life for so long it didn’t matter that the only reason they finally got in touch was to hit me up for money.
They’re nothing to me.
Nothing.
Jae, on the other hand, is everything.
My world. My future.
When I woke today my first thoughts were of her. Dom was already up and gone to work, leaving a note that he’d talk to my manager and to take the day off. It had a p.s. that made me smile. Go see Jae, it said. My intentions exactly.
When I got to her building and pressed her buzzer, she didn’t answer.
Checking my phone to make sure it was what day I thought it was, I frowned. Jae worked the evening shift on Monday. Of course, she could be anywhere, but I needed her to be home now. I needed to talk to her, make things right. I was such an ass last time we were together. What the hell was I thinking breaking up with her when what I want to do is spend the rest of my life with her?
Slipping in the building with a neighbor who knew me, I rushed to the elevator and paced in the confined space until it reached her floor. When pounding on her door also garnered no response, I slapped my forehead and finally used the key she’d given me.
Now, an ominous black shroud settles over my heart as I do a second walk through of her apartment.
Besides the furniture, there’s nothing except a few empty hangers in her closet and a stack of packed and sealed boxes.
She’s leaving? Without even trying to reach me?
I collapse onto the couch, holding my head as I go over the last several days. I never thought when I walked out that night she’d just pack up and leave.
What the hell do I do now?
A rush of hopelessness threatens to strangle me and I jump to my feet again. I search the apartment again, looking for any clue that might tell me where she’s gone, or when. My stomach roils. I can’t have lost her.
I pause in her bedroom. The bed is stripped down but I can still smell her scent. Breathing deeply of lavender, I fill my nose with it and go into the en suite. In the mirror over the sink, I growl at my reflection. “Asshole.” My own face simply sneers back at me.
Sitting down heavily on the closed lid of the toilet, I run both my hands through my hair. I have to find her. I have to tell her what an ass I was. That I love her.
Pulling out my cell phone, I press Dom’s speed dial number.
He picks up on the first ring. “Gian, I was just about to call you—”
“She’s gone, Dom. I’m at Jae’s. She’s gone. Do you know where she went?”
My brother heaves a big sigh. “That’s why I was going to call you. She’s going home. Cris just called to tell me. I thought her flight was in a few days, not today. That’s why I told you last night to talk to her right away.”
“I’m at her place,” I repeat, confused.
“I mean home to Nashville.”
“Oh my god,” is all I can manage to say. I sit in stunned silence, the heel of my free hand pressing into my eye.
“Gian, listen to me. Are you listening?” Dom’s voice deepens, his tone changing to one that smacks of authority.
“Yeah, so I’m fucked is what you’re saying.”
“No, there’s still time. But I have to ask you something first. This is very serious and you I need you to answer honestly, okay?”
“How is there still time, Dom? Tell me.” I hear the desperation in my voice so he must hear it too.
“D
amnit, Gian, answer my question. Do you love Jae absolutely and unconditionally? No matter the circumstances? Is she the woman you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with? This is important.”
“What the hell? Yes! You already know that. I’ve told you more than once.” My voice rises to a shout. “I showed you the engagement ring I’ve been carrying around with me for weeks. I’d just been waiting for the right time. Building up my courage, you know.”
“Yes, I know. There’s more, however.” He pauses and tells me to hang on a second.
I nearly shout into the phone to tell me. Just fucking tell me. I feel like I’m in a life or death moment. I also feel like I should be anywhere but sitting on the toilet of my girlfriend’s—ex-girlfriend’s?— apartment but I don’t get up. I have a feeling I’m going to remember every minute detail of this moment and maybe, just maybe, in time I’ll be able to laugh about the fact that I heard the news while on Jae’s crapper.
When he comes back, he says, “I’m going to tell you something. Jae asked me to keep it from you but I believe the circumstances have changed. You have a right to know.”
“You’re fucking scaring me.” The air leaves my lungs in a rush.
