“What do you like best?” I asked. The tension in my belly began to grow as I realized how ill-equipped I was for this. At least with Serena, I’d understood the mechanics. But with Lex I was in completely new territory and no amount of porn videos were adequate preparation for the real deal. “God, I’m fucking this up,” I muttered.
Lex sat up and gripped my face. I loved how easily he was able to find my cheeks.
“Gideon, these past few minutes with you have meant more to me than any experience with any other guy. Not one of them ever cared enough to worry about me like you do.”
“They’re assholes who didn’t know what they’re missing,” I bit out. “I should probably add that I don’t exactly love hearing about guys who’ve touched you before me.”
Lex paused, then his mouth brushed over mine. He pulled me down enough that he could whisper, “Nobody’s touched me before you, Gideon,” in my ear. While he’d meant the words figuratively, the impact they had on me had my next words coming out very, very literal.
“Nobody but me touches you ever again, do you hear me?”
“Yours,” Lex breathed, then he was kissing me passionately. I used my body to maneuver him back down onto the bed.
“I want you like this,” I growled. “I want to see you when you come.”
Lex moaned and then he was lifting his legs so he could wrap them around my hips. I knew it probably would have been easier to prep him if I’d been sitting up, but I had no desire to stop kissing him, so I slid my hand down and sought out his crease. I undoubtedly made a mess with the lube as I felt for his hole, but I had a whole bottle. I’d use the entire fucking thing if it meant I wouldn’t have to take my mouth off his.
As I began probing his entrance, Lex tensed up a bit. It made me wonder if he was used to guys just shoving their fingers, or worse, their dicks, into him. I kept kissing him until he let out a little breath and relaxed again. As hard as my cock was, I was in no rush, so I took my time toying with him. Only when he moaned my name did I push my finger forward.
“Yes,” Lex whispered when the tip of my finger breached him. His muscles were impossibly tight, so I just held there until I felt them relax a bit. It was a drawn-out process of give and take but once my finger was completely inside of him, I was sure I’d blow a gasket.
He was so damn hot and tight around my finger that I had no clue how I’d survive that kind of pressure on my dick. And the whimpers that were falling from his throat…
“Jesus, Lex,” I groaned. I’d finally stopped kissing him but only because I was having so much trouble catching my breath. Fortunately, my instincts seemed to have taken over and I began moving my finger in and out of him at an agonizingly slow rate.
“God, yes, Gideon, just like that!” Lex called. His eyes were closed and his head was thrown back. I took advantage of his exposed neck and swiped my tongue over his Adam’s apple… the one that had tormented me for so long.
“No more,” Lex said as I began pumping my finger faster. “You’ll make me come… can you…”
“Can I what, sweetheart?” I asked when his words fell off.
“Add more lube and, ahhh, another finger,” he managed to get out.
I eased my finger out of him and quickly added more lube to it and the one next to it before returning it to his entrance. Two fingers took more time than one and there was no mistaking that the added pressure caused Lex at least some discomfort.
“Lex—”
“It’s okay, Gideon. Just keep going,” Lex reassured me. He had his eyes open again but the pupils were blown. Whatever pain he was experiencing, it was clearly accompanied by pleasure too.
By the time I had two fingers sliding easily in and out of him, a fine sheen of sweat had broken out over the both of us and my whole body felt like it was going to burn up with need.
“Do you need more?” I asked.
Lex shook his head frantically. “Give me the condom,” he ordered. I fished around for it on the bed and then handed it to him. He opened the packet in record time and then he was reaching between our bodies. I still had my fingers inside of him, so I rolled us onto our sides to give him better access. I gritted my teeth as soon as his fingers touched me, but thankfully, Lex didn’t linger. “Lube,” he bit out.
If I hadn’t been ready to go off like a rocket, I would have teased him about the orders he was now so easily throwing at me.
“Behind you,” I grated out. I still had my fingers inside of him and, admittedly, didn’t want to remove them just yet.
