Secrets & Saris

by Shoma Narayanan

  ‘Will you have some chicken?’ Bela Mashi asked, and Shefali looked up with a start. It seemed very prosaic to be bothering about food at a time like this, but she found that she was very hungry. Not surprising, given that her lunch had consisted of a single banana and a glass of juice.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said as Bela heaped her plate with rice and chicken curry. ‘This is good,’ she said, taking a spoonful.

  Rafiq grinned. ‘Bela Mashi’s the best cook in the universe,’ he said. ‘I suppose you can cook, but for a bachelor klutz like me she’s a life-saver.’

  Shefali laughed. ‘I can cook,’ she said. ‘It’s all the chopping and cleaning up that I can’t handle. I’m too used to someone else doing it for me.’

  ‘Come over for a meal whenever you like,’ Bela said generously.

  ‘Yes, teacher,’ Nina chimed in. ‘It’s so nice to have you here! It gets boring with just Dad and Bela Mashi around.’

  ‘I doubt she’ll be free to come and entertain you very often, Nina,’ Neil said. ‘And we’ll be leaving in a week anyway.’

  His voice was light, but there was an undercurrent of strain, and he avoided catching Shefali’s eye. Her heart plummeted at his tone. Evidently the dinner invitation hadn’t been more than a sop. He had no intention of letting her get any closer to his family. Her temporary sense of well-being evaporated, and she was left staring miserably at the mound of food on her plate.

  Conscious of Rafiq’s and Priti’s curious eyes on her, she plastered a bright smile on her face and said, ‘I’ll need to ask Bela Mashi for a few recipes, I see! Her cooking’s out of this world.’

  Neil had opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it again as Rafiq started pulling Bela’s leg unmercifully. He’d reacted to Nina’s remark without thinking, and he knew he’d upset Shefali. But there was very little he could do to set things right without publicly acknowledging their relationship, and he wasn’t ready for that particular step just yet. Perhaps he never would be.

  Turning his attention from Shefali to Nina, he felt his tensed muscles relax. Whatever his feelings about Shefali might be, Nina was his priority and always would be. The rest of his life would have to fit around what was best for her, and if some of the decisions he needed to take were tough he’d have to live with them.

  SEVEN

  Shefali slammed a file shut with a thud. ‘The admissions records are in a mess,’ she said. ‘Why aren’t they filed by class, rather than this way?’

  ‘Mrs Dubey always wanted them to be in alphabetical order,’ the teacher in front of her said stolidly. ‘She said she found it easier that way.’

  ‘Yes, but—’ Shefali started to answer in exasperation, but broke off as her mobile phone started ringing.

  She swivelled her chair around and picked up the phone to glance at the display. Neil. Her heart began to race and she nodded to the teacher, who picked up the file and sailed majestically and very slowly out of her office. Only when the door had shut behind her did Shefali take the call.

  ‘Hi,’ she said carefully, trying to keep her voice as calm and neutral as possible, though her heart was now bouncing around in her chest like a high-school cheerleader.

  ‘I need your help,’ Neil said without preamble.

  ‘Is everything OK?’ Shefali asked quickly, alerted by the strained tone of his voice.

  ‘Not really. Bela Mashi’s fallen and broken her ankle. She’s in bad shape. It’s a multiple fracture. I need to stay at the hospital with her until the doctors figure out what to do. Can you keep Nina with you until I can come and fetch her?’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ Shefali said. ‘I’ll take her to my flat after school. Do you want me to tell her what’s happened?’

  Neil hesitated. ‘Maybe you should—but play it down. She’s very attached to Bela Mashi.’

  Bela had been Neil’s nanny as well, Shefali remembered—he was probably as attached to her as Nina was. And a multiple fracture at her age sounded dangerous. No wonder he was sounding so stressed.

  ‘Take care,’ she said softly, but Neil had already hung up.

  There was no point getting Nina out of class, so Shefali waited till the last class finished at twelve-thirty.

  ‘Can you close up here?’ she asked one of the other teachers. ‘I need to tell Nina something.’

  Nina took the news calmly, only asking if she could go to the hospital and visit Bela.

  ‘I’m sure you can,’ Shefali said. ‘But we’ll have to wait for your dad to call back and tell us how she is before we plan a visit. In the meantime, let’s figure out what we can give you for lunch.’

