Meanwhile, Britain was still being pounded mercilessly by the Luftwaffe. And Cassie knew that her father had finally heard from Nick, and he'd been safe as recently as early October. He was flying Spitfires in the 54th Squadron, and he was still stationed at Hornchurch Aerodrome. He almost sounded as though he was enjoying it, and he promised that if he had anything to do with it, the Brits would soon be kicking the shit out of the Germans. His only mention of Cassie was to tell Pat to give his love to his very unreasonable daughter. So the battle between them was not yet over, but at least he was alive, which was a huge relief to all the O'Malleys.
Even Desmond had been kind enough to inquire about his welfare, and she told him what she knew. But at least by November, the Luftwaffe seemed to be easing up a little bit. Until then, the bombings had been incessant and relentless. Children had begun arriving in the States to be cared for until after the war, and her sister Colleen had taken in two of them, which touched Cassie deeply. They were adorable, and the poor things were still completely terrified when Cassie saw them over Thanksgiving. Funnily enough they were both redheads just like she was. Annabelle was three and Humphrey was four. They were brother and sister, and their parents had lost their home in London, and had no relatives in the country. The Red Cross had arranged for them to come to New York, and Billy had flown there to get them. And he was shocked when the children asked him, on the way back, if he was going to bomb the airport.
Like everyone else, Cassie had fallen completely in love with them. Having the two children there gave her mother something to worry about and caring (or them took her mind off missing Chris. It was particularly hard over Thanksgiving for everyone, but somehow they got through it, thankful for each other. Cassie went to see Jessie then too, while she was home for Thanksgiving, and she seemed to be getting over it better than the O'Malleys. She was young and eventually, for her, there would be someone else, but Cassie would never have another brother.
She ran into Bobby and Peggy too. And Cassie had correctly guessed that Peggy was pregnant. She congratulated them, and Bobby looked as though he had grown up and flourished since he'd gotten married. His father had died, and the grocery store was his now. He was still dreaming of a chain of stores across Illinois, but for the moment he was more excited about the baby.
“And what about you, Cass?” he asked hesitantly. He didn't want to pry, and he'd heard about the tour, but he wondered what else she was doing with her life, other than flying.
“I'm pretty busy getting ready for the Pacific tour,” she said honestly. And he felt sorry for her. He had long since decided that she would probably never get married, or know the happiness he now had with Peggy.
The tour didn't seem like much to him, but it was amazing how many hours of every day it consumed, reading reports, checking out the plane, and double-checking every little change the engineers made. She was also making long-range trips to get ready for the actual tour, and familiarizing herself with the details of their route across the Pacific.
She explained it to her father while she was there, and he was fascinated by all the preparations. He was anxious to see her plane, and she invited him to California to visit her, and see it. But he insisted he didn't have time, he was too busy at the airport. And he was about to get a lot busier. Billy had to be in Newport Beach right after Christmas to start preparing for the trip too. He was so excited it was all he talked about, and Pat growled constantly about what an inconvenience it would be to have him go away for seven or eight months. They, were expecting the trip to take less than a month to complete but there would be press conferences and interviews afterward, if he ever came back at all. Like Cassie, he would become a hero and he would get much bigger offers than O'Malley's Airport. And Pat hated to lose him.
In December, Cassie tried to do a thousand things, before she went home again for Christmas. The days were never long enough, and finally she had to send Nancy out to buy toys for all her nieces and nephews and Annabelle and Humphrey. She bought her sisters’ gifts herself, and for her brothers-in-law, and her parents. It made her sad to realize there was no gift for Chris this year, and there never would be. When he was a little boy she used to give him cars that she traded her dolls for. She would have done anything for him then, and now he was gone. She still couldn't believe it.
It was going to be a rough Christmas this year, she knew, but they were expecting it, and she was touched when Desmond came by the night before she left, to bring her a present. She had bought him a beautiful navy cashmere scarf that she'd picked out for him at Edward Bursals in Beverly Hills, and a handsome new briefcase from the Beverly Hills luggage shop where Nancy said he bought his luggage. She couldn't imagine giving him anything frivolous, like a loud tie or a baggy sweater. The very idea made her laugh. And she was thrilled when he liked his presents. They weren't personal, but they were useful, and he liked that.
The gifts he had given her reminded her, as always, of how thoughtful he was. He had given her the book Listen! The Wind by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, the famed aviator's wife, and a licensed pilot in her own right, and a lovely watercolor of the beach at Malibu, because he knew she loved it there. And then he handed her a smaller box, and she smiled as she unwrapped it.
“I'm not sure you'll like this one,” he said anxiously, which was unlike him. And then he stopped her and took her hand. “But if you don't, Cass, just give it back, and I'll understand. You don't have to feel obliged to accept it.”
“I can't imagine giving anything back that you gave me,” she said kindly, and he let her start unwrapping it again. Beneath the red paper, there was a small black box, and she couldn't imagine what was in it. It was very small, and she guessed it had to be a very tiny object. And then he stopped her again and took both her hands in his own. He looked so pale, she was worried about him. This was so unlike him. It was almost as though he regretted giving her the gift at all, or was afraid of her reaction.
