Jack pointed southwest of the ranch and Mairie nodded as she caught up to him.
In unison, silently, they continued under the starry night.
Virginia Gass glanced at her sleeping husband as she stood at the window. She knew about love, about what one would do in the name of love… what sacrifices one would make to follow its path. But she knew it was worth it. In the end, it was always worth it.
She turned her attention back to the window and saw Mairie and Jack, two lovers, walking under the full yellow moon of the desert. Now there was a perfect match. She grinned, thinking that Mairie Callahan was one blessed woman to have caught the heart of Jack Delaney. She adored O.D. and wouldn't change a thing about him, except for trimming that beard of his a few more inches… but she wasn't immune to Jack. What a powerful combination of handsome features, courtly charm, and primal instincts. Living with the Paiutes had added something invaluable to the man's character. It would take quite a woman to be his equal.
Virginia looked at the slim form in the distance and felt Mairie was a good partner for him. She was courageous. Lovely, intelligent, cultured, and her heart was good. And it was plain as day to see that she loved the man. Jack, on the other hand, was more reserved in showing his emotions.
Must be the Indian influence.
Watching the couple until they disappeared from view, she wished them well on their journey to freedom. Freedom… she knew about that. It was that which made her leave everything familiar and strike out west all those years ago with her sister and her brother-in-law. Who would have thought it would lead to this ranch in the middle of a desert? Raising children. Teaching Indians to sew. Shooting chicken hawks from her own back door.
Stifling a laugh, Virginia turned from the window and walked to the bed. Affectionately looking down at her husband, she fortified herself for his reaction to her latest adventure. Thank God, he loved her completely.
She hoped he would understand that love cannot be controlled.
It can only be experienced.
"Wake, my love," she whispered, as she caressed the side of his face with the back of her fingers. "I know it's late, but I have a story to tell you…"
Chapter 9
Was it because they hadn't really spoken in almost an hour and her focus was so intense? The light from the full moon and stars gave the sleeping earth an otherworldly quality. Shadows and light. Dark hidden places and an almost eerie iridescence that seemed to lead their way. Mairie had never felt more alive.
Every sense in her body was attuned to the earth and the current lunar movements. The way the cool desert wind felt on her skin, the sound of the horses' hooves beating and grinding into the granules of dirt, sand, and rocks. Her taste buds were experiencing the distinct flavor of the night that is so different from day. If she stayed in this moment, without thinking of Harmon, or how she was going to find her way back home, if she released her past … she was safe. Not just safe… she was alive; here was where her life was unfolding.
Mairie figured right then and there it didn't pay to worry about Harmon, or what he might do. How could she predict the actions of someone so insane? Presently, all she could do was stay focused, alert to everything and anything. Part of her realized this was the Indian way, to respect everything… the earth, the sky, the animals, the wind. It assisted them in making decisions, choices.
In that graceful moment, Mairie Callahan knew she had taken this incredible journey into the past to find all this out.
To trust herself again.
To know that she was making the best decision she could. To keep riding into the unknown. To have the courage of her convictions. It had to be the right direction for her… no matter how it turned out… no matter how pissed Harmon might be.
Jack looked at her and smiled his encouragement. They were partners in this now, and she realized she had never felt this before with another. Not even her husband. It was what she had always been striving for, that equal trust. To have found it now, a hundred and twenty-two years into the past, made her want to throw back her head and laugh.
Yet she knew she had to be silent.
Even that was funny to her, that she couldn't laugh… when her whole heart wanted to yell out in freedom. On this night of primal awakenings within her body, it was like her mind really was letting go of her past. She and her ex-husband were never partners, only working toward that. How could she still be angry at her ex-husband… for recognizing it before she did? How funny was that? What an experience to realize that every single relationship she had ever had was preparing her to meet Jack Delaney.
She could only grin back at him with gratitude.
Even if Harmon went berserk on her, she wouldn't have missed this moment, riding in the wind, feeling the earth alive around her and sharing it all with Jack Fitzhue Delaney. No matter what…
They continued for another few miles, before Jack pointed to a grove of trees, and in the moonlight Mairie recognized it as the springs where they had stopped on their trek out of the desert. Nodding, she pulled back slightly on the left rein and kept her horse in synch with Jack's. She would have loved to have taken credit for staying in the saddle, but she knew her mount was merely following Jack's.
She and her horse obviously knew how to recognize skill.
It wasn't until she slowed down that the memory of what took place here flooded her mind. The kiss. And it wasn't even a real kiss, just a grazing of lips as he held her face, yet it shook the very center of her.
Great, she thought, as she saw Jack pull all the way back on his reins… how would an Indian handle this surge of hormones? As incredible and healing as this night seemed, she knew she hadn't learned anything helpful there. On this one she was flying by the seat of her pants.
He dismounted and immediately came to her assistance. Even though her ankle was almost healed now, Mairie knew he would have done it anyway. It was just him. She accepted his help and he caught her waist as she lowered herself to the ground. His touch was very respectful, yet also assuring. Her senses, already energized by the moonlit ride, almost went into overload by his touch.
