by Lois Richer
Oh Lord, he prayed silently. How can I ever atone for all the pain my greed has caused?
Overwhelmed by guilt, Rick had promised God that last day at the seminary that he’d give up his most precious dream—he’d clung to it all through the years he’d scrabbled to stay alive on the streets of Toronto—the dream of having a home and a family. Those two things were all he’d ever wanted—a place to call his own, and people who loved and cared for him.
It had cost Rick dearly to sacrifice that dream, but every time he learned of someone else who’d suffered because of him, he renewed his vow. It was his way of showing God he was worthy of His love.
But was he?
Defeat nagged at Rick as he thought about the eight months he’d been ministering in Churchill. By most measures, the lack of new members in his church probably meant he was a failure as a minister. But he’d promised God he’d serve where he was placed and for now, that place was Churchill. All he could do was his best until God sent him somewhere else.
“Eggs over easy with bacon.” Ned set the loaded plate in front of him.
“Thanks, Ned.” Rick palmed him a generous tip.
He’d barely lifted his head from saying grace when the door burst open and Noah stalked in, followed by Cassie. She quickly realized there was no empty table and frowned. Her brown eyes narrowed as she endured curious stares.
“Come and join me,” Rick invited, rising. Noah didn’t even glance at his mother for permission before he strode over. Cassie followed more slowly.
“We don’t want to bother you,” she said.
“You’re not,” he assured her. “You’re welcome here.”
Cassie hesitated.
“Come on, Mom. I’m s-starving.”
Cassie ignored Noah, her gaze locked on Rick. She studied him for what seemed like ages before she inclined her head in an almost imperceptible nod.
“Thank you. We’d like to join you.” She laid a hand on Noah’s shoulder. “On a scale of one to ten, how hungry are you?”
“F-fourteen.” Noah slouched on the chair beside Rick as Cassie turned to place their order. His eyes widened at the sight of Rick’s plate. “F-four eggs?”
“I guess I’m an eighteen on your scale.” Rick laughed at Noah’s surprise but his gaze was already back on Cassie as she made her way toward Ned. He could still smell her fragrance. Whatever it was, it suited her. Soft, very feminine with a hint of spice. Feisty.
You’re thinking about this woman entirely too much. Do not get involved.
“W-won’t you get f-fat?” the boy asked, his forehead pleated in a frown.
“I hope not.” Rick hid his smile. After reading that article he was no longer hungry. He offered Noah the plate with the extra toast he’d ordered. Noah selected one half slice.
“Mrs. P-Perkins said my m-mom is f-fat,” he muttered.
“No offense, but I think Mrs. Perkins, whoever she is, must need glasses.” Rick smiled. “Your mom is beautiful,” he added.
“I g-guess s-so.” Silence reigned as Noah devoured his toast.
Cassie returned a few moments later with two glasses of juice and a cup of coffee. She raised one eyebrow at Noah when he reached for a second slice of Rick’s toast but said nothing as she set the juice in front of him.
“Th-that’s it?” Noah demanded. He looked at Rick sadly. “M-maybe I’m f-fat.”
When Cassie chuckled, Rick focused on her face. Again he tried to recall where and when he’d seen her before, but, truthfully, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that here was a kid who’d lost his dad and a woman who’d lost her husband, and there was something wrong between them. Maybe he could help. Maybe, if he could, he would find a measure of peace.
Churchill was his proving ground. If he couldn’t do God’s work here—if he couldn’t help this community or kids like Noah—what good was he? And if his ministry failed, how could he ever earn forgiveness? Failure in Churchill meant it was doubtful another church would give him a chance.
God, I came here to make amends. Please help me do that for these hurting hearts.
But even if Rick could help this mother and son, he knew he’d never earn redemption.
* * *
“They have to cook your breakfast, Noah. It’ll be here in a few minutes.”