“I've never done anything like this,” he said, looking very nervous. “You may think I'm crazy.”
“Don't worry,” she said gently. Her face was very close to his, and for the first time in a year and a half, she felt a strange current run between them. “Whatever it is, I'm sure I'm going to love it,” she promised, speaking very softly, and he looked relieved, but still uncertain. He was a powerful man, but for this one moment, he looked so vulnerable. She couldn't imagine what was happening or why. She wondered if the holidays were hard for him, because he was alone. She felt sorry for him, as she thought of it, and then she smiled at him.
“Everything is okay, Desmond. I promise.” She wanted to reassure him. They were friends now. The long preparations for the Pacific tour had already brought them closer together.
“Don't say that until you look at my present.”
“All right, then let me open it,” she said calmly. He took his hands away then, and she opened the box finally, and all she could do was stare at the contents. It was a perfectly round, extremely large fifteen-carat diamond engagement ring, and as she stared at it in total disbelief, he slipped it on her finger.
“Desmond, I…” She didn't know what to say to him. She hadn't expected this. Me had never even really kissed her.
“Whatever you do, don't be angry at me,” he begged. “I never intended to do this… not this way… but… Cass—” He looked at her imploringly, so vulnerable suddenly, so open. “I've fallen head over heels in love with you. I never expected to do that. I thought we'd just be friends, and then… I don't know what happened. But if you don't want to marry me, I'll understand. We'll just go on as we did before, we'll do the tour… Cass… please… say something… oh God, Cassie… I love you.” He buried his face in her hair, and she was overwhelmed with tenderness for him. She didn't love him as she loved Nick, that would have been impossible, but she loved him as one would a dear friend, or someone who needed you very badly. She wanted to make things right for him, to be there for him, to help him. Even to erase the pain of the p
ast for him, if she could. But not for an instant had she ever thought of their getting married.
“Oh, Desmond,” she said softly, as he pulled away to look at her face and see what she was really saying.
“Are you angry at me?”
“How could I be…?” She looked stunned more than anything. She had no idea what to say now.
“Oh, Cassie, God how I love you,” he whispered and then kissed her for the first time, without waiting to hear if she would keep the ring, and she was startled by the extent of his passion. He was deeply emotional, in a way she had never even suspected. Everything was bottled up inside, and had been for years probably. He kissed her again, and she was surprised at herself when she responded, and was breathless when she pulled away from him. The entire experience was dizzying and she was confused by everything she was feeling. He was a far more powerful person than she was.
“I think this is supposed to be the engagement, not the honeymoon,” she said hoarsely, and he grinned, looking boyish and a little wild-eyed.
“Is it? Is it the engagement, Cass?” He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wanted it to be, but she wasn't sure yet. This was all so unexpected.
“I don't know… I… I didn't expect this…” But she didn't look angry at him, and she hadn't said no yet.
“I don't expect you to love me immediately. I know about your friend in the RAF… if… if you think that… Cassie, you have to do what's right for you… what about him?” He had to know now. And she wanted to be honest with him.
“I still love him.” She couldn't imagine loving anyone but him. She had always loved him, as far back as she could remember. “He says he'll never marry me… he left in a rage about the tour the last time I saw him, and I haven't heard from him since. I don't think I will.” She looked at him a little forlornly, remembering the last time she'd seen Nick. But everything with Desmond was so different.
“Where does that leave us?” he asked her gently. She looked at him and shivered. He was so good to her, so understanding. And she knew she couldn't abandon him now after all he'd done for her. But it didn't seem right to love one man and marry another. It wasn't fair to Desmond, more than anyone, but he seemed willing to accept the situation. And Nick would never marry her, that she was sure of. He was the stubbornest man alive. And she and Desmond had so much in common. They shared his business and the tour. Together they could do great things. And if she couldn't have Nick, then maybe all she needed was to be married to a good friend. It didn't seem possible to find another man she loved as she did Nick in one lifetime. And in time, she might come to love him as she did Nick, though she couldn't imagine it. But in many ways, she already cared about Desmond deeply. Marriage would be the ultimate bond between them. But it hurt to think of marrying anyone other than Nick Galvin.
“I'm not sure.” She looked at Desmond honestly. “I don't want to short-change you. You've already had two marriages that cheated you out of what you should have had. I…” She looked into his eyes then, and saw all his desperate hope there. He was pleading with her, without saying a word, and all she wanted to do was please him. She wanted to help him, and be there for him… and maybe that meant she loved him.
“I know how much he must mean to you,” he said understandingly “I don't expect to replace him overnight, Cass… I understand… I just love you.”
“I love you too,” she said softly. And she did. She valued his friendship, and his loyalty. She respected and admired everything about him. He had done nothing but good things for her. Right from the moment they met he had been wonderful to her. And now he wanted to give her everything. He wanted her to become Mrs. Desmond Williams. She couldn't help smiling at the idea. It was more than a little overwhelming.
“If it doesn't work for you, we'll get divorced,” he said, as though to reassure her. But she looked horrified at the suggestion.