Lex fumbled for the bottle and then he was squirting some of the liquid on his palm. When his hand closed around my cock, I nearly came on the spot. I ended up trying to remember all the names of my teachers in high school to distract myself.
“Hurry, Gideon,” Lex begged as his fingers closed over my upper arms. I eased my fingers out of him and then rolled him onto his back. My hand was shaking as I guided my throbbing cock to his entrance.
And then I began to push inside of him.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lex
He'd ruined me for other men. I knew that long before he began pushing himself inside of me. I tried not to think about what that would mean for my future just as I tried not to think about anything at all except for how good he felt, how right. At some point, I closed my eyes, so all I could see was darkness. But that made no difference at all.
Because I could see everything.
I could see it through the way his body was slick with sweat. I could see it through the flex of his muscles as he thrust in and out of me in tiny increments, going a little deeper each time. I could see it in the way he panted and grunted as he clung to me. I could see it in how his fingers bit into my skin and his whispers floated around me.
I didn't need to see him to know how gorgeous he looked, how perfectly we fit together.
"Lex," Gideon groaned as his arm curled around the side of my face and his fingers gripped my hair. I was equally wrapped around him. My arms were at his back and I had my ankles locked together just above his ass.
Gideon rocked into me over and over until his balls brushed my skin. He was so deep inside of me that it felt like he'd always been there. That he'd always been a part of me.
When his mouth closed over mine, I did my best to kiss him back, but I was in sensory overload. Everything was almost too much.
Almost.
"Gideon, please," I begged. His lips skimmed my cheek as he pulled out of me.
"I have you, Lex," he breathed and then he slid back into me. He repeated the move over and over again—long, slow, deep glides that were making me crazy. I wanted it to go on forever at the same time that I needed it to end. My release was right there beneath my skin and I both craved and feared it. I'd always thought of it as just a physical release, but what Gideon was doing to me went so far beyond that.
The slow, smooth glides soon turned into hard, deep thrusts that had my entire ass rocking off the bed. The friction he created inside of me fed into that mysterious sensation that grew and grew the harder he fucked me.
"Lex, talk to me," Gideon said almost desperately. I could hear the fear in his voice and knew why it was there. Despite the obvious pleasure he was feeling, he was afraid for me.
"It's so good, Gideon. Don't stop. Don't ever stop."
His mouth came crashing down on mine and I kissed him with everything I was. After that, it was a while before we spoke again. With words, anyway. Our need was clear enough as we clung to one another. I buried my face in Gideon's neck as the orgasm hung there on the precipice.
"Gideon," I cried. His name came out on a half sob.
"Go over, sweetheart," Gideon whispered in my ear. "I'm right behind you."
Gideon thrust into me hard once, twice and then I was flying. I called out Gideon's name as the release crashed over me. Waves of pleasure rocked through me and I was sure that if Gideon's weight hadn't been pressing me into the bed, I would have floated away. Gideon's hoarse
shout washed over me as he shoved into me hard. I felt the heat of him inside of me as he held me in a tight grip. His hips continued to pump into me as he came.
When Gideon collapsed on top of me, I welcomed his weight wholeheartedly. I turned my head so I could kiss the shell of his ear and then his neck. That was all I could reach because he’d buried his face into the bedding. His breath continued to come out in heavy pants, much like mine. He was still lodged deep inside of me, and I wished there was a way that he could stay there.
With the waning release came the despair. I didn't want to lose this, but I didn't know how to keep it either. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but the words got stuck in my throat. It wasn't that I wasn’t sure about my feelings.
I was.
And while they were nothing like what I'd felt for Grady, the effects of my ex’s rejection still lingered. I'd survived Grady, but I wouldn't survive Gideon reminding me of the things I already knew.
That I wasn't enough. And that in some ways I was too much.
