by J C Hartung
“I didn’t want it to bother you, or make you sad. I know that music makes you think of Uncle Mark and that makes you sad, so you don’t do music anymore.”
This honest revelation hit Rae’s gut hard, and she visually cringed. She saw instantly flashes of memory from the past two years; in each moment with everyone close to her, the moments had been silent. There had been no music. Then she remembered what Dave had said that morning on the dock and she understood. She had let the music die.
“You didn’t want to make me sad,” she repeated, as understanding covered her.
“Mom said if I wanted to listen to music I could, but only with my head phones,” she whispered.
“Oh, sweetie.” Raina brought her hand to touch the side of Shanna’s face. “Do you listen to a lot of music at home?” she asked, suddenly seeing a new side to this girl.
Shanna smiled fast and her face lit. “Yes! Mom is always yelling at me to turn it down.” When Raina smiled back at her, Shanna told her the part she’d always wanted to share but had never been able to before.
“She says I drive her crazier than Uncle Mark did when they were little.”
“I can see that!” she answered immediately. “Shan, if you want to listen to music, from now on you play it. If I want you to turn it down, I’ll let you know. Okay?” Shanna nodded, and though a small piece of her ached, she loved that music had lived on in her niece. “So what are you into?”
Shanna grew excited and even after spending a few hours the previous week shuffling through a music library, she had no clue who half the bands were her niece was excited about.
She listened to Shanna for a while, and when Shanna grew brave enough to ask Raina what she used to listen to. Shanna sat quietly with open ears and listened to some of the fabulous stories Raina had to share about her and Mark’s music filled life.
Linc did his best to stay out of Matthew’s way as he wired the addition and what would soon be his new kitchen. He hadn’t ever considered himself one to micromanage, but he was proving quickly that he did have the trait buried somewhere inside of him.
He was itching to get it insulated so he could hang the drywall. While he waited, he removed all the baseboards, trim, and doors from the house. They needed to be sanded down before he could refinish them. Over the years someone had painted them and he wanted the trim and boards to be a uniform color throughout the house.
Working on his own projects was different and more rewarding than building for other people. His vision was his own, he could alter it as he went and adapt it to suit what he wanted. With his clients he designed to suit their lifestyle or who they wanted to appear to be. They were paying, so they got what they wanted, which often chained his creativity and limited his vision.
Though he was keeping the old house, he would rip it apart and put it back together exactly the way he envisioned, and in the end it would be a showpiece that felt lived in and welcoming.
It was all coming along much quicker than he’d thought. At first he thought he’d take his time and work on it as he could. But once the extension was erected, he pushed himself to do it quicker.
Since his date he’d been uncharacteristically on edge. He thought that overall it had gone well. They had shared some laughs, kept it light and made a few discoveries about each other.
She said she was busy the rest of the week and couldn’t say for sure when or if she could see him again. He was still unsure what that meant, and because he wasn’t sure, he found himself thinking about her more than he liked.
When he couldn’t sleep he worked; he had put in a lot of hours over the past two days. With the trim and the doors off throughout the house, he rented a floor sander and began lifting layers of stain from the old, uneven floorboards. Since he’d already moved his sleeping quarters to the barn’s loft and was essentially living there, he figured he may as well get the really messy work out of the way.
He now sat swaying on his porch swing contemplating his next move. The porch swing was hung courtesy of Matthew, who finished up the wiring just as Linc was stringing the thick ropes through the steel rings fastened to the roof of the porch. He stuck around to lend a hand and the two of them had sat on the steps to share a beer at the end of a long, hot and hard day’s work. Linc had also earned himself an invite to next Thursday night’s poker game.
Linc closed his eyes and listened to the night noises. The days were growing shorter, and the nights cool, which made sleeping in the loft much more comfortable. The week his family had been over had been hot and humid, and sleeping without air conditioning on a blow-up mattress hadn’t been ideal. He knew the next time Chris came, the living arrangements wouldn’t be much better, but he hoped by Christmas he could give each family a room with a real bed. He wanted his house filled with life and laughter, even if it wasn’t all pulled together. He knew it would be beautiful here and with the sprawling acres he owned, it would look like a winter wonderland. He wouldn’t get the trails groomed this year, but once the house was finished, he would have a blast creating a maze for the kids to play in.
He laughed and wondered if it wouldn’t be more feasible for him if Raina didn’t call him back; he’d certainly get a whole lot of work done! He stood and hauled himself across the drive and up the stairs to his inflatable bed. He fell heavily on it and decided as he drifted to sleep, that he would have to make a trip to buy some baked goods in the morning.
The seats were full and there was a line at the cash register. It was impressive, and it smelled so good. He shoved his hands in his pockets and waited in line. When the door to the kitchen swung open, he caught a quick glimpse of her standing near the door, wearing a white apron streaked with color. Her hair was twisted and piled on top of her head except for her bangs that were swept to the side. Her cheeks were flushed and she was laughing.
He figured the best approach was to wait in line, buy a whole lot of food, and if she hadn’t come out of hiding before he had done so, he’d ask to see her.
