Terence Sheehy Esq.
The Catholic Herald
13 October 1986
Dear Terence,
Oh Jeezus, how nice to get a letter from yez.
Yes, I was always very moved by the story of the St Mary’s Juggler; at midnight he came to the altar and did what he could do best, he juggled and did his balancing act before a statue of Our Lady as his tribute. I thought that was so lovely, mind you I think I am lovely and I’m currently entering for The Alternative to Miss World Competition, wearing a National Health Service Truss and holding a red jelly – I mean you never know.
Love, light and peace,
Spike Milligan
Jimmy Laurie
international comedian/entertainer
New South Wales
Australia
Dear Spike Milligan,
As a long time devoted fan, I would just like to say how much I have enjoyed your books, and of course television series over the years, needless to say the Goon Shows, which ABC Radio are still broadcasting.
Would it be possible to have an autograph? my son loves all your stuff, and spreads the word around Sydney University where he studies law, his name is Craig, he buys all your books (and me being Scottish, borrows them).
You mention a Bill Hall a lot in your book, I remember a very good act which toured the halls when variety was at its height, they were called Hall Norman and Ladd, a musical act, would he the same Hall?
If you could send an autograph I would be very grateful, the headed paper is a misnomer, I am only a humble comic working the clubs etc. in Sydney (and sometimes Woy Woy).
Best wishes for now.
Yours sincerely,
Jimmy Laurie
Jimmy Laurie Esq.
New South Wales
Australia
10 March 1988
Dear Jimmy,
Thanks for your letter, yes, Hall Norman and Ladd were the names of the Trio, when I was originally with them playing the guitar it was called the Bill Hall Trio. It started in a barrack room at an organisation called the Central Pool of Artists. A place where soldiers who had been wounded in action and down graded, and who could play an instrument, i.e. the piano etc. were grouped together to entertain the troops. One night one of the acts on the variety bill dropped out and we were asked could we play some music in that spot, which we did, very much in the style of the Hot Club de France, and I thought we could be more spectacular if we came on to the stage in rags, looking as if we were untalented, and this we did, and we became an overnight sensation with the troops in Italy. We continued after the war, and we toured Italy as civilians and then toured around England, but we didn’t seem to be getting anywhere, so I dropped out, because I wanted to start writing scripts, and the rest is history. Thank you for writing.
Warm regards,
Spike Milligan
[The beginning of it all with the Bill Hall Trio.]
Bill Clark Esq.
Gosford City Orchestra
New South Wales
Australia
14 March 1988
My dear Bill,
What a singular honour for the lad from Woy Woy. I have to say ‘yes’ because it is indeed a delightful surprise. I really am, for once, lost for words, so yes, yes, yes, yes.
Would you give my love to all the members of the Orchestra from an old time jazz trumpet player.
With a bit of luck I might be out there in Australia for the concert. I have to say I have no idea what the arrangements sound like, one can only hope for the best. Again, thank you very much, and remind the members of the Orchestra that a man can’t have everything – where would he put it.
Love, light and peace,
Spike Milligan
[The Gosford City Orchestra asked to perform one of Spike’s musical scores.]
[Children writing Spike funny letters and drawings from their school. He loved them.]
Class 2
Borrow Wood Junior School
Derby
18 May 1988
Dear, dear Class Two,
What can I say about all of you
Very well done
Yes, each and every one
Including Mr Allsopp your Master
Who sounds like a one man disaster
I want you to put him in a bed
Then push him gently off Beachy Head
Love,
Uncle Spike
[Spike read in the newspaper about a girl who lost her sight from picking up dog mess.]
Mr & Mrs Hall
Lancashire
12 August 1988
Dear Mr & Mrs Hall,
This is for Rachel, I was just horrified about what happened to her.
Tell me, I was thinking would a simple tape recorder, with cassettes, be of any help to her. She could record messages and play songs or poetry, and she could then play any cassettes that she wanted to buy. As I say, do you think it would be of any help? Do let me know.
Warm regards,
Spike Milligan
Penguin Books Ltd
27 Wrights Lane
London W8 5TZ
3 September 1987
Dear Spike,
I am not really writing to you as your editor at Penguin in this instance, but as a fan and a grateful giver of your books to my father. He is just coming through five months of particularly unpleasant illnesses. I just wanted to say how utterly grateful I am for the existence of the Military Memoirs, as they have lightened a very, very difficult time for my father. He is enjoying every one of them and is hungry for the next. At the moment we are up to no. 6, which I am holding back to heighten his sense of expectation. I really cannot impress upon you enough how thrilled I have been to have these books to entertain him in a very, very difficult period.
