When I heard his footsteps, I tried to track them, but it wasn’t really necessary because he ended up at my back again. He didn't touch me with his hands at first, though I could feel his broad chest lined up against my back. I wanted so badly to lean into him. But I held still because I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do and I didn't want to fuck the moment up.
My heart was racing in my chest as a rush of soft air flitted over the skin along my neck. It took me a moment to realize it was Gideon's nose that I was feeling against the shell of my ear. It seemed like he was trying to breathe me in or something. He held there for a moment before letting his mouth trail down the side of my neck. I felt like I was going to explode with the need for him to touch me or to at least let me touch him. I fisted my hands so I wouldn't be tempted to reach for him and ruin the moment. Gideon's exploration of my neck continued, though his lips only ghosted over my skin at random intervals. I could feel his groin against my backside, but there wasn't enough pressure to know if he was hard or not.
I most certainly was.
Gideon chose that moment to nuzzle my neck more firmly, and that had me tipping my head to the side to give him as much access as he needed. His lips were soft as they pressed the occasional kiss into my skin. I was getting lightheaded from holding my breath, so I finally forced myself to let out the exhale I'd been holding in. The move helped me relax somewhat, but when Gideon closed his hands over my fisted ones, the contact had me freezing up all over again.
"Lex," Gideon breathed as his fingers toyed with mine. When I realized what he wanted, I opened my hands and he instantly linked our fingers together. He lifted our joined hands, crossing our arms in the process and then pressing them against my chest. The result was that I felt enveloped by heat and strength. Gideon's mouth had found the sensitive spot between my neck and my shoulder. He kissed me there once, then twice. Then his tongue licked over the spot and I was sure I would come in my pants.
"Gideon," I said in a harsh whisper. As much as I didn't want to ruin the moment, I also didn't want to humiliate myself. I'd had sex before, but I certainly wasn't experienced. If my previous lovers, especially Grady, were to be believed, I wasn't particularly good at it either.
"I'm sorry, Lex. Do you want me to stop?" Gideon asked. I knew I should say yes. I knew we needed to talk. I knew it would be better for me if we could take things slow. I knew a lot of things. But there was only one thing I knew with one hundred percent certainty.
"Don't stop, Gideon. Please, don't stop."
Chapter Fourteen
Gideon
I really had brought him back to my place for the sole purpose of talking about what had happened… about the kiss that had changed everything.
But seeing him standing in my kitchen, his back to me and his trust in me absolute, I'd known that there were no words to explain what had happened. How was I supposed to tell him that I’d felt more alive in those few moments with him than I had in a lifetime? How was I supposed to explain something I didn't even understand myself? And how in the hell was I supposed to keep my hands to myself now that I'd finally learned what he felt like?
I was greedy.
I wanted more.
I wanted it all.
As eager as I was to know every inch of Lex's body, I wasn't foolish enough to think I could just claim him and be done with it. First off, I didn't have enough experience to even know where to start. And second, I was absolutely terrified that I'd freak out in the middle of it all and not only embarrass myself but devastate Lex. I remembered what his asshole of an ex had said to him about being glad he no longer had to pretend to enjoy touching Lex. Personally, I thought the guy had to be absolutely insane to not find pleasure in Lex's beautiful body, but that was beside the point. Grady's words had left scars on Lex, just as his actions had. There was no way in hell I would risk doing the same thing, even if my intentions were good.
But that didn't mean I could just turn off what I was feeling. And what I was feeling at the moment was the need to be closer to Lex. The texture of his skin was intoxicating. It was soft in some spots, but rough in others. He had a little bit of a five-o'clock shadow going on, so there were spots on his neck that should've felt wrong against my lips.
They didn't. I liked exploring them. I also liked how he fit against me just so. My wife had been petite, so we'd always had the added challenge of trying to line ourselves up in a way where we were both comfortable. But with Lex, things just seemed to fit perfectly, even though he was still shorter than me. My cock had felt like a steel poker in my pants from the moment I’d kissed him, so as I held him from behind right there in my kitchen, I made sure not to push my groin into his ass the way I wanted. I didn't want to scare him off with the wrong message.
I continued my exploration of Lex's neck and collarbone. His shirt was in the way, so I had to stick with a small amount of available skin. But I was perfectly content with that because my hands were on the move as well and they were taking in an entirely different group of sensations.
I’d placed Lex's hands over his own chest but when I moved my own, he left his where they were. That meant I got to explore freely. I moved my right hand down over his abdomen. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt that was of a thicker material than the dress shirt he'd been wearing the first day I'd met him. But I could still feel the play of muscles beneath my hand as Lex breathed in and out.
As my mouth explored Lex's jawline, I used my fingers to push his shirt up so I could see what the skin over his belly felt like. It was soft and supple for the most part, though it covered hard muscle. When my fingertips encountered the line of hair from his belly button that led south, my already pained dick swelled even more, and I let out a muffled curse against Lex's neck.
It wasn't a good sign. It meant that there was no way I'd be able to keep up this exploration of his body without going too far. Disappointment went through me, but I set it aside and forced myself to take a step back from Lex. But before I could drop my hand, Lex covered it with his and then his other hand was reaching behind him. It landed on my outer thigh.
