by Ava Zavora
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 9:09 AM
To: Eden E.
Multiple echelons of broken fabrics
of society of love of hate of despair
divided by greed and envy and air
and the lights come on and off and on
flickering and separated
by man by animal by insect
lost in lousiness and lust and licentiousness
lost, broken separated into
days, pieces, groups, individuals
intolerance and agony and celebrity
everyone is crying and smiling
the coffee is burning
the cars are going by, bringing nostalgia
bringing pain and worry and concern and fear
of the unknown, of the known
the men and the women
the liars and the whores
the stench is thickening as the brains are thickening,
and the old man asks me, if I have the time.
The entirety of Eden’s being sighed. She would not have to delicately discourage Adam. His poem was raw and pulsing, his voice, strong. His talent was so vigorously alive, it was jumping off of the computer screen.
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From: Eden E
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 9:20 AM
To: Adam
Would it bother you if I thought immediately of T.S. Eliot - The Wasteland?
I wish I could say this poem out loud (but I'm in an office with others so I can't). But if I could, I suspect that saying the list would reinforce the brokenness in the first line.
When did you write this and why? Were you in the middle of busy city street all of sudden feeling lost and in despair?
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From: Adam -
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 9:28 AM
To: Eden E
I usually write poems when I experience negative emotions. As I said yesterday, it's like therapy. I wrote it a couple of months ago.
It doesn't bother me. It's a compliment I suppose.
Eden looked at the files on her desk, on top of which was a particularly depressing one, with a defendant who was charged with domestic violence with great bodily injury. He broke his girlfriend’s arm during a fight. She could relate to the anger and hopelessness in Adam's poems.
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From: Eden E
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 9:40 AM
To: Adam -
When you write your poems, do your negative emotions then become expunged? Do you truly believe that the world is as bleak as this poem depicts?
I’m working on a case right now which, although not as ugly as some others I’ve come across, still makes me angry. In my line of work, I often see the terrible side of people.
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From: Adam -
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 9:46 AM
To: Eden E
They do become expunged. Or at least, it aids the process. I do believe the world is this bleak, yet I also believe there are niches where the misery has not yet arrived, or in some ways, said niches are resistant to it.
I presume you can't share what said case concerns.
Do you cook well?
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From: Eden E
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 9:57 AM
To: Adam -< [email protected]>
It’s very easy to become depressed when I work on these things. I can’t share but I’m sure you can imagine the worst of humanity – and that’s what I see.
I am a decent cook but an even better eater. I keep a stash of chocolate in my drawer at work and when I get stressed out, I raid it. Two squares of chocolate = OK day. Four+ squares = the world is going to hell.
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From: Adam -
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 10:12 AM
To: Eden E
I enjoy cooking, a lot. I don't like chocolate.
My vices are old fashioned masculine vices, drinking, smoking, gambling. Though I believe if you smoke in the US nowadays, you're a social pariah?
Excuse the delay, a truck with a monkey on the side drove past again and I wanted to stop the man driving it and ask him what he was carrying.
He smokes, drinks, and gambles. And doesn't like chocolate. The Hemingway reference should have been a tipoff.
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From: Eden E
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 10:18 AM
To: Adam -
You don't like chocolate? Chocolate is my life. All communications between us must now cease. But not until you tell me what that monkey truck was carrying.
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From: Adam -
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 10:26 AM
To: Eden E
I'm afraid not, but I cook well with chocolate. You are a meat eater though, right? Otherwise we'll really have to terminate this relationship.
It was carrying Coca-Cola and coal. Ha, only on this island!
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From: Eden E
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 10:39 AM
To: Adam -
I'm sorry to inform you that I'm on a vegan, gluten-free, organic, and fair trade diet. And I had such high hopes for our friendship ...
Do you have any signature dishes?
A truck carrying Coca-Cola and coal at the same time. Strange. So you're on an island, living in an old mill house with an abundance of lemon trees outside. Not in a city then. I'm painting a charming picture right now - you must add more details.
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From: Adam -
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 10:52 AM
To: Eden E
I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not ... ?
I have several signature dishes. I think you would like my pasta e fagioli or my French onion soup.
I'm in Agrigento, Sicily.
He was also selling cigarettes, milk and salami. Fantastic.
What is your home like?
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From: Eden E
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 11:05 AM
To: Adam -
Did I scare you? That's too funny. I'm an omnivore, although I have cooked all-vegan, gluten-free meals before for friends/family who have such diets.
I don't think I've ever had pasta e fagiole but I love French onion soup in the winter.
My home - right now there are a riot of roses blooming in my patio. Sometimes I launch into a daydream while washing dishes and looking out my kitchen window. I love color so I have a wine-colored couch, yellow walls, and a bathroom in red and gold, which my brother says makes him feel like he's going to the theater whenever he pees. No, I don't have subtle taste.
Your turn. You can shame me by telling me about your tasteful, minimalist decor.
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From: Adam -
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 11:18 AM
To: Eden E
I just thought, did I find the biggest California cliché, just my luck.
Most of my skilled cooking is Italian and Chinese. I am proficient in other cuisines but I haven't mastered them.
I despise minimalism. The mill is going to be more French Renaissance with Venetian Townhouse and English Cottage combined. I like wood, not metal. I like dark, rich colours for some rooms, and light, low tone colours for others. An Englishman's home is his castle, so I am taking this process somewhat seriously.
With regards to colours, 99% of my wardrobe is black, mainly black suits. After black, I like orange. Orange is the happiest colour - I share Sinatra's vision on that one.
Your son lives with you or his padre?
If I don't answer your e-mail right away, it's because I'm cooking dinner.