"Thanks." She gathered all the nonchalance she could and turned around. The muscles in her thighs ached, as though announcing it was some time since they'd had such a workout. Better to concentrate on her aching muscles than on the man.
"I thought we could give the horses a breather and let them drink. They'll need it if we're going to run them hard to the base of the mountain." He was leading his toward the pool of water as he spoke.
"The horses aren't the only ones who need a break." Mairie chuckled, rubbing the back of her thighs.
He glanced at her and smiled. "Are you all right?"
Caressing her horse's nose she admitted sheepishly, "It's just been a while since I rode, Jack. And, quite honestly, I wasn't that good then." Mairie looked directly at him. "I'm sorry if I'm holding you back, but I'm going through with this… you're stuck with me."
He dropped the reins as his horse began drinking and stared at her in the moonlight. "Oh, no, Mairie," he said in a thick voice. "I'm not stuck with you. You're my gift, remember?"
Minutes from now she would only recall each of them silently walking toward the other, as if directed by some mutual communication, and falling into each other's arms. This time the kiss was not a mere grazing. This time the meeting of lips was a primitive mating, a graceful dance of movement and emotion. She tasted him, inhaled him, felt him. Hearing his deep moan, she opened her eyes… and saw him staring into her own with a look of wonderment.
Time, as she had always known it, ceased to exist as she was held in a state of appreciation she had never before felt. This was love. Dear God… this was love. This is what it really feels like, her mind was singing to her. She felt like she had finally come home.
And she must leave this bliss to return to her home in 1999?
How exquisitely ironic.
Don't think, her mind whispered. Don't think of anything but this
moment. Bryan's words came back to her. This is it. Right here. Right now. This is being alive. Live it…
"Oh, Jack," she breathed, and gave herself fully over to the embrace.
She surrendered.
"Mairie…" His hot breath mixed with her name against her neck as he began nibbling. She felt weak, as though floating, and Jack held her tightly against him "How long I have wanted you," he murmured. Mairie's heart expanded even more.
She had no idea how long she remained in his arms, how long she held him to her and looked beyond his shoulder to the moon. She closed her eyes and was filled with gratitude for this perfect moment. It wasn't until they heard a distant coyote yip that Jack whispered above her ear.
"We should get moving …"
She simply nodded. Words, explanations, weren't necessary. The feeling of partnership between them had been strengthened.
Thinking in unison now… there would have to be time later to talk about it.
They could only trust that time would come.
They continued west and Mairie fell into the rhythmic heaving breath that came through the horse's nostrils at galloping speed. She moved as one with the animal, breathing when he did, as shadows raced past their vision. She spent hours recalling the taste of Jack's lips, the texture of his skin, the strength of his embrace. It had felt too right to wonder if it could possibly have been wrong. To have reacted any other way in that moment wouldn't have been true. She was leaving this man today and she wanted to experience as much as he was willing to share with her. Every minute, every moment, felt precious.
And she had only a few more hours to treasure as they rode into the night.
Once they had trekked a bit up the base of the mountain, Jack directed the horses to a pinyon tree and they finally dismounted. Taking the reins of both horses, Jack removed a canteen and handed it to her. Neither said a word, as he walked the horses to cool them down.
Mairie drank from the canteen and walked over to Jack. Extending her arm, she offered the canteen to him. He brought it to his lips and threw back his head as he gulped the life-saving liquid. Wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt, he muttered, "Thanks. That was a hell of a ride. Well done, Mairie."
Her heart expanded with a sense of accomplishment. She had done well. "How are you going to water the horses?" she asked, knowing that their lives depended on these animals.
He grinned and handed back the canteen. Removing his weathered black leather cowboy hat, he held it upside down to her. "Pour."
She did as she was asked and watched as Jack held the hat out to his horse, and then hers. He did it once for each horse, and then tied them to a branch of the pinyon tree. It was the last phase of darkness before dawn began to overtake the night and Mairie suddenly realized she was starving.
She remembered Virginia's delicious biscuits and the sandwiches that had been prepared for this journey. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!" She paused, and then joked, "But we need them…"
"Sure." He chuckled. "We worked up quite an appetite." He opened one of the leather pockets of his saddlebag and withdrew the food wrapped in a thin cloth. "Here," he offered, handing it to Mairie. "Take it over by that boulder and rest. I'll join you in a moment."
Walking in the direction Jack pointed out, she thought that was the perfect time to hide behind the boulder and relieve herself before they continued. She figured Jack was probably doing the same somewhere. Strangely, since she had accepted this "partnership," she no longer was embarrassed by human needs… and the nearest rest stop was one hundred and twenty-two years away. As she returned to the front of the boulder, she saw Jack sitting and opening one of the cloth-covered sandwiches.
Handing it to her, he said, "You're an amazing woman, Mairie Callahan. Yesterday you were barely recovered from sunstroke while nursing a bruised ankle, and here you are today on this adventure. Most women, even men, under these conditions couldn't laugh at themselves, yet you have taken it all in stride. The white man calls that poise. The Indian calls it balance."
