by Nako
“Who’s there?” she called from the kitchen.
“IT’S ME MAMA!”
“Jamari?”
“Yes ma’am.”
He walked down the short hallway and made a left into the kitchen. His mother wasn’t alone.
“What the hell!”
Were his eyes playing tricks on him? Was his mom in here getting dome on top of the island? The island that she cooked and prepared meals for the family during the holidays.
“Why the fuck didn’t you call?” she yelled at him. His mom barely cursed.
“I had to call you? I never call.” Juice was disgusted.
He walked out of the kitchen and took a walk in the neighborhood. He’d come a long way and he was thankful for his journey, but why did it seem like he was losing everyone he loved? Tia moved on and clearly his mother had a man.
The nigga looked younger than him. Juice had a lot of questions for his main lady and he hoped that she respected him enough to have her “boo” out of there bout time he made it back.
His mom had a “boo”, what in the world was going on? Had he been that swamped with Mahogany to not ask the most important questions? He’d never seen his mom with a man. He learned years down the line that his father fixed her leak every now and then, but they weren’t a couple and hadn’t been in years. They co-parented successfully with one goal in mind, raising him to be the best man that he could be was all they cared about.
The stroll was good for his mental health. His mind was running rampant and he needed to get a grip on things in his personal life so that he could get back focused. It was hard to be dedicated to the grind when your shorty was gone. The one person that kept you grounded and at peace.
Tia was real life done fucking with him and if she gave him warning signs, he never took any of them seriously which is why this shit was hurting him so bad.
He knocked and rang the doorbell before sticking his key into the hole to enter his mom’s crib. She had clothes on now, he could tell that she had showered and probably did a lil’ mud mask on her face. Her skin was glowing. She smiled and patted the sofa.
“Let’s talk.”
His mom had always been cool as shit, stern but laid back.
Her only rules were respect me and respect yourself, let me know where you are at all times, and get your education. He didn’t have a choice but to go away for college. They lived in the hood and his mom refused to lose her boy to gun violence or some other stupid shit.
His mother also let him know that a degree wasn’t always the way out of poverty. Her degree didn’t do much for them, but it was the one thing no one could ever take from her and that’s what she drilled in his head.
Juice loved her like no other.
“I didn’t know that you had-”
She cut him off, pulling him in for a hug. A warm, tight, loving hug that only mommies could give their babies.
Juice took a deep breath and realized this was what he needed. Badly.
The tears came faster than expected and she rubbed his back, refusing to let him go. She didn’t leave his side. Something had to be wrong for him to pop up on her.
“Ready to talk about it?” she asked him once he came back into the living room with a dry face.
“Tia broke up with me, moved out and everything,” he exhaled as he took a seat across from her.
She had nothing to say.
“Did you hear me?”
His mom nodded her head. “She called me…so I’m aware. How are you feeling?”
Juice knew that his mom and Tia were close, so he wasn’t surprised.
“She called you before or after?”
“Both.”
“And what you tell her when she called before?”
“That’s between me and her, son. You know I’m not going to tell you that, but I will say that I believe if it comes back then it’s meant to be. She needs to grow.”
“We were growing together,” he corrected his mama.
“No, she was nurturing your growth. It wasn’t being done in return.”
His mom’s comment rubbed him the wrong way.
“Whose side are you on?”
His mom shook her head. “Love conquers all baby. Let her plant her seed and if it’s mean to be, y’all will find y’all way back to each other.”
“Ma, I’m sick. I can barely sleep… I’m missing her like crazy…” his voice trailed as he counted how many days it’s been since she turned her back on him.
“That’s normal, y’all were together for years. It’s going to take some time to adjust.”
“I’m not letting her go, we’re getting back together. She’s coming home,” he was sure of that.
He could tell his mom had more to say, but she digressed, “I took fish out for dinner. What sides do you want?”
Juice eyed her. “What?” he only asked because she was looking at him with a disgruntled face.
“Nothing. I’m staying out of it. I told her that I’m always here if she needs me. You know that girl is like a daughter to me.” Moms sighed and then suggested, “Home fries or corn on the cob and a baked potato?”
“Was she cheating on me?” he had to ask. He was gone a lot, always on the road handling business…chasing his dreams.
Communication was scarce. Had she found someone better than him?
Is that why it was so easy for her to walk away without a fight?
Crazy thing was that she’d been fighting for months. She was in the ring alone.
His mom couldn’t believe him right now. “Really? The question is, are you still cheating on her?”
Niggas…Loved pointing the finger.
“I never cheated on her…I was just fuck-”
Before he let the profane word slip from his lips, he cleared it up. “Messing with them girls. None of them meant anything to me,” he said defensively.
“Are you giving me an excuse?”
“No, mama. I’m letting you know that no one has never had my attention or my time other than Tia. So, was she cheating me or what?”
“Not at all….at least not that I know of but I’m sure she wasn’t. She was simply a girl fed up. That happens baby, even to guys like you.” She was speaking of his money and fame. Tia didn’t care about what he had. His heart was his most prized possession.