If waiting for her to walk out that door wasn’t hard enough, narrowing down his choice for lunch sure was. Under the glass domed counter, every delicious and enticing plate had a neatly printed place card. He placed his order, hemmed and hawed, and in the end added two slices of pie and a dozen cookies to go. He was just pocketing his change when she backed out of the kitchen door with her arms carrying the heavy weight of a tray loaded with soup and sandwiches.
She didn’t see him so he had the luxury of watching her interact with her customers. It looked like it came easy to her and she laughed as she set the food in front of the hungry crowd. She chatted with them for a brief moment and turned.
Linc took two long strides and found he was effectively blocking her path back to the kitchen. She nearly ran into him and the look on her face registered pure surprise.
“Hey!”
“Linc! Hi, what are you doing here?” she asked, feeling flustered, awkward and everything in between.
He raised his box of food as his face transformed into an inviting smile. “Food!”
“Of course.” She swiped at her bangs with the back of her hand and grabbed a corner of her apron to wipe the other.
“Do you have a minute?” he asked.
Her eyes did a quick sweep of tables and over to the line at the counter before she nodded and motioned for him to follow her. She spoke a few words to the woman behind the counter, grabbed a bottle of water, and led him up a stairway and into a small office. The space was dark and uninviting and it looked nothing like her, and because it didn’t he doubted she ever worked up there, or in the least was likely not very productive if she did.
He watched her hop onto the desk and open up the water bottle. She took a long drink and looked over at him.
“What’s up?”
“Is it always that busy down there?”
She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. “There are a few slow moments throughout the day, but it’s pretty consistent.”
“Impressiv
e! Mind if I sit?”
She motioned for him to take a seat. She had about two more minutes to give him and then she had to get back to the kitchen. She had a monster birthday cake to start on. She watched him sit and waited silently for him to speak; only he didn’t.
“So?” She finally said when the silence became too much. He continued to smile at her and now he leaned forward until his elbows touched his knees.
“So. Would you let me make you dinner on Saturday?”
“You want to make me dinner?”
She was so surprised that she sounded accusingly rude. Thankfully, he appeared to find her response comical, because he laughed and wheeled the chair closer to her.
“I’ve been known to prepare food every now and then, and if I burn it, I usually keep a pizza stashed in the freezer.”
A nervous laugh escaped her and her eyes darted from him to his hand that was now next to hers on the desk. “That sounds tempting, but I really can’t this weekend.”
“Another date?” he teased, silently hoping that wasn’t the case.
She smiled and tried to keep it light. “That’s one way to look at it. My family is visiting for the weekend and I will have a full house.”
“An invasion! Cool! When will their ship take them back to where they came from?”
That provoked full laughter from her, and he took the opportunity to slide the chair in front of her so that she was effectively pinned to the desk. She stopped laughing when his fingers brushed hers.
“They’re leaving sometime Sunday.”
“So how about Sunday night?”
She shook her head in reply. She felt bad, because if he only knew what a mess her life was, he would likely not be interested at all.
“You’re a tough sell, Red,” he said, and though he was frustrated, he smiled. He was not giving up.
“Linc, I’m really not. I’m sorry, I’d like to have you burn dinner for me, but it’s just a bit more complicated than that for me.”
He laughed under his breath, but he could see she was serious. “Okay, how about this. You call me Sunday night when everyone has returned to their planet, and we’ll try to find a time.”
He pushed the chair back to allow her some space to get to her feet. He stood, picked up his box of food and he reached for the door. He walked through, and took the first two steps down the stairs feeling like it wasn’t supposed to have gone down like that, when he felt her hand on his shoulder.
“Linc,” she said softly, and hope sprang into his chest. He turned and there she was, her beautiful eyes; the endless deep haunting grey of them were only a few inches from his. Seeing them that close gave him an idea of their power, and when he was sure even without knowing her that he’d give her anything she asked, she stunned him by putting her arms around his neck and drawing him close. Her lips were on his, and everything else vanished. He curled his empty hand around her waist, but when he wanted to pull her closer, she pulled away.
Her eyes fell on his once more and he wanted her to take whatever was left of him to give, because he thought that she could make him plead with her to do the same.
Instead, she offered what she could.
“Linc, I promise you I’m not playing games. My life is very complicated right now, and I’m not really sure what I can offer you.”
He scanned her face and reached his hand up to sweep her hair across her forehead, but before he could touch her, she took his hand and pulled it away.
“I have to get back to work, but I will do my best to call you on Sunday.”
Chapter Eighteen
Three vehicles full of Sawyers piled out of their cars and into Raina’s small three bedroom house. She gave Trish and Dave her room after a brief protest and the kids with their sleeping bags were sent to set up in the basement. Her house was full, and loud; she found she loved the chaos. Shanna had set up the music dock she’d brought along and there was music flowing through her kitchen. The back door was continuously swinging open and shut, and there were happy people in each room.
To her great relief the forecast had cooperated, and a late night encouraged all the kids to sleep late, so they got a late start to the day. Everyone was relaxed, full of food, and happy to be together.