"Thank you." She couldn't believe she actually felt shy receiving the compliment.
"Well, it's true," he said, hesitating before taking a bite. "Your dedication is admirable… Woman is stronger by virtue of her feelings than man by virtue of his power…" He paused. "Balzac, Honoré de Balzac." He looked to the east and began his meal.
She bit into her sandwich thoughtfully. She had never read Balzac. Thinking back to the bantering between Jack and Virginia at dinner, Mairie marveled that this man who had grown up with Indians could slip into cultured formality with such ease.
"Jack…? May I ask a question?"
"Certainly." He responded without hesitation, taking another bite of his biscuit.
She paused a second to formulate it in her mind so it wouldn't sound intrusive. "You said you were adopted into the Paiutes after your parents died, and I was wondering… I mean, I can't help but wonder where you received your education. You continue to amaze me by the way you can transform from the mind set of an Indian, to the rugged cowboy, then to the courtly gentleman. I know you were back east. Did you go to school there?"
He took another bite and looked out to the fading darkness. Swallowing, he said in a somber tone, "It took some time, but eventually I adjusted to Indian life. I became so happy with the Paiutes, learning hunting skills, discovering the wonders of the earth, listening to the creative spirit that runs through all life, that my world felt alive with potential, like anything was possible. Imagining a jackrabbit coming into my path and a half hour later seeing it running in the distance. Things like that. Life seemed magical."
Mairie smiled. "Like Fenton. That's why I adored him. He still knows that."
Jack nodded. "The magic is closest to children. They're still innocent. I remember being like that, balanced for four years while I lived with my brothers. Then the Mormons found out about me and took me away. They sent me to school in Utah. I stayed there for less than a year and ran away. Back to the Paiutes… only I didn't make it. I ran away from the Mormons only to be caught up in the Christian zeal of their missionaries."
His smile was sad as a memory filtered through his mind. "After I tried running away from them and was caught, I confided in a padre who I thought wanted to befriend me. I told him about my brothers. About my home. How I felt so out of place confined in a school room, learning about life, instead of living it. That's when I was sent East, to Washington, to attend a missionary school for indigent children… for my own good."
Mairie's heart went out to the young boy in him. She could imagine him feeling imprisoned and yearning for freedom, his choices taken away.
"I'm sure they thought it was all for my own good," he said, as if reading her mind, before he resumed eating.
Mairie had finished her food and took another drink from the canteen to wash it down. "Is that where you were taught how to act like a gentleman?"
He grinned at her. "Act? You think I am acting?"
Blushing, she replied, "No, not at all. I'm still wondering how you went from a school for poor children to being able to conduct yourself in a … a ballroom. At least, that's how Virginia portrayed you."
"I was the project of a wealthy family that wanted to prove anyone could learn proper behavior. It was their version of charity, I suppose. I was tutored for two years with their children. Ate at their table on Sundays. What torture that was… every single movement, every sigh, every swallow of food, monitored. Any infraction was met with a severe penalty. I guess they thought that was the only way someone raised with Indians could learn."
He reached for the canteen. "I ran away from it all when I was sixteen, but something was born inside me… a thirst for knowledge. To read. I was in Washington and the public library became my home for two more years. I worked at night on the docks and spent the day in the stacks. That's when I first read Socrates… There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance. What brilliance. Didn't take me long to realize that wealthy family wa
s more ignorant than my Paiute brothers. I learned not to judge a book by its cover. Be it literature or the cover a person wears to hide behind."
She sat back and stretched her legs out before her. "Wow… now it's my turn. You are one amazing man, Jack Delaney." How could she have ever thought he was feral and deranged? What a comedy of errors they had played out between them. "You remained in Washington, then?"
He seemed uncomfortable with her compliment and focused on answering her last question. "It wasn't surprising that when the war started, I would be one of the first to enlist. What foolishness, to think there was bravado in death. Anyone's death. There is nothing brave in dying. I think during battle, it's living that takes all your courage."
He was seated next to her and stretched his legs alongside hers. She noticed how much longer they were, how his cowboy boots looked like they should be replaced. What an extraordinary man. To quote Balzac and Socrates, here in the middle of the desert. Perhaps because of his sad childhood, he had spent more time in introspection than most others… yet it had served him. She felt the love she had vowed never again to feel expand within her heart. She wanted to take him in her arms, to hug him as he should have been hugged since he was born. To applaud him his accomplishments and to be his cheerleader wherever he went.
A sharp ache reminded her she was leaving him within hours. Best not to think of a future when a hundred and twenty-two years separated them. Trying not to allow the sadness to overwhelm her, she asked, "So then you were wounded in the war? At Gettysburg, right?" Better to change the course of her mental wanderings.
He sighed and ran his fingers through his long dark hair. She turned her head and looked at his profile. That same anguished expression, as when she first met him and vehemently denied she was his gift, came over his face.
"I took a saber thrust at Gettysburg. It was… the whole two days were insanity. Carnage. I lost all my illusions on that so-called field of honor… all my beliefs. I walked away from an infantry hospital, away from the war and the society that created it, to find my soul again."
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