Her lips turned into a pout. “Cameron, I want you to come inside. I cleaned this afternoon so you could come in.”
“No, Nicky,” he said, hating calling her that, but remembering her comment the first evening, it was the only way he could think of to let her know that he meant what he said. He couldn’t come in. If he did, he’d want to make love to her again, and he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t take a chance of losing the only woman he’d cared about in years.
She flinched, but then her face turned up as she obviously remembered too. “Oh … Come on, Cameron.”
He jerked his hand from hers. “I said, no. Look. I’m crazy about you, Alex. But I don’t want this to be purely physical. What we did —”
“Was wonderful —” she tried to interrupt, but he cut her off.
“It was wonderful … but I can’t.”
She shrugged. “Okay. So just come in, then.”
He shook his head but wrapped his arms around her. “Just kiss me goodnight.”
She did, and it was incredible. It would have to be enough.
“Lock up. I’ll call you in the morning, okay? I have a meeting at 8:30, but I’ll call you around nine-ish?”
Alexandra smiled, but it wasn’t a genuine smile. She looked upset. He stepped forward again. “Please don’t make me feel awful; you were wonderful. But can’t you imagine that I would want you and not simply sex?” Her eyes suddenly filled with water, and his heart felt as though it had shattered into a million pieces, wondering what he’d said.
Her blue eyes smoldered. “Is that all it was for you? If that’s the case … leave!”
“Alexandra, don’t turn this around, please. You know it meant more to me.” He finally stepped inside, closing the door behind him. They didn’t need to have this conversation standing in the corridor. “I wasn’t the one who dashed out the door the next morning. I’m not the one who never made an effort. I was there every night, waiting for you, and you were with him. And if you hadn’t been with him, you wouldn’t have ended up arrested!”
Alexandra stepped backward as if he’d slapped her.
“Please …” He reached for her. “Don’t you understand? I fell in love with you that first evening. Of course it was more than sex. I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant —”
She stepped toward him again, this time wrapping her arms around him. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t intend to push you. I’m not only interested in sex either, you know. I didn’t have any secret plan to seduce you.” She smiled shyly. “I just thought we could sit on the sofa and talk a little more, kiss a little more maybe.”
“Really?” he asked.
“Really,” she said, leading him to the sofa. “Can I ask you a question?”
“I think you just did,” he said, smiling.
“Why didn’t you just come into the club earlier … before Jon — he arrived?”
He sat on the sofa and pulled her down beside him. “You know … that’s a very good question. I guess everything is my fault. But, honestly, I was afraid I’d get into a fight.”
“Fight? Over me?”
“Yeah. I don’t think I could handle ever seeing him touch you again. It killed me to watch, and you weren’t even mine — yet.”
Without warning, she kissed him. And he didn’t hesitate. He pulled her onto his lap and took advantage of her lips as much as he could. She opened up to him, accepting him. A groan even escaped her throat, encouraging him. He may not be able to make love to her yet, but he saw no problem with kissing her with everything he had.
Their kiss lasted several minutes, and then he pulled back to look at her. “You’re so beautiful, Alexandra.”
She sighed in what sounded like total contentedness, and he couldn’t help thinking he’d caused her delight. Of course, she had no idea how much he needed her. A chance to love someone. To love and be loved. He couldn’t tell her, of course. Just his tiny slip earlier had caused her eyes to widen in shock. If he professed his love, she’d run in fear, he was certain. But … he could show her.
He pulled her off his lap, leaned back against the arm of the couch, and just stared at her for a moment. “Tell me about your life, Alexandra. Tell me everything, please.”
She rested her head on the back of the couch and just looked at him, her eyes slightly glazing over. “Everything?”
He brushed her curls off her shoulder and cupped her face. “Yes. Everything.”
They talked for hours after that until it was finally time for him to leave. He didn’t want to leave. He would’ve preferred holding Alexandra in his arms all night. But a deal was a deal.
CHAPTER NINE
The next morning when Alexandra woke up, she felt the same as the previous morning. Maybe she wasn’t pregnant; maybe she had the flu. Yeah, right. She couldn’t kid herself. The flu didn’t cause you to get sick, feel better, and then get sick again.
Alexandra went back to bed, hoping that eventually the nausea would pass. She’d heard something about dry toast, so she attempted to make herself a light breakfast. The vomiting continued. Every twenty minutes, whether she ate anything or not.
The phone ringing startled her, causing her to move too quickly, and again she had to sprint to the bathroom. Nine-thirty, it would have been Cameron.
The phone rang again half an hour later. Thank goodness, she’d already had her twenty-minute interval of puking.
“Hello,” she rasped out, feeling exhausted.
“Good morning, sunshine,” he chirped the same as yesterday.
“I don’t feel very much like sunshine this morning, Cameron.”
“Oh … are you sick again? I was going to ask if you wanted to meet me for lunch, but I could just bring some chicken soup to your apartment if you like.”
He was so thoughtful. “No, that’s okay. I’d rather you not see me like this. It was bad enough yesterday.
“It doesn’t bother me. Besides, that’s what boyfriends are supposed to do, right? Take care of their girlfriends.”
