Standing there was something seedy.
I angled my head at Sage, who had to be thinking the same shit. “This is Sage.”
The kid nodded at him. “Caleb. We talked on the phone.”
Sage extended his hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Nervously, the kid looked back at the car. “Well, this is it.”
I wandered over to the rusted-out Bel Air. Windshield smashed to oblivion and all the rest of the windows gone, upholstery cracked and ripped with some of the rods and springs poking through.
Resting my hands on the windowsill, I ducked my head inside and peered around at the old gauges and dials in the dash, old style stereo still in its place.
It was gonna need a full overhaul, that was for damned sure.
It was exactly what I’d been looking for. Exactly like I remembered. I pulled my head back and looked his direction.
“Where’d you find her?”
Twitching, he gestured south with his head. “Down on Roddum. A guy is getting rid of some of his mom’s old things. He said he needed to sell it quick because he needed the cash.”
I stood, crossed my arms over my chest, and stared at the guy, trying to get a read.
Intuition.
My glare promised him I knew something wasn’t quite right.
The punk shifted, about three seconds from pissing his pants.
Knew his type.
Badass until there was someone standing there who was bigger than him.
I ran my fingertips over the hood of the car.
There was something about it that was way too familiar.
Too close.
“What’s the guy’s name?”
Caleb shrugged. “Todd. Said it wasn’t worth anything, and I might as well dump it in the lake.”
Awareness pressed down on my chest. Todd. Nikki’s uncle.
Maybe I should have recognized the car the second the kid had pulled up. Wasn’t like there were all that many of these cars sitting around, which was why I’d been searching for one in the first place.
I’d fallen in love with this very one a long damned time ago.
Summers spent traipsing in and out of her grandma’s house. Playing. Running wild.
We’d sit in this car where it was parked at the back of the lot, turning the wheel and yanking at the gear shift like it might take us to another place.
Fairyland.
Any place we wanted to go.
Todd used to live in a trailer that sat at the very back of Nikki’s grandma’s land. He had always been out working in the yard and the shed, fixing shit up.
Couldn’t even say how long ago it’d been since he’d moved out of town.
Hit with the onslaught of memories, I pressed my palms to the side panel and dropped my head.
Honestly, I wasn’t exactly sure of what Nikki would think of me buying this car.
If she’d be pissed or pleased.
Thing was, it was a part of who we were.
On top of that, Nikki’s grandma was sick.
Loss was a motherfucking bitch.
What made it worse was I didn’t know things were so bad they were needing to sell stuff off.
I looked over at the twitcher who’d probably swindled the car right out from under them. “You said Todd sold you this car?”
“Yeah, dude . . . pretty sure that was his name. Looking to get rid of it fast. I didn’t do nothin’ wrong, so if you're not interested, let me know and I’m out of here. No big thing.”
I roughed a hand through my hair and turned my face up to the strikingly blue sky.
Blowing out a sigh, I looked back at him. “Need to make a call, and I'll let you know. Give me a minute.”
Asshole itched, eyes darting around, desperation flooding his tone. “Man, if you're not interested, I’ll find someone who is. Don’t have time for this bullshit.”
I flew at him, getting right in his face.
Off to the side, Sage chuckled, low and dark. Hell, the guy was probably more intimidating than me.
Punk staggered back, and I just backed him closer and closer into the wall until the only way out was through me. “Listen, asshole. I know the owner of that car.”
I pointed at it as I said it. “Now give me one fucking minute to figure out if this is legit. Otherwise, I'm gonna take matters into my own hands and make that decision for myself. If you want to leave, be my guest. But you won’t be leaving with this car. You got me?”
He shrugged me off, lifting his chin like he thought he was a badass who was going to take me out.
Bring it on.
I’d lay him out in a second flat.
He shook himself out. “Whatever. You have five.”
Punk asshole twat. Little fucker needed someone to teach him a lesson.
I gave Sage a warning look.
And he gave me one back.
This shit didn’t sit right with either of us.
I pulled out my phone and tapped out a message to Nikki. Hated that she was probably going to cringe when she saw my name come up on the screen.
But this was my job.
To protect her the best way I could.
Me: Hey, is your grandma selling some of her things from her place?
Three of us sat there in silence, waiting for a response. Five minutes passed, then ten.
The asshole smacked his hands out in front of him. “So, are we gonna do this deal or what?”
I groaned out a frustrated sigh. “What are you asking for it?”
“Ten.”
I laughed out loud and gave a harsh shake of my head.
With the way he flinched, I was pretty sure it sounded like nothing but a threat.
“I’ll give you four.”
“What the fuck, man, that’s bullshit.”
Hands curling into fists, I edged closer to him, not quite sure why I felt like taking the stain out.
Got the feeling he’d been doing plenty of shady shit on his own.