Cassie sat, her brow furrowing as she leaned near Noah’s ear. “Please stop repeating things Mrs. Perkins said. I know she was angry. A lot of church members were. But most of what she said isn’t true.”
“Wh-which part is t-true?” Noah asked in a sour tone.
Cassie gave him a chiding look. She sipped her coffee and worked hard to look anywhere but at Rick. That green-eyed stare of his saw too much.
“Are you two visiting Churchill for long?” Rick smiled.
“We’re n-not v-visiting.” Noah eyed Rick’s remaining slice of toast. Rick nodded. “M-my mom’s going to work at l-luck.”
Noah’s struggle to get the word out pierced Cassie’s heart. The pain doubled when Noah noticed the other patrons’ stares and ducked his head in shame.
“Luck?” Rick shook his head. “I don’t think I know it.”
“Lives Under Construction—LUC. It’s a rehabilitation facility where troubled boys are sent to serve their time in the justice system. We shortened it,” Cassie explained.
“Very clever. And I am very familiar with Lives—that’s the shortened form we use here.” He smiled at Noah’s wide eyes when Ned set a loaded platter in front of him. “Here’s your breakfast.”
“N-not s-sure if I’m th-that hungry, Mom,” the boy said.
“I thought we could share, especially since you ate Mr., uh, Pastor—his toast.” Cassie felt her cheeks heat up. Why did this man fluster her? “I’m sorry but I don’t know what to call you.”
“Rick will do just fine.”
“Rick it is.” Cassie accepted an empty plate from Ned with a smile of thanks. She liberated an egg, a slice of toast and one strip of bacon from Noah’s plate.
“Mrs. Crockett, are you the nurse Laurel’s been expecting?” Rick’s green eyes flared with surprise.
“Yes.” Cassie added no other information. She figured his surprise now equaled hers, when she’d found out he was a minister. With his short, spiky dark hair, day-old chin stubble and that easy grin that embraced everyone, Rick looked nothing like the ministers she knew. “How did you know?”
“Laurel told me she’d hired someone.” Rick must have understood the question on her face because he added, “Laurel Quinn and I are good friends. I go to Lives Under Construction a lot to work with the boys.”
“Oh. Then you probably also know she has three clients with special needs arriving. The government insists she have a medical person on the premises to monitor their care.” Cassie tasted her bacon and toast before continuing. “I’m also hoping to work a few shifts at the hospital while the boys are in school.”
“That shouldn’t be an issue. The health center can always use more help and the Inuit Transient Center will welcome you with open arms.” Rick’s attention slid to Noah who, having cleaned his plate leaned back in his chair. Rick smiled.
“Something about my job amuses you?” Hearing the belligerence in her voice, Cassie wished she’d controlled it. But she’d endured mockery once too often recently from people who claimed to be her friends and then doubted her.
“No, ma’am. Something about him amuses me.”
Rick chuckled when Noah drained his juice glass and smacked his lips. “Feel better?”
“Much.” Noah grinned.
Cassie’s heart brimmed with adoration for this child of hers. Noah, twelve, had suffered deeply and dealt with so much since Eric’s death. She’d made this move to Churchill hoping to restore the fun-loving kid he’d been before his father’s
death and the two years of misery that had followed.
Cassie suddenly noticed Rick studying Noah with an odd look. Was that longing in his forest-green eyes? As she wondered if he had any children of his own, a hundred questions about Rick Salinger suddenly swarmed her.
You can’t trust him, she thought. You trusted Eric and your father and they weren’t there for you. Eric never even confided in you about losing those church funds. And then he was too proud to face his mistakes. You’ve paid for that a hundred times over and so has Noah. Now it’s time to get on with your lives. Alone.
Cassie shut off the painful reminders. “Are there many churches in Churchill?” she asked.
Rick blinked and the shadows in his eyes dissipated.
“Four at the moment. Mine is the smallest.”
“Because?” She chewed on a slice of toast while she waited for his answer.