The hour was nearing noon and her family would be pulling in anytime. She had a lot of food to prep and she had been at it since she woke. Different hands helped, lingered to chat, and pitched in to set up tables outside, or offer their services where they were needed.
Dave breezed into the garage kitchen as she was transferring food from the cooler to the counter. She set down a large tray of burgers just as he leaned his arm across her shoulder, turned her, and with both his hands on her shoulders she now faced him.
“You’re looking good, Rae!”
“How generous of you!” she laughed back at his assessment of her.
“You know what I mean,” he said, with a grin and a roll of his eyes.
“I do, I’ve been working on it,” she shrugged and went back to the cooler.
He sat at the long counter and helped himself to the plate full of veggies. He picked up a carrot stick and contemplated the dip.
“I can tell. What have you been doing?” he asked. She took a moment, stopped racing around, exhaled deeply and pushed her fingers into her hair. He saw the way her fingers trailed unintentionally across her scarred forehead, and he wished that somehow she could let some of that trauma go.
“Sit for a minute.” He waved his hand over the counter. “The food can wait, no one will notice.”
She sat and he smiled so his eyes creased, his dimples popped, and his eyes anticipated. As she acknowledged the resemblance between Dave and Mark she felt a wave of emptiness wash over her. She had never said it before because she didn’t ever think she could get through it, but today she needed to, and though her eyes filled, she began.
“He was so much like you. Not just because you look alike, but the way you care. He loved you so much, Dave.”
Dave’s sparkling smile dulled and he looked down at his hands. She reached for them, gave them a squeeze and continued to explain.
“I’ve been trying to remember who I was. What I wanted, the things I loved, all of it.”
Dave looked at her, encouraging her to continue even if it may be hard for him to hear.
“I wonder if a part of me died that day too. And lately I’ve been wondering if it’s not too late to get a piece of me back.”
“Rae, you’ve given it enough time. You were perfect the way you were, Mark sure thought so. When you’re ready to find the pieces you think you’re missing, you’ll be perfect again. Just don’t let yourself believe that part of your life had to end that day too. You can miss him and keep him a part of you while you build a great life being who you are without him at your side.”
They sat quietly for a fleeting moment, both struggling to reign in the painful truth of that statement before they shared a quick embrace. Moments were what they got as shouts for food rang out and Dave disappeared carrying a stack of food ready for the BBQ, while the whirlwind flow of traffic picked itself up again.
Everyone was there, the food was spread across a long table, the kids were racing, screeching and squealing with happiness, and the parents were relaxed as they watched the scene unfold. It amazed her that her families could fit together seamlessly.
Oliver was too excited to eat as were most of the cousins his age. They were running circles around the house and Raina was thankful she lived on the outskirts of town where there was plenty of room for them to run with no neighbors to disturb.
Her Dad had taken over at the grill when she heard Oliver squeal and the crunch of gravel as a truck flashed through the trees and came around the house on the drive. From behind the screen door in the garage she watched her Dad wave.
Her pulse quickened when the truck stopped and she recognized it. He got out of the truck with no sign of hesitation, and didn’t have time to close the door behind him be
fore her dark haired angel was streaking through the air and throwing himself into Linc’s arms. He caught Oliver and threw him up. Her mouth went dry where she stood, stunned behind the screen door watching and listening. And in a slight panic, her mind raced.
What is he doing here? How does Oliver know him? Seriously, what is he doing here?
“Mr. Linc! You came!” Oliver cheered, from Linc’s arms.
Mr. Linc? What is going on?
“Of course I did! You’re having cake right?” he teased, and Oliver jumped up and down. Linc reached into the truck and pulled out a box wrapped in Superman paper.
“Is that for me?” Oliver cheered, as Martin walked towards the two.
“It is if you want it!” Linc laughed, and tucked it under his arm as he walked to her Father.
Linc grinned when Oliver raced away to rejoin the game. As far as kids parties went, he thought there were a whole lot of grown-ups sitting around, and every last one of them stopped and acknowledged his presence.
“How are you, Linc? Have you eaten?” Martin asked, as Linc fell in stride with him back towards the mountain of food.
What? Dad too?
“I’m doing great! I haven’t eaten, well not much anyway!” he laughed.
“Well there’s heaps of food, but let me introduce you to everyone first.”
He went through their names quickly, omitting the children. Linc felt like he was on display for a fleeting moment as they all stared inquiringly at him.
“You know, Matthew,” Martin continued. “And this is his wife, Carrie.”
Linc was surprised to see Raina’s sister-in-law next to Matthew. Carrie smiled kindly and waved her hand and then her eyes swung towards the house, where she saw Raina standing near the door gaping at the situation.
“Oliver’s Mom was just here a minute ago too, she’ll likely be right out.”
Raina heard him say it and she knew she had to leave her hiding spot.
As she pushed the door, the two thoughts that collided in her mind were: how could I have kissed this man yesterday before noon while I prepared food for Mark’s family? And the second was; at least I kissed him before he could decide he wanted nothing to do with me.
