by Calista Kyle
“How dare you!”
“Oh, I dare. You’re selfish, bitter and you’ll always be alone. Now I know why dad walked out on you,” I said before marching towards the door and pulling the handle open.
“If you walk out that door, don’t ever expect to come back or to be acknowledged by me again,” she warned.
I didn’t even turn around to look at her. I stepped out of her office and slammed the door shut. I was still running on adrenaline and indignation and walked over to my cubicle and began shoving my things into my purse. It was a good thing I didn’t have much, just a couple of photographs and a snow globe I’d gotten on a shoot in Berlin.
“What the heck happened?” Candace asked, taking in my appearance. “You look like hell.”
“I quit,” I stated.
Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened in surprise. She didn’t say anything for a while, but when she finally gathered her wits, she stood up and gave me a hug. “Good for you!” she said. “I’ve half a mind to follow you out that door.”
“You should,” I said. “This place is a wasteland. But we’ll talk about it later. I want to leave now before she chases me out of the building with her pitchfork.”
I slipped my purse over my shoulder and headed for the exit. Once outside, I slumped against the wall as the weight and realization of what I’d just done finally hit me.
Chapter 22: Mel
I was meeting Lily for brunch this morning. She’d been in London for the past several weeks. I hadn’t realized how much I missed her until she was gone, especially now, in light of all that went down with my mother. It had only been a few days since that confrontation and I was still reeling from it.
After I left the office that day, I’d been in a daze. I walked around the city for a bit, not really knowing where to go. My mind was going in circles, replaying the scene over and over in my head, and trying to make sense of it all. Once I got back to my apartment, I remained there for days, not bothering to venture out. It wasn’t like I had a job or anywhere to be.
Just thinking about it again left me cold and numb. This was the first time I’d been out of the apartment since quitting, and I needed it. I needed to see Lily and confess it all to her. She, more than anyone, knew my history with Chad and my mother.
I arrived at the restaurant early and took a seat. Lily walked through the door five minutes later and spotted me immediately. I felt a huge smile spread across my face as I stood up to greet her.
“You look ah-mazing!” I gushed.
“Thanks, Mel! Right back at cha,” she grinned.
Once she had taken her seat and we’d placed our orders, she leaned forward and pinned me with an intense stare. “Ok, so what’s been going on while I’ve been gone? I haven’t heard a peep from you except a couple of short emails. I feel like I’ve been away a lot longer than a few weeks,” she said.
“I don’t even know where to begin,” I said.
“So, a lot has happened? Are you and Ryan…uh…still together?” she asked hesitantly.
I laughed nervously. “You certainly don’t beat around the bush,” I said. I hadn’t told her about Chad and my short reconciliation because I’d been afraid of her reaction. He had hurt me badly and she was there to see it all. I knew she’d be upset, but I couldn’t hide it from her anymore.
“No, I don’t think Ryan and I were ever together like that,” I began. She cocked an inquisitive eyebrow, but remained silent while I continued. “Chad and I got back together,” I blurted out in a rush. “But it’s over now.”
It took a moment for the news to sink in. Her face was blank at first and then a frown appeared on her forehead as she narrowed her eyes in confusion. I knew the moment that she finally understood what I’d just told her because her eyes widened in disbelief and her mouth hung open. She shot up from her chair and looked down at me incredulously. “Shut up!” she nearly shouted.
I glanced around us nervously and pulled her back down into her seat. “Geez, calm down, will you? You’re worse than Candace,” I whispered.
Lily shook her head several times, still looking like she didn’t believe me. She took a long sip of her water before slowly placing it back on the table with deliberation. Finally, she looked back up at me. “Tell me you’re kidding, Mel,” she said.
I swallowed past the dryness in my throat and slowly shook my head. This conversation was a lot harder than I’d expected. I knew Lily might be upset. After all, she’d seen me at my worst after Chad left, so she knew how devastated I’d been.
“Are you out of your mind? Have you been taking some mind altering drugs while I’ve been away? Why would you do this?” she asked in rapid fire succession.
“I listened to someone I shouldn’t have,” I said. “But like I said, it’s over now.”
“Thank God for that,” she said.
“Chad wasn’t all that bad, really. Don’t get me wrong, he did hurt me, but I don’t think he did it maliciously. He was just immature.”
“Why are you defending that ass?” she asked.
“Because…I feel bad about turning down his proposal,” I said.
“WHAT?! What proposal?” Lily screeched. “My God, woman, I haven’t even been here for ten minutes and you’re about to give me a heart attack.”
Despite the heaviness of the situation, I had the sudden urge to laugh. Lily looked like a cartoon character, with her eyes bugging out, her mouth gaping open like a fish out of water and a look of utter astonishment on her face. But I knew the next bit of news would be unpleasant and that wiped the smile off my face. I’d dreaded rehashing it all again and reliving the ugliness with my mother, but it needed to be done. I couldn’t keep it bottled up inside to eat away at me. I was tired of always defending that woman when she’d done nothing to deserve it, and more than anything, I needed Lily’s advice.
“Before I tell you about that, I need to go back and tell you about my mother’s involvement,” I said.
