“Thank you,” she muttered. “I cannot tell you how grateful I am to hear you say that.”
He tilted his head, studied her a moment, and then, “I believe I may have upset you.”
“Upset me? Not at all, my lord. You merely caught me by surprise, that is all.”
“Are you certain?”
“Quite.”
This comment resulted in a long moment of silence. Eventually, he reached inside his satchel and retrieved the newspaper he’d purchased at the inn before their departure. An hour passed while the carriage rolled onward. Louise occasionally glanced across at Lord Alistair, whose expression appeared to be set in stone as he flipped from page to page and studied the text. Bored with watching the scenery, she considered reading the book she’d brought with her.
Instead, she found herself saying, “The news must be serious, judging from your expression.”
He turned his attention toward her, straightened himself, and lowered the paper. “Important, is more like it,” he said, leaning back in his seat.
“Would you care to discuss it?” she asked. Perhaps if they could focus on whatever it was he’d been reading, she’d be able to forget the feelings he’d stirred up inside her or how attractive she actually found him. Such things could only lead to ruin and a fate far worse than the loneliness awaiting her at Whitehaven.
He blinked. The edge of his mouth twitched, and then his eyes narrowed on her with intent. “Certainly. But only if you are willing to tell me why you’ve chosen to seek employment.”
Her breath caught. “You wish to blackmail me?”
“Not at all. But my interest in this newspaper is no less personal than your desire to become a governess, so what I propose is an exchange.”
It sounded fair and reasonable. “Very well,” she said, denying the fear she had of letting him in, of sharing her innermost thoughts, and of being vulnerable. “Shall I go first or will you?”
Seeing anxiety mark her features, Alistair felt compelled to earn her trust and put her at ease. “Allow me,” he said. He was actually glad she’d asked him to open up, for it would allow him to focus on something besides the knowledge that she was as attracted to him as he was to her. Up until an hour ago, he hadn’t been certain. Her discreet glances and interest in him could have been passed off as nothing more than normal curiosity. But then he’d watched her pupils dilate while her lips parted. He’d heard her tremulous inhalations of breath and seen the rosy hue sweeping across her face. And he’d instinctively known their desire was mutual.
Fearing he might act rashly in spite of his assurances to the contrary, he’d grabbed his newspaper and tried to block her out of his mind, which had been damnably hard to do since she was right there on the opposite bench. The print he’d tried to read had blurred before his eyes, and no matter how many times he attempted to focus, the only thing he could see was her, parting her lips, welcoming his advances, and giving him leave to do things no respectable gentlewoman would allow.
“My lord?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you all right?”
Collecting himself, he nodded, even though he wasn’t the least bit all right. His pulse was racing, his blood was ablaze, and his lungs were struggling to take air in and push it back out. Discomfort did not begin to describe the predicament he was presently in, and crossing his legs did little to help. So he forced himself to speak in the hope that doing so would somehow calm his ardor. “I need to find a new source of income, so I’m looking for possible investment opportunities.”
“Are you having financial trouble?” Stunned by her frankness, he stared at her, to which she responded with a hasty apology. “I should not have asked that. How rude of me.”
“Well…” In for a penny, in for a pound. “I wouldn’t exactly call it trouble. It’s more of a snag really.”
Her brow creased with distinct curiosity. “How so?”
Sighing, he passed his hand over his face before saying, “My brother has been supplying me with a yearly stipend since I reached my majority twelve years ago. He is now threatening to stop doing so unless I marry Lady Channing’s sister-in-law, Lady Gwendolyn.”
Miss Potter’s eyes widened. “Really?” When he nodded, she knit her brow before saying, “Well, I suppose it’s not too unreasonable of him to make such a request.”
“I know it isn’t, especially since I’m more than his brother. I’m also his heir.”
“What?”
“Langley has no sons and probably never will. He’s pinning his hope for the title’s succession on me, though I could do without him selecting my bride. Truth is, I’ve been relying on his support for far too long.” When her frown deepened, he felt compelled to say, “I haven’t been completely idle. There are tenants at my country estate who bring in a yearly income, but it’s not much. My brother’s generosity has enabled me to maintain the standard of living to which I have always been accustomed, but perhaps… Perhaps I need to consider cutting some costs and living more frugally. In any case, a good investment would be helpful, hence my interest in the newspaper.”
He hadn’t meant to say quite that much. It revealed a part of himself he hadn’t been proud of lately. But rather than pass judgment, she said, “Perhaps I can help. If you hand me one of the sections, I’ll go through it. Maybe I’ll notice something you missed.”
Appreciating the offer, he thanked her.
“But first,” she said, averting her gaze, “I need to be as honest with you as you’ve been with me.” He steeled himself for what she would say, then felt his heart twist when she quietly murmured, “My sisters and I are barely scraping by. I sought to become a governess so I can help them financially, so we don’t lose our home, and so my youngest sister, Eve, might have the Season Josephine and I were denied.”