With grateful thanks.
Yours sincerely,
Geraldine Cooke
Ms Geraldine Cooke
Penguin Books Limited
London W8
11 September 1987
Dear Geraldine,
Thank you for what I thought a delicious letter, it was like the morning dew on the grass. It was read over the ’phone to me by my Manager Norma (who is a very fine reader of letters – especially mine) and after hearing the contents it made me feel ever so humble. I thought it is quite amazing when one man’s recollections of the humorous side of the war could give pleasure to another man, who he has never met, through the interception of his daughter somehow made life worth living for the next 24 hours. After that of course, next is the rates bill.
Warm regards,
Spike Milligan
Sean Milligan Esq
Worcestershire
5 December 1989
My dear son Sean,
Here is a gift for Christmas so you might like to buy whatever you really want. You don’t have to pay tax on this as it is a gift.
If you have any queries phone Norma who sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty.
Your ever loving Dad,
Signed in his absence
primarily because he was not there
Dr Alan Borg
Imperial War Museum
London SE1
26 February 1990
Dear Alan Borg,
Your letter 22nd February to hand. I don’t think you have got the message. When I pick up a phone I don’t pick up to hear a snatch of music, neither the beginning nor the end; it might appeal to idiots to get a piece of music which fortuitously plays one or two or three bars depending how long you are kept hanging on. If people like this they must be music paraplegics; if I want to hear good music I go to the Albert Hall. At the same time this music is eating up the world’s energy.
I will repeat again I cannot see anyone but the most asinine creature listening to a few stray bars here and there. It is like buying a book and reading the centre three pages. Either you wipe it off or I will not be a patron.
Unfortunately you are probably one of these high tech individ
uals who believe people will listen to bits of music and accept it as the right thing. Believe me, as a musician it should not be allowed and I can only repeat, it is not good music.
Sincerely,
Spike Milligan
Field Marshal Bramall KG, GCB, OBE, MC, JP
c/o The Imperial War Museum
London SE1
20 August 1990
Dear Field Marshal Bramall,
I write as a long standing friend of the Imperial War Museum and in my time I have given and traced many valuable photographs and I still continue to do so, until somebody thought it was clever to put this ‘Hold’ music on the telephone. I find it an insult to the composer and an insult to my intelligence to have to listen to three bars of Brahms and then to be cut off and put through on the line. They are not playing the whole tune it is very aggravating and a waste of money. I wrote to Doctor Alan Borg and complained about it and he seemed to be quite indifferent. I would like to know exactly whose idea it was. You do realise nobody ever hears one of these pieces of music in its entirety it is all chopped up like sausage. All the musicians like myself find it odious, stupid and unnecessary, and I would ask you to ask the Trustees to consider removing this music. If so I would be willing to go on being a friend to the Imperial War Museum otherwise you are losing a very valuable donor.
Sincerely,
Spike Milligan
Imperial War Museum
London SE1 6HZ
24 August 1990
Dear Mr Milligan,
Thank you very much for your letter of 20 August about the recorded music on the Imperial War Museum’s telephone line. I am bound to say I find it pretty irritating, too, and I have asked the staff to consider alternative ways of indicating to callers that they are still connected. In the meantime, the existing music has been switched off.
I am grateful to you for taking the trouble to write to me. We do enormously appreciate your support for the Museum’s activities and your generous donations to its collections. I do hope you will feel able to continue as a friend and I hope we may have the opportunity of meeting at one of the Museum’s future functions.
Yours sincerely,
Edwin Bramall
Field Marshal The Lord Bramall KG, GCB, OBE, MC, JP
Imperial War Museum
London SE1
28 August 1990
My dear Field Marshal Lord Bramall,
I cannot believe that there is somebody in the World who can actually do something positive to benefit our social circumstances. I cannot believe that you have managed to switch off that appalling music I can only thank you on behalf of all those who abhor this intrusion and insult to music. I might point out that in the new public toilets at Shepherds Bush they have music which comes on as you enter, music to defecate to must be the final insult to the composer.
My very warm thanks,
Spike Milligan
Ex Lance Bombardier RA
(4th Generation Gunners)
[Such a heartfelt telegram from Peter it haunts me. It didn’t happen. He died two months later. ‘As we were’ could never be. That is what is so chilling. It was a reminder of his deep unhappiness.]
[From George Martin.]