This guy radiated sleaze.
Wasn’t about to let him make out on this car. On Nikki’s family’s pain.
No fucking way.
“You’re free to leave here, deal or not. But you're not leaving here with this car.”
16
Nikki
“All right, everyone. Have a seat, and we’ll get started,” I called to the group of women who had congregated along the back wall of the secluded basement room, pouring themselves coffee and chatting before the meeting.
Everyone moved to their seats.
I glanced around at their faces. Some familiar, regulars who were there week after week, but there were a few new faces, all of which looked unsure of themselves and what they were doing there.
Their expressions ranged from hopeful to sad.
Their ages, heritage, and economic statuses didn’t matter. Each of them was so very different, yet in this setting, they were all the same.
Recovering from one trauma or another.
Abuse.
Loss.
Whatever it may be, it united them in solidarity.
Nerves strained tight across my chest at the anxiety I felt each time I sat in this position. The weight and the burden I was gladly taking on.
Their counselor.
Their encourager.
The chatter quieted as everyone settled into their seats, and Dr. Kathy gave me a nod, giving me the go ahead.
I was leading group tonight.
My stomach dipped as those nerves soared.
My gaze met Brenna’s, and she gave me a timid smile.
I smiled back and cleared my throat, letting my attention bounce around the group. "Good evening, everyone. Thank you for being here. It’s great to see your faces.”
“It’s good to be here,” echoed back.
“For those of you who may not know me, my name is Nikki Walters, and I’ll be leading group tonight. Before we start, I’d like to reiterate that this is our safe place. Everything said within these walls is
confidential and won’t leave this circle. We won’t judge each other, but rather we will hold each other up.”
Agreement rippled around the circle.
“Let’s start this off with our group mantra. Our prayer. We’ll remember it with everything that is shared tonight.”
I strengthened my voice and began to recite, “I am strong. I have control of my life. I have control of my body. I have the right.”
Some of the women chanted it loudly, claiming it, while others merely mumbled it under their breaths.
That was okay.
The only thing that mattered was that each of them would hear it again and again until they believed it.
“Okay . . . tonight I would like us to talk about some of the emotions you experienced when you decided it was time to make a change. No doubt, standing up for what we deserve when we might be in a bad situation is met with a gamut of emotions. Fear and joy and conviction and doubt, just to name a few. Let’s look at those and how they impacted your decisions to make a change. Who would like to start?”
Lynetta raised her hand. She was good about sharing first. Getting the words flowing, instilling trust and comfort in the rest of the women who might be nervous and on edge. Exuding her own kind of peace in the way she shared the memories of her abuse as a child.
She wasn’t ashamed to admit she still dealt with the scars every day. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t overcome it and found joy in her life.
“I remember the very moment I’d had enough, and I couldn’t take any—”
She stopped speaking when timid footsteps echoed from the stairwell as someone made their way down.
It was very typical for a new member.
Many times, they came in late as if they weren’t sure they should be there at all, needing to convince themselves to take that step.
I put a welcoming smile on my face and shifted to look over my shoulder toward the stairwell.
My heart froze in my chest when my eyes landed on the figure standing on the last step.
Ice slicked down my spine.
Horror.
Dread.
Worry.
They twined through me like the roots of a tree breaking through the foundation of a home.
Destructive.
Unseen until the damage was already done.
That was what it felt like, sitting there staring at my little sister and having no idea why she could be there.
Her face was so much like mine.
It felt as if I was looking into a mirror.
Only her eyes widened in shame and disgrace and mine widened with questions.
Why are you here?
What happened?
Why didn’t you tell me?
I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.
My lips parted on a soft cry while dread pumped through me with so much force I could feel the thunder of it in my ears. The hardest part was the impact I felt in my spirit.
As if a hammer had cracked me wide open, and everything I’d held true spilled out.
Knees shaking, I climbed to my feet. Metal screeched as the chair slid when I reached out to hold on to the back for support.
I slowly turned all the way around to face my little sister.
That was all it took for her to spin around and bolt.
Footsteps echoed on the concrete as she pounded upstairs. The sound of her escape was what finally shot me into action.
“Nikki.” Kathy hissed the warning, trying to stop whatever line she thought I was crossing.
I ignored her and shoved the chair out of my way. It toppled over. The reverberation of it hitting the ground echoed against the walls.
The sound only seemed to gather strength.
Distraught, I stumbled around it.
Everything felt as if it had been set to slow motion, my own steps slackened as I tried to process what was happening.
Because this felt like a nightmare. Like I’d wake up and realize it’d only been brought on by worry. By the reminder that the anniversary of Sydney’s disappearance was approaching so fast.
Too fast.
It always made everything raw and new.
But my eyes were wide open.
Too wide.
My spirit screamed that I’d been blind all along.