She couldn’t ever remember Jonathan taking care of her when she was sick. Actually, he would usually disappear. “Thanks, but I’m just going to attempt to sleep this off.”
“Okay. Call me if you feel better. I typically get off around six. Unless I manage to sell a car early. They pretty much let me do as I please, as long as I keep selling.”
“Thank you. I will. Goodbye.”
Alexandra hung up the phone feeling awful. Not just physically, but mentally. She didn’t need three months to decipher if it was going to work with Cameron. The guy was practically perfect in every way. He was kind, thoughtful, funny, good looking, and rich. How would she ever find such a combination again? He’d basically admitted he loved her last night, but she had let it slide, not wanting to embarrass him, knowing it had just slipped out. He’d been upset when he said it, trying to convince her that their first night hadn’t been just sex. After all, he didn’t really love her. He couldn’t have fallen in love with her after just a few dates. And he definitely wouldn’t when he learned that she was pregnant — and more than likely it wasn’t his.
Cameron called to check on her again around five-thirty. He sounded a little discouraged. And again, Alexandra wondered whether she should just admit she was pregnant. She just didn’t want to tell him until she decided what she wanted to do. An abortion was out of the question; she could never do that. Adoption was a viable option, though. She certainly couldn’t afford to raise a baby, and she definitely didn’t want to live on welfare.
The next morning, Alexandra realized she had to make a decision. She couldn’t continue like this; she had to work. She was sick the entire day yesterday, and today wasn’t looking any better. She called her OBGYN to schedule an appointment, but they suggested she come in immediately after she explained the severity and frequency of her morning sickness, which had turned into all-day sickness.
She had counted the days from her previous period over and over, and there was just no way to know. A
ccording to her research, there was a ten-day window … sometimes more or less that she could get pregnant. Problem was, Cameron fell right on the perfect day, and she knew she had been with Jonathan a couple of times in the window before Cameron. God, she felt like such a tramp. Never would she have thought that she would be in this predicament. She was living up to all the horrible things people had said about her all her life.
When Cameron called a second time to check on her, she informed him that she was going to the doctor, and of course, he offered to take her. As politely as possible, she declined.
Before leaving her apartment, Alexandra grabbed a small bucket, a toothbrush, and toothpaste.
At the doctor’s office, they performed a blood test which, along with the urine test, confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was pregnant. The nurse happily informed her of the news, but then apparently witnessing the look on her face, apologized. “I take it this was unplanned?” she asked without a hint of condemnation.
Alexandra dropped her head, shaking it back and forth in disbelief. “Nothing in my life has been planned,” she admitted. “I don’t know what to do. I’m so sick, and I don’t know how I can continue to work.”
“It usually passes in a few weeks; although, you are experiencing symptoms early. Most women wouldn’t even know they are pregnant at this juncture.” She lowered her head to look her in the eyes. “Not to get personal, but you sound awfully upset. Does the father know? Is that why you are so upset?”
Alexandra looked up at the kind woman who was taking an interest in her situation. “I don’t want to sound trashy … I’ve only slept with two men in my entire life. Unfortunately, both of them happened to be within days of each other. How will I know?”
She nodded in understanding. “Well, at approximately four months, we can perform an amniocentesis. Other than a paternity test, the test checks for several birth defects. We recommend the test to all expectant mothers if we have any concern, but not all accept,” she explained.
“Why? Is it dangerous?”
The nurse went on to explain the positives of the test and the possible risks associated. Alexandra didn’t know what to do. She desperately needed a friend, and right now, she had only one friend. Unfortunately, she couldn’t confide in him. There was no way Cameron could be objective. She left the office feeling inconsolable.
CHAPTER TEN
Cameron drummed his fingers on the desk and stared at his phone. He wanted to call her, but every time he did, he got the same story. It had been three days and Alexandra refused to let him come over, insisting she was sick.
Four days was entirely too long to still be sick. At the end of his shift on Wednesday, he decided to stop by. He didn’t want to see anything that would upset him, but it was better to know now before he got too emotionally involved. As if that were even possible.
It was past seven when he arrived at her apartment, unannounced. He had a late sale, and then he’d decided to make a stop for dinner and flowers at the local supermarket. If she’d already eaten dinner, she could reheat it tomorrow. It was a simple meal consisting of rotisserie chicken and a prepackaged salad from the deli. The flowers he’d chosen were just an unpretentious bouquet of tulips to cheer her up if she was still sick.
He lightly rapped on the door, then stood back so she could see him through the peephole.
Alexandra cracked the door. “Oh, Cameron, I’m still sick. You shouldn’t have.”
“Can I come in, Alexandra?”
“Hang on … let me put on some decent clothes.”
She returned a few minutes later wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. She opened the door, but then immediately turned away. Her apartment was dreary looking. All the shades were pulled, and it smelled as if she hadn’t had fresh air for days.
“I’ll be right out,” she called from the hallway. “I need to wash my face and brush my teeth.”
“Have you eaten? I brought dinner,” he called back.
