She filled a plastic cup and went back to sit next to Charlie while he drank. “Go to sleep, Charlie. You’ve had a long day.”
“Thor says I should stop getting worked up over dumb things,” Charlie said.
“Thor’s smart. That’s good advice,” Renee said.
“The things don’t seem dumb at the time. I couldn’t think straight. My mind went all Hulk-like.”
“I know that scares you. It’s okay, you’re fine now. I’m here, Thor’s here, your father is here.”
Charlie stared down at the floor. “I woke you up when your arm is hurt. I’m sorry.”
“I know you were trying hard to be calm. Rest. We’ll work on things tomorrow.” She tucked the blanket tighter around him.
“Okay.” Charlie closed his eyes.
Renee trudged back to the kitchen, her shoulders slumped, looking defeated. Daz tried to hug her but she just collapsed into a kitchen chair, put her head on the kitchen table again and closed her eyes.
He rubbed the back of her neck. The muscles were wound up tight.
“How long has it been since you’ve had a good night’s sleep?” he whispered.
“The last weekend you took Charlie.”
Nearly two weeks ago. Silence reigned as they watched until Charlie’s chest rose and fell in deep sleep.
“Whew,” Renee whispered. She stretched out her legs and relaxed back in the chair. He finally sat down across from her.
“Does he have fits like this often?” Daz asked.
“It used to be once a month but it’s close to once a week lately. He’s getting worse. I’m surprised this is the first time you’ve seen it. But then he always gets what he wants with you. I’m the one left to tell him ‘no’.”
“I’m sorry,” Daz whispered.
“My fault.” Circles shadowed her eyes. “I should’ve known this would happen after today. Meltdowns tend to happen when he’s stressed. He probably woke up after a nightmare. I should’ve known. I should have woken him up and given him the melatonin. Then he would have slept through the night.”
He enclosed her hand. “Stop beating yourself up, okay?”
She shook her head, her mouth tight, misery in every movement. “I want him to get better but nothing I do seems to help. And I have to find something that will help him.”
“You calmed him down just now when all I could do was watch him thrash around and hope I wasn’t bruising his wrists while I held him. You’re doing something right.”
“I didn’t calm him down. Thor calmed him down,” Renee said. “I just came in at the end.”
Daz glanced into the living to Charlie and back to Renee. “Do you always have to restrain him like I did?”
“Usually, I can distract him with a change of subject but every now and then, I have to do what you did.” She stared out into space, not looking at him. Not, he suspected, looking at anything.
“I’m sorry.” Daz shook his head. “I felt so damn helpless when he was in the middle of it.”
“I know that feeling well.”
“I know I gave you a hard time about the autism diagnosis.”
She shook her head. “You’re not the only one.”
“I know how good you are with him. I should have supported you.” He reached out his hand for her. “I’m sorry.”
She hesitated a second, then took it. He swallowed hard. Getting her into bed had been easy compared to this conversation.
“Thank you.” She squeezed his hand. “I realize that unless you’ve been there, it’s hard to know what the fits can be like. Maybe I was afraid to push it with you because, deep down, I wanted you to be right. But wishing things will get better won’t help him. And I need to find something that does.”
I, she’d said. Not we. But then, they’d hardly been a team.
“What do the professionals he’s seeing say about Charlie?” Daz asked.
“I can’t get a consensus. Every autistic kid is different, so what works with one won’t necessarily work with the other. Plus, his symptoms change as he grows. Right now I’m just trying to make it through one day at a time to keep him safe. And, it’s pretty apparent after today that I’m not always succeeding at the safety part.” Her voice held a note of panic. “The school thinks a behavior chart is the perfect answer for Charlie. Sometimes he does well with it, some days not. The days he’s not doing well are increasing.”
“The school’s been calling you a lot?” Daz asked.
“Several times a week, including today.”
“What happened today?”
She told him about a “trick” test Charlie had taken and his anger and panic that caused him to run out of the school. Daz’s mouth went dry at the thought of Charlie running into traffic.
“I don’t even know if I should send him back to school,” Renee said.
Daz had no answer for that. If Renee was uncertain, this was so way over his head. Dammit. He’d been so worried about leveling up for his work that he didn’t realize how much he needed to do with his son.
“And that’s just Charlie’s behavior,” Renee continued. “He’s also convinced he can talk to animals. I thought it was just an overactive imagination, but now I’m not so sure. He could be—” her voice cracked, “—delusional. Mixing up reality and imagination.”
“I’ve noticed he says animals talk to him inside his head.”
No wonder she was terrified. The odds were very much against Charlie being a telepath, but it was possible. Beth needed to see Charlie. But how did he mention that idea to Renee in a way that sounded believable and sane?
“It does seem like animals respond to him, particularly Thor and Loki. And the cat was calm with him too,” Daz said.
Renee slumped back in her chair and let go of Daz’s hand. “My dogs have known Charlie since birth. They’re very aware of his body language and he’s probably aware of theirs. So it seems like he can do what he says. I’ve tried to steer him that way, tried to convince him that he and the dogs were just close and read each other’s body language, but he claims that’s not that the case, that he speaks to them in his mind.” She said the last sentence in a low whisper. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve run out of solutions.”
