“We have to do something with him,” she said softly.
Quey understood and he asked, “What are you thinking?”
Her eyes shimmered for a single instant, the features of her thin heart shaped face winced and she said, “I can’t just leave him somewhere.”
Quey nodded. “I think it’s a fine idea,” he told her softly.
Rachel looked at him and he could see there was something different in her eyes now. She was a different person in some deep and fundamental way. “You don’t think he’d mind… I mean… is it something he’d want?”
Quey smiled at her and said, “To stay with you,” and nodded. “Yeah, reckon he couldn’t come up with a finer idea his own self.”
She chuckled a bit and that was good, that small hint of a smile it brought to her lips lightened her.
Later, Quey and Rachel took Natalie’s van up the road and purchased a few items from a general store they would need. They bought a spade shovel, some lighter fluid, some clean burning logs for a fireplace, and a roll of aluminum foil.
“Is this going to work?” Rachel asked. Quey shrugged. It was the only time they spoke during the trip.
That afternoon Quey dug into the field behind the motel, a shallow oval hole just deep enough, he hoped, to keep the wind from scattering the ashes. To help with that he parked the van to block the slight breeze coming from the east, then he lined the hole with aluminum foil and laid out a row of logs. They’d burn hot and long and leave little of themselves behind. He was just finishing up as the moving truck pulled up and Reggie opened the back door.
“I want to do it,” Rachel said, resting a hand on the big man’s shoulder.
“I’ll help you,” he replied softly, but when he turned back around Quey was standing in front of him caked in dirt and sweat and he stepped away. Together Quey and Rachel lifted the sheet containing Dusty’s body from the back of the truck and carried it to the foil lined hole and set it down carefully on the logs.
Reggie cracked into a bottle of shine and took a long sip. “You know,” Reggie began with a bit of nostalgia in him, feeling eyes training on him. He smiled a bit before he continued. “They used to call me regulator all the time in Fen. Old habits die slow I suppose. This was before that ‘I don’t discriminate I regulate bullshit.’” He took a moment to clarify. “There was this drunk guy in the bar, some asshole tourist who kept asking if anyone could play something sad on the piano. Anyway, this guy turns to us and asks, ‘Regulator?’ What the fuck do you regulate?’ Without missing a beat Dusty spun in his stool and said, ‘You should know, it’s your mothers asshole.’”
Everyone laughed a bit.
“I guess that’s how it all started, that nonsense about regulating shades of ass. Come to think on it, might be he had a hand in that end of it as well.” Reggie took another sip from the bottle and passed it to Arnie.
Arnie looked nervous and admitted, “Oh, okay, well I don’t really have a funny story-”
“Then shut up and bring the bottle here,” Quey said with a bit of humor. Arnie nodded, and hurried to Quey who winked at him and said, “Take a sip.”
Arnie held up the bottle and said, mostly to Rachel, “Admittedly all I know of him isn’t much but what I do know makes me regret that fact.” He took a drink then and Rachel smiled at him. He looked down at the body resting in a caldron of foil and remembered how he’d helped him through the incident in Bravette. He thought about how he’d come to help him even though Arnie had flaked on them all. To the body lying in the hole he said, “Thank you,” and handed Quey the bottle.
Quey took a long drink and then a moment to collect his thoughts. “Oh, the stories I could tell,” he said and there was a brief chuckle. After a thoughtful set of ticks he said, “and oh the stories I shouldn’t tell,” this time there was a laugh. “I’ll tell this one,” he said, running through it in his head. “Because this was the moment I knew we were brothers.” He took another drink and began. “We were in this little market once and this guy was really getting in my face, being stupid. He wanted to start something, I still don’t know why, probably wanted money or something. Anyway, Dusty wasn’t… he was there but not close enough to hear anything. I remember I finally shoved the guy.” Quey shook his head, lip pouted and shrugged. “Dusty didn’t hesitate. He took out the guy’s leg and decked him. Some guys’ll have your back in a fight but usually they’re curious as to why they’re fighting before they do it. Dusty didn’t ask until later that night and even then it was an afterthought. ‘Why did we beat the crap out of that guy anyhow?’ I could have given any answer because it didn’t matter. I was his crew and that was enough. That was all he needed to know. Loyal sonofabitch, probably to a fault because even if we could take it back and tell him everything I think he’d still go with us.”
