by Nako
“Tia, I haven’t lied to you.” He stood up.
“Is the other child… is he yours?”
Foolishly, she always felt as if she would give him his boy.
“Yeah.”
Shit… she about to leave me.
“Who is his mother?” was her next question.
Juice exhaled loudly, “Same situation Tia, different chick,” that pained him to admit.
Tia couldn’t do this with him.
She wouldn’t do it...and what was sad was that she really didn’t know if he was worth what she felt like was confusion and drama waiting to happen. Little did Tia know was that Juice didn’t have any issues with the mothers of his children. Everyone was good. Co-parenting could be successful, he was a witness.
“Three kids and THREE fucking baby mamas. That’s some ghetto shit.”
It didn’t feel good to be judged, Lord knows it didn’t.
Juice hated to feel as if he was looked down at because of a few mistakes. One thing he refused to do ever again was regret his children. Although, his kids weren’t made from love, they were loved. They were healthy. They were smart. His children were beautiful. He was thankful for his kids.
Juice tried his hardest to keep his voice lower than hers. He didn’t want to argue. He needed her to understand that the topic of his kids nor their mothers weren’t up for discussion or debate.
“My kids are well taken care of, Tia.”
As long as he wasn’t asking her to do anything for them or chip in and help with picking them up from school and shit, he didn’t understand what her problem was.
“I want kids, Juice. You know that,” she reminded him.
He dropped back down to his knees, feeling as if he had to plead to get her to understand that she could still become a mother. Nothing or no one was stopping that.
Did he really feel like starting over with diapers and shit? No.
Truth be told, he wasn’t as hands on with his kids in the beginning stages of their development, so perhaps with Tia, he would get to do all of that.
“Juice, this is a lot,” she admitted.
He shook his head, “It doesn’t have to be.”
She sighed, she needed a second to think. A minute to herself.
“Let me get dressed. Are you in a rush? Do you have to get back home?”
He told her, “No. Why? You’re hungry, wanna go grab something to eat?” he would do whatever she asked.
Juice didn’t want to lose her.
They had to get on some common ground.
“Not really. I need some time to myself…”
Juice looked into her eyes and caressed her cheek. “I’m not giving you any space, Tia…sorry but it’s nothing to really think about. My kids aren’t going anywhere.”
“And your fiancée? What about her? Is she going somewhere anytime soon?”
Her eyes stared deeply into his soul. Desperately, she would love if he kept it real with her. Tia wanted to know what it was and what it wasn’t.
“I’m going to figure everything out.”
She took a deep breath, “That’s not enough. It’s nowhere near… Do you know how I felt today?”
Don’t cry girl. Don’t fuckin’ cry, she tried to tell herself.
His lips rushed into hers and she slapped him. “That doesn’t fix everything.”
Tia knew she was good for slapping a nigga.
“What I tell you about putting your hands on me?”
See, now he was getting mad.
“I’ll do that shit again!” She wasn’t scared of him.
Juice ignored her and kissed her in the mouth for a second time.
This time he was more forceful, very aggressive, tense and bold.
He pushed her naked body onto the bed and pent her arms up with his hands.
“Moveee,” she whined.
Juice wasn’t listening to nothing she was saying.
Her yelling and cursing at him made his dick hard. She was the only person that could arouse and disrespect him at the same damn time.
He was tired of her trying to take them away from a lovely place.
They would be unified in due time. She had to know that.
Tia closed her eyes as he began to smother her face and neck with kisses.
He whispered broken promises and lies as he trailed her body with his lips and tongue.
I love you…
Your ass ain’t going nowhere.
This pussy is mine.
I’m about to show you how much I love you, baby.
Tia wanted to knee him in the balls and suck em’ all at once if she could.
He had her head gone, this she knew for sure.
Why did his body have to look so muscular even through the clothes he wore?
She bet that dick was glistening against his boxers.
Her toes curled at the thought of what was to come.
Tia inhaled love and exhaled the frustrating thoughts of him having another baby and another woman in his life that she would have to share him with.
All she could think about was split holidays. Split birthdays. Family functions where she had to be cordial.
Tia knew that it was selfish of her to not want to share her man, but quite frankly, she didn’t give a shit. She had him first.
When they first met, it was the two of them. No kids.
No babies.
No drama.
No headaches.
Juice would have to sit her down and map everything out for her to believe and trust that this could work for them.
“Look at me eating your pussy, baby,” he instructed her once noticing that he was licking all on her lady parts and she was reacting.
Where was her mind?
Had he lost her already?
Tia sat up to get a better view and looked down at her man that used to be her man, but he wasn’t her man anymore, yet she wished that he was.
Juice winked at her before closing his eyes and making love to her cat.
His tongue explored every nook and cranny.
His fingers touched spots they’d never made it to.