"Don't stop," Lex said with a gasp. Then he took a step back at the same time that his hand pulled me forward. Despite the fabric separating us, it was like a thousand fireworks going off beneath my skin when my dick pressed up against his sweet ass.
"Fuck," I growled as I wrapped an arm around Lex's waist so I could hold him there.
Lex turned his head enough so he could capture my mouth. Our second kiss was much like the first in that it consumed me almost instantly. All my good intentions were forgotten as I thrust my tongue into the sweet lushness of Lex's mouth. I heard and felt his whimper as I explored him. I used my free hand to grab his hair so I could hold him the way I wanted as I took his mouth and made it mine. But when Lex fervently returned the kiss, what little shred of control I had flew apart into a million pieces.
"Lex," I growled into his mouth. I forgot that I was supposed to be taking it slow not only because he was a man, but because I didn't want to hurt him. My brain wouldn't even give me time to process the fact that it was a guy’s mouth beneath mine. All I cared about was that it belonged to me now just as mine belonged to him.
Lex was still in front of me with his back pressed to my chest. I started to turn him so I could kiss him more fully, but then his hand was reaching between our bodies and he began rubbing it up and down my cock. I groaned in pleasure as fire coursed through my spine. I tightened my grip on him and began fucking his hand. It didn't matter that there was what seemed like miles of fabric between us. I didn't even care that I was going to come in my pants like a horny teenager. All I cared about was getting off and doing it with him.
I was dimly aware of Lex's fingers trying to open the button of my jeans. His mouth was still on mine, so when he growled, "Help me," I did it without hesitation. I flipped open the button at the same time that Lex somehow managed to pull my zipper down. His hot hand closed around my dick a second later. I wasn't sur
e how he even managed to get his hand into my underwear. But it didn't matter because the result was mind blowing. I yanked my mouth from his and pressed my face down onto his shoulder as I began rutting against him.
I was barely aware of the sound of another zipper being drawn down. I managed to look down over Lex's shoulder and saw that he was trying to get his pants down with one hand. I could see the head of his cock peeking out above the waistband once he got the pants loose. I was shocked when saliva filled my mouth at the sight of the clear fluid leaking from the tip. I didn't know what possessed me to do it, but I reached down and shoved Lex's hand away from his own body. When I swiped my thumb over his crown, Lex groaned my name. He still had his hand on my cock, so I quickly did the same thing to him that he was doing to me. Somehow, Lex managed to get his pants down so his entire front and back were exposed.
Since his hand was wrapped around my shaft, it was only my balls that had the pleasure of feeling the softness of his skin, but that was more than fine by me. Or so I thought. Because a moment later, Lex opened his hand so the skin of my dick came directly into contact with the crease of his ass.
"Oh God," I ground out. My instincts took over at that point and I began to pump Lex's cock at the same pace that I was rubbing my own dick up and down his ass. I was sure it couldn't get any better until Lex reached behind him with his free hand and spread one cheek. I got a glimpse of his hole right before he notched my dick between the tight globes.
The whole thing sent me into overdrive, and it became too much. I forgot about Lex's cock and wrapped both arms around him as I began wildly pumping my shaft up and down his crease.
Lex countered my thrusts with his own body, giving me the leverage I needed. The orgasm hit me out of nowhere and nearly took me to my knees. I shouted as the pleasure tore at every nerve ending I had. The pressure in my balls was painful as shot after shot of semen felt like it was being ripped out of my body. Waves of pleasure shot up and down my spine and floated out to my limbs as the orgasm went on and on. I could feel my release dripping down from where it had pooled briefly in the small of Lex's back.
Something hot hit my forearm as Lex let out an ungodly moan and said my name. I had enough sense to open my eyes and saw his own release shooting out of him in long white stripes that painted my arm and his stomach.
My orgasm seemed to go on forever, and by the time the coiled tension inside me began to relax, I felt worn out and I ended up slumped against Lex. We were both breathing too hard to talk, which was fine because I had no clue what to say. Everything had happened so fast and had been dictated by white-hot passion.
But as reality began to sink in, I took in the situation for what it was. I was standing half naked in the middle of my kitchen with a man I hardly knew. My dick was still firmly lodged between his ass cheeks and his semen was dripping onto my kitchen floor… my grandparents’ kitchen floor.
We might not have fucked in the traditional sense but there was no getting over the fact that I’d just had my first sexual experience with a member of my own sex.
And I’d loved every second of it.
Only now came the part where I actually had to figure out what it all meant.
Chapter Fifteen
Lex
I'd had plenty of those morning-after moments… the ones where it didn't even have to be morning. It usually entailed the guy I'd been with making some excuse for having to work early or late or whatever. In any case, as soon as they'd finished with me, they’d hurried out the door and I'd been left feeling bereft, used, and only slightly sated. But at least I’d still had my sight, so I’d been able to easily make my way home.
What had just happened with Gideon fell so far outside the normal "morning after" routine that I had no clue what to do next. So I did nothing. I stood there and waited for Gideon to make the first move.