Anymore was going to be too much for him so he took a long swallow from the bottle and passed it to Rachel.
“No one made me laugh like he did,” She said after a long silence. She smiled broad and something between a laugh and a sob shuddered through her. “He could be so stupid. And vulgar,” she added. “He’d say the most, just horrible things but the way he said them… you knew he wasn’t being mean. And you’d laugh.” Her mind ran though a thousand things at once and suddenly she realized they were all the parts of him he only showed her. She didn’t know when she’d started talking again but she was. “I love the way he would talk when it was just the two of us and I knew he didn’t feel like an orphan who’d grown up in the streets. That he felt he could just be who he was and I guess that’s why who he was, was a big kid.” There were tears now and she was sick of them. “Fuck,” she sighed and wiped at her eyes. “No one made me laugh like you darling, but you’re a fucking asshole for making me cry like this.”
She turned to Quey and when she spoke again he looked down at her and it was everything he could do to keep from breaking down himself. “He envied you, you know. You and Cal, that you found Cal. He tried to fit in with the two of you but he knew that wasn’t ever going to work. He was happy for you. You found what he’d really spent his life looking for. A family,” she finished and instead of taking a sip she dumped the bottle over his body and fished the matches out of her pocket. She looked at Quey and he nodded, it’d burn.
The blaze came quick and burned hot. Reggie got into another bottle and they passed it around. This time when Quey was finished with his sip he went to Rachel and said, “Have one with us.”
She leaned close and whispered, “I can’t.”
Quey looked at her and knew.
She nodded. “Coming on three months now. Maybe a drink wouldn’t hurt it but I’m only getting one chance at having one of his and so I’m not gambling anything.”
Quey hugged her, careful to avoid her burns and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Wanna tell them?” he asked.
Rachel shook her head. “Later. For now, I want to hear about him.”
Dusty burned to ash in the shallow hole Quey dug. It took a good chunk of the night and by the time it was over they had gone through two bottles of shine and nearly every interesting or entertaining moment of his life. Sometime after the third bottle cracked Rachel said goodnight. She went off to bed where she pretended to talk to him.
It was time for them to move on so they started by unloading any medical equipment from the van they wouldn’t need. Then they took the mattress out of the room Arnie had been staying in and put it inside the back of the van because… well because they needed one so fuck the motel. After that Arnie and Reggie carried Rain out of the room and set her in on top of it. Next came trying to decide who would ride where and that was tough.
“Listen,” Quey said to Arnie, who was standing near the van with a scowl on his face. He didn’t like the suggested arrangement which was he and Rachel in the truck with Quey and Reggie taking the car and Natalie driving the van with Amber and Leone. “It’s the best way, makes it so everyone has a relief driver.”
“What
about Natalie?” Arnie asked.
“I can handle the van,” Leone said. “Used to drive the two of us along the long stretches from time to time, if she needed a break.”
Arnie looked into the back of the van, at Rain lying asleep on the mattress. “I want to be with her,” he said and his voice was hollow.
Rachel stepped to him and rested a hand on him. When he looked at her she smiled. “How’s she doing?” Rachel asked then turned to Natalie.
Natalie shrugged, “Stable. Nothing more to do really but wait for her body to handle the rest on its own, give her drugs for pain and stave off infection.”
Rachel nodded. “We’ll take the car then and when you need to be in the van to check on Rain I’ll drive by myself, I don’t mind. If I need a break you can take over when we stop somewhere.” Natalie nodded once. “Arnie will drive in front of us with Leone. Reggie and Quey can handle the truck.”