Knowing this was a touchy subject for her, he tried to think of a way to ask the questions her comment evoked. There wasn’t really a delicate way in which to do so, however, so he softened his tone and said, “I must have misunderstood you earlier. I assumed you had ties to the aristocracy, but—”
“My great-grandfather was the Earl of Priorsbridge,” she said. “My grandfather was his third son. He went into law and opened a firm that my father inherited upon his death. Unfortunately, Papa was not as skilled a barrister as Grandpapa, but at least he made an effort until Mama passed away. Her death changed everything. Papa started drinking; he neglected his clients, lost a lot of cases, and was finally forced to give up the business. We were forced to move to a more affordable part of town. Whatever money was set aside for my sisters and me was spent. So were the rest of Papa’s savings.” She struggled to draw breath, then averted her gaze and took a moment to compose herself. “All we have left now is the townhouse, and while we know we could sell it and move into something even cheaper, we’re hoping to do what we can to avoid such an outcome.”
Alistair stared at her in amazement. It had occurred to him that she might tell him her family had fallen on hard times, and she had no choice but to find work, but he hadn’t expected her situation to be quite so dire. It explained her reluctance to speak of it. “I’m so sorry,” he said. “I cannot begin to imagine how difficult life must have been for you in recent years. All things considered, I’m surprised you’ve done as well as you have. It could have been worse.”
“I know.” She forced a smile. “Our mother’s insistence to educate us has been a blessing. Josephine managed to find work as an accountant, an unusual position for a woman, but one which thankfully brings in a decent wage.”
“But it isn’t enough.”
She shook her head. “Not if we’re to keep the townhouse and give Eve a proper Season. The expense will be enormous, but it will be her best chance of finding a husband and securing her future.”
He decided not to mention that doing so without the proper connections would be a challenge. A thought struck him. He might be able to help in some small way. But did he really want to involve himself
in someone else’s troubles when he had plenty of his own? Looking into her watery eyes, he knew the answer immediately. “If you like, I’ll put in a word with Lady Channing. I’m sure she’d be happy to assist with Eve at one of the dances and introduce her to some of her friends. I’ll also dance with her myself, if you like. My attention toward her may encourage others to take notice.”
The smile that appeared upon her face was priceless. “You would do all of that?”
When he nodded, she flung herself forward and wound her arms around his neck in a tight embrace. The gesture was so shocking, so startling, it made him immobile. And before he could gather his wits, she’d withdrawn to her seat. “I’m so sorry. I can scarcely think what came over me. I’m so extraordinarily happy I could sing!”
Touched by her joyous response, he grinned right back at her. He did not think of what it had felt like to have her pressed up against him, if only for a moment. To do so right now would tarnish the mood. So he made a deliberate effort to push his desire for her aside and to focus on her moment of happiness and the pleasure it brought him, knowing he was the cause of it.
For the next three days, Louise took pleasure in Lord Alistair’s company. The weather grew increasingly cold the further north they travelled, and he began making sure she had hot bricks to warm her feet every morning when they set out. She told him about her childhood, and he told her about his. Conversation flowed freely between them, and she began to wonder if she might have made a mistake by opening up to him. Because the more they talked and got to know each other, the more she liked the man he was proving to be. Which meant she would miss him once this ride was over, and they would be separated by duty. So she tried not to think about that. There would be plenty of time to do so later in the loneliness that would shape the rest of her life.
But in the meantime…
“Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like if you hadn’t been born into the aristocracy?” she asked on Saturday morning after leaving the latest posting inn.
Glancing at the ceiling, he sat for a moment in silence before saying, “All the time.” Lowering his gaze, he smiled across at where she sat. “There are days when I wish my life was simpler.”
“Some might argue that there is nothing simple about having to work for a living – of having to worry about putting food on the table.”
“You’re right. Truth is, I can’t really imagine what it might be like to have to struggle in order to get by. But that doesn’t stop me from occasionally wondering if the harvest isn’t richer in another field, if there isn’t something to be said for being able to go where you please, live as you wish, without the pressure of continuing the lineage hanging over your head.”
“At least you are a man. You’ve been granted several years more than any woman in which to make the right match and settle down. And considering your position, it cannot possibly have come as a surprise to you that doing so would eventually be required.”
He pushed out a breath. “You’re right of course. The trouble is, I’ve been avoiding it.”
“And now, with your brother’s demands, you feel as though you’ve lost any possible say in the matter.”
Nodding, he crossed his arms and held her gaze. “How is it that you can so easily understand me when the people I’ve known my whole life fail to do so?”
Smiling, she asked, “Did you confide in them as you have done in me?”
He shook his head. “No. Mama and Langley are not the sort of people with whom one has an open conversation.”
“Perhaps that’s the problem. In order to know someone well, one has to share one’s thoughts and aspirations, one’s hopes and one’s fears.”
“And what are your hopes and fears, Miss Potter?”
The question was casually posed, yet Louise couldn’t help but sense its importance. To answer would tangle their lives up even more than they already were. It would deepen their bond and make parting all the more difficult in the end. So she considered changing the subject, then said, “Right now, I hope to make a good impression on Lady Channing and to be a successful governess so I can help my sisters. My fear is I’ll fail.”