  ‘Peanut butter sandwich?’ Nina asked hopefully.

  Shefali shook her head. ‘Sorry, you’re out of luck,’ she said. ‘No peanut butter. You can have a jam sandwich—or you can have roti and vegetables with me.’

  Looking disappointed, Nina opted for the jam sandwich, and Shefali made one for her, removing the crusts carefully as Nina looked on.

  ‘Here you go,’ she said, handing Nina the sandwich on a plate. Once she was done, Shefali tucked her in for a nap, and went back to the dining room to finish her own lunch. Neil didn’t call, and Shefali was just starting to worry when the doorbell rang.

  Neil was standing on the doorstep, a small pink rucksack in his hand. He looked tired, and worried, and Shefali’s heart went out to him.

  ‘How’s she doing?’ she asked.

  Neil shook his head. ‘She’s in a lot of pain,’ he said. ‘They’ll need to insert pins to hold the bone back together. It’ll take her a while to recover. Thank heavens I was at home when it happened—she wouldn’t even have been able to get to a phone.’

  ‘Sit down and I’ll get you some tea,’ Shefali said soothingly.

  ‘I can’t stay,’ Neil said. ‘I just came by to drop some of Nina’s things off. I need to get back to the hospital right away.’

  ‘What about the shoot?’ Shefali asked.

  ‘Cancelled for the next few days. I’ve asked Rafiq to see if we can manage with the footage we already have—if we can’t I’ll try and wrap it up in a couple of days once everything is under control.’

  ‘Nina’s asleep,’ Shefali said. ‘Do you want to come in and see her?’

  Neil hesitated, and then followed her in. Nina was curled up in the corner of the living room settee, covered with a light wrap of Shefali’s. Her feet were sticking out from under the wrap, and Shefali leaned across to cover them.

  ‘No, don’t,’ Neil said quickly. ‘She doesn’t like her feet being covered.’

  Shefali smiled, and put the wrap back the way it had been. Neil was looking at his daughter, the expression on his face so tender that it brought a lump to Shefali’s throat.

  ‘I hate bothering you like this,’ Neil said as he walked back towards the door. ‘But there’s no one else she’d be OK with—except Priti and Rafiq, maybe, but they don’t have any experience with kids.’

  ‘And they’d be busy working,’ Shefali said. ‘Don’t worry, Neil. She can stay here as long as she likes.’ She hesitated a little. ‘It’s fun having her around—I always miss the kids terribly when they go home after school and I’m left here all alone.’

  He smiled briefly, but there was a wary look in his eyes that made her think she shouldn’t have said so much.

  Striving for a more practical note, she continued, ‘Only next time you come by bring me a jar of peanut butter—she wasn’t too happy with the jam sandwiches I gave her for lunch.’

  Neil unzipped the pink rucksack and put a jar on the table. ‘I figured you’d need it,’ he said. ‘Normally we only let her have it for breakfast, but I guess you can make an exception now.’

  ‘I’ll try and make sure she has some rice and vegetables too,’ Shefali promised. ‘And, Neil...?’ He stopped at the
door and looked back at her. ‘Don’t look so worried,’ she said softly, putting up a hand to touch his face lightly. ‘Everything will be OK.’

  Neil’s hand came up to grip hers, and he pressed a swift kiss into her palm. ‘I hope so,’ he said. ‘And thanks for looking after Nina. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.’

  Shefali watched Neil run down the stairs and get into his car. Her palm still tingled where he’d kissed it, but the tingle reached her cheeks when she turned around and realised that Nina was watching her with a wide, unblinking stare. She was about to launch into an explanation suitable for a four-year-old when Nina shut her eyes and went back to sleep. Shefali heaved a sigh of relief. If she was lucky Nina wouldn’t remember anything when she woke up.

  * * *

  For the next couple of days she hardly saw Neil, though Nina was with her constantly. She was a low-maintenance child, keeping herself busy with colouring books and a set of blocks, and she had a doll that she carried around with her everywhere she went. If there were other kids around she played with them, otherwise she seemed just as happy on her own. Shefali had lost her heart to Nina before the end of their first day together, but she took care to conceal the fact. Nina was still a pupil, and openly showing that she liked her more than the other kids wouldn’t be fair. Also, Neil might misunderstand her motives—it was safer to be briskly affectionate with Nina, the way she was with all her other students.