Daz almost blurted out that telepaths were real. But most people didn’t believe that unless convinced with evidence and Daz had none with him right now.
He had to get Charlie to Beth. Beth could read Charlie’s mind telepathically and find out if he was delusional or not. Hell, Beth could read Charlie’s mind and figure out everything that was going on inside his head. Maybe Charlie wasn’t autistic. Maybe if Charlie could talk to animals, it was causing the other problems in his behavior.
“I’ve got a possible solution,” Daz said.
“What?”
She stared at him, so dejected that he wanted to gather her up in his arms.
“Oh, Daz, please, don’t give me false hope.” She rubbed her eyes.
“I know an expert with new ideas.”
“Another expert? Where do you know this psychologist from?” Renee stood went over to the sink to pour a glass of water. She drank the whole glass in one long gulp.
Daz followed her. “You know how I feel about shrinks.”
“That you don’t trust them? Oh, yes,” Renee said.
Daz swallowed down his guilt to being so resistant to Charlie seeing a psychologist. “I don’t trust many of them, that’s true. But I know this woman and I’m sure she can help.”
Renee turned and leaned against the kitchen counter. An hour ago, he’d left her sleeping peacefully. An hour before that, she’d made love to him. But the person who stared at him now was entirely different, closed-off and shut down emotionally.
“Okay, sure. If you like this psychologist, it’s worth a try. Charlie has nothing to lose.”
But the way
she said it, she had no faith in his idea.
She poured a mug of cold coffee from what remained in the coffeepot. She sipped it and spit the coffee back in the mug. “Crap.” She poured the coffee down the sink. “I’m sorry if I sound unenthusiastic. I’m glad you’re trying to help. But it’s been months of getting my hopes up and having them dashed.”
Her voice was hoarse. She held one arm tight against her chest. In the dim light from the fireplace, her face looked etched in shadows. He’d seen that same look of exhaustion and hopelessness on men who’d spent too much time in the field. They knew one wrong move could mean the difference between life and death. Renee obviously felt the same about watching Charlie and, after today, he couldn’t say she was wrong.
In the field, he could fight the enemy. But this enemy couldn’t be dispatched in a firefight.
“We’ll figure out how to help him together,” Daz said.
“I hope so.” She shook her head and waved a hand at him to stop when he would’ve moved closer. Shutting down, he decided. He stepped toward her anyway. She raised her other hand, the one with the bum shoulder and pain instantly flashed over her face.
“Fuck.” She fell to her knees, the arm cradled against her. “Dammit, dammit.”
He went to his knees beside her and cradled her against him. She’d faced a charging bear with a stick, but this? This was killing her.
“I’m the woman with the SAR team. I’m the one who saves people. And I can’t even help my son,” she whispered. “I’d do anything that might help but I don’t have a clue as to what that thing could be.”
Daz pulled her against him. “It’s going to be okay.”
“You don’t know that.” She let her head rest against his chest. “What if it’s not okay, what if I can’t help, what if I lose him when I lose track of him for a just a few seconds… I can’t fail Charlie. I just can’t.”
She started to cry, quiet sobs muffled against his shirt. He held her loosely, worried about the bad shoulder, murmuring soft words to her, hoping they provided some comfort. He’d never seen her like this. Renee was a pillar. She didn’t crumble.
Except she was.
Daz had to face hard facts. Renee thought she had failed but she’d done everything she knew to help their son. If anyone had failed, it was him, for failing to see the scope of Charlie’s problem and not backing up Renee when she tried to make him see.
“You’ve had a tough day.” He stroked her back. “But my friend Beth will be able to help Charlie. You’ll see. There’s hope.”
“God, I hope so, Daz. I really hope so.” She stifled her tears. “I’ve messed up your shirt.”
“I don’t care about that. But stand up. I want to wrap up your shoulder right away. I should’ve done it earlier before, well, you know.”
They both stood. She took a tissue from a box of Kleenex on the counter. “After we…when we…just now, after we made love. I didn’t want to think about anything, I just wanted…I wanted one night when I could relax. I was selfish. I didn’t stay awake to check on him. If I had, he might not have melted down.”
“You’re asking the impossible of yourself,” Daz said. “No one can be on alert twenty-four/seven. I’m here now. You have help.” He kissed her and wiped the tears on her cheeks away with his thumb. “Go sit on the loveseat out there. I’ll get the duffel with the medical supplies.”
She nodded and shuffled to the living room, worry in her every step.
Turkey, Nine Years Ago
Renee had to “borrow” another pack to hold the supplies that Daz wanted for their hike, including rope, the ever-present MREs for food, a med kit, and various small sundries.
She told the guard at the supply tent that she was picking up supplies for a SAR search today. Which she was, just not the one they thought. The guard passed her through, no problem, after petting the dogs. Everyone knew her dogs, if not by sight, then by their vests that clearly marked them as SAR. She’d have to ditch those vests when she headed out. It would make them too noticeable.