She’d came over and over again. All over his face.
In his beard.
Down his chin.
She was turned on in the worse way all the while knowing this good ass sex wouldn’t resolve their issues. It wouldn’t fix their complicated situation, nor would it bring her peace.
As he wiped his face with the back of his hand, she flipped over and assumed position. Hoping that maybe as he hit that thang from the back, he would be able to bang out her insecurities.
Juice entered her, and she swore that she climaxed immediately.
A lone tear fell out of her right eye and no, it wasn’t from his length or girth. It was due to loss.
She would never have all of him as she’d dreamed many moons ago.
Tia moaned, “Aahhhhhhh fuck!”
Juice reached above her and planted his lips to her ear, “Get out your head ma. I’ma love you ‘til I die.”
She came again.
Juice followed right after.
As they laid in the love they made, he played with her hair.
She was silent.
He wanted her to talk, needed to hear her voice.
“Can you stay?”
She knew that he couldn’t, but instead he said, “I’ll be here ‘til you fall asleep.”
It wasn’t enough, but she would take it for now…
She lifted her head a tad, kissing him in the corner of his mouth.
When she woke up, he was gone.
Tia returned to her home in Houston a few hours after that, incredibly deep into her feelings and feeling emptier than she’d did before she left.
η
How does anyone get through life without friends? How does a person talk themselves off a ledge without a group of brilliant women that see something in you? Friends that see your light. Friends that understand you when you don’t understand you
rself. Friends that can grasp the concept of your life, your vision, that can identify your purpose when you’re completely clueless.
Tia was thankful.
Seriously, sometimes she felt like pinching herself just to make sure that her life was really her life. That her friends were really her friends.
That her journey was really…. hers.
She hadn’t been dealt the best hand at life…But God.
She wasn’t a perfect child.
She gave her grandparents hell; making them pay for the sins and mistakes of her mother.
She didn’t show up for her friends in high school, which resulted in suffering with a serious case of loneliness and depression.
She met Juice and fell in love five minutes after meeting him simply because she was yearning for attention and affection.
She’d clung to his family because she never had her own.
Tia was screwed up and still, God found a space for her in the middle of Houston, Texas.
He gave her a chance to start over.
A new beginning.
A brand-new chapter.
A sense of unity.
A tribe.
A group of women who loved her.
Who would without question show up for her.
Who would love and pray for her.
Who would pick her up when she was down, uplift her spirits, put a smile on her face, pray for her, inspire her, encourage her…all the above.
Tia was more than grateful.
Here they were on yet another Friday night, arguing about nothing.
Spilling wine all over Chanda’s Persian rug and ignoring her every time she complained about them not caring about her house.
Tia was happy.
As she sipped her Gen and shared a blunt with Lanise, she bobbed her head as Jhene rapped about men having mercy on her.
Chanda could cook when she felt like it and baby threw the fuck down tonight.
Tia was full, and still wanted one mo’ plate.
She prepared smothered turkey wings, meatballs, yellow rice, French styled string beans, seafood pasta salad and her famous Mardi Gras punch.
“Tia, are you going to participate tonight or what hunny?” Keiva asked her best friend.
They tried to stick to themes as much as they could, and tonight’s theme was relationships of all fucking subjects.
Tia was single.
There wasn’t any way around it.
She and Juice spoke a few times throughout the present week, but until he was calling to say that he’d wrapped things up with Faaizah, she was keeping her emotions at bay.
They did manage to discuss the details surrounding his children and Juice shared with her that his son’s mother was twenty-three freakin’ years old. She wanted to ask him how stupid he could be but didn’t. Juice was keeping it real with her and she could only respect it.
She asked questions about the relationship between the kids and his fiancée and he said they loved her and vice versa.
Tia was envious.
Juice wrapped up the conversation with vows of his love and loyalty while Tia gave him a dry, “Yeah…love you too.”
Now, here she was. Kicking it with her friends, wishing they could talk about anything other than relationships and the niggas that drove them crazy.
“How about we go to Chacho’s?” she suggested.
They looked at her and then Keiva said, “All this free food and liquor in here!”
Tia didn’t know why she even said anything, they were drunk anyway.
“What’s wrong?” Karma wanted to know.
Tia shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing. What was the question again?”
Keiva looked down at the index card and read the question again, “Would you move to another city to be with the man you loved?”
The irony…
During their Facetime call on Monday, he’d said, “You know you gotta move back up here, don’t you?”
It wouldn’t be up for debate.
Tia had to come back to the city.
“Hmm-hmm,” was all she told him. Refusing to tell him that she was secretly counting down the days until he gave her the green light.
She loved Houston, Texas…but her time there was up.