  On the fourth day after her fall, Bela Mashi was allowed to come home from hospital. ‘Such a fuss about nothing,’ she grumbled when Shefali went to visit her. Her ankle and half her leg was in a cast, and Neil had employed a nurse to help her get around—something that Bela resented fiercely.

  ‘Bela Mashi was convinced her leg would fix itself if she rubbed some Iodex on it and lay down for an hour,’ Neil said.

  Bela glared at him. ‘That was before I knew it was broken,’ she said in exaggeratedly patient tones. ‘Once I knew it was broken I didn’t fuss, did I?’

  ‘No, it was the doctors who fussed, poor things, once they figured out what a scary old woman you are,’ Neil retorted. Then his gaze softened. ‘I’m glad you’re back,’ he said quietly.

  Bela sniffed, hugely pleased but doing her best not to show it. ‘Much good I am, lying around with my leg in plaster,’ she said. ‘How you’re planning to manage Nina, I don’t know.’

  As if on cue, Neil’s phone rang, and he fished it out of his jacket pocket.

  ‘My mother,’ he mouthed to Shefali, and she tried hard not to eavesdrop as Neil started filling his mother in on Bela’s condition.

  Bela looked hopefully at Neil. ‘Ask her if she can come,’ she said. ‘Nina hasn’t seen her for a long while, and she’ll be able to take care of her while you work.’

  Neil nodded. ‘If you could,’ he was saying into the phone. ‘Nina’s with Shefali now—you remember I told you about her—but I can’t impose.’

  Torn between happiness that he’d actually talked about her to his mother, and the fact that he was about to remove the only link between them, Shefali protested, ‘It’s not a problem—she can stay as long as she needs to.’

  At the other end of the phone, Barbara Mitra frowned. She knew her son well, and he wouldn’t trust Nina with anyone unless he had implicit faith in them. And he’d known Shefali for only a few weeks... Hoping she was making the right decision, she said briskly ‘I’d love to come down, Neil, but this isn’t a very good time for me, I’m afraid. We’ve got interior decorators doing up the house, and your father needs to travel. I don’t see how I can shut things up and come over.’

  ‘Right...’ Neil said slowly. Over the years since Nina was born he’d got so used to fending off offers of help from his mother and sister that he wasn’t prepared for the help not being forthcoming when he actually needed it.

  ‘And Anita’s in Sri Lanka,’ his mother was saying. ‘Otherwise I’m sure she’d have offered to take Nina.’

  She’d have thought of an excuse as well, most probably, Neil thought uncharitably of his older sister. Well, it looked as if he was on his own, then.

  ‘Do you want to speak to Bela Mashi?’ he said aloud, and when his mother said she did, he passed the phone to Bela.

  ‘No good,’ he said to Shefali gloomily. ‘She can’t come down, and Bela Mashi can’t be moved for another two weeks at least. I guess I don’t have a choice—I’ll tell Rafiq and the crew to head back to Mumbai, and I’ll stay on here.’

  Two more weeks of having Neil around! Disgusted with the way her heart leapt with excitement at the thought, Shefali said as dispassionately as possible, ‘Isn’t there any other solution? If you have to work in Mumbai you could take Nina and go. Bela Mashi should be OK with a full-time nurse, and I’m here if she needs help.’

  Neil shook his head. ‘I wouldn’t be able to work even if I went back. There’s no one else I could leave Nina with.’

  Bela Mashi had finished talking, and she beckoned Neil over to hand him his mobile. ‘You’ll have to take Nina to buy new clothes for Durga Pujo,’ she said. ‘And you’ll need to get stuff for the house as well. With all this going on I’d clean forgotten that the festival’s around the corner until your mother mentioned it.’

  Durga Puja was a big festival in the part of the country Bela came from, and she’d made a point of keeping up the Mitra family tradition by celebrating it with Nina wherever they were. Before she’d broken her ankle she’d already found out that there was a large Bengali community in the city—she’d even identified the two big pandals she wanted to take Nina to.