George Martin Esq
Wiltshire
11 August 1992
My dear George
Thank you for your letter, I searched the envelope desperately but there was no money in it.
Thank you for all you say, it actually wasn’t the British public that got me this award, it was a solicitor who wrote to the ‘Awards Department’ pointing out that I should get one, without him it would not exist – so there you are.
Lots of love,
Spike
P. S. Remember if ever you want a good lyricist, he is now a CBE.
[What the hell had he done, or wanted me to do, that he knew I wouldn’t want to do?]
Illustrations
Now I know how we won the war. The formidable Milligan family: Spike’s father, mother and brother Desmond.
‘The Love of My Life’ – Spike with Toni Pontani (she’s on the far right).
Leo Milligan (father) – like father, like son!!!
Leo and Florence Milligan enjoying the high life.
Leo and Florence aboard the Himalaya. ‘Going home.’
Met, Edgware Road, Three Charlies. Spike, Max Geldray and Peter.
1958. Cambridge Union tiddlywinks competition. I wonder if they won?
With his first wife, June. Can’t believe those slippers – most unlike Spike.
Well, well – still in love with the slippers twenty years later!
Eric making sure Spike and Harry get it right.
Practising his Minnie Bannister voice.
Australian model, 1959. He always had an eye for the girls.
Harry’s This Is Your Life, with Pete and Spike, turned into chaos.
Spike and Pete Sprawnsey in St Moritz. Spike still dressed from Oxfam.
The London to Brighton Car Rally, 1970. Can you imagine the language?
This photograph haunts me because they really were two unhappy souls.
Was the medal from the prop department?
Cheeky Monkey. Son of Oblomov.
In case The Goon Show wasn’t a success – Harry rehearsing for Strictly Come Dancing. Recording Tales of Men’s Shirts, 1968.
As E. W. Mackney at Wilton’s Music Hall in 1970. He loved this role.
Spike loved J. B. Morton, so he was delighted to play Beachcomber. BBC2, 1969.
Spike always told me Pete was good-looking. Ghost in the Noonday Sun, Kyrenia, 1973.
1977, Guardian newspaper commercial. Still dressed from Oxfam.
When I showed Spike this photo he actually said: ‘Tony Benn is a great human being; a bit eccentric, though.’ Couldn’t believe my ears.
Alan Clare, one of my favourite people. He was a true friend to Spike.
His one-man show, 1974. Adelphi Theatre, London.
Japanese embassy, 1976. Demonstration for ‘Save the Whales’. Oxfam really doing well.
Who he? Filming with Marty Feldman. Marty didn’t recognize Spike.
1977. Going-away dinner for Spike’s mother’s return to Australia. Sile, Mrs Reid (the children’s nanny), Sean, Laura, Grandma Milligan, Spike, Paddy and Jane.
Spike with his hero, Woody Herman – no, not Michael Parkinson. Mind you, he thought ‘Parky’ was ‘a good lad’.
Keeping himself fit for the ‘Bayswater harem’ (my name for his girlfriends).
‘I write them. Now I have to sell them and sign them.’ Say cheese and get on with it. At a signing session in 1978.
Spike auditioning for the part of Monty’s double. Didn’t get it, so he wrote Monty: His Part in My Victory.
Prince Charles and Diana’s wedding, 1981. The policeman has been told to keep an eye on him.
This Is Your Life – second time with ‘My Old Mate’ Eric. Spike still being dressed by Oxfam (c.1995).
Sir George Martin. Not only was he Spike’s best man at his second marriage but George could do no wrong. So when Spike was asked to present an award to him he was thrilled. He was always so proud of George.
Johnny Speight’s funeral, 1998. We look quite friendly holding hands – what went wrong? Well, it would only be for five minutes.
At an Oldie Lunch (c.1998): Milligan and O’Toole. Two old fakes. They insist they are Irish. Milligan born in India; O’Toole born in Leeds. Nonetheless, two loveable rogues.
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank:
All of the contributors to this book who gave their permission to publish their letters.
Will Hammond – my editor. It’s such a pleasure to work with him (mind you, he thinks he’s always right).
Christine Chism – for all her support.
Stuart and Nicola Knight – who prevented me from being homeless while compiling this tome.
‘Kitchen’ Ken Lane – for going that extra mile for me.
&
nbsp; Aimee Charlton and Amanda Murray – for all the joy they give me.
Philip Hughes – for all his encouragement.
Jack Clarke – my old man, who is still putting up with me after thirty-six years. His medal is in the post.
THE BEGINNING
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VIKING
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Spike Milligan Page 16