She would visit for holidays and birthdays, but was honestly ready to start over. Even if doubling back to New York wasn’t necessarily a fresh start, it would be this time around because she had grown.
Chanda noted, “You’ve been going in and out all night…is it the weed?”
Karma said, “Or Juice?”
The girls laughed in unison.
Tia mocked her, “Or Juice...shut up.”
She hated when they picked on her and stated the obvious.
The nigga had her head gone. She couldn’t even deny it.
“You would move, Tia?” Lanise asked, shockingly.
She took a deep breath and stretched her legs.
“I want more food,” she said, digressing from the question.
Not wanting to be on the spotlight.
“Uh-uh heffa, answer the question!” Chanda bolted out.
Tia didn’t want to speak on something that wasn’t certain yet.
“No, I don’t know what I would do,” she lied.
Keiva knew she was lying too, “Bitch please.”
Tia blew her a kiss. “IF…that changes y’all will be the first to know,” she promised before she ambled into the kitchen to fix another plate of food that she didn’t need.
Her friends shared a look, but no one said anything else about her returning to New York to be with Juice.
“Next question,” Karma said as she pulled from the deck of cards.
In the kitchen, as her plate heated up she texted Juice, “What if we ran away? From everything and started over.”
God knows that’s what she really wanted to do right now.
Juice saw the text message notification, but it was raining cats and dogs in New York and he was trying to just make it home safely at this point. He made a mental reminder to check it once he pulled into his driveway.
It was raining so damn bad, he had the music off and was sitting as close to the steering wheel as possible.
If he knew it was going to do all this tonight, he would’ve made his way home hours ago and technically, it wasn’t even late. The clock was barely past eight. The skies were black, and it was storming hysterically.
Juice wondered why there was so many cars at his house when he circled around the driveway.
He came through the side door, calling Faaizah’s name.
She couldn’t hear him because it was loud. Juice heard chatter and music.
He found her and women in the living room…that he didn’t know but could tell they were related to her due to their familiar shapes and facial features.
“Hey baby!” This was the most joy she’d greeted him with in ages.
Juice didn’t know if she was genuinely happy or acting in front of company, but being the good guy that he was, he played right along with her.
“Hi love,” he said, warmly.
Juice smiled and waved to everyone else in the room.
“Can I get you beautiful ladies anything?” he laid it on thick causing all the women to blush.
“They’re good baby.”
Faaizah wheeled herself out of the room and Juice followed her into the kitchen where they could speak privately.
“What’s all that stuff?” Juice asked, stifling a yawn in the process. He was tired as shit.
She picked up his hands and squeezed them.
“Today has been a really good day.”
He searched the countertop with his eyes.
“Did you cook?” he was hungry after smoking all that weed in the studio.
Faaizah needed him to focus. “Babe, listen...”
He looked down at her in her chair, appearing regal in her garb.
“I literally planned the wedding in one day. We’re finishing up the
details now. I need your card to make deposits.”
Juice took his hands from her, uncomfortably.
They weren’t in a good place, hell was she doing?
A wedding?
Engaged was one thing but walking down the aisle was another.
Juice said to her, “We’re not even sleeping in the same bed.”
He didn’t want to do it this way.
Faaizah shushed him, “You can’t whisper!”
He didn’t give a fuck if they heard him or not, it was the truth.
“Faai, we’re not ready for no wedding…we need some more time,” he tried to get her to understand what he was saying.
She shook her head. “The wedding will help us baby...it’s the only thing that will make me happy right now,” she pleaded with him.
He took a deep breath, “Can we talk about this when they leave?” He needed to eat. Needed to take a shower. She’d bum rushed with all this at one time.
Juice wanted Tia.
He loved Tia.
How could he tell her that? The words wouldn’t come to him…
“No!” Faaizah wasn’t budging.
“Okay, well how about we talk about it when they leave,” he attempted to put his foot down.
Her eyes got smaller and she was trying her hardest to keep her voice at a low tone.
“Give me your card so I can hold this stuff. Don’t do this to me right now, Jihad,” she beseeched him.
She was really pushing it.
He felt forced.
Juice took a deep breath and dug into his pocket and pulled out his Fendi wallet.
“I’m only giving you my card because you have company, but make sure every deposit you make are refundable. I’m not playing.”
She stopped listening after he said, ‘giving you my card’.
“Thank you!”
Faaizah snatched it out of his hand and wheeled away.
He didn’t have a clue on what he’d allowed to happen, but soon would find out that he’d reached a point of no possible return.
The next morning, he woke up in the guest room, where he’d been sleeping for a while now. Juice went into the master bedroom so he and Faai could talk, but she wasn’t in there. He backpedaled out of the room and searched the house for her, but she wasn’t home.
Juice called her phone and she answered on the third ring, “Hey,” she sounded out of breath.
“Where are you?”