My health, even at its best, would always be a burden to any man who chose to make a life with me. And while Gideon was beyond patient when it came to my sight, I knew that couldn't last. There would come a day where it would be a hindrance and he’d resent me…
No, I couldn't say the words that were screaming to escape my throat. I could only tuck them away deep inside of me in a place where I could bring them to the surface when I didn't feel strong enough to deal with things. I’d remember this exact moment where I wasn't blind, sick Lex. I was just Gideon's Lex.
"Are you okay?" Gideon asked as he turned his head and brushed a kiss over my cheek. It wasn't until he did it again that I realized he was kissing away tears. I nodded vigorously.
"Yeah," was all I managed to say. It wasn't smooth or sexy or funny, but it was all I had. It was the truth. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was okay.
Gideon's mouth covered mine and I gladly returned the kiss despite my exhaustion. I felt him pull free of my body and instantly mourned the loss. When Gideon got up, presumably to get something to clean us both off with, I tried to get ahold of my emotions. Grady had always hated how clingy I'd gotten after sex. I couldn’t make that mistake with Gideon.
When Gideon returned to the bed, I lay there silently as he cleaned me off. The bed dipped beneath Gideon's weight as he climbed in next to me, but I ended up turning my back to him so he wouldn't see me struggling to get control of myself. While we'd spent the last couple of weeks sleeping together each night, the situation had been different. Gideon had needed comforting and I'd tried to give him that. But sleeping together after sex wasn’t the same thing. Grady had always liked his space and on the few occasions that he’d stayed overnight, he'd actually put pillows between us to keep me from crowding him. I didn't want to risk Gideon doing the same thing.
But when Gideon pressed up against my back and softly said, "Talk to me, Lex," it was all I could do to not completely lose it.
"I'm fine," I responded. A few minutes earlier I'd felt so at ease, but the fear of rejection was quickly taking over. There was no way I could tell him that I was terrified of losing him over something as simple as cuddling after sex. Why in the hell would Gideon want to deal with any of that? Who would?
I had no choice in the matter when Gideon rolled me onto my back. That simple act had me trying to stifle a harsh sob and I ended up covering my eyes. That humiliation crawled beneath my skin and undid all the languishing effects of the orgasm I'd experienced. Gideon's fingers stroked through the hair at my temple. "Sweetheart, talk to me. Did I hurt you?"
I shook my head frantically. Never in a million years did I want him to think that. But it was too hard to talk at the moment.
Gideon shifted next to me, but instead of getting up and leaving, he sidled up against me and put his arm around my waist. His mouth was near my ear but instead of chastising me for my foolishness, he began saying things that no one had ever told me before.
He told me I was beautiful.
That I was kind and brave and, in his words, "so fucking strong."
He went on and on like that, telling me things about myself that I found hard to believe. But he was so adamant.
"Stop," I begged because it hurt too damn much.
"Why?"
"I'm none of those things," I admitted. "Not strong, not brave."
I expected him to argue with me. Or do what my brothers always did and demand that I not believe those things about myself. But he did none of those things. What he did was worse.
So much worse.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Gideon
"No you don't!"
It wasn’t the response I’d been expecting. Admittedly, I wasn't sure what I'd been expecting when I told Lex that I loved him, but I supposed that part of me had hoped he'd say the words back.
Never in a million years would I have guessed that he wouldn’t believe me.
"Lex, I—"
"No!" he practically shouted and then he was pushing at my chest. "Let me up," he demanded. With only one arm around his waist, I wasn't really holding him down. Before I could even question what was going on, he began struggling to get free. I automatically released him because I didn't want to risk inadvertently hurting him. His body hit the wall next to him as he scrambled away from me, but he hardly seemed to notice.
"Lex, talk to me," I said desperately. He looked like a cornered animal.
"You don't!" he cried as he shook his head violently. "You don't!"