“That’s hard to say.” He frowned. “It’s either because I’m not very good at my job or because I’m not giving the kind of message people want to hear.” He shrugged. “I’ll leave it to you to decide, Cassie.”
So different than her father. He would have insisted it wasn’t his fault, that people were too hard-hearted to hear the truth. She liked that Rick took responsibility.
“I’m sure folks will come around in time,” she murmured.
“I hope so, but that’s God’s job.” He smiled, clearly comfortable in his skin. That also made a positive impression on Cassie. Too many people were out to impress and didn’t care who they hurt in the process. That’s why she’d stopped trusting.
That’s why she’d come to Churchill.
“W-will we go to P-pastor Rick’s c-church, Mom?” Noah asked.
“We’ll see.” The age-old parental response her father had always given seemed to fit. When she glanced up, she found Rick’s attention on her again. From the speculative way he studied her, she thought he knew that he wouldn’t be seeing them in his pews anytime soon.
“W-we haven’t gone to ch-church for a long t-time,” Noah mused, staring out the window. His forehead pleated in a frown of distaste as he glanced back at Rick. “My g-grandfather y-yells.”
“Some preachers do,” Rick agreed in a mild tone.
Cassie liked that Rick didn’t prod Noah for more information. In fact, there was a lot about this man that she was beginning to like, and that made her nervous.
“My father is—was—a minister. He’s retired now.” She winced at her tone. A man like Rick, attuned to people’s nuances, would realize she disliked mentioning him.
“I see.” Rick grinned at Noah. “Don’t worry, Noah. I don’t yell in church. I mostly just talk. You’re welcome to come anytime.” He checked his watch then rose. “Will you excuse me? I’ve got some reading to do before we arrive.”
Noah’s blue eyes sparkled. “I c-can hardly w-wait to see Aunt L-Laurel.”
“I didn’t realize you were related.” Rick’s curious gaze turned on Cassie.
“Laurel and I met years ago in Toronto when I worked in pediatrics,” Cassie explained. “She brought in clients from time to time and we became friends. Noah was very young then. He sort of adopted her. We’ve kept in touch over the years. I guess that’s why she thought of me when she needed help with Lives.”
“I’m sure you’ll be a great asset, Cassie. We can use all the help we can get to reach Laurel’s boys.”
Cassie searched Rick’s face. We. That meant they’d be working together. Would he judge her, too, when he found out about Eric? As she stood, she looked around at the Christmas decorations still hanging in the dining car. “It seems funny that there are only three days till New Year’s Eve.”
“Churchill’s New Year’s Eve is fantastic,” Rick said.
“Wh-why?” Noah demanded.
“You’ll have to go to find out. But I will tell you this—it’s a town-wide party with amazing fireworks.”
Rick gestured for them to precede him out of the dining car. Cassie felt stares as they walked toward their seats. She automatically smoothed a hand over her hip, then stopped herself. Her jeans were years out of date and her leather boots had seen far better days, but why should she care what Rick or anyone else thought about her?
She took a look around and saw that most of her fellow passengers, including Rick, looked as though they chose function over fashion.
They’re not judging you, Cassie.
As she and Noah reached their seats, she glanced back and saw Rick joking with a woman nearby as he pulled a duffel bag from the overhead rack. He hadn’t said anything about a wife or kids and he didn’t wear a ring, but Cassie felt certain that a man with Rick’s looks wasn’t single unless he wanted it that way. He was too charming for it to be otherwise.
And nice, her brain prodded. Rick was definitely nice.
Cassie took a seat and closed her eyes. Pastor Rick Salinger was a mystery all right, but not one Cassie was going to explore. After the mess Eric had left her in and the condemnation of her church family, she just wanted to keep things as simple as possible. She would do her job and build a new life at Lives Under Construction. If she failed to get Noah straightened out here—well, she couldn’t fail, that was all. Churchill was her last resort.