This arrangement Arnie could agree too.
“If something happens?” Quey asked.
Rachel looked at him. “Then the brief spell it’ll take Arnie to pull over and Natalie to get to the van won’t matter much I’m guessing.” She looked at Natalie, who shook her head. No, it wouldn’t.
“Only danger she’s in now,” Natalie said, “is infection, which we’re treating for already or bleeding we didn’t stop. If the latters the case there’s nothing I can do anyhow.”
Quey nodded slowly. “Fine,” he said. “Let’s get loaded.”
Leone claimed he could handle the van but Natalie had to admit the first night he was behind the wheel she was nervous. Rachel was sleeping in the passenger’s seat beside her as she drove with both hands on the wheel and her eyes locked on the van’s taillights. She kept waiting for it to swerve, for it to flip over and explode. Before she knew it the sun was peeking up over the horizon and they were still alive and on the road and she felt better.
They made the first stop of the day and Rachel said she was good to drive. It gave Natalie a chance to ride in the van for a while and keep an eye on Rain, sleeping on the mattress. The girl was tough, never complaining about pain, which must have been immense, but at this stage of healing she was only good for about two hours of consciousness in a day. It was enough to eat and handle her bathroom needs and then Leone would sit with her and they would talk or listen to music or watch a show on the sheet computer screen. Every once in a while she would laugh slightly and wince with a bit of pain but even that seemed better. It was good, and Rain’s condition gave Natalie something to think on besides where they were going and what they were doing.
Amber loved it, and why shouldn’t she? Young people love a good adventure. Originally Natalie thought the girl would ride with her and Rachel but she opted to stay in the van. She tried to get her to keep Rachel company while she drove but Rachel said it was fine. Natalie understood, she wanted time alone.
Sometimes Rain would invite Amber to come in back when she was awake and watch something with her and Leone, or listen to some song the two of them liked. Amber was all too happy to go. When Leone was driving she’d sit beside him and the two of them would talk about this and that, the sorts of things only people their age really understood while Arnie curled up against Rain in the back. It was all fun and games to her now and Natalie just hoped it would stay that way.
“I’m sorry,” Rain said to her late one afternoon as she was checking her pulse and looking for any signs of infection. Natalie looked at her, surprised. “You must hate me.”
Natalie shook her head.
“If it wasn’t for me,” she trailed off.
Natalie shook her head again. “I’ve yet to hear your version of things but the second hand I’ve picked up… it’s not your fault.”
Rain took her hand and met her eyes. “Thank you,” she said. Natalie nodded. “Your daughter’s lovely,” she added and changed the subject.
Natalie smiled as she loaded some basic antibiotics into a syringe. “I think she has a bit of fondness for your,” she stopped briefly and then said, “Leone.”
Rain giggled then added, “I think that goes both ways.”
“Well good for them,” Natalie said as she injected Rain with the contents of the syringe.
“Yeah,” she agreed with a smile. “Good for them.”
After that she took her pills and a gentle sleep rose up around her.
Rachel had dried out the shine bottle she’d poured over Dusty’s body and when the funeral was over she and Quey took their time collecting as much of him into it as possible. There was no way to get all of him, she’d resigned herself to the fact before they lit him, and there was no way to keep from getting a bit of other stuff in there as well. Mostly it was him though, and as she drove she kept him on the seat beside her. It was strange to look over and see that where he should have been there was nothing but a clear glass bottle filled with dark particles. She told Quey he could have some. He told her to hold onto it for him.
She was following the van at a safe distance, fifty feet or so, with both hands on the wheel and the electronic speedometer reading an even one hundred fifty kilometers per hour.
Discomfort rolled through her wounds so she took another pain killer with a bit of water. A few ticks later she felt better, but only physically. Her eyes drifted to the bottle on the seat beside her. ‘I know why you did it,’ she imagined his voice saying.
“Why I did what?” she replied aloud.
‘Why you set me on fire. You couldn’t stand the idea of not being the hot one in this relationship anymore.’