"Lex—"
"People don't love me, Gideon! My brothers… my brothers do, but not…"
"Not what?" I asked in confusion. But Lex didn't answer me. Instead, he tried to push past me so he could get off the bed. I didn't try to stop him other than to grab his arm so he wouldn't fall off the bed in his haste. But he yanked it free of my hold which caused him to lose his balance. He fell backwards, hitting the side of the headboard in the process before landing on the floor.
"Lex!" I yelled as I climbed off the bed and knelt next to him. There was a cut above his eye that was bleeding. But despite the wound, Lex was still in flight mode.
"I have to go," he said frantically as he pushed my hands away from his face.
"Lex, baby, please, talk to me," I begged, but my words fell on deaf ears.
"I have to go," he repeated.
Despite his desperation to escape me, I held on to him as he climbed to his feet. He was so frantic that I knew if I let him go, he'd only hurt himself again in his efforts to get away from me. I couldn't risk him running out of the cabin and getting lost in the darkness.
"God, Gideon please, please let me go."
"I will, Lex. But I need you to calm down first—"
That was as much as I got out before I was grabbed from behind. The next thing I knew, I was on the floor and a heavy fist was slamming into my jaw. But it wasn't Lex on top of me, attacking me.
That much I was sure of.
When a second blow glanced off my cheek, I threw my own punch. I couldn't make out the face of the man above me, but I was satisfied to hear the grunt of pain when I landed a blow to his kidneys. I sent a silent thank you to my father for forcing me to take up boxing as a kid because he'd thought I was too much of a pansy.
While the boxing skills helped keep the guy from knocking me out instantly, I knew I was no match for him in the long run.
"Lex, run!" I shouted as I did my best to fight off my attacker. If I could keep him busy, Lex could make his escape. I repeated my order for Lex to run.
At the same time, the man, in a voice that was cold as ice, asked, "Did he hurt you?"
The man landed another blow, this one catching me in the temple. After that, several things happened at once, though it was hard to keep up with any of it after the blows I’d taken.
I heard Lex yell, "King?"
Right after that came a vicious snarl off to my left. There was a frenzy of growls and shouts as the man
's weight disappeared. I managed to pull myself together enough to see that Brewer had a hold of my attacker's arm. In turn, the guy had his hand on Brewer's muzzle. He had his fingers at the corners of my dog’s mouth but for some reason he didn’t seem to be using any force to attempt to pry the animal’s jaws open.
"Call him off," the man said, his voice calm but deadly. "I don't want to hurt him."
I would've laughed at the comment if my head hadn't been pounding like a son of a bitch. The one thing that did make sense was the fear in Lex's voice when he yelled, "Gideon? Gideon!"
He was standing only a few feet from the man and Brewer. His hands were out in front of him, desperately searching for something. I stumbled to my feet and hurried to him. I was dizzy from the blows but somehow, I managed to stay upright and when Lex's hands closed around mine, I finally managed to take a breath. Brewer and my attacker were still locked in combat, but my only concern was for Lex. I had to get him out of there.
"Lex, we have to go," I said as I began dragging him toward the door.
"No, wait," he shouted as he used all his weight to stop me. "King?"
"Tell him to call the dog off, Lex!" the man, King, demanded. How the hell did he know Lex's name? And what the fuck was he doing in my house? Even as I had the thoughts, something about the man’s name felt familiar.
Brewer whined as the man began to apply pressure to his muzzle, but the loyal dog didn't let go.
"Brewer!" Lex called, but the husky held on to his prey. Lex shook my arm and said, "He's my brother, Gideon! Please, he's my brother!"
Despite the information, I didn't call Brewer off right away. Even if the guy really was Lex's brother, he’d broken into my house and attacked me for no reason.
"Gideon, please!" Lex repeated. The panic in his voice was clear.
"Brewer!" I yelled. I had to call the dog two more times before he released the man's arm. The big dog backed up several steps so he was standing between me and Lex and the guy.
Foreseen: Lex (The Four Book 2) Page 21