“What’s Cora have to do with it?” she asked, clearly confused.
“I’m going to get to it,” I said. I took a deep breath and began. I told Lily about Chad calling me up out of the blue and me agreeing to meet with him. “Now, I know that look on your face, and yes, it was a mistake,” I said, preempting Lily’s words.
“I wasn’t about to say anything,” she muttered unconvincingly.
“So, I met with Chad and he told me how much he missed me and how he made a mistake leaving me. He wanted me to give him another chance. I was so confused, Lily. I mean, all these months I’d fantasized about that exact situation, and there it was happening before my very eyes.
I’d just gone on an amazing date with Ryan the night before and I thought that we had something special. And here Chad was, the man I’d thought was the love of my life, asking me to take him back. I didn’t know what to do.”
“So, you chose Chad,” Lily said.
“You make me sound so callous. It wasn’t like that at all,” I said a little defensively.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound that way. What made you decide to give Chad another chance?” she asked.
“My mother.”
Lily furrowed her brow and pursed her lips, looking like she was struggling for words. “Really?” she finally managed to say after a long pause.
“Yes,” I laughed. “That was my initial reaction too.”
“I don’t mean to be rude about your mother—”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. I don’t really consider her a mother. She’s just a woman that gave birth to me,” I said bitterly.
“Something serious must have gone down while I was away to make you say those things,” Lily said, eyeing me cautiously. “I’ve never heard you speak badly about her before, though she deserved it all right.”
“Yeah, you could say that. Something did go down,” I said.
“Well, what was it?”
“I’m getting to that. So, my mother calls me into her office and basically told
me that I should give Chad another chance,” I continued on, ignoring Lily’s interruption. “When I told her I might have feelings for Ryan, she let me know that he wasn’t someone I should even consider. She said she knows he’s a serial cheater and even had a girlfriend he kept on the side.”
Lily muttered a protest, but I continued on trying to get my story out while I still had the steam. “She said Chad was a good man who’d stick by me and be loyal and reliable. She was so nice and seemed like she actually was concerned about me. It was the first time I’d ever seen her like that in my life. And I guess I wanted to please her and make her happy. So I told her that I’d give it a try.”
“So, why’d you turn down his proposal?” she asked.
“Because I realized I didn’t love him anymore,” I said. “It was different. I knew it would never work out between us. My feelings had changed. He seemed to take it well but he mentioned something that I thought was weird.”
“What’d he say?”
“He said that it was my mother who told him I was waiting for him to propose. He said he never would have believed it if she didn’t plant that idea in his head. So that’s what made him go out and buy the ring,” I said.
“That’s odd,” Lily said, looking as confused as I’d felt when I first heard it. “Why would she do something like that? I never thought she liked Chad all that much. Then again, she hardly likes anyone, so I have no idea how she’d treat someone she did actually like.”
“I thought it was weird too. A few days ago she called me into her office and she was livid that I’d refused Chad’s proposal. I’d never seen her that angry before, it was almost scary. She basically called me worthless and all the usual motherly things one says to one’s daughter,” I said sarcastically, trying to fight down the tears forming in my eyes.
Lily reached out her hand and placed it over mine giving it a squeeze. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. What a horrid woman,” she said.
“It gets better though,” I continued on ruthlessly. “The reason why she wanted me to marry Chad so badly was just to spite Ryan. Can you believe that?”
“What? That makes absolutely no sense. What was she thinking?”
I relayed to Lily everything my mother had said about the board and her removal as editor in chief and her belief that Ryan was the architect of that. I also told her how I finally stood up to her and called her out on her vile behavior and that I’d finally quit my job. Lily sat back in stunned silence, shaking her head slowly.
“Wow,” she said.
“Tell me about it.”
“I mean I’m proud of you for finally facing that woman down. Lord knows I wouldn’t want to do it. That took real bravery and strength. I’m proud of you,” she said.
I actually blushed. I didn’t feel very strong. To be honest, it wasn’t bravery that got me through that confrontation, but anger and finally indifference. I knew there was nothing left that my mother could have said that could have hurt me anymore than she already had. So I had nothing to lose. But hearing Lily’s kind words and seeing the pride in her face lifted my spirits slightly.
“Thanks, Lil,” I said. “This is what happens when you leave the country, though. I make a total mess of my life,” I added to lighten the mood.
“Have you talked to Ryan since finding out about your mother’s involvement?” Lily asked.
“No,” I said. “I really haven’t had a reason to talk to him.”
“What do you mean? You have every reason to talk to him. You can tell him about what your mother did for one thing. I’m sure he’d like to know what stories Cora Abelgard is telling about him behind his back. Besides, maybe you two could work it out—”
I held up my hand to stop her. “Don’t even go there Lily. Even though my mother interfered with Chad and I, she might have actually been right about Ryan. He wasn’t seriously interested in me.”
“Why would you say that?” she asked.