“She’s pregnant.”
“What?”
At first I’m sure I haven’t heard him correctly. But then he repeats it.
“Wait. You’re serious? Jae is having my baby?” Dom would never lie or joke about such a thing. My heart swells and thumps a crazy staccato beat. “I’m going to be a daddy? Fuck yeah! There’s going to be a mini-me!” I laugh, pure joy swelling in my chest before turning serious. “Where is she? Tell me!”
“So this news doesn’t make you want to run?” he asks, his tone lighter than it has been. “Does this make you want her more than ever?”
“Fuck, yes, Dom! Stop playing with me!” I’m about to lose it.
“Good, then my decision to tell you was the right one.” I can hear the smile in his voice. I already have one on my face that’s about to bust my cheeks wide open. “Go get her. There’s time if you move fast. Get your ass to JKF. Delta Airlines. Find her before she boards her flight. And, Gian… good luck. I love you, brother.”
I laugh, because otherwise, I might start crying and that’s not very masculine. “I’m on my way. I love you too.”
I disconnect, call for an Uber and go downstairs to wait. When the car arrives, I jump in before it’s come to a stop at the curb and tell the driver my destination.
“There’s an extra hundred in it for you if you get me there in record time,” I add.
The driver cranes his head around to get a good look at me then nods and guns it. I’m thrown back against my seat but I don’t complain. This guy is going to get his tip.
As I watch the city scenery fly by I start to hate New York City. Technically, it’s Queens but I suddenly detest it all. It’s dirty, ugly, overcrowded, and unsympathetic. It’s where I met Jae and if I lose her—please, god, no—I’ll never be happy here again.
Not able to look any longer, I shut my eyes and concentrate on what I’m going to say to her. I think of her face. Her sweet ass, that even in my despair, makes my cock twitch. Her sense of humor. The way she hums when she loads the dishwasher. How her eyes would always light up when she saw me. How she’d hold out her arms in greeting. That twists the knife in my heart and I force my thoughts back to figuring out my plan of action.
Moments later, I look out the window to get my bearings.
“You’re not taking the Belt?” I ask, frowning. The Belt Parkway is the quickest route.
“Nah, man, I can shave off a few minutes on the Nassau Expressway.”
“Thank you,” I breathe, relaxing into the seat.
His eyes meet mine through the rearview mirror. “What’s the big rush anyway, if you don’t mind me asking? You ain’t got no luggage or nothing.”
I can’t help smiling. “You might not believe me because it’s going to sound too much like a chick flick but it’s the truth. I’m trying to stop my girlfriend from leaving.”
“Damn, man, you shoulda said so!” He laughs and the car jumps ahead even faster. “We’ll get you there!”
While the driver rushes us to the airport, I pull out my cell phone and check what flight Jae must be on. I would never forgive myself if I missed her because I ran to the wrong gate. A few more clicks and swipes on my phone and I’m ready to face her, for better or worse.
In record time, we pull up to the Delta Airlines terminal. I gratefully pay the driver the fare plus the bonus I promised.
“Thanks, man. Good luck,” he says.
Getting out and running as fast as possible through the sea of people milling around, I enter the terminal. There are even more people to dodge inside. I feel like O.J. Simpson in that old commercial and shake my head as I skid to a stop in front of the nearest information board. Breathing hard, I scan quickly for the flight to Nashville.
“Fuck,” I mutter. It’s already boarding.
I run to the gate and—come to another skidding halt. The line for the security check is a mile long. Frustrated but unable to avoid the delay, I get in line. My gut clenches. I’ll miss her flight. Not have a chance to stop her.
Inch by inch, I move closer to the conveyor belt where I’ll need to deposit my keys and shoes into the bin to have them x-rayed. Worried that I’ll look suspicious without a carry-on, I groan, hoping I’ll be okay.