She laughed sadly. “You think this little burn would’ve made you the hot one?”
‘Of course. I know you like to think differently but you weren’t all that far ahead of me you know. Matter of fact that might just be the reason I didn’t put you out right away.’
Rachel wiped tears from her eyes. “Fuck I’m going to miss you.”
Her eyes stared blankly at the vehicle in front of her for a spell. Then she loosened her grip on the wheel. It wavered slightly but the road was in good repair and the car was designed for speeds like this so she was able to keep herself rolling straight with just the tips of her fingers. Next she removed her left hand and touched the tips of the fingers on her right to the bottom of the wheel. Still it was enough for her to stay true. One by one she removed fingers and imagined what would happen if the wheel suddenly jerked left or right. She imagined the car veering onto the shoulder, the violent jarring it would take as it streaked across uneven ground and then the violent collision that would eventually occur as it plowed headlong into some solid object. It would be inevitable because she had no intention of easing off the accelerator if such a thing would happen, matter of fact she might just stomp it to the floor.
The tip of her index finger was all that remained on the wheel as it vibrated and quivered under her touch. Her eyes flooded. She looked over at the glass bottle beside her, at the remains of her love resting on the seat beside her. In her mind she saw his face smiling at her and she lifted her last finger from the wheel. The car veered slightly, drifting toward the center of the road. She looked forward and then, for the first time, something moved inside her and terror choked her forcing her to grip the wheel with both hands and slam on the breaks. The tires shrieked as the car slid over thirty meters to a stuttering stop. Laughing, she touched a hand to her belly and silently begged for whoever was in there to move again.
The other two vehicles stopped when they heard the tires squeal. Doors opened and her friends rushed into the road, confusion possessing them as they hurried toward her sitting behind the wheel laughing.
“You alright?” Quey asked and Rachel burst from the car and jumped on him, throwing her arms around him.
“I’m fine,” she replied grinning and kissed him on the cheek. He didn’t get it and he wouldn’t so she looked to Natalie and went to her. “He moved,” she told her and instantly she understood and smiled.
“That’s wonderful,” Natalie sai
d and hugged her. “First time?” she asked and Rachel nodded.
“You knew?” Quey asked.
“Since the hospital,” Natalie replied. “When we did her scan.”
He nodded as the pieces came together.
“What are we talking about?” Reggie asked.
“We’re talking about me being a mommy,” Rachel replied.
Reggie smiled, “Well I’ll be,” he trailed off, then he pulled Rachel to him and gave her a long hug. “You think it’s a boy then,” he added when he let her go.
“I don’t know,” she replied with a smile and an—it doesn’t matter—shrug.
“Sure hope so,” Quey said. “We’re creepin’ up on women outnumbering men around here pretty quick.”
Reggie cocked a smirk in Quey’s direction and said, in his deep booming voice, “That’s not always a bad thing.” There was a laugh and then it was time to move on. Natalie said she’d drive for a spell, giving Rachel a chance to take the passenger’s seat. Rachel thought about telling her what she’d been doing before the baby moved but decided it didn’t matter anymore. That particular desire was gone from her and she couldn’t believe it had ever been there.
The Girl and Her Father
Render sat in the back of his truck with a fresh bottle of dose in his right hand. Dose was a drug, the good kind too. The sort that was still illegal, which meant it did more than mellow you out and get you stoned. Dose would open your mind and allow you to see things clearly. Of course it would also lead you to believe the trees were shaking hands as you saw the world through the goggles of a thick euphoria. This was just the sort of state of mind he was going for as he pulled the dropper from the top of the bottle and let a few drips land on his tongue. The liquid was cool and bitter and sent a chill through him. It wasn’t long before he was smiling.
The moonshiner had escaped him again. So had the bitch and the boy. He hated them, raw and deeply. By the time he’d returned to the motel they’d fled already, a circumstance he’d suspected but now came the task of finding them again.
The Saffron Malformation Page 45