“Because after what I thought was an amazing date and night together, he never called me back or tried to contact me. Then, when I saw him again at the Vivienne Cabot launch party, he completely ignored me. I tried to talk to him and he acted so cold and arrogant, I felt like I was talking to a stranger. And then if that wasn’t bad enough, he left soon afterwards to hang out with his date. It’s in all the papers now that he’s dating that actress Emilia Holliday. So that’s why I say he’s not interested in me,” I said.
“That doesn’t make any sense. He told Roman, actually gave his word, that he was serious about you and wasn’t going to play any games,” Lily said.
“What?! When did he say that?”
“Right after Vegas. Roman confronted him and told him to stay away from you if he wasn’t serious. If he broke your heart, Roman said he’d hurt him.”
I didn’t know whether to feel touched that Roman had gone out of his way to look out for me or frustrated at the fact that everyone seemed to think it was okay to interfere in my life. If Ryan really was serious about me, then why did he act like he didn’t care when I saw him at the party? And what about Emilia Holliday? I shook my head, trying to clear it and make sense of this jumbled mess of my life.
“You know, he probably thought you had ditched him for Chad and maybe that’s why he was acting so strange when you saw him,” Lily mused out loud.
“How would he have known anything about Chad and me?” I asked.
The answer came to the both of us at the same time. “My mother!”
“Your mother!”
Even now, the depths of her viciousness surprised me. Lily blew out a low whistle. “I wouldn’t want to have that woman for an enemy. She really does not play around.”
“If my mother told him Chad and I were already back together, then he must have thought I was a tease or maybe just using him as a rebound,” I realized with growing horror. “That’s why he was so angry and distant.”
It all made sense now. The coldness and aloofness. He probably thought I was the one playing him. I felt sick to my stomach. Not only had my mother gone and stuck her nose into my affairs with Chad, she had to go and ruin things with Ryan too.
He had moved on and my chance with him was gone. My anger and frustration with her came surging back and wanted to head over to her office and give her another piece of my mind. But knowing her, she probably had me banned from entering the building.
“You can still make it right with him, I’m sure. He really was taken with you. I’m sure if you just told him what your mother did—”
“No,” I said adamantly. “He’s already moved on and I’m sure he probably thinks himself lucky to get away from me and my crazy psychotic mother. He’s probably better off anyways.”
“You don’t mean that,” Lily said. “I know you like him and you shouldn’t give up hope. You were there for me when Roman and I were on the rocks and by hell or high water I will be there for you and make this happen.”
“I really appreciate your help, but there’s no chance for us. He’s with Emilia Holliday now. They’re in all the papers together looking like two lovebirds,” I said sadly. Even though I tried to avoid any news of them, it had been hard. Not only did my mother constantly bring them to my attention, I also had an itching curiosity to see and read the news about them too.
“You’re just saying that because you’re upset. But from what Roman told me of Ryan, he doesn’t ever show his emotions. And for him to admit to Roman that he was serious about you—well, that’s a huge thing. Roman was even surprised by it. I don’t think he’d get over you as quickly as you seem to believe.”
Her words brought a sliver of hope to me and I perked up slightly. “Do you really think so?” I asked.
“Yes,” she answered before she sat back with a look of utter concentration on her face. I was just about to ask her what she was thinking when she turned her attention to me. Her eyes were fervent and intense and she had a triumphant smile on her face. “I’ve got it.”
“What?�
�� I asked eagerly.
“Ryan’s throwing a house party in the Hamptons this weekend and he’s invited Roman and me. Since Roman can’t make it, you’ll come with me instead. And once we’re there, you can talk to him and confess your feelings,” she said.
“I—I don’t know about that,” I said hesitantly. “I’m sure Emilia will be there and—.”
“Forget about Emilia! This is about you and Ryan. You have to go after what you want or you’ll regret it. Isn’t that what you used to tell me? Suck it up, Mel, and put on your big girl panties and just lay it all out on the line. The worst thing he can do is to say no,” she said.
I agreed silently. That was the worst thing he could do but somehow I wasn’t as heartened by that as Lily assumed I would be. In fact, I thought it would probably break my heart.
***
We pulled up to a long gravel driveway leading to Ryan’s estate. All week, I’d been debating whether or not I’d actually come. Lily had been persistent to a fault. Usually it was me who had to nag Lily to do anything, so it felt strange to be on the other end of the stick. When I told her I probably wouldn’t be able to make it, she had put her foot down and glared at me.
“You’re going even if I have to kidnap you,” she said, reminding me of the time I kidnapped her for her bachelorette party.
I could tell by the stubborn tilt of her chin that she wasn’t joking. One way or another, she’d get me to the Hamptons whether I wanted to go or not. Deep down, I did want to go, but I was too nervous and scared of the outcome. What if Ryan really had moved on? The thought sent my emotions spiraling down again. It was only now, when he was probably out of my reach, that I realized how much I really liked him.
If I were being honest with myself, I had started falling in love with Ryan before Vegas, but I never seriously considered it a possibility. I was still so wrapped up in my own heartache over my breakup with Chad that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. And when Chad finally did come back into my life, I realized that it was Ryan I wanted all along. How ironic and unfair it all seemed. I should have followed my gut instincts instead of listening to my mother.