“What would you do if you were me?”
She snorted loudly, “I’ve told you what to do. Let her grow. In the meantime, you get yourself together.”
“I’m not together?”
“Uh no, sir you are not. You need to make it right with your kids. When was the last time you’ve spoken to your father? Jamari, life is short. You can’t hold unnecessary grudges.”
“I need a nap.” He didn’t want to hear that shit.
She pursed her lips together, “Alright baby, I’ll start cooking in a minute.”
“Let your man know I’ll be gone tomorrow night,” he added, sarcastically.
She ignored his comment and watched him walk out of the living room.
She couldn’t do anything but shake her head. He had so much potential, she knew that with age came wisdom, so prayerfully the ignorance would continue to fall off him as he grew older.
She picked up the photo frame of her, baby Juice, and Kim, her best friend who she lost in a plane crash almost five years ago. She missed her every day; the memories were so fresh. The tears didn’t come daily anymore, but they damn sure still came. It was Kim who she owed for her son’s success. She was adamant about Juice working under P. Before she died, she told him one last time and thankfully, Porter pulled Juice out of the flock and molded him into a great business man. Keeping her son grounded was important to her. It didn’t take much because he came from humble beginnings, but his stupidity when it came to Tia was absurd. Along with his lack of concern about his kids, that several DNA tests proved were his. Juice had a few flaws he needed to iron out and she couldn’t do that for him. Moms was finally kicking back and enjoying h
er life as a retired single woman in her 50s. Juice saw something that he wasn’t supposed to see, but it was her house and she was grown as hell. Shit, mama had to get hers too. There would be no apology about what she did in her own house. She could only suggest that he called next time.
She sat in silence for another thirty minutes, embracing her peace. Something that took her a long time to do. She was always busy. Always working and making sure Juice was straight. These were her selfish years and it felt damn good to wake up and not do anything if she didn’t want to.
Dinner was cooked, and she was sipping on a glass of red wine when Juice finally emerged from what seemed like a day’s rest.
“Plate is in the microwave,” she said over her shoulder.
“I’ll eat in a minute. What you watching?”
“This show my line sister told me about, it’s good. I’m binge watching it. Do you know what that means?”
He couldn’t help but laugh, she always thought that she was putting him on to something new.
“Yeah ma.”
She paused Season 2 Episode 3. “Are you going to be okay?”
He nodded his head. “I will be once we start back touring. Right now, we are working on the album, so I’m not as busy at the moment. But if you’re saying let her go, I guess that’s what I’m going to do…” his voice trailed as he contemplated his decision.
“I only said that because she said that there was nothing you could do or say to change her mind, and this was after she moved out. Before, when she called me claiming that she was really fed up with you, she still sounded like she had a lil’ faith left and then you didn’t show up to her showcase.”
“Do you know how many showcases she’s had? A million.”
His mama then asked him, “And how many have you been to?”
Men across the horizon had to begin to admit their fuck-ups, her son included. Not once, had he acknowledged his wrong doings. It was more than good dick and money needed to keep the right girl happy. Someone that really didn’t love or care for you, would easily be impressed by lackluster things. Tia couldn’t be bought. She wanted intimacy, time, attention, energy and support. She was also verbal about her desires, she didn’t expect him to read her mind about what she wanted. Tia laid it out for him on several occasions. And still, he gave her none of those things. For that, she walked away and didn’t look back.
C H A P T E R 3
You have a right to feel a way – H.E.R.
Friends helped make breakups easier, but what if your tribe only consisted of you, you and you. Tia was quiet growing up, well-loved and respected, yet not considered a Chatty Patty. She sort of came out of her shell in college, but not enough to create lasting friendships or build a bond with the roomie that she had for three years. She didn’t even share with the girl that she’d lost her guardian angel after she returned weeks later and her roommate asked her where the hell she’d been and why had she missed midterms. Tia looked at her with a solemn face, “I had to bury my grandfather.”
Nothing more or nothing less.
She had a few chicks that were guaranteed to show her a good time every now and then, but friends like bitches that she could sit on the phone with during traffic or call to spill the tea on their favorite celebrities? Nah, Tia didn’t have those. Honestly, it never crossed her mind or bothered her until she realized that it was Friday, she’d survived her first week of law school, and was single. It irritated her how relatively close her and Juice were. He was her person, her best friend. She didn’t exactly take losing the friendship well when she packed her things up and left the key on the countertop. Juice hadn’t popped up at her school anymore and she was thankful. The last thing she needed was one of her classmates recognizing him and sizing her up. His money wasn’t hers, no matter how much he tried to make her think that it was.
“Hey girl. What are you getting into tonight?”
Tia looked up from her planner and told the brown skinned beauty, who already looked like a young Olivia Pope, “Cleaning out my DVR.” She laughed lightly, but she was serious.
“Some of us are getting together to celebrate surviving the first week of hell, you should come!”