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From: Eden E
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 11:52 AM
To: Adam -
What's scary is, that particular California cliché is rampant where I live.
French Renaissance with Venetian Townhouse and English Cottage - trying to picture what those combination of styles would look like. Mine is ... eclectic.
My son lives with me and sometimes stays with his dad.
Black is my favorite color as well. After black is red. The color of power.
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From: Adam -
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 1:19 PM
To: Eden E
It sounds like my version of hell. That's one of the things I like about this island. It's like stepping back in time. Here comes the loaded statement: women are women, men are men, people say what they see without worry of reparation. It's one of those niches I spoke of. Good, honest people.
I have several other properties as well so I don't have some egotistical desire to leave a personal imprint on this home, I just want it to be the most comfortable, practical, functional and relaxing living space.
I knew after black it would be red for you. Do you like power?
I have just finished eating dinner. I swear this country will make me fat. I am very bad at cooking for one. There is always enough for 4.
What have you been doing in my absence, other than pining and awaiting my return?
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From: Eden E
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 2:13 PM
To: Adam -
To console myself, I took a long walk during my lunch hour. That's how I keep my sanity (and deal with your absence) - I flee as far as I can in the time I have. I get restless and grumpy otherwise and start snapping at people.
You do know that you have to explain your loaded statement. I'm afraid I can't let you get away with it.
Do you consider yourself old-fashioned? And what type of statements do you make that land in you hot water everywhere else but in your refuge?
Yes, I like power. Over myself and my life. I don't seek power over others. I hate feeling helpless.
You sound as if you exert power in your own sphere. You're certainly not afraid to voice your strong opinions. Although, I find people are more outspoken online than they would normally be in real life, feeling that they're shielded with anonymity.
What did you eat?
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From: Adam -
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 2:33 PM
To: Eden E
I figured you'd have to resort to something like that.
What I mean is - gender boundaries are becoming increasingly blurred with the turn of each half century. Men are not men anymore, women are not women. We are different. Women have stronger qualities than men, men have stronger qualities than women, and that's OK. We are not equal. That isn't to say one is above the other. It means, we have our differences, and they should be cherished, not manipulated so we all become asexual, robotic, politically correct entities.
Call me a hybrid of old and new. But I'm not one of these posers who thinks they have a "vintage" style. I appreciate some of the ways of old and I was raised by people who had deeply rooted values in the past.
I make statements that would land most people in hot water, but people tend to fear me, though not always justly. However, sometimes I like playing devil's advocate, especially with feminists. Silly creatures.
I prefer my refuge, not because I need it, I'm one of the few that don't, but because it is more comfortable for me, for a plethora of reasons.
I don't seek or enjoy power over others, though sometimes it's an obligation for me. I do enjoy and require complete control over myself and my own life, it's non-negotiable.
I thought you would consider me over confident because I'm sat in front of a computer screen. In all honesty, and it's only ever worth being honest, I'm toning down said confidence and being outspoken during our interactions.
I made Basa (a meaty kind of fish), with a plum risotto and roasted asparagus blended with onion purée to form small squares. I don't bake so you'll have to take care of desserts.
Now I'm sat in my favourite chair, with my favourite American ragazza, a glass of whiskey, Frank Sinatra, a cigarette, low light, and my neighbour's dog who often visits around this hour, despite my neighbour living a significant distance away. This dog, Ludo, is an occasional houseguest.
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From: Eden E
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 3:06 PM
To: Adam -
I've been reading books on evolutionary psychology which, among other things, supports the thesis that basic gender differences between men and women are not an outcome of socialization but how we evolved. It's just human nature. But just because it's natural, doesn't mean it's the way things should be.
Further, that the driving instinct for everything - art, finance, you writing your book, why Frank Sinatra crooned so beautifully - is to mate. Sexual selection. And according to this book, female choice is the basis for all of civilization. Of course I can't support such a grand statement because I'm not a scientist and to regurgitate these books at the moment is beyond me.
"Men court and women choose."
So you have to retreat to an island to deal with the crazy, topsy-turvy modern world where men are emasculated and women are too powerful? Hmm.
Support your claim that your are a blend of old and new. What is the "new" of you?
People fear you? Why is that?
Are you mean-spirited in real life?
Are you fearsome to behold?
Why are you obligated to seek control over others?
Why are you toning down your confidence? Then you are not being completely honest are you? Do you think I would dislike it if you revealed your egomaniacal ways?
I had an overripe banana and a sliver of store-bought cake for lunch. It's okay to pity me. And tonight, because my son won't be home for dinner, I'll probably scrape up some leftovers. I hardly ever cook for myself - I need to cook for someone.
Mmm, plum risotto. Yum.
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From: Adam -
Date: Thu, Aug 2, at 3:19 PM
To: Eden E
You're trying to get a rise out of me. It's devoid because I can see what you're doing. Though I know it's in good humour.
Anyway, dear, I find it rather amusing you mentioned that, because while you were writing that mail, I read your review of that book and thought that the book sounded so ridiculous, I ordered it to confirm this theory. I think a lot of intellectuals, who are somehow branded scientists nowadays, talk a lot of shit, and get paid for it. Ha, frankly.
I admire your attempt at putting words into my mouth. You're a cute one aren't you?
Ultimately, the men who allow themselves to be emasculated deserve to be. I don't believe that the world is in that state, but I think the mainstream media likes to portray this notion and ram it down the throats of the young in some kind of twisted effort to manipulate the development of their views. It's all propaganda. Though if I were to tackle some of the problems I see in this world, I'd start with something more pressing than gender roles.