“I would never do that.” She had her parents’ marriage as an example. “I don't mean to seem… ungrateful… or hesitant.” She was groping for the right words, as he watched her. His eyes never left hers, and she felt the power of his wanting bore through her. She was surprised at the sheer force of him, as he held her hand and sat next to her. She could feel the strength of his need for her, and everything he wanted to give her.
“I'll never hurt you, Cass. And I'll always leave you free to be your own person. You're too important to me to try and clip your wings. You can do, and be, anything you want if we get married.”
“Would you ever want children?” She was almost embarrassed to ask him. The question was so intimate, and their relationship never had been.
‘They're not important to me,” he said honestly. “But maybe some day, if that's what you really want, and you're not too busy flying. But I think that's something you really have to think about. You have a lot of important things to do with your life. Having children might be more appropriate for women like your sisters. That's their job. You have yours, and it's a very important one. But I'm not telling you I wouldn't have one. I just wonder if that's really what you want.”
“I've never been sure. I used to think I didn't.” And then with Nick, she had begun to think she would love to have his babies. She didn't feel ready to give up the idea forever. It was too soon, and she was too young to decide that, and he knew it.
“You've got plenty of time to make those decisions later. At twenty-one, it's really not all that important. And you've got the tour to think of.” It was that that brought them together. And now she could imagine feeling even closer to him, if they were married.
“Desmond, I don't know what to say to you.” She was near tears as he pulled her closer.
“Say you'll marry me,” he said, putting an arm around her shoulder and bringing her closer. “Say you trust me… say that even if you're not sure now, you believe that one day you could really love me. I already do, Cass. I love you more than anyone or anything in my life until this moment.”
How could she deny that? How could she let him down, or run away from him? How could she spend a lifetime waiting for Nick when she knew he wouldn't marry her? Her father had told him as much the last time he'd been home. If Nick wouldn't many her, he had no right to interfere with her future, or her decisions.
“Yes…” The word was barely more than a whisper as he stared at her in amazement. “Yes,” she said it very softly, and without another sound, he kissed her. It seemed hours before he let her go again, and Cassie was trembling with emotion.
“My parents are going to be stunned,” she said, looking like a child suddenly, and then she had a thought. Everything was going to be so different.
“Why don't you come home with me for Christmas?” She wanted to take him home to her family. If they were going to be married, it was important to her that he meet them and spend time with them. Her parents didn't even remember meeting him when Chris died. And their announcement would certainly make for an unexpectedly happy Christmas for the O'Malleys.
But he looked uncomfortable at the invitation. He hadn't had a family Christmas in years. He no longer even missed them. “Cass, I don't want to intrude, sweetheart. Especially not this year. It may be a lot for your parents to absorb. And holidays aren't my strong suit.”
But she looked terribly disappointed. “Desmond, please. They'll think I made it up, and stole the ring.”
“No, they won't. I'll call you three times a day. Honestly, I have a ton of work to do. You know that better than anyone. And when you come back, we'll go skiing for a weekend.” The last thing he wanted to do was spend Christmas in Illinois with the O'Malleys. The thought of it made him desperately uncomfortable and nothing she said would persuade him.
“I don't want to go skiing. I want you to come home with me,” she insisted with tears in her eyes. She was suddenly overwhelmed by events and emotions. She was engaged to Desmond Williams. It was amazing. And through it all she tried to force herself not to think of Nick Calvin.
“I promise we'll g
o next year,” he said firmly.
“Well, I should hope so,” she said, shocked at the idea that they wouldn't. “You're not just getting me, you're getting my family. And there are lots of us.” She beamed, warming up to the idea of announcing her engagement.
“There's only one of you,” he said intensely and then he kissed her again. And for a flash of an instant, she thought of Nick, and knew she had betrayed him. And as she thought of him, she remembered his warnings about Desmond. But he'd been wrong about him. Desmond was a decent man. He loved her and she knew that in time she would love him, and they would have a great life together.
“When shall we set the date for?” Desmond broke into her thoughts again as he poured her another glass of champagne. “Let's not wait too long. I'm not sure I can stand it, now that you've said yes. You'll have to keep Nancy around to protect you.” He smiled knowingly at her and she blushed as she smiled up at him.
“I'll be sure to warn her,” Cassie said softly. She was happy with him, she always had been, even now they were more like friends than lovers, except for the sudden fervor of his kisses.
“What about Valentine's Day?” he suggested. “It's sort of corny, but I like it. What do you think?” He sounded as though he were planning the tour, but she didn't mind that. She was used to Desmond being in control of things, but she also knew that he respected her opinions.
It was all so romantic. She was marrying a man that any woman in the world would have given her right arm to be married to, and he wanted to marry her on Valentine's Day. How much more perfect could it get, she asked herself. Not much… except if Nick had felt any different… But she wouldn't let herself think that. She couldn't. She would hold onto the dream of him forever, but that's all it was now.
“Valentine's Day is less than two months away,” she said, looking startled. “Will we have a big wedding?” She was looking down at her ring, and flashing it. It looked like a headlamp. Everything seemed so unreal. It had been a remarkable evening.
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