It didn't take him long. All the heat and lingering pleasure from my orgasm seeped out of my body as Gideon stepped back from me. The mere act of his dick slipping free of the cradle of my ass cheeks served only to remind me that I'd put him there in the first place. I still couldn't believe my behavior. I'd been the one to turn what had been a few relatively tame caresses into a full-on sexual encounter right there in the man's kitchen. He had to hate me. He’d admitted that he hadn’t been with a man before, so what had I gone and done? I’d barely even waited for him to close the kitchen door before initiating the intense encounter.
Okay, maybe I hadn't initiated it, but I'd sure as shit encouraged it and I’d turned it into something I doubted he'd been ready for.
"I'll, uh, show you to the bathroom so you can clean up," Gideon said. I missed the heat of his body, but what I missed even more was that husky tone in his voice when he said my name.
Since I couldn't imagine spending even another few awkward seconds with the man, I said, "If you don’t mind, I think I can find it myself."
"Yeah, sure." That was all Gideon said in response and then I heard him moving around me. I found myself wishing he'd reach out and touch my arm or grab my fingers or do something to tell me that what had just happened wasn't a bad thing. That we’d get through this awkwardness and then go from there. But I didn't really know what “there” was. We couldn't really have a relationship, not with so many things standing in our way. And he'd said he hadn't wanted to use me as an experiment.
So what did that really leave? A physical relationship for as long as I remained in Fisher Cove? If he even wanted that, was that enough for me? I'd already been through something similar with Grady and it had nearly destroyed me. No, I didn't think Gideon would use me like Grady had, but the potential of falling for someone I couldn't have was a very real possibility with Gideon.
I forced myself to focus on getting to the bathroom. It meant thinking about things like what direction I'd been facing when I'd entered the kitchen. It was hard knowing that Gideon was likely watching me as I got my bearings, but that encouraged me to think more about how to get out of the room than anything else. I didn't have Brewer to help me, so I was on my own. I knew I could ask Gideon for help but that was the last thing I wanted to do.
It was slow going and there were a couple of dicey moments when I bumped into some furniture, but I made it to Gideon's bathroom. I'd only buttoned my pants after Gideon had pulled away from me, so it was easy enough to get my jeans down. I knew from my previous visit to the bathroom that there was a hand towel next to the sink. Since I didn't have any clue if there were other bath towels in the room, I ran that one under some warm water and began cleaning the sticky fluid from my cock and belly. The mere act had me remembering how hard I'd come.
For someone who hadn't been with a man before, Gideon had done a damn good job of making me forget that. I would've loved to have been able to see things like his arm wrapped around my waist. But since I'd been forced to rely on my other senses, I’d taken in things that I might not have otherwise. Like how tight Gideon had held me with the arm I hadn’t been able to see. And how he’d panted in my ear and whispered things that I wasn't even sure he’d realized he was saying.
"Get a grip, Lex," I told myself, because I could feel my dick responding to the mental images that were forming in my head.
After I finished my front, I focused on my back. My cheeks, the ones on my face, felt hot as I cleaned Gideon’s release from my back and between my ass.
So much for trying to keep myself from getting hard again. The mere thought of Gideon shooting all over my skin was making most of my blood run south.
I ended up running lines of code in my head as I finished getting cleaned up and then slowly made my way back to the kitchen. I could hear things like running water and the refrigerator door being repeatedly opened and closed. I also heard Gideon muttering under his breath. I was kind of glad I couldn’t hear the actual words, though.
The muttering stopped, as did all the other sounds a moment later, so I figured Gideon had seen me. That fact was confirmed when Gideon said, "Oh, there you a
re. Did you, um, want something to drink? Were you able to find what you needed in the bathroom? I was just getting started on the spaghetti. You're still hungry, right? I can make something besides spaghetti if you're not in the mood for that. I think I have some steaks in the freezer—"
"Gideon, breathe," I said as I tried to pinpoint where he was so I could move closer to him. I didn't think he was having a panic attack, but he was most certainly freaking out. I put my hands out in front of me and began moving in the direction I thought he was in. I almost shouted for joy when my fingers came into contact with his. I knew he had to be holding out his hand to me, but I hadn't heard him take steps forward, so I knew I'd closed the distance between us on my own. For some reason, that little success shifted everything for me in that moment. I forgot that I was supposed to be as nervous and confused as him. Instead, I found myself running my hands up each of his arms to his face. I marveled at the little bit of stubble I felt as I clasped his cheeks. It was the first time I was getting to “see” him, even if it was just with my hands.
"Just breathe," I reminded the man before me. I felt like a jackass for how selfish I'd been. I'd been worried about how awkward things were for me afterwards, but I could only begin to imagine what Gideon was going through. When I'd had sex for the first time, or even been kissed for the first time, I'd at least known I was gay. From everything Gideon had said, his newfound sexuality had been completely unexpected. I wasn't sure how long he’d had to process his attraction to another guy, but he’d gone from kissing one to an intense sexual encounter within a matter of minutes, so he had to be feeling anxious about that.
Foreseen: Lex (The Four Book 2) Page 15