  Neil’s brow puckered with worry. ‘Maybe we should let it go this year?’ he suggested. ‘I have my hands full anyway, and I don’t know the first thing about Pujo shopping.’

  ‘Shefali will help you,’ Bela Mashi said firmly. ‘You can’t not celebrate the festival. It’s just not done. It’ll bring bad luck to the family.’

  Neil groaned. The most rational of people normally, Bela tended to go off at the deep end whenever he questioned any of her pet traditions. Also, she was quite capable of trying to get up and go to the shops herself if he didn’t agree to go. Risking permanent disability was small stuff compared to bringing bad luck to the family.

  ‘I’ll leave you to discuss it,’ Shefali said, standing up hastily. ‘I’ll just say goodbye to Nina and let myself out.’

  As she left the room she heard the conversation switch to Bengali—whenever Bela was in fighting mode her English deserted her.

  Nina was tucking her favourite doll into bed, carefully smoothing down its matted nylon hair.

  ‘Dora needs a haircut, doesn’t she?’ Shefali asked, kneeling down next to Nina.

  Nina was shaking her head, however. ‘She’s a jungli Dora,’ she explained. ‘My other dolls have proper hair—I don’t play with them much.’

  ‘Won’t Dora feel bad, then, if the other dolls have better hair?’

  Nina looked at her as if she was mad. ‘Dora isn’t real,’ she explained patiently. ‘She doesn’t feel things.’

  ‘Right,’ Shefali said. ‘Lucky Dora.’ Lucky in many ways, actually—think of the amount of money she would be saving on product and conditioner. And not being able to feel things—that was a pretty handy trait to have too. ‘I’ll see you around, Nina,’ Shefali said. ‘I’m going back home now.’

  Nina looked up immediately, her eyes registering dismay. ‘Don’t go so soon!’ she said. ‘I thought you’d stay for dinner with us.’

  Shefali shook her head. Nina’s eyes were like Neil’s. Not in size and colour, maybe, but the expression in them was so like Neil’s it was uncanny. There was no way Neil would look so upset at the thought of her leaving for home, though—he was probably dying to see her on her way.

  Or maybe not.

  Getting the distinct feeling that she was being watched, s
he swung around to see Neil leaning against the doorjamb. He was smiling at her, and this time the smile reached his eyes fully.

  ‘How d’you feel about helping us with a spot of Pujo shopping?’ he asked.

  Shefali found herself feeling so ridiculously pleased that he wanted to spend more time with her that she had to fight to keep a goofy grin off her face.

  ‘Lost the argument, I see,’ she said.

  He shrugged. ‘Bela Mashi has known me since I was born. When she’s serious about getting her way I don’t stand a chance.’ He looked across at Nina. ‘Go and get ready, munchkin, we leave in ten minutes.’

  Nina sprang up with a little squeal and rushed off in the direction of her room, and Neil came in further to stand next to Shefali. Still kneeling on the ground, Shefali found herself at a distinct disadvantage—he towered over her, and close-up the aura of raw masculinity he exuded was overpowering. A second later, however, he had hunkered down next to her to look at the doll she was mechanically patting.

  Neil stretched out a hand and touched the doll lightly. ‘I see you’ve met my granddaughter,’ he said wryly. ‘I hope she’s been saying good things about me.’

  ‘She’s not real,’ Shefali informed him. ‘She can’t feel things, apparently.’

  ‘Hmm,’ Neil said. ‘Did Nina tell you that?’

  Shefali nodded, hardly daring to breathe as Neil got to his feet, taking her hands and gently pulling her up to stand next to him.

  ‘I don’t believe I thanked you for taking care of Nina, did I?’ he said.

  Shefali shook her head. Her body seemed to be doing things on its own, and she found herself leaning closer to him, tipping her head back and puckering her lips invitingly, leaving him in no doubt about how exactly she wanted to be thanked.

  Neil bent his head and, not being able to wait any more, Shefali went up on her toes, dragging his head down with both hands and claiming his lips hungrily with her own. The kiss was explosive, their enforced four-day separation making them desperate. The world seemed to tilt just a little bit for Shefali, and she clung on to Neil’s broad shoulders as she gave herself up completely to the sensation of his hot, eager lips on hers.