“He doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”
Amanda stared at her hands for a long while before she finally said, “No,” in a tiny voice.
“Are you supposed to be at a dance class?” Kate asked.
Amanda gave a one-shoulder shrug accompanied by “Yeah, I guess.”
“Don’t you think everyone is going to worry about you when they realize you’re missing and they don’t know where you’ve gone?”
“They won’t care. They probably won’t even see that I’m not there.”
Kate set her cell down out of sight from Amanda. “Oh, I think you’ll be surprised by how fast they’ll find out you’re gone and how much they will miss you. Why would you think they wouldn’t?”
“I’m not good at dance. Calee is the one who’s talented. Everyone is all worried about how they’re going to replace Calee in the showcase. But I’m pretty much invisible. But that’s okay. I really don’t even like dance.”
“Why not?” Kate asked.
“Besides the fact that I’m really bad at it,” she began, “all the kids are mean. Especially now that Calee isn’t there.”
“They’re mean to you?” Kate asked.
Amanda nodded. “Calee is so good at dance. She’s like the queen around there,” Amanda said. “She won’t let them give me a hard time. It’s all because of Mrs. Herring getting me into that Randolph dance program. I didn’t even want to go, but Calee did. She got in, but I didn’t, and we knew that our dad wouldn’t let her go alone. So Mrs. Herring got me in.
“I guess she paid them or something. Because I’m not good enough to go there, and everyone knows it. When I told my dad I really didn’t want to go to New York, when he said we didn’t have to—that Calee would have other chances—I was glad. But now at dance everyone is supermean to me. Calee says it’s because they’re just jealous because I could’ve gone to New York if I’d wanted to.”
“Was Calee mad at you for not wanting to go?”
“No. She never gets mad at anything. Except when someone treats me bad. She’s kind of protective of me.”
Kate smiled at the girl, sensing that Amanda probably didn’t have many people she could talk to about this, if she was spilling her guts so freely right now.
“Well, that’s really nice,” Kate said. “You’re lucky to have such a good relationship with your sister. Don’t worry about what the other girls say. If they’re mean, they don’t matter.”
Amanda gave another one-shoulder shrug as if she wasn’t fully convinced.
“There was this really smart lady named Eleanor Roosevelt,” Kate said. “Have you heard of her?”
“Of course. She was the president’s wife.”
Smart kid. “She used to say the only way people can make you feel inferior is if you allow them to. Makes sense, doesn’t it? If you don’t let them make you feel bad, then they lose all their power over you.”
Amanda nodded. “It’s hard, though.”
“I know it is, kiddo.”
Kate thought about Liam, about how she’d allowed him to make her feel so foolish for being curious about his life and his marriage to Joy. Going into his bedroom and looking may not have been the best idea, but it certainly wasn’t a crime punishable by law. A thought, sudden and sickening, settled around her.
Her snooping wasn’t the root of the problem. He’d gotten scared, and it had simply given him a tangible reason to disengage. Yep. The man wasn’t ready for another relationship. Kate wouldn’t torture herself with waiting around, hoping he would change his mind.
She certainly wasn’t going to let him make her feel bad when she called to tell him that his daughter had walked to Macintyre Ranch. Kate wouldn’t take it out on this sweet, vulnerable child who had already suffered far too much sorrow for her tender age. But if Liam tried to pull the switcheroo blame game on her again, she wasn’t going to have any part of it.
“Have you told your dad you dislike dance as much as you do?”
“Sort of but not really. We kind of talked today about me taking the summer off from dance camps so that I could think about it. But I don’t think I can really quit.”
Kate frowned. “Now, wait. I thought you told me that you really hated it? Did I hear you wrong?”
“No, I do hate it.”
Kate reached out and put a hand on the girl’s arm. “Honey, life is too short to torture yourself with something you hate. I hear the program you’re in is pretty stringent. Your dad loves you and wants you to be happy. I’m sure if you talked to him and told him everything you told me, he would let you do something else.”
“Like horseback riding?”
The suggestion gave Kate pause. She needed to weigh her words carefully so that the girl didn’t think Kate was extending an open invitation for Amanda to walk over here anytime she got the whim.
“Or something like that. I’m sure your dad could find a program for you...somewhere. You just need to tell him.”
“I can’t. And I can’t leave dance. No matter how bad I am.”
Okay, this conversation was starting to feel like the Abbott and Costello “Who’s on First?” routine. The more they talked, the more it confused Kate.
“Will you tell me why you can’t leave if it’s making you so miserable?”
Like a sudden cloudburst, Amanda started crying.
Kate scooted over and put her arm around Amanda. “Oh, honey. Please don’t cry. I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
The teen sobbed for a minute, and Kate wished she had a hankie or a tissue she could offer Amanda. But Kate didn’t want to abandon the girl while she was crying on her shoulder...literally.
A few moments later, Kate was still holding Amanda, but without raising her head, the girl said, “I fought with my mom about not taking ballet the night she died.”
Kate’s blood ran cold. Oh, no. She sat rigid, not wanting to say a word or move a muscle so that the girl would keep talking.
Was Amanda blaming herself for Joy’s death?