An ache tore through Cassie as she studied Noah. Since Eric’s death Noah had been acting out. He’d been disciplined at school for his bad behavior and she’d tried to discipline him at home. Neither had worked. He’d progressively become more of an opponent than the son she adored.
She had to get him to change the path he was on, to let go of the brooding anger inside before he did something she couldn’t fix.
Her gaze roamed the train until it rested on Rick. Rick said he helped the boys at Lives. Maybe he could—she didn’t dare let herself think it.
Cassie Crockett had learned the hard way that you couldn’t trust anyone.
It was a lesson she’d never forget.
Chapter Two
The weight of Cassie’s decision hit when she opened her eyes an hour later and got her first view of Churchill.
She was alone, a single mom with a troubled kid to support in a cold, barren land where she had just one friend, Laurel. Had moving here been the right decision?
The train jerked. They were slowing down.
It didn’t matter now if the decision was right or wrong. It had been made.
“We’re here, M-Mom,” Noah said. For the first time in many months a hint of excitement colored his voice.
The tired old train ground to a stop with much squeaking of brakes. Noah jumped to his feet. Cassie reached up to heft her overnight case from the storage compartment above. A hand slid over hers where it grasped the suitcase handle.
“Yes, Noah. I’m hurrying—”
The words died away when she turned and stared into Rick’s dark green gaze.
“Let me help you with this.”
Odd how his quiet offer made her feel as if she wasn’t quite so alone.
Cassie nodded, swallowing when his warm fingers eased the handle from her hands, lifted the bag free and shifted it so it would roll forward. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” His low response, for her ears alone, made her feel cared for. She liked that.
You have no business liking anything about Rick, she scolded herself.
But the scolding didn’t seem to stop her from appreciating the tall, lean man. A slanted smile played on his too-handsome face, warming her like a ray of sunshine. His easy manner made her drop her guard, feel comfortable. The pull of attraction toward him was like nothing she’d known before. She searched his eyes, trying to understand the connection she felt, ignoring the flutter in her stomach when he met her gaze.
“I appreciate your entertaining Noah during the ride,” she said as they
waited to disembark.
“He’s a great kid.” The pastor took her arm to help her as they stepped outside, grinning at Noah’s astonished reaction to mountainous snowdrifts that dazzled in the brilliant morning sun. “Welcome to Churchill.”
As they moved away from the crowd and down the platform, Rick stayed by her side, matching his strides to her shorter ones, rolling her case along as if it were a feather. He had the long, lean grace of a distance runner. Though Cassie noticed the many admiring stares he received, Rick didn’t seem to. He smiled and greeted people, totally at ease.
By contrast, Noah stood aloof, surveying the area with a wariness Cassie wished she could help him shed. But how? Noah argued with her constantly over the least little thing. Nothing Cassie had tried seemed to help reduce the stutter that had appeared several months earlier. Not even prayer.
“Noah could go inside to stay warm,” Rick told her. “But it’s better if you wait here for the opening of the container car to ensure all your stuff has arrived. If it doesn’t, you have to make a claim right away. You do have more than this?” he asked, indicating her suitcase.
“Oh, yes.” Cassie nodded. “We have more.”
Laurel had explained to Cassie that she should bring as much as she could and take advantage of the railway’s free transportation of patrons’ goods because shipping in everyday things could make living in the North Country very expensive.
As Cassie looked around at the vast glistening beauty of the isolated land, she decided the expense of living so far north was worth it when she would be able to savor this view every day. Maybe she hadn’t made a mistake coming here. Maybe life for her and Noah was finally going to get better.
She shifted from one foot to the other, glad of her coat’s thick insulation, as endless pallets of bulky paper items were off-loaded followed by boxes and trunks of all descriptions. As Rick retrieved the items she pointed out, Cassie became conscious of odd looks, the kind that said the onlookers suspected they were a couple. She stepped away from him to create some distance as she counted her containers.