“Sammie,” I cried, chasing her up the stairs. I gathered the hem of my dress with one hand and clung to the railing with the other so I could make it up faster. “Sammie. Sammie, please. Wait.”
Tears stung my eyes. A knot grew in my throat, so big that I choked over it.
I couldn’t breathe.
“Sammie!” I shouted, her name strangled as it ripped free.
She was already shoving open the glass doors by the time I made it to the first level.
I raced after her and caught the door just before it closed, clamoring after her.
Her brown ponytail swished madly at her back as she rushed for her car that was parked on the street.
“Sammie,” I begged, scrambling that way, pleading with her to stop.
To look at me.
To tell me what was happening.
My fingers brushed down her back. She flew around as if she was terrified of me.
Tears soaked her face, but it didn’t do anything to conceal the grief.
“No,” she rasped. She put out her hand to stop me from coming any closer. “No. This . . . this was supposed to be confidential. Private.”
Angrily, she swatted at her tears. “Why are you here? You aren’t supposed to be here.”
Guilt blazed a path through me.
Clearly, she felt trapped.
Ambushed.
More tears streaked free, and she choked around the words, “It was supposed to be confidential. You . . . you aren’t finished with school yet. Why are you here?”
“Sammie,” I attempted again, my voice cracking. “I’m sorry. I’m interning here.”
I guessed when I’d told her I was almost finished, she hadn’t realized that I was actually overseeing a group. That I’d stepped out beyond the online classes to learn the things I could only learn by interacting with people.
I struggled to find the words to give her comfort when I felt so lost.
Bewildered and crushed.
Clearly, my baby sister had kept me in the dark about something awful.
I could feel it, radiating from her in waves of shame.
“Whatever is going on, whatever reason you’re here, I’m here for you. It isn’t your fault.”
She blinked and backed away. “You don’t know anything.”
Steadily, she kept inching toward her car. She opened the door. “Please . . . just . . . forget you saw me here.”
Then she turned, jumped inside, and drove away.
I stood there on the sidewalk as the streetlamps slowly blinked to life.
Stricken.
Broken and not having the answer as to why but knowing there was no chance I could ever forget.
Drained, I snapped open the door and was met by the silence of Ollie’s loft radiating back at me.
I didn’t really want to be alone, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go. No one to turn to. No one to talk to.
Maybe this load really was too heavy. All I’d wanted was to make a difference. Pour goodness into a cruel world. In some small way, make it better.
Now, everything felt so wrong.
It’d taken every single ounce of willpower I had not to jump in my car and chase after Sammie.
She needed time, and my pressing her for answers wouldn’t be doing her any favors.
I had to give her space.
It left me feeling mashed up inside. As if I’d been beaten and left for dead.
Wounds bleeding out when I didn’t have the first clue how they’d been inflicted.
The vibration of the band playing downstairs at Olive’s seeped through the floors and trembled the walls with revelry.
Voices carrying.
Laughte
r riding.
I’d never felt so brutally alone.
Heavy, sluggish beats drummed in my aching chest as I stepped into the space and let my purse drop to the middle of the floor. Not even caring where it landed.
I felt . . . stunned.
Dazed.
As if another piece of my world had broken loose.
I was happy, wasn’t I?
So was my sister. We were close.
I’d always believed it.
Where had things gone wrong?
My gaze was drawn to the bank of windows that overlooked the city below.
My sluggish heart drummed a wayward beat, a thrum of adrenaline through my veins.
It had nothing to do with the view and everything to do with the man sitting on one of the oversized loungers on the balcony.
He faced out, just his head and the expanse of his massive, bare shoulders in my view.
A shiver rolled, and I felt as if my spirit crawled right out of me to make its way to him.
There was nothing I could do. It didn’t matter what had happened on Saturday. How much I wanted to protect my heart.
I moved.
Drawn.
The way I’d always been.
Toward him had always felt like the only direction I could go.
And tonight, that feeling was overpowering.
Helplessness streamed through me like an out-of-control current that was getting ready to go right over the edge.
A free fall into nothingness.
I kept my footsteps subdued as I inched across the floor, my motions measured as I slowly opened the glass-plate slider.
Ollie stiffened in the cushioned chair, but he didn’t say anything as I stepped out onto the balcony.
Distorted music floated through the muggy air, and that chill scattered. Binding deeper as I eased over to the ornate wrought-iron railing. I wrapped my hands around it and held on tight.
As if it might keep everything from splintering away.
His presence slammed into me from behind. Beat after beat.
Fierce.
Intense.
“Shouldn’t you be downstairs working?”
“Was worried about you,” he finally grated, blowing out a long breath toward the sky.
“I told you, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“Tell me how the fuck I’m supposed to do that when the only thing on my mind is you.”
Lead Me Home: A Fight for Me Stand-Alone Novel Page 15