“Why would you do that?”
She shrugged. “I have no experience with being a governess, so it is likely that Lady Channing will find me wanting, or that I won’t know how to enforce the discipline her children require, or that the other servants won’t like me. Any number of things can go wrong.”
“I don’t think worrying about it will help.”
“You’re right.” She drew a deep breath and expelled it. “But what of you, my lord? What are your hopes and fears?”
His expression tightened, and his eyes grew slightly darker. “My hope is to find a way to avoid doing as my brother demands. My fear is I will be married by Christmas to a woman with whom I have nothing in common.”
“Perhaps all you need is to get to know her better.” When he gave her a dubious look she said, “Look at the two of us. We were strangers five days ago and now here we are enjoying each other’s company remarkably well.”
“Perhaps I should marry you then?”
She grinned in response to his teasing tone, even as she felt herself tighten up inside. “You know as well as I that doing so would be impossible.”
“Because I’m the heir to a dukedom and you’re a governess?”
“Yes.”
He scoffed. “You’re still an earl’s great-granddaughter.”
“As if anyone is going to care about that.”
When he failed to answer, she knew she’d made her point. The blue blood that had run in her grandfather’s veins had been thoroughly diluted during the recent generations. He and her father had both married into the middle class, and all of this was without considering her father’s downward spiral. He’d failed to provide for his daughters, failed to continue his father’s legacy, and had finally drunk himself to death. The blemish he’d left on his family was an undeniable one. And although Louise had never resented him for it before, she did so now.
Because meeting Lord Alistair had changed things. It had made her wonder what it might be like to be the suitable match for a man like him. And as time wore on inside the carriage, a new fear began to grip her – one apart from her duty toward her sisters and the possibility of failure – namely that she might have started liking him far too much for her own good.
She was certainly feeling things for him – things no young woman had any business feeling for a man so high above her station. And yet, with every glance he sent her way, her pulse quickened, and with every word he spoke, she sensed a yearning. It was built on fluff and fantasy of course, but that didn’t make it feel any less real.
“Perhaps you’re right,” he murmured, scattering her thoughts, “but that doesn’t make me want you any less.”
Stunned by his comment, she gaped at him. Surely she must have misheard. But the way in which he was watching her now suggested she hadn’t, because there was something so utterly wicked about his expression, it made her pulse leap and her skin heat with awareness. “What?” She tried to focus.
“I suppose I shall have to restrain myself, however, since marrying you would be so incredibly impossible.”
Staring at him, she did her best to make sense of what he was saying. “Surely you jest?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Do I?”
Befuddled by this strange turn in their conversation and feeling as though she might slide to the floor in a sinful mess of unfulfilled need, she averted her gaze and looked out the window. Still, she could feel his presence so keenly her heart rate failed to slow. Instead, his voice echoed inside her head. That doesn’t make me want you any less. I shall have to restrain myself.
Good lord!
No one had ever told her something like that before, yet the words had come from the handsomest man she’d ever laid eyes on – a man who now made her wonder about certain things, like what might happen between them if he lost control. W
ould he kiss her with abandon? She dared not look at him as she imagined what that might be like. Delicious, no doubt, if her racing heart was any indication.
“It looks as though it’s starting to snow,” he remarked a while later, startling her from the inappropriate ponderings she was having.
It was all his fault. If he hadn’t said anything…
She sighed. Who was she trying to fool? Her attraction to him had been there from the moment they’d met, but his admission made it so much more acute. “Yes,” she said as she watched the white flakes drift toward the ground. “And the light is beginning to dim.” Because stating the obvious was so much easier than having to think of an interesting subject to discuss when her mind and body still lingered on his lust-driven declaration.
A sharp turn of the carriage served as a welcome distraction. It jostled her sideways. A bump in the road made the entire conveyance lurch. And then a sharp crack filled the air and the whole thing tilted to the sound of whinnying horses.
“Hold on,” Lord Alistair warned. He leapt across to her seat and pushed her into the corner, protecting her with his body while the carriage dipped even further. It eventually righted itself and drew to a jarring halt.
“What happened?” she asked as he leaned back slightly. His hand was on her shoulder, his thighs pressed up against hers, and if she did not speak of practicalities, she would likely do something reckless like close the distance between them and kiss him.
“I think we may have lost a wheel.” The comment seemed to sober him for he suddenly removed himself completely from her person, opened the door, and climbed out, leaving her alone in a crooked carriage to wonder about how her life had gone so awry.
Hearing voices, she made her own way outside into the chilly late afternoon. Beneath her feet, the gathering snow provided a soft tread while she walked toward the spot where Lord Alistair stood in conversation with the coachman.
“The inn’s about a mile up ahead,” the coachman was saying. “With the wheel broken, a quick repair is out of the question. One of us is going to have to go and get help.”
The Governess Who Captured His Heart (The Honorable Scoundrels Book 1) Page 4