She begrudged every minute spent finding and packing the supplies. Time was precious in any rescue and she still had to get the plane coordinates from Kim. As she heaved both full packs over her shoulder, the tent flap opened. Renee braced, expecting the guard.
But it was Kim.
“Got that location for me?” Renee asked.
“Not until you tell me how you’re going to do this. As much as I want to find everyone, I won’t let you go out unless you have a plan.”
Kim stood with hands on her hips, her white-blonde hair hanging in front of her eyes. The stress of last night’s news marked her in the dark rims around her eyes. But she had clearly pulled herself together and was no longer ruled by grief.
“Daz Montoya is going with me,” Renee said.
“Daz? The hot guy from last night that you didn’t fully trust?”
“He’s American Special Forces. A SEAL, I think. He’ll help and also provide protection.”
“And you barely know him. How do you know you can trust him?”
“Thor and Loki like him.”
Kim shook her head, knelt and called to the dogs. Thor padded over to her and she scratched his ears. “I love your guys, have I said that?” She sighed. “I don’t want to be mourning more friends than I already am today.”
“You might not have to mourn anyone at all. Give me the coordinates, Kim. C’mon.”
“I wish I could come with you. I’m wilderness trained too, you know.”
“You’re needed here. You have to get officials from three countries to stop pulling rank long enough to get the copters and search planes over the mountains. And once you do, I’ll make sure they have a beacon to home in on.”
“I don’t have a beacon for you.”
“Daz does.”
Kim stood. “They probably weren’t just hiking in the mountains, you know.”
“I know.” Renee shifted the weight of the packs.
“Here.” Kim shoved a scrap of paper with coordinates at her. “And be damned careful. Well, given the circumstances.”
“I will.”
“How’d you get this Daz to agree to help on this crazy-ass mission anyway?” Kim asked.
Renee smiled. “I appealed to his humanity.”
“He’s military. Probably a jarhead. I’m not sure he has that much humanity.” But Kim smiled back.
“If he’s a SEAL, that means he’s a sailor, not a jarhead.”
“Same difference, I guess. Just please be careful.”
They hugged, with Kim pulling her so tight Renee wasn’t sure she’d ever let go. Renee had to blink back tears when the hug ended. She had to find Kim’s fiancé, Jake and the others alive. She had to.
“If anyone asks, we never had this conversation and I have no idea where you went.” Kim took a two-way radio from her waistband. “Take this too. It’s good you have a radio beacon but better to have a backup. Cell phone signals are shit in those mountains.” She took a deep breath. “Godspeed, Renee. Find them.”
“I will.”
As they left the tent, Kim waved off the guard. No one would question her.
No one stopped Renee on the way back to Daz’s tent either. Again, everyone in the camp knew her dogs. Why would they question her? As she left the outskirts of the camp behind, she took off the dogs’ vests and scanned for Daz’s tent.
But it was gone. Shit, had they just abandoned her?
But, no, the outlines of the two men became clearer as she trudged closer, the weight of the packs digging into her back. They must have packed up their tent.
As she approached, Daz grabbed the second pack from her and divided up the gear between him and Gabe. When done, he tossed his hiking backpack over his shoulder as if it were empty.
“You were fast with these. Thanks,” he said.
“Time matters. You’ve been busy too.”
The small holes in the grass were the only evidence left of the tent. Renee assumed the camping gear was packed into the oversize hiking backpack that the other SEAL, Gabe, carried.
“Gabe’s coming too,” Daz announced.
“Just to save you two from an excess of heroism,” Gabe said.
She handed over the third water bottle, glad she’d grabbed a spare. “I’m happy to have more company.”
“Give me the coordinates and I’ll get us going in the right direction,” Gabe said.
Renee handed over the slip of paper that Kim had given her. Gabe pulled out a smartphone-like device, though it seemed to have far more bells and whistles than a regular smartphone. She guessed he could access classified channels not available to civilians, and maybe even classified information, with it.
After few seconds, Gabe pointed northeast, to the mountains. “That way.”
“I think we could’ve figured that out without your doohickey.” Daz slapped Gabe on the back.
“Genius is never appreciated.” Gabe shrugged and took the lead.
Any other day in September, any other situation, and Renee would have enjoyed the hike. The skies were that particular shade of crystal blue, the sun shone down as if mocking the tragedy around the camp, and only a slight breeze disturbed the air, just enough to ruffle the hair on the back of her dogs’ backs and cut down any unpleasantness from the heat.
She shifted the pack, hoping to get the weight to settle, glad she’d worn her hooded sweatshirt, because it was colder than she’d expected.
Her dogs loped ahead of her, and she let them roam in the tall grass. They needed to do their business but they also needed to have a little fun. Dogs liked to play too, especially young dogs like hers. For the most part, they thought SAR was fun and involved treats, but they knew when they’d found dead bodies and didn’t like it.
And they’d found too many dead bodies the last few days.
“Won’t they run off?” Daz asked.
“Not Thor and Loki.”
“That makes you their alpha, right?” Gabe asked.
Phoenix Inheritance Page 11