Finally, I’m next in line and take off my shoes and pull out my cell phone to hurry things along. Once those have gone through and I’ve shown security my credentials, I’m allowed to walk through the x-ray machine. I hurry through but sigh and stop when the alarm sounds. What now?
“Do you have anything in your pockets, sir?” a stern male security guard asks.
“No, I—” Then it hits me and I offer him a sheepish smile. “I forgot about the engagement ring. Is it alright to show you?” All I need is to get roughed up because they think I’m pulling a gun or something.
The guard nods. “Please step back and put it in the bin.”
Fuck, I want to punch someone. This is taking too long.
I do what he says and the bin slowly trundles along while he peers at it from the other side of the machine.
“Alright, please step through again, sir.” He doesn’t crack a smile, even one of camaraderie, after he sees the ring. It’s not the biggest diamond but the clarity is perfect. I was told that was important but what the fuck do I know? I hand-picked the setting and probably drove the jeweler crazy in the process. I demanded a white gold ring with gold flowers on each side of the diamond and I had him place a small ruby in each of the flowers. I wanted the red to represent roses. It’s still in the box so I’m clearly ready to give it to my girl.
I take a deep breath as I walk through the x-ray machine again. I must hold on to my temper. I can’t lose it now when I’m so close to the finish line.
I’m waved through finally and grab my things then shove my shoes back on, hopping on one foot as I do so. I don’t have leisure time to sit and pull myself back together.
Shoes on, I run down the long, wide corridor toward the gate where Jae should be boarding. I dodge people like a linebacker, shouting as I come up on the boarding gate.
“Jae! Jae!”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Jaelin
I’m anxious to board the plane and leave my past behind, but they haven’t called my section yet. I’m ready for my future.
Which lies in Nashville.
In my seat, I stare down at the boarding pass, willing my section to be called, even though I know that won’t work. I’ll be one of the last to be called since I purchased the cheapest economy ticket possible.
Glancing up with envy at those already boarding, I sigh.
The waiting is the worst part.
I feel like it’s been an eternity already, when it’s really only been an hour that I’ve been sitting here. At the moment, I’m trapped in limbo between t
wo worlds. New York, my past, and Nashville, my future. I’m finding that limbo is not a good place to reside. My thoughts keep turning to Johnny. I can’t seem to help it. I can almost hear his voice in my head, whispering how much he loves me. To turn back, go home.
Did I act too rashly?
Should I have tried to talk to him again after he broke up with me?
No! I can’t allow myself to second guess everything. I’m doing the right thing. I know it.
I look up to where the gate agent is making the boarding announcements. Oh, please call my section.
There’s a commotion behind me and I turn to look. Everyone around me is whispering and looking in the same direction, at what is causing the disturbance. I can’t see anything as people stand to get a better look. There’s shouting, and the ever present worry when in a New York airport in the age of terrorism slices through me. You never want to think it could happen to you but—
“Jae! Jae!”
What the hell? Is someone calling my name?
I stand and crane my neck, trying to look around taller people. Someone is running fast in my direction. Is that…?
“Jae!”
Oh my god. I know that voice.
It’s Johnny.
My first instinct is to run to him with open arms. It instantly wars with a desire to hide to avoid a confrontation that will only break my heart. Instead, I’m unable to move at all. Unable to breathe. Unable to even blink.
Johnny spots me and a look of such complete relief sweeps across his handsome features it’s almost comical.
“Jae, wait! Please talk to me,” he says as he draws close enough to not have to shout.
“What are you doing here?” I step away from the crowd and he alters his course to join me. “You’re making a scene. Stop it!” My voice is harsh. I’m embarrassed and angry. Just what is he thinking with this stunt?
“Oh, god, Jae,” he says as he reaches me. “I thought I wouldn’t make it in time.” He wipes sweat from his brow with his forearm, leaving a stain on his sleeve, and runs a hand through his hair. “Please just give me five minutes to explain. Please.”