Tia needed a drink or two. Making her dream come true wasn’t going to be an easy feat, but she was determined to see it all the way through. She grew up with the mindset of work, pay your bills and try to maintain good credit. It wasn’t until she met her ex that she began to dream and reach for the stars. Juice was never comfortable with the minimum, he pushed her to be the best version of herself that she could be. Honestly, he was the sole reason as to why and how she was sitting here right now, successfully finishing her first week of law school.
Wow. What a blessing, she quickly thought to herself. She then remembered that this girl was standing before her.
“Where are y’all going?” She didn’t live that close to the school but didn’t mind catching an Uber back to this side of town.
“Somewhere in the city. I think I have your number, but if not, text me real quick. We’re going to link around eight. I need a nap first.”
She agreed. Tia was tired as heck and needed to finish unpacking her apartment.
They exchanged contact info and she promised to send the finalized plans later. Tia grabbed her book bag and headed to her car so that she could go home. It felt good having something to look forward to. For years, it was her and her camera on the weekend. With Juice being in the entertainment industry, the chances of him being home on the weekends were slim to none, so thankfully, in her singleness she wasn’t losing her mind from being lonely. She was used to it. On average, she and Juice sexed possibly once or twice a month, which was mainly a quickie in the shower because even when he was home, it wasn’t like he had time for her. If he was in the city, he had a meeting or Mahogany had an appearance. He never came in town with the thought, “I need to spend time with my girlfriend.”
Tia honestly couldn’t recall the last time they went to the movies or on a dinner date. Before she grew tired of asking him to do something with her, the excuse was I already saw that movie, me and M went to the premiere which prompted her to stop even proposing that they do anything together. Thankfully, she’d never been an insecure chick because the relationship that Juice and Mahogany had was an extremely close one. Tia spent time with her and her husband on a few occasions which erased any doubts or questions of them possibly fucking on the road. They had a brother/sister bond and she was cool with it. Her only wish was that some things were reserved for the two of them.
Before she allowed herself to wallow, she put on her new favorite rap group, City Girls. Tia and feelings weren’t in the same sentence anymore. She refused to cry and shit over a nigga that was only crying over her because she finally left his ass. His mom reached out and said that he wasn’t doing well, and Tia didn’t bother responding. He had to live with how he neglected her and now, she had to ball without him.
η
On several different occasions, he thought about telling his mentor about his children especially with Porter Bavay being such a stand-up guy. He was a great father and would be disappointed once he learned of Juice becoming a dad but abandoning his responsibilities. Financially, he was doing his part, but it went beyond that. Juice couldn’t force something that wasn’t there and there wasn’t an urge or burning desire for him to want to be those kids’ daddy. The circus was cool, but Crystal had blocked him and he didn’t try his hardest to get in contact with her to fix it either. His heart wasn’t in it.
From the back of the theatre where Mahogany was in sound check for an upcoming awards show, he watched P on the side of the stage with one kid strapped to his chest and another near his knees. The smile on his face was priceless and Juice wished that he could feel the same way. He wished a lil’ harder that he hadn’t been so careless and didn’t have any kids at all. That was something that he only wanted to experience with one woman. He always envisioned his kids coming up under one roof, with
one set of parents. Now, no matter who he ended up settling down with, his family would be blended no matter what. That didn’t sit well with him.
Juice cleared his throat, holding back his emotions, then pulled out his phone to use as a light and signal to tell Mahogany that they needed to keep it moving. This wasn’t the only thing on their schedule for today. As her manager, it was his job to make sure she stayed on track. Juice was a stickler for time.
“How did it sound with the live band?” she asked into the microphone.
He flung a thumb up and she rolled her eyes. “I’ll be glad when you get over your funk.”
He was no fun to be around when he was in a bad mood. Juice didn’t bother responding. Instead, he got up and walked outside of the cold building and into the truck to wait on her. He ended the sound check early so that she could have time to hug and kiss her family before they got busy. He took everything into consideration when it came to her.
Twenty minutes later and she wasn’t picking up her phone, so he got out and went back in the building, running right into P.
“My bad, man. Where she at? We gotta go.”
“Changing her clothes, she’s coming. You alright?” Porter eyed him cautiously.
“Yeah.”
He turned around to head back towards the truck, but Porter stopped him, “Juice, you know if you need a break we can have someone else-”
“I said I was alright,” he told P. He was not meaning to sound so snappy, but he wasn’t incompetent.
He took a deep breath and faced his mentor. “Just going through some shit, but it’s personal and it’s not affecting the business...I promise,” he assured him.
Porter was concerned about him. “You good? You want to get together tonight and chop it up?”
He shook his head, “No time. We got a session from 9-12, then a flight to Miami for a show, and then back here in the morning to film the awards-
Mahogany reappeared in changed attire, ready for the next stop.
“You look nice baby,” Porter’s face lit up at the sight of his beautiful wife.
She blushed as she reached in for a kiss and then hugged her kids who were standing there quietly.