“I told her I didn’t want to dance, and she said she’d be really disappointed if I quit—because she had been a ballerina and had stopped dancing so she could have me and Calee. Since she couldn’t dance anymore, she said we could make her happy by dancing for her.”
Kate hated herself for what she was thinking—that she’d finally found the crack in Saint Joy’s halo. Something that made this superhuman woman a bit more human. But it was nothing to celebrate, and she couldn’t figure out why discovering Joy’s flaw gave her such a sense of relief. Still, this wasn’t about her or Joy right now. This girl was hurting.
“Before my mom and I could make up, she had to get something from the store. She said we’d talk about it later, after she got back. But she never came back.”
Now Amanda’s sobbing included great convulsions. Kate hugged her tighter.
“Sweetie, she was in an accident. It wasn’t your fault. It certainly wasn’t because you said you didn’t want to dance anymore. You have to believe that. She wouldn’t want you to be miserable.”
“But she said my dancing made her happy. Everyone says she’s in heaven now. And I think, if she is up there looking down on me, she will see me dancing. Even if I’m not any good at it, she’ll be happy.”
Kate held the girl and let her sob until she’d cried herself out. The teenage years were hard enough with the hormones and mean-girl battles. Navigating its rocky terrain without a mother’s guidance made it particularly cruel.
“I met your mom once, and she was such a wonderful woman. I just have the strongest feeling that the only way she would be happy was to know that you were happy. In fact, I’ll bet she’d be sad if she knew you were doing it for her and it was causing you so much pain.”
The girl sat up and sniffed, swiping at fresh tears falling from her eyes. “Do you really think so?”
Kate had no idea. All she knew was that perfect Joy was not the perfect saint Kate had canonized Jo
y to be. She was human, pushing her daughters to live her unrequited dream. Who knows how long that would’ve lasted?
If Joy had made it home from the store that night, maybe she would’ve returned with a new perspective and realized she couldn’t force someone into an art they weren’t born to do.
Since Kate was free to write her own ending to this story, she decided that Joy would’ve gotten it sooner rather than later.
“I really think so,” Kate said. “I think you need to talk to your dad and be honest with him. But you know, right now, I’m dying of thirst. Would you come with me up to the house and have a glass of lemonade with me? You could wash your face and then help out with Kids’ Day. Maybe your dad would let you stay afterward and ride for a while. We do have to call him and let him know you’re safe. But maybe not just yet.”
Chapter Fifteen
When Kate’s call came in just after noon, Liam knew he had two choices: completely lose it or completely remain calm.
Thank God he’d had the presence of mind to choose the latter in the face of learning that his daughter had chosen to disobey him and walk down the highway to Macintyre Ranch. Good thing. Amanda’s behavior problems weren’t Kate’s fault, and she’d called to tell him of his daughter’s whereabouts.
Why hadn’t someone from the dance studio called when they had realized Amanda wasn’t in attendance? Given her absence this close to the end-of-the-year show and how the studio had declared any no-shows to be a federal offense, he thought they would’ve contacted him when Amanda didn’t report for rehearsal.
The last person he’d expected to hear from was Kate. As much as he hated to admit it, it was the sound of her voice that had calmed him. He’d been caught off guard for the first few seconds of the call, but that had settled into an instant calm that buffered the anger that simmered over Amanda’s blatant defiance.
How could his daughter do this? Put herself in danger, shirk her responsibility and make him look like a complete idiot when it came to parenting. Never more than now had he felt like an utter failure as a father.
“I’ll be there to pick her up in fifteen minutes,” he said. “If she’s keeping you from doing something you need to do, just make her sit in a chair. I’m leaving now.”
He’d given Calee the master bedroom since she couldn’t navigate the stairs because of her sprain. He looked in to tell her that he was leaving for a few minutes, but she was sacked out. Probably from the painkillers. He would text her since, when she wasn’t dancing, her phone was glued to her hand. She would be all right for the time it took for him to go out to Kate’s and pick up Amanda. He’d need some time to think about a fitting punishment for Amanda.
“Liam, I don’t mean to butt in, but when you get here, please be gentle with her,” Kate said. “I think there’s more going on here than simple teenage rebellion.”
The care in Kate’s voice touched Liam. He wasn’t quite sure what to say to that or how to feel. He always wanted to be sensitive when it came to the girls, but after Kimela’s manipulation, he wasn’t keen on trusting anyone when it came to matters involving his family.
“Amanda is in big trouble,” he said. “She skipped a rehearsal today. She walked along the highway alone. She went somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be. She’s never supposed to do that. She knows all of those things are cause for instant grounding. Kate, I really wish you would’ve never invited her to come over and ride. At least not without asking me first.”
There was a long pause on the line. “I see,” Kate finally said, her voice cold. “Well, just so we’re clear, I didn’t issue a specific invitation. It was more of an attempt at making conversation while I was staying with your daughter so that you could be at the hospital with Calee. I didn’t mind helping you, but what I do resent is you somehow making me the bad guy in this, Liam.”
Her words were a well-landed punch, and then the line went dead. Liam stood there staring at the phone, feeling duly put in his place.