She didn’t respond, so he helped himself to her miniature kitchen. A few empty bowls of microwaveable soup and a half-eaten piece of toast sat on the counter. She definitely wasn’t the tidiest person he’d ever dated. He cleaned up the bowls and toast, a few glasses in the sink, and then searched the cabinets for plates and a bowl to mix the Caesar salad. Next, he found a drawer of silverware. By the time Alexandra returned from the bathroom, he had everything out on the dinette.
He looked up as soon as she stepped out of the hallway. “Oh, dear heavens, Alexandra. What on earth?” He felt horrible for assuming she wasn’t sick. She had broken blood vessels in her eyes, and it looked as if she had lost ten pounds since he had seen her only a few days earlier. She took a seat at the table and rested her head in her hands. “Did you go to the doctor? You look horrible.”
She lifted her head, and her eyes were glassy with unshed tears.
“I’m sorry; that was rude.” He sat down across from her. “What do you have?”
She released a long breath. “I haven’t been able to work all week, and the nurse wasn’t sure when I would get better. I can’t afford to continue like this. I only have one choice.”
He looked at her face, trying to read her expression. “I don’t understand. How can you not get better?”
“I need a ride to a clinic tomorrow, Cameron. They said they wouldn’t allow me to leave unless I had a ride. Can you take me?”
“What clinic? Where?”
“It’s in Melbourne, right off of US1.”
He narrowed his eyes, trying to understand, hoping he wasn’t hearing what he thought he was hearing. “What clinic, Alexandra?”
“I’m pregnant, Cameron.”
He exhaled a large breath. “And you’re going to have an abortion …” Chills ran down his arms, and his stomach felt like an empty pit. “Is it mine? Or his?”
She looked down at her lap. “Does it matter?”
“No, it doesn’t. And no, I won’t drive you either. I won’t allow this, Alexandra.”
“Cameron, look at me. I can’t do this. I can’t afford to be pregnant if I can’t work. I don’t want to have an abortion. Believe me, I never for a minute thought I would ever consider doing something like this, but …” She dropped her head in her hands again. “I can’t do this. I can barely pay my bills now.”
Cameron walked around the table to where she sat and pulled her into his arms. Baggage … he knew she had excessive baggage, but he never imagined. He drew her toward the sofa and pulled her down beside him, taking her head between his hands. “Is it possible the baby is mine, Alexandra? Not that it matters … I’ll help you anyway. But I want to know.”
“Yes. I calculated over and over. But based on how sick I am, so quickly … more than likely it’s his.”
He sighed. “When can we find out?”
“At sixteen weeks they can do a test, but it requires inserting a needle into the womb. Supposedly it’s safe, but there are several things that can go wrong and based on my luck …”
“Then, we’ll wait. I’ll just pray that it’s mine.”
Her eyes widened in response to his declaration.
“I love you, Alexandra. This isn’t how I envisioned our relationship starting when I suggested skipping over the dating part, but I won’t let you go through this alone either.” He smiled. Surprised he was admitting this. He’d already told her he loved her the other night, and she felt no need to reciprocate, and here he was doing it again.
She rested her head on his chest, and he could feel soft spasms. “I’m sorry.”
He brushed a few stray curls away from her face and kissed her forehead. “Would you like to move into my condo? I have an extra bedroom. It just has exercise equipment, but I can move them to the garage.”
Again she looked up at him astonished. “Cameron, what if it’s not yours? No, I couldn’t possibly.”
“It’s not an it; it’s a baby. And it doesn’t matter. It would be cheaper than me covering your expenses here. You’ll
have your own room. You were living here with him, right? What’s the difference?” He bit his tongue at his remark. Why did he have to behave ill-manneredly?
She jerked back from him. “I don’t expect you to take care of me, Cameron,” she retorted, obviously not thrilled with his remark.
He reached for her. “I’m sorry. That was rude.”
She shoved away his hands. “You can’t keep saying whatever is on your mind and then just say you’re sorry, Cameron. That was rude. If you think I’m such a tramp, why are you even interested?”
“I don’t think that. I’m just accustomed to saying what I’m thinking at the second I’m thinking it. But I really didn’t mean it. I don’t think you’re a tramp. If I thought that, would I ask you to move in with me?”
“I don’t know. I’m so confused.” She dropped her head into her hands again. “I just don’t want to make any more mistakes.”
He put his hand under her chin and lifted her head. “Am I a mistake?”
“You are probably the only thing in my life that hasn’t been a mistake.”
“Pack your things, Alexandra. You’re coming home with me.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
As much as Cameron’s invitation tempted Alexandra, she simply couldn’t accept; she couldn’t move in with him. “No, Cameron, I’m not. I can’t. You said so yourself that you are a co-dependent. And I refuse to become some mission project. I won’t allow you to become trapped by the mistakes I made.”
He pulled her back into his arms. “It was my responsibility too. I should have taken precaution. It’s just as much the man’s obligation to provide protection as the woman’s. I hadn’t been with a woman in so long you took me by surprise, and I wanted you too much to think clearly. I actually never thought you would give me a second glance ever again, and I didn’t want to lose my one opportunity of having you for myself. So, my selfishness got us here.”
She shook her head at his comment. “You keep saying that, Cameron. Why would you think I wouldn’t be interested?”
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