* * *
Before Kate called Liam, she had intended to have Amanda ready to go so that she and Liam would only have to spend as little time as possible together. But after the way he’d talked to her—implying that somehow his daughter’s running away from her dance class was Kate’s fault—she’d be damned if she stood by again and let him get away with blaming her, when he was the one who needed to learn how to listen.
True, Amanda shouldn’t have broken the rules, but Kate had heard loud and clear why the girl had done it. Not that it justified what she’d done, but Liam needed to know how important it was to talk things out with Amanda and to listen before he decided to dole out harsh punishments.
Kate had only met the girl twice. Yet Amanda was spilling her guts about important things that any parent should want to know were going on in his child’s mind. And yes, Kate may have only met the girl two times, but Kate sensed that Amanda was a good kid at heart. A good kid who had known too much loss in too few years.
Kate had been fifteen years old when her own mother had died. She understood what it was like to carry the burden of a mother’s secrets. Here Amanda had been saddled with the weight of living out her mother’s unrequited dream, a dream that not only wasn’t her own, but was something she didn’t even enjoy.
Since Liam had no qualms about making judgments against Kate, she fully intended to let Amanda stay busy with the Kids’ Day events while Kate told him that if he was any kind of father, he’d listen to his daughter before he formed hurtful conclusions.
She was waiting for Liam outside on the office porch when he arrived.
“Hi.” He bit off a stiff greeting. “Where is she?”
“She’s occupied for the moment helping out with some special-needs kids we have in the barn today. She’s really good at it. She’s very sweet with the kids. I wanted you to see her in action before you labeled her, then jerked her out of here by her ear.”
Liam frowned. “I would never lay a hand on my daughter in anger.”
“I know that, Liam.” She hoped her tone conveyed the depth of her annoyance. “It was a figure of speech.”
He crossed his arms as if he were trying to block her out.
She softened her tone. “Listen, I know what Kimela Herring did. I know how she tried to use your girls to get to you and then planned to ship them off to New York. And I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t right, and I know it must’ve been the last thing that you and the girls needed on top of everything else you were going through. I am not Kimela, and I am not trying to worm my way into your life, and especially not trying to come between you and your girls, but there is something you need to listen to. You said the thing about Kimela was that she didn’t hear you. I hear you loud and clear. I know you don’t want a relationship with me and that’s fine, but if you jump on Amanda right now, you might not get a chance to hear something very important that she needs to say.”
His anger evaporated, leaving only confusion and concern. He looked utterly exhausted standing there with the early afternoon sun casting shadows as it beat down on top of them. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
His voice faltered, and for some insane reason that defied explanation, she wanted to put her arms around him and comfort him, but she knew that was the last thing that she should even be thinking right now.
Since she had his attention, she made a special effort to keep her voice soft. “I can’t tell you, Liam. You and Amanda need to talk. Just please ask her why she doesn’t want to go to dance class.”
Now the confusion morphed to a shade of panic. “Is she okay?”
“She’s not in physical danger but maybe some emotional turmoil. Just please be kind to her. She’s a good kid, and I know she’s sorry for not doing what you expected of her.”
A flicker of apprehension played across his face.
“Come with me,” she said. “I want to show you something.”
She led him to the barn, and he followed without question. They stopped at the door. Amanda was wo
rking with a young boy with Down syndrome, helping him milk a cow. Amanda laughed and the boy squealed with delight as a stream of milk shot off to the side.
“That’s okay, Brian,” Amanda said. “You’re doing a great job. Keep up the good work.”
“’Manda, I love you.” The boy got up off the stool and threw his arms around his champion. When she hugged him back, she turned her head to the right and saw her dad standing there. Her face froze with apparent fear.
* * *
On Sunday Joy’s mom, Judy, arrived for a visit and to help out with Calee. Judy and her husband, Walt, lived in Florida and were great about keeping in touch with Liam and the girls since Joy’s death. After the funeral, swallowed by her grief, Judy had pulled Liam aside and told him, “You will always be my son. This doesn’t change anything.”
What would he do without Judy and Walt? They had been the family he’d never had growing up—instantly accepting him when he and Joy had started dating at such a ridiculously young age. They had been just a year older than his own girls when they’d met and fallen in love.
Despite how well his relationship with Joy had turned out, Liam wasn’t sure if he would be so keen on one of his girls bringing home a boy right now and proclaiming they were in love.
These were different times, he told himself as he let himself into the kitchen through the garage door. It was 6:45 p.m. Judy was sitting at the kitchen table thumbing through a magazine and drinking a glass of what had to be her famous iced mint tea. She looked up and smiled when he walked in.
“Hi, hon. Did you have a nice day?”
The sight of her warmed his soul and reminded him that, other than his memories, Judy, Walt and the girls were the last vestiges he had of Joy.
“I had a good day,” he said. “How about you?”
“It was nice and relaxing,” she said. “I got to spend some good time with the girls this morning before I took them to school.”
Another nice thing about Judy’s visits was that she always delighted in taking care of the girls. It gave him a much-needed break and Judy loved the time with her granddaughters. It was like a minivacation for everyone. Especially after what had happened between Amanda and him.
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